Break your little heart
Chapter 3- lost in the darkness as life goes on
Memories fade like photographs- all time low
I said I'd never forget your face
Vaulted away inside my head
And memories never seem to fade
You were the best part of my life, my last regret
Now I've walked this line a thousand times before
It hurts too much to bear
For you, I'd tear out my own heart
And write our names together
Your love is the barrel of a gun
So tell me, am I on the right end?
I could be nothing but a memory to you
Don't let this memory fade away
And in the end, we're turning on and off again
There's a look in your eye
And it's screaming "goodbye"
I'd hate to watch you cry
Your love is the barrel of a gun
So tell me, am I on the right end?
I could be nothing but a memory to you
Don't let this memory fade away
There's a look in your eye
And it's screaming "goodbye"
Now it tears me apart just to look at the sky
And I'd hate to watch you cry
I'd hate to watch you cry
Your love is the barrel of a gun
So tell me, am I on the right end?
I could be nothing but a memory to you
Don't let this memory fade away
Bella pov
Lost in the darkness…
His green eyes flashed in-front of my eyelashes as I blinked back tears. The woods were so dark that all I could see was his piercing gaze staring at me his mouth open in a wordless scream of agony. I heard the ocean crash in the distance, and knew I was somewhere near the sea. I saw Edwards face turn and then he started walking away from me. I started following him stumbling and falling and when I got close he seemed to get further and further away. He stopped and turned back to face me his eyes sparkling as the trees disappeared.
We were now standing on a cliff, him looking down at the water and me standing helplessly at the edge of the forest.
"Save me my love," he whispered before flinging himself of the cliff.
"No!" I screamed and tried to run forward but my legs felt like glue and I couldn't move an inch.
"You didn't save me," a voice whispered in the wind and then my legs were free and I ran to the edge and looked over only to see the waves crash against the rocks and his body disappear into the darkness of the sea.
I screamed again and again but the trees surrounded me again. I was just about to scream again when Edward appeared, but it wasn't Edward, Edward didn't have wings.
The wings looked like they were made of silk in feather form and I reached out and just before I touched them a million gold eyes blinked out from in-between the feathers. I yelped in surprise and the Angel started shifting until he becomes Jacob.
I screamed and tried to run as knives started growing out of his hands replacing his fingers and he smiled cruelly at me. I tripped and fell as he walked slowly forward deliberately not watching and just staring at me his big brown eyes never leaving mine.
"Traitor," he whispered and I screamed as he brought down the knives in an arcing sweep.
I screamed again and this time I woke up. My clothes were plastered to me and my hair stuck to my face. I let my eyes adjust to the lightness in the room and then looked around. Alice was staring at me from across the room her eyes full of worry.
"Are you OK?" She asked coming towards me as fast as she could.
"Why are you over there?" I asked ignoring her question.
"I was turning on the light; I was trying to wake you," she said reaching me and pulling me into a hug.
"Why?" I asked confused.
She pulled back and looked at me her eyes boring into my confused ones.
"You were screaming like a banshee," she said uncertainly.
"Oh," I said dumbly.
"You want to talk about it, was it Jacob?" She asked her arms still wrapped around me.
"It was different," I mumbled and then wriggled out of her arms and stood up. She let her arms drop and watched me as I walked towards the door.
"Bathroom," I mumbled as I slipped out of her room, leaving her staring after me.
The house was Dark, as I lightly tip-toed down the corridor, trying not to wake anybody although it was probably too late for that if I was screaming. I knew Carlisle would be home by now and I really hoped I hadn't woke him up.
The bathroom door creaked as I pushed it open and stepped inside turning on the light and then shutting the door as quietly as I could. I walked over to the mirror and stared at myself in it. I looked a mess with big dark rings under my eyes and I looked paler than usual. I hadn't slept well for over 4 days and my body was running down as I failed to eat much food and sleeping was impossible with the on-going nightmares.
I turned on the tap and watched the water run for a minute before I put my fingers under the cool water and splashed it over my face. I shivered as some ran down my shirt but the feeling of coldness on my fingers was bliss and I felt like crap. I turned off the tap and grabbed a hand towel drying my face and wiping the sweat from behind my neck. Finally I ran a brush through my hair to stop it from sticking to my semi-wet face and then I tip-toed out of the bathroom and down into the kitchen.
I switched the jug on and got out sugar and a cub along with the coffee jar and sat at one of the stools at the bench to wait for the jug. I stared out the window not seeing anything but his green eyes, like they were burned into my eyes so all I saw was them.
I thought about the night of the ball, the date cemented into my memory, the 5th of July 2009. The jug beeped and I got up and made my coffee, then I walked over to the bench and sat down again. I looked at the stairs and saw Alice hovering as if unsure whether to go to bed and leave me or come down and demand to know what the dream was about.
"I'm fine, sleep Ali," I called softly and then turned my back on her to look through the window.
I heard her sigh and then her retreating footsteps as she top-toed back to her room alone. I finished my coffee with my eyes barely open. I rested my head in my arms on the neck and that's where I drifted into a world of black as unconsciousness took me and for once I dreamed peacefully with no troubles and no haunting green eyes that always seemed to be with me, and that's where I woke in the morning.
They say life goes on but for the next three weeks I felt absent, like I was missing something and I was building a bridge that was impossible to cross. Alice noticed the difference immediately but she had the heart not to say anything. I was so confused kind of in a daze as the days passed in all but a blur. I was no longer saddened about Jacob leaving me and cheating on me because it felt like I had grasped something the night of the ball and now I was unwilling to let go of my mistake.
I woke up with dried spit stuck to my cheek and a really sore neck from sleeping crookedly. Esme was humming and I could hear the T.V in the lounge-room and I pictured her dusting while listening and humming. I sat up blinked as my eyes were blinded by the light.
"Morning sleeping-beauty," I heard Alice practically sing as she flipped pancakes over in the frying-pan.
"Morning, why are you so happy?" I mumbled as I watched her.
"The sun is out, see?" She said waving her spatula in the general direction of the window. I looked over to it to see and fair enough the sun had replaced the clouds and for once in a life-time my mood brightened.
"I know you're not a morning person and you hate being up early but I was thinking we could check out the new place, umm Bertie Botts ice cream parlor I think, it's had really good reviews and then we could head down to the park, and maybe if you're up to it, Rose and I would love to take you dress shopping you know the Spring Fling is coming up on the 3rd of September," Alice said all in one breath.
"Slow down. I'd love to, but how bout I just help you and Rose look for dresses because I'm not going to the stupid Spring Fling, I have two left feet," I added as she turned around and neatly flipped the pancakes out of the frying-pan and onto a plate.
I got up and grabbed some lemon juice and sugar and walked over to the bench again.
"Think of your-self," Alice said lightly.
"You've had the last golden syrup you had it on Friday remember?" I told her.
"I bought more," Alice said shrugging and looking through the pantry.
"Typical," I muttered and started piling pancakes onto my plate and adding lemon and sugar.
"Esme, do you want some of Alice's pancakes?" I called before stuffing a mouthful of food into my mouth.
Esme came into the kitchen with a duster in her hand and she was covered in muck. "I'll just clean up I was going through Alice's movie collection, can you believe how much dust is in that cupboard?" Esme said laughing a little.
"Yep," I said. "You're brave to go through there I think she's got over a thousand movies," I added joining in when she laughed harder.
"Do not," muttered Alice as she took a seat with the syrup in her hand.
Esme put the duster in the corner and walked out and five minutes later I could hear the shower water running.
"About the Dance," Alice began and trailed off.
"No, please don't make me go I went to your stupid Ball and look what happened," I said with a mouth-full of food.
"Yep, you fell in love and now you have to find prince charming, but it will be super embarrassing coz you had a one night fling," Alice said all in one breath.
"No" I said looking at her like she was a weirdo.
"You always give me that look," she muttered.
"I made the biggest mistake of my life," I said ignoring her comment.
"Same thing," she told me lightly before up-ending the bottle of syrup and drowning her pancakes in icky syrup.
"Disgusting," I muttered swallowing and looking at her food in disgust.
"Don't knock it unless you've tried it, at least my pancakes aren't sour," she said taking a bite of her breakfast.
"There not, the sugar balances it out," I said trying not to laugh, we always had this argument.
"Sugars bad for you," Alice muttered in-between mouthfuls.
"What, and pancakes aren't?" I said finishing off my last one.
"Nope," Alice replied seriously and we both started laughing.
Esme walked into the room then breathing in deeply as the scent of pancakes hit her. "Smells good," Esme said smiling and she sat down.
"We're going down to the park, Bertie Botts and Seattle today mum," Alice informed her mother as she stood up.
"Be careful and be back by eleven," She told us before taking a bite of a plain pancake.
"Cya mum," Alice said excitement creeping into her voice and I knew she was thinking of shopping with Rose and I.
I let Alice drag me upstairs and sat on her bed still in my knowing she would choose something for me to wear.
"Flats," I advised her and then I laid back and watched her rummage through our joined closet. I grabbed my phone and looked for Renee's number and the pressed call all the while watching Alice in her world of fashion.
"Hey sweetie," she answered.
"Hey mum, just thought I'd see how Paris was," I said smiling to myself as I heard Charlie call hello in the background.
"Great honey, we can't talk long we'll call you in a week or so, I can't believe it's only been nine weeks since we left." She said and then I heard a car honk.
"Are you driving?" I asked curiously.
"Your dad is, we're on our way to the airport and late," she said.
"Oh, I better go then cya," I said and hung up.
"They sound happy," Alice said.
"Mm," I agreed. Charlie and Renee had decided to travel round the world, hence me staying with Alice.
"Perfect," Alice said finally and she walked out of her walk-in wardrobe. (A/N The beds opposite to the cupboard so Bella can see what Alice is doing). She held up a summer dress and a pair of flats.
The dress was Black and white with stripes, and had a low cut. There was also a red belt around the middle just under the chest that matched the red buckled flats. The buckle was silver and the flats a rich dark red making the belt seem like a feature. Finally Alice completed the outfit with a Black headband with a bow on the left side to keep the wind from blowing my messy hair into my eyes.
Alice was holding another outfit in her other hand and was holding it against her-self looking in the mirror. The flats she was wearing were dangling over her finger just covering a section of her dress. It was also black and white but hers was a simple design. It had a black stripe around the dress just under her chest and the straps of the dress and the hemming was black, and then in-between was black patterns with a white background. Her flats were plaid with silver and gold intertwined circles across the top as a feature.
I sighed and took my outfit and then walked wordlessly into Alice's bathroom.
"I'm fixing your hair and make-up," she called after I'd shut the door.
"Fine," I called back planning on a way of escape.
"The windows locked," Alice called and I remember the last time I'd climbed out and hid and it took Alice half an hour to find me.
"Stupid phone," I cursed remembering how Alice had rung it and it had given me away. I heard Ali laugh from the other side of the door.
I showered quickly, forcing myself out of the hot water way to soon. I changed into the tight dress and walked out without even a glance in the mirror. I sat in Alice's chair and grabbed Weathering heights, and lazily began to read waiting for Alice.
She walked into the room looking like a fashion princess.
"Wow, you look great!" I said looking over the edge of my book and then I returned to it before she could say anything.
"So will you Bella, and when I've finished your hair, I'm throwing out that bloody book and I'm going to buy you a new one today and you can obsess over something new," She said practically growling the last part about my book.
"You'll do no such thing, and I'll buy my own book thanks," I mumbled only half paying attention because at that moment I was lost in the world of Kathy and Heathcliff.
By the time Ali had finished my hair and make-up and managed to pry my book away we had wasted an hour of our day and we hurried to get to Bertie Botts before noon. It was eleven when we reached it and the line was literally out of the store.
"It seems more popular since we first came here," Alice muttered irritably.
"Mhmm" I mumbled not paying attention.
"What is it with you and tuning out lately?" Alice grumbled. "Someone's PMSing" I muttered wondering why she was so irritable today.
"Sorry I'm in a bad mood," Alice muttered.
"And on this beautiful day," I said taking a step forward as the line moved up.
"It's just," Alice started but a lady came up to take our order and I never got to find out what was just because Alice didn't bring the subject up again and I knew she would tell me in her own time later.
"A Ferro rocher and a Boysenberry please," I told the girl.
"Won't be a moment," she muttered and I had the feeling this experience was new to her.
"That was weird," Alice muttered.
"Why she's just serving down the line," I said. I hadn't realized how close we were to the counter; I guess I didn't notice we'd moved.
"So what were you saying before she came up?" I asked pushing Alice even though I knew she'd tell me eventually.
"Never mind I'll tell you later right now I want ice-cream," she said and I watched her put on a smile and I instantly went along with her happy mood.
The ice-cream melted fast and Alice and I had trouble keeping it off our clothes. We were sitting in the park when Alice next spoke about her troubles.
"It's just all the kids you know, my dream when I was young was to have a little girl and seeing them all makes me moody because I really want one" Alice said as we watched some girls swing on the swings at the park.
Some boys were on the slide and I saw Alice watching all of them longingly.
"You'll make a great mum Ali and your still only 17 you have tons of time to find someone special," I said patting her on the head because I knew it annoyed her and I knew it would get her out of her train of thought.
"Thanks" she murmured but I could see she was far away not paying any attention to me, and I knew she was imagining a little Alice playing with the bunch of girls swinging on the swings.
"Hurry up Rose!" Alice screamed from below the stairs. She was really shirty and I knew she just wanted to shop.
"I'm nearly ready, I'm just doing my eyes," she called.
"Emmett get down here your distracting her," Alice called and I laughed at her as Emmett grumbled and walked out of Rose's room.
"Done," Rose called five minutes later. She came down wearing a dress flats and she had a little bag. We all seemed very similar all in dresses and in flats I thought.
Roses dress was floral, it was a really pale baby blue and it had Dark blue flowers and light lime green dots along with a few dark blue ones matching the flowers. Her shoes were purple with black zebra stripes and they made her dress stand out. Her hair was out and straightened with a purple and black head band that matched her shoes. Her eyes had a light purple trace of shadow and there was a little black flick from the corner of her eye making her eye shadow standout and her eyes seem brighter.
"Nice, I see why you took so long, you mustn't be as skilled as I am at getting ready fast and still looking gorgeous," Alice said smiling to let Rose know she was joking.
Rose smiled just as sweetly as Alice and spoke in a mock sympathetic voice "At least I don't need to stand on a stool to see the mirror."
I laughed at the two as Alice playfully hit Rose on the shoulder and dodged Emmett's hug by a few inches.
"What no hug?" he said in a fake hurt tone.
"Yep," Alice said a skipped out the door. Rose and I laughed but we followed obediently, Rose blowing Emmett a kiss and leaving him standing in the doorway looking like he didn't know what hit him.
We all climbed into Alice's yellow Porsche, me in the back leaning on the glove-box between the front two seats and Rose in shot-gun.
I think we were half-way to Seattle when Jet's famous 'Are You Gunna Be My Girl' came on and Rose and Alice sang and jigged in their seats earning them a few strange looks.
I said "A one two three turn your head and come with me coz you look so fine and I really wanna make you mine."
They sang and then started head banging when we stopped at a red light. I laughed at them as they shimmied and pretended to sing with mic's and when they didn't go when the light turned green and got several angry car horns beeped at them I nearly chocked from laughing so hard.
When we reached the shopping car park we were all on a high buzz that we just didn't want to come off and as we went through the first 6 or so dressy shops we were all so hyped up that we all laughed whenever someone looked at us like what the fucks wrong with them.
Rose insisted on going to Victoria secret and we didn't come out until half an hour later because Rose couldn't decide between lace and support. She went with both in the end.
We went to Angus and Robinsons and I ended up with five new books including the Secret Life of Bree Tanner, City of Bones, City of Ashes, City of Glass, Peeps and A Great and Terrible Beauty, and then Ali got to choose a shop.
We ended up in Brandon's, and Alice insisted on buying us all knew outfits. She practically skipped through every isle and when she emerged she handed Rose a stack of about twenty items and me about fifteen.
"Don't complain," she said and waved us into the change rooms. Rose went first and after about ten of her items Alice declared that the outfit was perfect.
Including accessories Rose had on a turquoise green dress that was thigh length. It had a v-neck that famed her chest and the dress seemed perfect on her. It looked like a clubbing dress and it was perfect considering how many clubs they ended up at.
She had a single silver pendant hanging from her neck and a set of 7 silver bracelets that jingled when she twirled. Rose was also wearing turquoise heels that had a little bow on the front and amazingly she could actually walk.
"Very nice," I commented as she twirled in a circle and examined herself in the mirror.
"Your turn," she declared and Alice handed me my pile and gave me a shove into a change room as Rose went back into hers and got changed again.
My dress took longer to find and by the time we did I'd gone through about fourteen different outfits.
I ended up with a light blue dress with a silver band under my chest and covering my chest were lots of sparkly beads.
The dress ended at my thighs much to my horror but it looked good and I knew I had to get over the slutty feeling I got whenever I was wearing such short clothes. The dress was tight at the top and hung loose from the silver band down and it flowed out around my when I twirled for Alice and Rose.
"Perfect! I'm a genius," Alice said smiling looking very pleased with her-self.
I also had on a light blue beret that hung over my hair and complemented the dress nicely. I had a silver anklet around my ankle and a silver necklace with a hairbrush pendent that hung just above my chest. The hairbrush was silver with Aqua blue gems welded into the handle and top of the brush. I was wearing a pair of blue flats that had a silver band over the front of the shoe and it matched the one around my waist.
"Beautiful, wish I could pull off wearing a beret, especially with a dress like that, and counting in our event," Rose commented and I glared at Alice wondering what event Rose was talking about. Alice who was holding one dress in her hands already merely shrugged.
"Your turn," I told her and went and sat next to Rose. Alice skipped into the change room and was changed so fast I didn't think it was possible but when she emerged it was clear who the best looked in the chosen outfit.
Alice was wearing a thigh length purple dress with a little lilac flower on the side of the dress where the chest of the dress met the bottom section. There was also a small flower clipped into her spiky hair and on the tip of her lilac heals that clanked as she walked. Her outfit was simple yet effective and it looked formal yet it also looked like you could wear it in a club with proper fashion guiding.
We bought the clothes and decided to call it a day so we headed back to the car and began our way home or I thought that was where we were going.
"Well I found this new club near here called Tryst or Vanity or something like that and Esme agreed," Alice started saying.
"No," I said bluntly glaring at them. It clicked now why our new dresses looked like they could be worn clubbing.
"No," I repeated and stared out my window.
"Why not?" Alice asked.
"Because this is a club and I got drunk at a masked ball you made me go to and now I feel like shit," I muttered.
"Thanks for ditching us in there by the way you gave your poor brother, Ali and I a heart attack we were this close to calling the cops in distress," Rose said holding up here hands so they were close together but not touching.
"Exactly so we shouldn't go," I said.
"Please," Alice begged and I saw her put on her face.
"No," I said again not looking at her.
"Think of it as making it up to us, for ditching us," Rose said and then the car stopped in-front of a small hotel.
"I hate you guys some days," I muttered and followed them out of the car and threw the doors to this hotel.
And that's how I ended up standing in the cold outside a club called Tryst Vanity.
We entered the small club and I was instantly blinded by flashing lights and the live band sent my head into a dizzying spin.
"I feel sick," I muttered as I looked up and met a familiar pair of green eyes over everyone's head and I knew that this was a big mistake.
There's good news and bad news…
The good is that I've finally updated even if it's a boring chapter and the bad is that I have no idea when the next update will be but ill try my hardest to update asap through the holidays.
Also if anyone knows how to add picture to your profile page I would love help and ill put the pictures of all the club outfits and normal outfits so my describing don't sound so bad XD
Sorry, no drama just yet, the next chapter won't be the club it will be a whole chapter in Edwards pov. Some people are getting confused, Esme is not Edwards mum, it will be explained in further chapters but basically he's emancipated or whatever you call it. Please read and review and I'm sorry for the boring chapter even though it's my longest I had trouble writing it and I've started and stopped about three times. : ) please Review it makes my day and I'm not sure when ill be able to update over the holidays because I have no idea whether Izza or Bellebookworm will be able to edit my paragraph sizing and I have no idea when ill get a chance to right : (
Tezza