The Unofficial Fanfiction University of Smash
Chapter 3: Class One: Original Characters
Disclaimer: I don't own anything… at all… in any way…
Gold stars:
You can have 42 gold stars unless I PM you telling you that you can only have 4.2 gold stars…
Ok then… hi…
This is a fun story is it not?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S NOT!
I like this story… but it seems I have a somewhat small audience…
I don't care how few people get this… as long as some of you get it… fk the rest of them… I'm sick of them…
Reel Big Fish! White Knuckle Scorin' (a Nintendo CD that pwns)! ICP!11111
As Jabba headed into his first period, Original Characters, he realized he was only in his underwear. He thought this was a bad dream. Then he was shot by poachers and sold to the Chinese government. He thought all of this was a bad dream, but it was real life. Joeb then rescued him with his awesome anime abilities and dropped him back off at his first period.
"Welcome to your first period! I'm your teacher, Gary Stu." Said a guy sitting there with jaded eyes and dark, black wings wrapped around his body. He looked up with anger at the world.
"And I'm Marry Sue!" Said a girl so hot that I can't explain it. She had hair that was blonde and pink and orange and blue and purple and other cool colors and she looked hot and cute and we liked her cause she looked tough and cool because she was raised on a farm and worked really hard but still knew everything about computers and she had tons of street credit too and yet she was still extremely hot and tough and smart in all ways and then she was born poor but through her own abilities became a multi-billionaire and bought out Microsoft and made it have good games because she was that amazingly brilliant with computers even though she had never programmed before in her life every game she made was a best hit and she modeled because she was still so hot and stuff and her eyes had red because life was so hard and she was about six feet tall and she had creamy skin and black angel wings too and was wearing a shirt that said "demons deserve so much better but you have to stereotype and that's wrong" and she looked cute still and she started doing anime things like winking and sticking her tongue out and doing anime sweat drops and stopping in the middle of things she was doing to suddenly pose and look cute and cool as people laughed because she was so hilarious and should have been a stand up comedian but oh well because she was still cute and a billionaire and everyone wanted to be her friend even though she was the teacher and she was really mysterious too and we all loved her and YAY! Oh, and she was angry at the world too (ooh so kawii or whatever that word is)
With this the real original character walked into the room. He was a bald fat guy who smoked and sat on the couch while watching bondage stuff cause he was a pervert and sick and normal because original characters have to be so normal that they end up having more flaws than normal people. He had about seven teeth and a yellowish nasty skin that looked like you could peel it off just by bumping into him in the hall.
"You are so stupid we hate you because we are picked on and yet for some reason we act like bigots whenever anything different walks near us!" said Stu and Sue.
"Well you get out of my class right now before I tell Joeb that the very thing we are supposed to teach against has hijacked the Original Character class!" the bald fat freak yelled but then had a heart attack because he was 45 and normal people have heart attacks at that age.
"WE WON! WE ALWAYS WIN BECAUSE WE'RE PERFECT!" said Stu and Sue humbly as they were very humble people.
Joeb then ran into the room with a glare in his eye. He jumped nine million feet into the air and landed in front of the perfect people and shot thousands of spikes out of his hands and then did hundreds of back flips while screaming in an anime style. He then did an anime sweat crop when everyone looked at him in a weird way. Joeb suddenly realized he was only in his underwear. He did another anime sweat drop. The perfect people were so perfect that none of the spikes that were lodged into their eyes and stuff hurt them. Then Joeb put some pants and a shirt on.
"We are too perfect to lose to someone as different as you," the perfect people yelled as they shot huge explosions from their hands at Joeb. Joeb did back flips as everything slowed down. Joeb flew to the side to dodge one explosion then he did a back flip over the next one. Joeb saw an opening and flew forward and bit Marry Sue's ear off. Everything sped up as she screamed realizing her face wasn't perfect anymore. She went through angst and sadness as everyone in her life started treating her like she was normal. She then killed herself.
"YOU KILLED HER! YOU ARE A MEAN PERSON!" Gary Stu screamed and pulled out two swords and started doing anime poses with them.
"I'm the anime rip-off here!" Joeb screamed pulling a several-bladed sword and started spinning around doing all kinds of cool anime moves.
The two fought for hours slashing at each other. Gary Stu was perfect though, so he couldn't lose in a battle. Fortunately for Joeb, Gary would randomly start staring into the distance in sorrow as he thought about life during this battle. Joeb then cut Gary's head off and fell over dramatically. Sadly, he fell on to his sword and was rushed to the nearest hospital for treatment.
With this the bald fat normal original character was raised from the dead, this made him no longer normal.
"The lesson today, is that everyone cares about being extremely original, or extremely normal. You shouldn't care how normal the person is, as long as the character is original but realistic then you're fine," the formerly normal bald freak said before dying because surviving his heart attack was unrealistic.
With this first period was over. No one got the point of that lesson and they left to go to their second period.
As Jabba was heading to his next period he saw Kirby walking along looking happy. So Jabba pulled out a knife and popped Kirby.
"HA! JOKES ON YOU!" Jabba laughed and then realized that he had just killed his favorite character. "Crap"
YAY!
The normal fat bald freak normal person was based on an original character of mine named Bobby Brown… except Bobby Brown isn't normal… but the freaky part of him was from Bobby Brown.
Ok then…
SCHOOL IS OUT!
I've learned that although High School is way easier than Jr. High, the kids are bigger bigots with more stupid things to say after everything you do. Who cares though? As long as I get As I'll end up in a position to choose whether or not I want to help those who refuse to help me. What do you think I'll say?
I DID A FIGHT SCENE! It was supposed to be crappy for all you idiots who expect me to do a good job. If you've read this far into the story then you probably understand that this is a farce and should not be taken seriously.
R&R… Read and Rape! (But don't tell anyone I told you to do that or the cops might get me again)