The Unofficial Fanfiction University of Smash
Chapter 11: Class nine… Poetry!
Disclaimer: I don't own the idea of putting a disclaimer at the start of everything with lots of words so as to shoot up the word count. Whoever does that kind of thing is a moron anyway… is I right or is I right (spell check told me to do that)? Those guys suck. They seriously need to stop doing that. It's just annoying… (if you didn't get it you are either innocent of stupidity and could I ask you how you do it because I've been trying to ignore this crap for years seriously I have a mouth way to big for my toenail (seeing as how that's where my mouth is located), or you're retarded but I'm so sorry I may have offended a non-retarded person by saying that because retards aren't smart enough to understand anyone is making fun of them (sorry though cause that may have been offensive too), and either way you should get out of this story not really though!). BTW I hate people who overuse parenthesis in their stories and people who use acronyms in daily speech. That's so FMA, and I don't even know what FMA stands for. Back to the main point though, I hate people who drive up the word count with annoyingly long disclaimers.
Gold stars:
I donate seven gold stars to the third world country of France. It is a country, and it is third world, I'm just not quite sure about it being a 'the' yet.
I'm seven years into "asking why to random people on the streets in a way symbolizing the loss of innocence in our times"-ology and I think I can safely say… don't do it. It's really not worth the time or effort…
ICP!
Jabba walked into his next class with minty-fresh teeth. This was soon ruined as the stench of a poetry contest currently taking place ruined it.
"A!" one child yelled, reading his poem. He then paused, needing help with the next word.
"You're a failure!" Wario screamed, throwing a bottle of milk at the child angrily.
"The child cried" the child cried, pointing at Wario.
Three fingers pointed back at the child.
Nine fingers pointed back at Wario.
Twenty-seven fingers pointed back at the child.
Eighty-one fingers pointed back at Wario.
Two hundred forty-three fingers pointed back at the child.
Seven hundred twenty-nine fingers pointed back at Wario.
The world ran out of fingers.
"AHHH!!!" the child screamed, running around without any fingers.
"That would make a good poem!" Wario yelled.
"I'd write that poem if I COULD WRITE ANYMORE BUT I CAN'T BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE ANY FINGERS AND…" the child started screaming louder than all capitalized letters would allow and thus his lungs exploded in a fiery ball of poetry.
Shakespeare flew out of this and slapped into Jabba.
"Why hello there good… erm… I don't remember what word was supposed to go there… erm… flackenfort!?" Shakespeare said/asked/bought on ebay.
"Wow! It's Shakespeare! He's a genius because he came up with over one thousand words that we now use! He just barely came up with another one!" Wario shouted, trying to get his class to pay attention.
His class was busy rolling on the ground screaming in pain due to loss of fingers.
"Shakespeare has fingers! He must be awesome!" Wario shouted.
With this the entire class jumped onto Shakespeare and growled angrily.
"This is really… erm… badenoof" Shakespeare said throwing another genius word at everyone.
He threw this genius word so hard it knocked several of the kids into a coma.
"Run away from the Spaniard!" all the kids screamed and ran.
"I'm English actually… so please don't be so… erm… the word was… erm… I think… erm… karkiliff?" Shakespeare demanded.
Jabba laughed, then got over his immaturity and got a job for the New York Times.
The kids ran to Mexico.
"Aww… you don't have to keep dannyfooting. I'm a nice gortenshpack! Really!" Shakespeare cried out.
The Mexicans raised the children like one of those books where wolves raise people, only this time it was twice as scary.
"That could make a good poem! Write a good poem! GO!" Wario screamed.
Jabba, being the only one who payed attention, wrote a poem he thought was pretty cool.
"Time's up! Read your poem with more drama than Bill Clinton has teeth!" Wario yelled.
"That isn't a very good comparison… Bill Clinton isn't known for saving up the teeth of his victims and hiding them in the closet, thus saving up thousands of teeth which he loves and caresses, even if that's true" Jabba said.
"Well your mom!" Wario shouted and laughed so hard he blew an artery. "Ow whatever let's just go on with the poem before I die and can't make you feel bad anymore"
Kirby walked in.
Shakespeare and Kirby went to a bar.
The kids were indentured servants at that bar.
Kirby ate the kids.
Shakespeare took a bottle, broke it, and then popped Kirby with it.
The kids came flying out of Kirby.
The bar was closed for health reasons.
"I think I'll read my poem now!" Jabba shouted.
"Yes! Please! Hurry!" Wario said, losing strength due to the artery popage.
"Sometimes I feel like crying
Other times I feel like I'm flying
On a cloud of beautiful pleasure
It feels better than what you could measure
But times are not always like that
Sometimes I feel like I am missing a hat
That makes me so sad, I can't explain
All my cries to the heavens are in vain.
I only want to have a…" Jabba was suddenly cut off.
"THAT SUCKS!" Wario screamed.
"What do you want me to do?" Jabba asked.
"Your first problem is that it rhymes. I'll show you what a better version of that poem would be. Listen:
Sometimes I feel like crying
Other times I feel really good
On a cloud of beautiful pleasure
It feels better than usual and stuff.
But times aren't always that good
Sometimes I feel like complete crap
That makes me so sad, it's sad, and stuff
All my cries to the heavens ignored.
I only want to have a dollar
Not much else, why do you ignore?
I think you're a stupid person.
I stick my tongue out at you, meh!" Wario said, bowing to the audience that had appeared.
The audience cheered.
One man from the audience walked up to Wario with a baseball bat.
"Will you sign my baseball bad Tony Monchez?" the man asked.
Wario was confused, then his artery popage led to his death, this was no ordinary death though. This was death… BY TELEPHONE!
"Sorry… I didn't see you there" the telephone said, driving off in its car.
"I have the perfect word for that! Telephiggle!" Shakespeare yelled, running into the room and throwing out free Lays chips to everyone.
"Ew! Lays are totally stupid! They're greasy and stuff! I totally prefer Pringles!" the audience all said together in perfect unison.
"That jokes old!" the audience said together in perfect unison.
"Seriously! That joke sucks!" the audience said together in perfect unison.
The audience was Jabba and only Jabba. The rest of the audience had gone home.
"Oh, that explains it!" the audience tried to say together but failed miserably. This led to Jabba just falling over and screaming some incoherent babble.
"I have the perfect courtimorry for that! TUMS!" Shakespeare yelled and ran up to Jabba, shoving a bunch of Tums down his throat.
"Wario?" Peach asked, walking into the room and winking. She saw his dead body and walked out, muttering something about him owing her several bucks.
Shakespeare went back to the past, to further ruin the English language.
"Yay! That's quite higgenfroffle!" Jabba said, his English being ruined.
"I'm all alone here aren't I?" Jabba asked himself.
Jabba did what every boy does when he's all alone, he thought of ways to keep women from achieving their goals.
Women caught him in the act and slapped his wrist.
Jabba got sick of this and went to go to his next class.
Then he went to his next class.
Anyone who liked Newgrounds for things that were actually funny was burned as a witch. Salem was envious of this intolerance and hypocrisy and cried and ran to its diary and wrote some stuff in it about how sad it was.
Jabba was really sick of this and tried to leave.
Gooey got a cameo because he's obviously better than Shakespeare, but only slightly.
Go back and reread this story, SING THE WHOLE THING! It adds a flavor that can only be explained if you've tried Hot Pockets flavored toothpaste… or should I say… truthpaste!
I'm full of those…
Which sucks because those suck…
R&D!… Read and Dothpickle!