The Unofficial Fanfiction University of Smash
Chapter 5: Class two: Creative Themes
Disclaimer: I don't own the car that allegedly killed your sister. PLEASE DON'T SUE ME!
Gold stars:
I find you UNWORTHY of the gold star. Gold stars are for people that WRITE… and I don't think there's a single person here that WRITES! Not ONE! I like to EMPHASIZE! But I'm not GOOD at it!
I think I've been ranting too much about people I hate… I used to say all kinds of things in these places… but I get so pissed off sometimes… whatever… that's why God made the babies… so you could have something to choke to death whenever you get mad…
The Offspring! Anything funkadelic! Umm… Disco Music (which IS funkadelic)! REEL BIG FISH STILL PWN! BUY ONE OF THEIR CD'S NOW BEFORE I KILL MY CAT!
Jabba Jo Jangles walked into his next class (O RLY?).
People were in the class (O RLY?).
There was a teacher in the class (O RLY?).
The O RLY owl died (…).
Jabba sat down and class started.
"Wow, isn't this so exciting!" one random student said that had blueish orangeish nylon pink hair with blonde eyes and yellow skin. This person glowed a glow that made people stop and say things like "Oh my God she's glowing! Someone call a doctor!"
Just then the teacher started talking.
"Hello class! My name is Peach! Can YOU say my name?" Peach asked winking so hard that her eye fell out.
"Umm… your eye just fell out ma'am," Jabba said.
"That's nice" Peach said patting on Jabba's back to comfort him.
"Aren't you going to do anything about it?" Jabba asked.
"That's nice" Peach said as her pats got harder and harder.
"That kind of hurts" Jabba said.
"That's nice" Peach said as she started beating Jabba's back with a baseball bat.
"Jabba fell over drunk" the girl that had blueish orangeish nylon pink hair and blond eyes and stuff said.
"Why did you say that?" Jabba asked before falling over, drunk.
"Tsk tsk. Didn't Jabba ever learn not to drive drunk?" Peach said shaking her face. Her head stayed still but her face slid back and forth on it.
"EWWW!" Jabba screamed.
"You're supposed to be DEAD!" the girl screamed and jumped into the air holding seventy daggers in her left hand alone. "I am from the clan of the demons. We were sent here to kill you because you hold the secret that can destroy humanity! Other than you no humans are important though. They don't even have WINGS! I mean, seriously. How can someone get by without at LEAST having WINGS!"
With this an army of skeleton warriors with red bandanas and shields and spears and stuff ran into the room and glared at the girl.
"Leave him alone. We got to him first!" the skeletons yelled surrounding Jabba.
"Honestly. What good do you think VERY pointy spears that could probably pierce metal if thrown properly will do against me?" the girl asked.
"Kill you" the skeletons replied.
"Well that isn't very nice" Jabba said, interrupting. "I think you should say you're sorry for trying to kill the poor girl."
"But she's TRYING to kill YOU!" the skeletons screamed despite their lack of vocal chords. How were they talking anyway?
"I LIKE to EMPHASIZE my WORDS" The girl screamed as she jumped down from the place that we didn't even know she was hanging from.
Just then a big army of heavenly angels came down looking hot and winking at the cameras. Just then Pit fell out of the crowd of angels and dropped his halo. He died.
"We're here for Jabba. Hand him over now, or we use force"
"Well, I guess you have to choose who you go with" The girl said.
"You tried to KILL him! Why would he go with YOU of all people!" the skeletons screamed.
"She's hot" Jabba said and walked to her. "Besides, angels are SOOO overrated"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE'RE OVERRATED?" Pit screamed despite his dead…ness… "I'm so sick of hearing all this stuff about how heaven is really a bad place with greed and how hell is just a really cool place where everyone gets to do awesome fighting moves and look awesome and stuff! What did heaven ever do to you guys! All we do is promise happiness and you attack us nonstop with this crap!" Pit said and then shut up because he was dead.
"Well… Skeletons look cool, and she's hot. I don't think there's anything left for heaven to give me"
"Eternal happiness?" the angels inquired.
"Nah, that's not all that important" Jabba said.
"You do know that I'm still here, right?" Peach asked as she had forgotten whether or not she was, indeed, here.
"I don't really know where you are, where are you?" Jabba asked.
"I'll go look" Peach said and walked off in search of herself.
"De ja vu" Pit said despite his dead…ness… then he came back to life.
"I'm even stronger than before! And I have GOD on my side! That mean's I'm somehow a greedy person!" Pit yelled pointing at the skeletons.
"What did we ever do other than cheat death by selling our souls to the devil and carry out his every command including try and kill an innocent kid just for the hell of it?" the skeletons asked.
"Actually, I think you just about covered it" Pit said.
"Oh Pit! You're so witty!" Peach said trying to hug him but falling over due to the fact that he was floating in the air.
"I'm grinning!" the girl yelled as she was, indeed, grinning.
"That's amazingly hot" Jabba said.
"I also say baka a lot!" the girl yelled. "And I slap people on the head when they say something that isn't exactly what I want! And I don't really know how to use this duel-bladed sword!"
With this, the girl pulled out a double bladed sword from her pocket. This meant that the sword was quite small. She impaled it into one of the skeletons eyes.
"Honestly, if I'm a skeleton then why would I have eyes?" the skeleton asked and then fell over dead. He was already dead so he just got back up and back into the formation of skeletons that was busy posing for cool anime-looking screen shots.
"This is kinda boring. Besides, it's not like I really care about this kid. He's not that important" Pit said and left, breaking Jabba's self esteem.
"You're right. That whole idea of a guy that's supposed to be the key to saving humanity or whatever is so overused. You're freakin pathetic Jabba!" the girl said and then sat down because she was still in the class. Sadly, while she was up, one of the other students put a whoopee-cushion on her seat. The student failed in setting it up though, and it exploded on impact, killing the girl. We will never know her name.
The skeletons didn't really know what to do as they had lost their map and didn't have any directions to get back to hell. They started making a big skeleton pyramid.
"The point of today's lesson is this: Before you make that story that you think is so original and cool, remember that the idea of a person that is supposed to save/avenge/destroy all of humanity while demons and angels fight over his/her soul and s/he has no clue about what's going on has been done over one billion times already!" Peach said while winking. This caused her other eye to fall out and she went blind. Then Bobby Brown (from two chapters ago) ran in like the hero he is and fell over due to his leukemia. Then he donated an eye to her but it was a faulty eye and so she died. Then he died because he was supposed to be dead already.
(Somewhere deep and dark and secret and cool and stuff like that)
"Sir! There are reports of people dying and coming back to life constantly!" Kirby yelled.
"Sounds like my favorite anime!" Joeb screamed in a happy voice before realizing that he didn't exactly like anime. "Anyway… you ruined the mood of this place Kirby! It was supposed to be all dreary and dark and spooky and scary and you come along with your cute high pitched voice and RUINED it!"
"You think I'm cute?" Kirby asked blushing a little.
"That's disturbing" Joeb said and then popped Kirby with a long, pointy stick.
YAY!
That IS disturbing!
Ok then… I've run out of things to say other than go to tikitikirevenge's profile and check out his website. That place pwns.
Also… umm… newgrounds seems to not have very many good movies anymore (or have they gotten THAT good at hiding the stuff?), so if you go there… good luck finding anything good that isn't really old. Knox is great, and Foamy is great too, but they both rarely do anything. It's all because people complained and were offended and stuff like that. It drove me to putting more hate in my stories than they should have had. Besides… death shouldn't be related to hate, it should be related to giggling, and joy.
R&TAYLER!… Read and Tell All Your Loser English Retailers!
(Because all people from England are losers… Ireland is the only way to go!)
It seems that fanfiction isn't going to let me upload this anytime soon… so in my bored state I downloaded a ton of songs by some band named the Mad Caddies… THEY PWN! Just… just trust me on that…
I think it's on the newgrounds front page but it might not be… anyway… there's a movie there that I found in my boredom of not being able to update… it's called I'm so post modern… link in my profile! WATCH IT! IT'S HILARIOUS! I'll give you my favorite postmodern quote:
"I'm so postmodern that I sit down to wee, and stand up to poo, at job interviews"
honestly… genius… and go to the website at bedroomphilosopher dot com