The Unofficial Fanfiction University of Smash
Chapter 12: Class ten… Sci-Fi!
Disclaimer: I don't own the original(spelling?) Oficial Fanfiction University of blah blah blah that's a Lord of the Rings silly story which I personally hate. I'm done annoying you up here in the disclaimer I don't know what I was thinking when I did that a year ago... SSBM is owned by the people who own it, not me. Oh, and swallowing this story may prove fatal and it's not my responsibility.
Gold stars:
7 trillion to whoever that man in the green trench coat is that keeps sitting outside of my window with binoculars.
Is it just me or were a bunch of fanfiction genres added recently? I swear I don't remember a "Crime" genre or a "Western" genre but looking at the selection list there are a bunch of wierd genres like that. I think it's silly seeing as how Western movies can be Action/Adventure or Horror or Mystery seperately... there isn't really a specific GENRE for the west... Western is more like a setting...
Jabba ran down the hall, took a left, took a right, took another left, took a left, took a left, took a right, took a left, made a U turn, took a left, took a left, and then took a left., he looked around for a second and realized he had ended up exactly where he had started running. Fortunately for him, this was right next to the Sci-Fi class he was supposed to be headed to.
"I'm your teacher, Ness" Ness said. "You're about to learn about why Star Trek is so much more realistic than the White House!"
The White House turned Mexican.
"That ruins all my plans!" Ness cried.
"Isn't Sci-Fi usually not racist?" Jabba asked, raising his hand.
"YOU ONLY RAISED YOUR HAND! I NEVER CALLED ON YOU! I'LL KILL YOU FOR THAT YOU BASTARD!!!" Ness screamed, lunging for Jabba with a loose toenail.
"That isn't very scientif..." Jabba was stabbed through the neck with the toenail.
"Whoops. That's what we call a whole in space-time! It was all an accedent/different reality!" Ness said/slashed.
"Then... Wh...Why am I... d... d... d... d... d... d... d... d... d... d... d... d... d... d... dy... dy... dy... dy... dy... dy... dy... dy... dy... dy... dy... dy... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi... dyi..." Jabba coughed out, struggling with the word.
"Oh will you hurry up already!?" Ness screamed.
"Dying!" Jabba shouted, proud to have said the word. "Yay! Let's try another word!"
"Maticulate" Ness said.
"M... m... m... m... m... m... m... m... m... m... m... m... mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmnm toasty" Jabba said, trying to parody Quiznoes but using to many Ms and so getting fired from his new career as slogan wannabe.
"No!" Ness shouted. "And you're not dying because it was only a toenail and we're in a Sci-Fi so all fatal wounds can be healed as long as you're a main character!"
"Cool!" Jabba screamed, and sliced off his head.
"FIXED!" Ness screamed, sewing Jabba's head back on with some peanut butter.
"Wow! I knew peanut butter held the secret to all things!" Jabba shouted.
"Shut up and pay attention to me!" The Mexican house shouted and turned Black.
"AHHH! BLACK HOUSE IS A SCARY BOOK!" Jabba screamed.
"Racist!" the Black House screamed and beat Jabba over the head with his totally gangsta gold teeth, yo.
"The point is, races are all perfectly equal in the future. Instead the problems come with other species, who even though they look exactly like you, they have a stripe on their forehead, and so that makes them a different species entirely." Ness said.
"Does black count as a different species?" the Black House asked.
"Well you'd think it would, seeing as how other species are species because of deformed ears, and stripes on their face, an entirely different color is way less like a white male than any of these other species! So lets just roleplay and say you're a different species!" Ness asked.
"Didn't seem like you were asking that, but you were!" Jabba shouted.
"ITS A COMPUTER MALFUNCTION! EVERYONE TO THE ESCAPE PODS!" Ness screamed.
The class started screaming and running in circles. Everyone ran into the escape pods, which exploded upon impact with the large crowd.
"Oh, another good thing to note is that the escape pods are all given nuclear warheads, so that there can be drama in the fact that there were no survivors. Drama is more important than survivors anyway!" Ness asked.
"THE COMPUTER IS TAKING FULL CONTROL OF GRAMMAR! WE NEED MEDICAL ASSISTANCE!" Jabba asked.
"How may I help you?" A robot screamed. "ERROR, SCREAM NOT DETECTED! SELF DESTRUCT INITIATED!"
The robot exploded into many different peices. The explosion was disfiguring and it turned the Black House Gay.
"The problem with Sci-Fi is the robots and computers always end up taking arms up against the users, so it leavs Sci-Fi fans with a feeling of fighting against progress!" Ness asked.
"That's why we never had computers back in the old days, we only had slaves!" The Gay House shouted.
"SEE! IT TURNED A BLACK HOUSE INTO A GAY SLAVE OWNER! SCI-FI IS BAD FOR YOUR CHILDREN!" Ness asked.
"I understand completely! Every movie with technology that's better than our own is from the devil, and will destroy our souls!" Jabba asked.
The computer got a virus from looking at too much of the Gay House.
"YAY! WE'RE FREE FROM OPPRESSION!" Ness shouted. He then giggled and boasted with all the pent up emotions.
"Emotions aren't very Sci-Fi...ish" Jabba said.
"Not in the main part of the action, no, but at the end the computers are destroyed and everyone realizes the stone age was better because emotions were free." Ness stated.
"BUT I LIKE CELL PHONES!" Jabba cried.
"I think you've forgotten who's supposed to be teaching the class here." Ness said, pulling out a switchbladewithatwelvedollarbill knife.
"The class is all dead! You killed them all with those stupid escape pods!" Jabba cried.
"Speaking of which, you didn't get into one! You're disobaying direct orders from your captain! That's a no no in Sci-Fi!" Ness screamed.
"You're confusing Sci-Fi with Star Trek. Even if Star Trek is the typical Sci-Fi, there are other Sci-Fis that focus more on emotions, freedom, and occasionaly people with magical powers!" Jabba said.
"You have a point in that Star Wars has emotions crawling out of places I don't like to talk about in public, but as for the other things, well... those aren't really Sci-Fis... the only Sci-Fi movies that are really Sci-Fi are Star Trek and Star Wars." Ness asked. "AHH!! THE COMPUTERS ARE ATTACKING AGAIN! IT'S A SEQUEL!"
"I happen to like Star Craft! And I know there's got to be a Sci-Fi movie somewhere that doesn't start with Star!" Jabba cried.
"There isn't" Ness said, looking down in sorrow.
This is the emotional part where they start crying until they run out of tears and so go pick up some seven-year-olds and start beating them over the head with hockey sticks so the kids can cry for them instead. Unfortunately they beat the seven-year-olds to death, and so had no more tears for the rest of the story. You might want to get some popcorn, the next part gets boring.
"I LOVE YOU!" Jabba shouted, hugging Ness.
"We're done here. I mean... holy hell I'm not talking to you anymore." Ness said, backing away slowly.
"But there has to be some kind of built up passion in Sci-Fi..." Jabba muttered.
"No... no matter how tolerant society is in Sci-Fi... gays have already been exterminated and so no..." Ness said.
"WHAT!?" The Gay House screamed.
"I mean... erm... umm..." Ness looked around for a scapegoat. Unfortunately all he found was a scapecomputer, he shoved the scapecomputer in the Gay House.
"Ohh... that tickles!" The Gay House giggled. The Gay House then fell over and died of electric psyciopadility.
"You've destroyed the place the President sleeps!" Jabba shouted.
"No, I destroyed the scapecomputer... now computers have to take the blame themselves, and soon all that guilt will cause them to explode!" Ness said. He was putting his brain to use, and his brain was putting it's brain to use, as his brain was smart enough to have a brain of it's own. We can think of it as a kind of pet brain...
Computers died.
"MY LIFE IS RUINED!" Joeb screamed running through the door and kicking Ness in the face. He then took Ness' brain's brain and started beating Ness with it. Ness' brain couldn't function properly without a brain, and Ness was soon asymilated by the Borg. Joeb then collectively beat the Borg with a shovel until their collective foot fell off. Borg died. Ness died AND lost his identity, OH SNAP!!!
"Wait, what?" Jabba asked.
"Nothing!" Joeb said with a christmas tree lodged up his eye suspiciously.
"OK fine... it's time for my next class anyway" Jabba said, turning around to leave.
"WAIT! WHAT'S THE POINT YOU'VE LEARNED TODAY!?" Joeb asked.
"Sci-Fi is too weird so I'll just ignore it" Jabba said.
"Good boy!" Joeb said.
Jabba accedentally stepped on Kirby, popping him, on the way out the door.
If you read that and got offended because you happen to know of good Sci-Fi that doesn't start with STAR somehow then you're a loser and need to get out more...
Oh hell... that must mean...
I'M A LOSER AND NEED TO GET OUT MORE!!! DX
R&GWB! Read and George Whitebutnotreallyhe'ssecretlyablackman Bush! (if you don't believe in that middle initial then I suggest you work a bit harder on your conspiracy theory...itude...)