The Unofficial Fanfiction University of Smash
Chapter 7: Class five… Mystery!
Disclaimer: I don't own a thing… I'm a poor little nerd that nobody will ever understand… Well… it's really all my fault I suck but whatever… I like to blame others… I don't own what I like though… cause I'm poor…
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I have stuff to complain about… I suck… and that sucks… honestly… don't you agree? You do? You agree with a loser like me? You must suck!
ICP! YOUR SChIZoPHReNiC!i!i
Jabba walked into his next class… it was all foggy and sleazy and there was a desk at the other end. Link was sitting on the other end with a cigarette in his hand and his feet on the desk, he was an ex-undercover cop who was fired after his methods were considered "too harsh" and was now a bounty hunter. It didn't pay as well, but it was a living.
The classroom was big and everyone was supposed to sit to the side and just watch this. Jabba took a seat next to the stereotypical "bad boy" that always ends up getting his ass kicked by a headstrong tough little girl with no background in fighting. Sitting next to Jabba on the other side was a headstrong tough little girl who wasn't afraid to speak her mind and had no background in fighting.
The door busted open and Kirby waddled in.
"HIIIIEEE!" Kirby screamed extremely loudly and high pitched.
"GET THE FROG-BRISKETS OUT OF MY OFFICE YOU PINK CREEP!" Link yelled as Kirby ran off crying.
"So kawai!" said the headstrong tough little girl.
"So funny! Kawai is so funny!" said a fangirl sitting in the general vicinity of 150 miles.
Just then Marth and Popo, best friends since negative seventh grade, ran into the room.
"You've got to help us!" Popo screamed as Marth was crying. "Somebody stole the chocolate factory!"
Link gasped. This was because the room was covered in smoke and he started to wheeze and hack and cough with teary eyes. Once that was done Link looked up.
"What?" Link said.
"You've got to help us! Somebody stole the chocolate factory!" Popo yelled again.
"I'm sorry? I can't hear you…" Link said.
"You've got to help us! Somebody stole the chocolate factory!" Popo yelled for the fourth time. Nobody knows when he yelled it for the third time, but this was the fourth time he yelled it.
"Shut up! I heard you the first time! God you're an idiot!" Link yelled slapping Popo upside the head.
Marth started crying even harder.
"What's this freaks problem?" Link asked pointing to Marth.
"His baby was inside the chocolate factory when it was stolen" Popo said with A Grin. A Grin then left as he had a party to go to.
"OK THEN! LETS GET YOUR CHOCOLATE FACTORY BACK!" Link yelled standing up and pointing in the general direction of Japan.
"That was the general direction of Japan! I love Japan! I wanna live in Japan when I grow up and become famous for my awesome kawai animes!" the headstrong tough little girl screamed.
"Could you please keep it down? I'm trying to watch this…" The "bad boy" asked politely to the headstrong tough little girl.
The headstrong tough little girl kicked the "bad boy's" ass.
"You totally deserve that for being such a meanie!" the headstrong tough little girl said. She coughed on some of the cigarette smoke and died.
Suddenly the scene in the classroom changed to a big chocolate factory.
"Where do you think this chocolate factory has been taken to?" Link asked a crying Marth.
"The little people! They came… ALL THE COBNUTS! Something's watching us!" Marth yelled.
"From what I've seen here… it was Fox!" Link said as all the Smashers were gathered into the same room and gasped.
"Gasp!" yelled Peach, as she never knew how to actually gasp and so had to say the word.
"Where's your proof!" Fox yelled in anger pointing at Link.
"These fish nets, a pair of broken headphones, a Korn CD, this oddly misshapen fingernail clipping, and a pair of rusty spoons." Link said pulling each out of his tunic one by one.
"Where did you store all that?" an amazed onlooker asked.
"Well… you see…" Link said blushing. "I put them up… my… umm… tunic… and into a secret… umm… compartment… umm… of magic?"
"Oh OK" Everyone said in unison.
"Oh OK" Peach said off beat.
"BOO!" Everyone yelled, beating Peach down with a bat.
"BOO!" Peach yelled, beating herself down with a bat off beat.
"This is off the topic! The point is that Fox is the one who stole the chocolate factory!" Link said pointing an accusing finger.
"But we're in the factory! So technically the factory was never stolen!" Fox said looking around at everyone desperately.
"That… well… that can be explained by this piece of barbed wire" Link said trying to pull some barbed wire out of his secret hiding area.
"Ow… OW! It's stuck on something… OW! OK there it goes" Link said pulling out a bloody piece of barbed wire.
"I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT TOO! IF IT WASN'T FOR THOSE DAMN KIDS! And that flabberdoodigling dog too!" Fox yelled.
"You're the only dog here" Link said.
"What about me? I'm a homedawg fo shizzle!" C. Falcon yelled jumping out and flashing a gang sign.
"Like I said… you're the only dog here" Link said.
"NOOOOO!" Fox and C. Falcon cried in unison as they were both taken to jail. Fox for grand theft coco, and C. Falcon for going outside without wearing a leash.
"I expect my payment by next Tuesday" Link said turning around and leaving dramatically.
DK threw some brown stuff at Link, getting it all over his face.
"That better be chocolate!" Link yelled.
Everyone laughed a typical laugh.
Then everyone left and Link was the only one in the room with the kids.
"How was THAT for a mystery?" Link asked.
"It sucked!" one of the students yelled.
"But… but… it was a play written by JOEB… and… and… I, THE GREAT AND ALMIGHTY LINK, starred in it!" Link said crying.
The crowd threw tomatoes.
"Whatever. The point is that Mysteries are good. As long as you put enough time and dedication into the story so that everything goes together and people can't easily guess who did it. But remember, there have to be clues, just not obvious ones. So basically Mysteries are freakin HARD…" Link said in a whiney voice.
With this class ended.
"Wow… the whole student body didn't die that time!" Jabba said leaving.
There was a gas leak of some substance that only Jabba was immune to.
Everyone died.
Mysteries are fun. Case Closed is a good anime because of this. Although most "cool" anime people wont admit it as they try to be more mature.
I try to be mature too… only when I do I get thrown in jail for public lewdness… so it never seems to work out for me…
Oh well…
SPONGEBOB!11
Not Squarepants though… I prefer Spongebob Sphericalpants…
Now review… or I might just have to shoot you with this blow dart!