"I can't belive you narced on us," he muttered , trying to give her his best I'm-pissed face. She just rolled her eyes at him.
"Don't get mad at me for exposing your laziness. I'm tired of pulling all your weight. Regionals is in a month guys," she answered patronizingly. He stifled his urge to stick out his tongue. She was such a freaking tattletale. So what if he wasn't doing the stupid vocal warm ups? It's not like they needed his voice anyway. They had Jesse now. At the thought of the poofy haired Rachel-stealer, Finn resisted the urge to stick out his tongue again. He didn't really like the way Mr Schue was looking at him right then.
"I'm just trying to understand what's going on here," Mr Shue said. Crap he's looking at you! "Finn, why did you stop singing?"
"Cause you started giving all the male leads to Jesse." Shit! Did he really just admit that? He couldn't look anyone in the eye, feeling the embarrassment lighting up his face. Screw this. "It kinda shook my confidence, you know?" he mumbled. Thankfully then Santana said something and everybody turned their focus on her, forgetting him. Truthfully, he knew his voice had nothing on that Jesse kid's. It's bad enough to have Rachel choosing that ass over him, he didn't want to feel like a dick when he sang too. He knew Rachel was looking at him when he confessed to Mr Schue. He tried to ignore it though. He didn't want to see the expression on her face. She probably thought he was a dumbass now.
Well, fine. What did he care anyway? She was the one who stomped on his heart and used him to make people think she was some sort of slut or something. Yeah okay, so he was kind of a hypocrite when he told her off. He knew that when they were doing that whole weird thing where they were kind-of-together-but-not-really, he blew her off for the very same reason. Like, a bunch of times. But whatever, okay? She was always all high and mighty about that. Telling him to stop thinking about his reputation or about what other people think. If he was a hypocrite then so was she. Aww crap. Mr schue was telling everyone they're doing solos this week. What, now he was going to have to give her the satisfaction of having proof that her dancing St. Jerkoff was a better singer than him? Finn groaned as he stood up to leave the room. Great.
The rest of the day wasn't so bad. Burt had taken him to the Reds game. That was awesome. He'd never been to a real game before. He really likes Burt. Yeah, in the beginning it was really, really uncomfortable to know that the dude liked his momin that way, but he was a really cool guy. Finn liked having him around. It made him feel like he had a dad or something. Sometimes that makes him feel guilty, like he was betraying his real dad. But he figured his old man would probably be glad that his son's got someone to take him to a football game. He couldn't shake off the feeling that maybe Kurt was giving him the evil eye sometimes though. It was probably all in his head. He and Kurt were tight. Even though the guy kind of makes him feel uncomfortable sometimes when he's trying to hit on Finn. But Finn figured it was probably really hard to be a gay dude in Lima, so he tries to ignore it.
The next day was the first solo. Rachel volunteered. Of course she would, he thought bitingly. The girl's a total teacher's pet. But then he felt guilty. He really needed to stop trying to pretend he hates her, because he was starting to confuse himself. She was going on and on about the song she chose, Miley Cyrus's The Climb (dear God, why?) and even though he didn't know what lacklustre meant, he knew she was totally insulting him by that pointed look she was giving him as she said it. Moments like that sometimes makes him wonder why he likes her so damn much. But then he'll get to thinking about her smile, and her voice, and that annoyingly cute way her face goes all red and scrunched up when she's pissed, and all the things she used to do for him. And that kind of thinking gets Finn nowhere but depressed, so he avoids it as much as he can. He rolled his eyes, trying to pretend like he doesn't want to hear her sing, which was stupid, because he always wants to hear her sing. But he's a dude, okay? A dude's got to protect his pride.
He thought he was going deaf or something at first. He had to lean forward a bit, trying to see if he was actually hearing things right. He knew it wasn't his hearing that was the problem when he caught the look on Mr Schue's face. He turned to look at her and at first she was being all Rachel when she sings, with the closed eyes and and the dramatic look of concentration, but then he could see the confusion that passed over her face. It was like a split second, but he thought it probably looked like his. What the hell was up with Rachel's voice? And why was she still singing when she knew something was wrong? After a really uncomfortable part where she was like trying to reach a high note or something, Mr Schue winced and stood up.
"Rachel," he said this softly, but Finn could hear him because come on, the room wasn't exactly spacious (Ooh big word). "I think you've lost your voice." The look on her face made him feel a little bad. Her eyes were all bugged out and her mouth kept opening and closing like she was a fish out of water. Okay, so it made him feel a lot bad. What, he can't feel bad for a team mate who lost her voice? It had nothing to do with it being Rachel, okay? He would feel just as bad if it was like Mike or whoever. Except well, he knew how much Rachel's voice meant to her. It was everything.
She let out this dramatic gasped and suddenly she wasn't in front of him anymore because she ran out of the class. He saw Kurt and Mercedes rolling their eyes, and Santana was laughing in that really mean way she likes to laugh (God, what the hell was wrong with him when he thought having sex with that psycho girl was a good idea?). Only Tina looked like she felt sorry for Rachel. Mr Schue left the class to look for her and maybe he had to hold on to his chair a bit to keep from following. He didn't care. Really.
He found her standing despondently (Thanks SAT prep book) in front of her car when he was walking towards the bus stop. People were walking towards their car and pointing at her, and some of them were laughing as they stared, because the girl was seriously spaced out. She had this ridiculously sad look plastered across her face and she was holding her car keys but she hadn't moved in like, five minutes. Well, he guessed it was five minutes. He didn't really know because it wasn't like he missed the bus that pulled up when he came because he was looking at her. Really.
"Stop looking at her," he muttered under his breath. He averted his gaze to the geeky freshman next to him, who was frowning at him like he was some weirdo who talks to himself in public. This was all Rachel's fault. He forced down the urge to stick out his tongue at the little geek. She was still standing in the same position. She was going to get sundburned if she kept standing in the sun like that. So what? Finn didn't care. Really. But then her face crumbled and he knew she was about to cry. Oh crap. By the time he knew what the hell he was doing, he was already halfway across the parking lot.
"Hey," he said when he stopped right behind her, his voice gentler than he wanted it to be. She spun around, surprised. Her eyes were red and her nose was all swollen.
"Oh hi Finn," she said quietly when she saw him.
"What's up?" he asked, pretending to be nonchalant (that's the right word, right?), like he hadn't been staring at her for the last ten minutes (He hadn't). Rachel sighed.
"I have to go to the hospital," she answered. She looked as if she was hesitating before she continued, looking up at him. "I'm too scared to go alone."
"So go with your dads." She shook her head ruefully.
"They're at Ohio State. There's a conference there on the history and impact of the civil liberties union. Daddy's a speaker." Right. He really, really didn't want to be where he was. Now she was smiling at him, pretending she was fine. But the smile was wobbly, and it didn't reach her eyes. "It's okay. I already made the appoinment with Dr Gidwani anyway. See you later Finn." With a small wave, she opened the door of her car. Sometimes, Finn really, really hates himself.
"Wait. Do you want me to drive you?" The way her face brightened at his words made him wish really bad that St. Jesse-of-the-fucking-Douchebag would go fling himself off a cliff.
"Can you? I'd really appreciate it Finn" He held back a sigh.
"Pass me your keys."
It was quiet in the car. He wanted to turn on the radio, but what if she had been listening to some showtune on her CD? It would really suck for her if she wanted to sing along and then realize that she can't. He cleared his throat, his eyes on the car in front of him (How awesome was the plate number MAF14? Was there even a better movie than The Godfather?).
"I'm sorry," she said suddenly, her voice all sad.
"For what?"
"For using you in my music video in an attempt to make me look like a promiscuous skank." He really did not want to talk about that.
"Whatever," he muttered. From the corner of his eye, he saw her deflating. He sighed. Damn her. "It's cool Rach. Not a big deal."
"You're lying. It is a big deal. I know the way you feel about me and I used it, used you, to get what I want." Well. When she put it that way. "I care about you Finn. Truly I do. I honestly never meant to hurt you at all." He sighed again. She felt really awful about it, he knew. And he knew he was overreacting, but he hadn't really cared. Because she chose Jesse. What did he expect anyway? That she'd run from a boyfriend who was doing everything right to a douchebag like him who kept hurting her feelings time and again?
"Look, Rach, it's okay. I know." He even forced himself to smile to show her that he was fine with it. He still wasn't, but keeping a grudge has never been his strong suit, especially if it was with her he's starting to find.
"Really?" she asked hopefully, a small smile on her face.
"Really."
"Good. Because you're my friend Finn, and I hate the fact that I had injured your feelings." The word friend kind of made him want to shoot himself in the head, but he kept on smiling.
"We're here," he said as he parked her car. She had this terrified look on her face and even though he knew she was being way too dramatic about this, he couldn't just let her sit there, thinking of the worst thing that could happen. He turned off the engine and faced her. He took her hand silently in his. He missed the feel of her small fingers and the way they would immediately intertwine with his when they walk down the halls at school. She was looking at him and it looked like she was holding her breath.
"Rach," he began gently. "Look at me. It's going to be okay." She didn't look like she believed him. In fact, it looked like she was about to throw up. She looked up at him and he couldn't help the smile tugging at his lips. God she was so dramatic.
"Will you go in there with me? Please?" He grinned.
"I'm not going anywhere."
"Promise?"
"I swear."
They walked towards the hospital with his hand firmly grasping hers, just like it used to be before he had to find his inner 'rockstar' (thanks a lot Mr Schue) and she found Jesse St. Dickweed.
She was changing into a hospital gown behind the curtain and Finn turned away, his face red. He didn't understand why she had to change in the first place. It wasn't like she was going into surgery, or taking an X-ray or something like that. But she had insisted, and the nurse had given her the gown while rolling her eyes. Dr Gidwani was starting to bug him though. He knew Rachel's personality was annoying and all, but did he really have to be so mean about it? The dude was an ass. Finn was sitting on the rolling chair, swiveling himself around and around until he got dizzy and felt like throwing up.
"Finn?" He turned to look at Rachel, who was still lying on the hospital bed-thingy. "What if he says I'll never sing again?" She turned to look at him, panic settling on her face. "I mean who am I without my voice? I'm just this spoiled, annoying, only child-"
"Don't say that. There's like so many awesome things about you." He hated it a little when she keeps putting herself down like that. Okay so it wasn't like the things she were saying weren't true, but that didn't mean he had to like it when she says them. She was looking at him, her face expectant.
"Like?" Crap. She wants him to list them down now? He was going to screw this up.
"Look," he scoffed instead. "He's not gonna say you'll never sing again, I mean-"
"Bad news Rachel, you'll probably never sing again," Dr Gidwani had cut him off before he could make a fool of himself. He was relieved until he heard her gasp. Wait, what?
"I'm kidding. You have severe tonsilitis which has resulted in an inner ear infection." Seriously. The guy is an ass. "From the looks of things it's not the first time. You should have had them out years ago."
"Why should I let you butcher my voice when just resting my throat for a week and chugging down herbal tea will do the same job?" she asked. Her voice was doing that shrilly thing it does when she was panicking. That and she was talking really fast. Dr Gidwani looked kind of pissed.
"This is a very serious infection," he began but Finn thought he should probably cut in before it turns into a real argument.
"I think she's worried about the surgery affecting her singing voice," he said diplomatically to the doctor. The older man just rolled his eyes and ignored him.
"Please start by taking these antibiotics. Unless you think they're going to adversely affect your dance moves." God, the guy was a dick. He sighed. Well, this was big. In Rachel's universe anyway.
"What do you think I should do?" she asked dejectedly.
"Maybe you should ask your boyfriend. Oh wait. You can't. He's not here!" The words spilled out of him before he even knew he was saying anything. But he suddenly realized that he meant every single word. Screw being friends. He didn't want to be friends. He wants her to be his. She stared at him, surprised before she seemed to regain her senses.
"Oh he's in San Diego for spring break with his friends from Vocal Adrenaline," she shot back, insulted. Yeah. The guy's off partying in San freaking Diego while his girlfriend was at the hospital, possibly losing her voice forever. What a great boyfriend. Seriously?
"When are you going to realize that he's not into you like I am?" he burst out, frustrated. "You think he's gonna stick around if you can't sing? If you're a vocal cripple?" Okay so he didn't actually think she wasn't going to be able to sing anymore but whatever. And yeah, he said he wasn't going to bring this up again, but he cares about her. And maybe he never treated her right before, but he knows that what he feels for her is more than what that St. Jackass ever could.
"Look, I know that you've always been jealous of Jesse," she says gently. He was not jealous of that dancing soap opera. Okay so Finn was jealous because St. Jerkwad had her, but that was because of her, not that asswipe. She was still talking as she stood up to walk behind the curtain again but he didn't really care about what she had to say unless it was to tell him that he could have her back.
This time he didn't look away as she changed. He could see her shadow clearly as she took off her gown and he knew his eyes were twitching. But he wasn't going to look away. Not ever. Jesse cares about her? Screw that. He can't believe that she wouldn't even hear him out. He knows how he feels about her. And whatever lame ass things she may say to deny it, Finn knows she still cares about him. Because these kind of feelings that they have for each other? It doesn't just go away. It can't go away, because she was supposed to be his. Finn swears he was going to fix this. And he was going to start with that stupid solo tomorrow, because she's going to hear what he has to say, even if he has to sing it to her.