A/N: This chapter might be painful for some viewers, but this is basically part one of me trying to justify Cas's actions and Dean's response to those actions. Basically, this is me attempting to fix Sera Gamble's mess, or justify it, or what have you. So I would really appreciate some feedback on it.

I would also like to give a big thanks and credit to my dad for both beta-ing and helping me write this chapter. (Thank goodness I have a psychiatrist for a father that also happens to be a fan of Supernatural.) He helped me alot with Cas's side of the dialogue, both in wording and in character insight.

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Series One, Episode One, Part Three

Hurt*

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"Hello Dean." The Angel of Thursday was glad to see the hunter again.

"Cas? Wha-how? And Gabriel?" Dean was still confused how Cas could possibly be better, and in shock that Gabriel was alive.

"Gabriel believes it was Father that brought him back, and after he was resurrected, he came looking for me. When he located me, he ... fixed me, my mind that is."

Dean gave the angel a half-smile, "Good. I'm glad you're okay."

"Thank you Dean."

Dean could see that Cas wanted to tell him something. "What is it, Cas?"

Cas looked hesitant. "I, I would like to finish the conversation we were having."

Dean had no idea what Castiel was referring to. "What conversation?"

Cas's eyes flickered to the floor, then back to Dean while he shifted his stance. "The conversation you, Sam, Bobby, and I were having when you trapped me in the ring of holy fire. I feel that my ... reasoning wasn't heard."

The hunter shook his head, "No, Cas, I really don't want to do that, okay?"

But the Angel was determined. "Dean, please. I need you to hear what I have to say."

Dean really did not want to go there. Every part of him screamed 'No, Cas, I don't want to talk about it'. But instead Dean nodded and told the Angel, "Fine."

Again Cas shifted his feet and briefly looked to the floor before meeting the hunter's eyes. "I do regret and am greatly ashamed of what I have done, all the lives I have taken. But the plan that I came up with was the only one I could think of because you weren't there to help me."

Dean narrowed his eyes, "After everything you've done for me, what made you think that I wasn't there for you? You could have talked to me, Cas, why didn't you?"

Rage began to boil in the Angel's chest. "I kept trying to Dean! I thought I made it obvious when every time I saw you I told you that the situation in Heaven was dire!" Cas sharply breathed in, then let it out in a huff. "Remember how you told me that 'when crap like this comes around, we deal with it, like we always have'? Then I asked you where you were when I needed to hear that? You said that you were there," Cas shook his head, "but you weren't!"

"You could have asked for my help!"

"No, Dean, I couldn't! I couldn't ask you directly. You're a human; I'm an angel. It's not supposed to be right for an Angel of the Lord to ask a human with a celestial problem! You have to offer it! Besides, it would have gone against everything that has been drilled into me since I was created; against everything Father told us! He told us to love humans, to bow down to you, to protect you, to watch over you! I still wanted to protect you! I still believe that I'm supposed to look after you Dean, not the other way around!"

"But you're my friend, Cas. You could have asked for my help! I still think we would have found another way. If we'd worked together. I just don't understand why you didn't ask."

"You're not listening Dean! I couldn't do it directly, but I did ask for your help and you just didn't notice! I tried to ask the only way I could, but you didn't care about helping me! All you cared about was you and your little Earthly problems! You just used me to make your life easier! You never asked about the situation in Heaven! You never asked me if I needed help. You weren't there when I needed you Dean. That's why I saw no other way around it!"

"So, what? You're saying because you thought that you couldn't come to me, it's all my fault?"

"No Dean! I'm saying that I tried to come to you!"

"Well I guess you just didn't try hard enough."

Cas was in disbelief; he tilted then shook his head, "You haven't heard a word I've said, have you?"

Dean put his hand through his short hair as he turned away, his anger making him unable to look at the Angel any longer. The hunter walked over to his bed and sat facing away from Cas. He put his head in his hands. "I can't do this Cas. Please, just go."

Cas went against Dean once, he was not about to do it again, so he left.

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*Hurt is a song that used to be sung by the former Johnny Cash.