Break your little heart
Chapter 5- Deny Deny Deny till you believe

Boys like girls- love drunk

Hey, hey, hey, hey

Top down in the summer sun
The day we met was like a hit and run
And I still taste it on my tongue
(Taste it on my tongue)

The sky was burning up like fireworks
You made me want you, oh, so bad it hurt
But girl, in case you haven't heard

I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hungover
I love you forever, forever is over
We used to kiss all night, now it's just a bar fight
So don't call me crying, say hello then goodbye
(Oh yeah!)

There's just one thing would make me say
(Oh yeah!)
I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hungover
I love you forever, but now it's over
(Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey)

Hot sweat and blurry eyes
We're spinning on a roller coaster ride
The world stuck in black and white
(Stuck in black and white)

You drove me crazy every time we touched
Now I'm so broken that I can't get up
Oh girl, you make me such a lush

I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hungover
I love you forever, forever is over
We used to kiss all night, now it's just a bar fight
So don't call me crying, say hello then goodbye
(Oh yeah!)

There's just one thing would make me say
(Oh yeah!)
I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hungover
I love you forever, but now it's over

All the time I wasted on you
All the bullshit you put me through
I'm checking into rehab 'cause everything that we had
Didn't mean a thing to you

I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hungover
I love you forever, but now I'm sober

I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hungover
I love you forever, forever is over
We used to kiss all night, now it's just a bar fight
So don't call me crying, say hello then goodbye
(Oh yeah!)

There's just one thing would make me say
(Oh yeah!)
I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hungover
I love you forever, but now it's over

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na
Now it's over, I still taste it on my tongue
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na, na
Now it's over

Bella P.O.V
'No, no, no I can't be pregnant, it's not possible," I reasoned with myself as I sat staring blankly in-front of myself, neither seeing nor blinded.

'I cant be a mother, I'm not ready, what do I tell Edward?' my mind wondered. Lost in thought these few pointers kept going round in a cycle with no order each statement or question popping up and then dismissed. One lingered longer and appeared more frequent though and I decided to voice this allowed.

Blinking to bring my eyes back into focus I looked at Alice whose worry made me feel slightly guilty for my silence but in my defense I just found out I was pregnant! I have a right to be shocked. Pregnant I thought with disgust.

"I can't be a Mother, it's impossible," I moaned as a few tears threatened.

Alice squeezed my hand sympathetically then slid closer to wrap her arm round me as I started to sob. Tears trailed down my cheeks leaving them sticky and wet and my eyes went blurred every few seconds as knew tears replaced the fallen ones and then they'd splatter to the floor leaving them broken.

"Shh honey it'll be alright," Alice whispered as I started to cry harder.

I felt snot starting to drip and looked up searching the room for a tissue but it seems Alice was prepared because she pulled out a new packet of tissues from her back pocket and handed me one. I blew my nose and kept crying.

I didn't know where the tears came from but they didn't stop falling until about half an hour later and even then I was still sobbing and hiccupping. Alice still had her arm around me and as I gradually slowed my breathing and wiped my eyes that I knew would be puffy and red it felt like it had been over a week although it had been a little less than an hour.

Alice didn't remove her arm as we stared silently out the window in Esme's garden where she had captured a small piece of paradise.

It wasn't overly big but it seemed to represent fields as I stared at it. The white picket fence surrounded the garden like a wall keeping what small piece of paradise inside the walls. I followed the many flowers with my eyes until they all blurred as one as more tears threatened to block my vision, but I managed to hold them back.

I stared at the apple tree in the yard, its big climbing branches swaying over the wall unsuccessfully hiding Alice and I's contribution to the paint job. Just right of the tree was a single sky blue post and I found myself starting to laugh despite my former tears. Alice looked at me like I had grown two heads and waited for me to calm down enough to elaborate on my out-burst.

Alice Brandon was my oldest friend and when we were seven we had decided that the posts to Esme's fence should be a bright blue so when Esme started repainting them we had bought a single bucket of blue paint with our pocket money and started painting her fence blue.

Naturally being seven we decided to start under the cover of the tree but we only managed to paint one picket blue before Esme called us in for lunch and we had trudged into the house with smiles plastered on our faces and covered head to toe in blue paint. (We now realize that that couldn't possibly have been suspicious at all… Note the sarcasm)

Esme had realized immediately and scolded us as she made us go and wash up before lunch, but despite the fact that she scolded us she later complimented us on our painting skills and she never re-painted the picket, saying that it would bring back memories when she was in the garden and she could always remember the day her daughters friend and her daughter had decided to paint the fence.

All that had repeated in my head took only a second as I imagined Alice and I as little girls one on either side of the fence painting it bright blue. I quickly told Alice between gasps of laughter and soon we were both laughing.

My pregnancy momentarily forgotten we stared out over the garden laughing and I think it had been the first time that week that I had felt even close to normal, and it was definitely the first time I'd been happy and not vomiting every few hours.

Chocking on laughter I finally managed to sit up straight and smile at Alice. She too had stopped laughing and was grinning at me with an odd twinkle in her eyes. I saw her mind clinking around as she thought and then deciding better on something she was going to say she bit her lip and covered it with another small burst of giggling. I dismissed it and smiled wider at her, deciding I felt well enough to go downstairs.

We headed down still on a high buzz and unwilling to come down. Esme looked up in shock at our arrival as we entered the lounge-room and sat down, me on the love seat and Alice on the couch next to Esme.

"Are you feeling better?" Esme asked looking between Alice and I.

"Yeah," I said shooting Alice a glance to say don't tell her anything, as the pregnancy was brought back to mind.

Alice gave me a duh are you stupid looked and smiled at her mother innocently. Esme didn't look fooled as she looked between us and then she did something I loved her for she smiled and moved on figuring we would tell her eventually instead of launching into a parent lecture.

"That's great Bella, did you stomach the soup?" Esme asked.

"Yeah, thank-you it was nice," I said smiling.

She smiled kindly. "Your colours come back a little let's hope this is the end of your sickness," she said smiling but this time I couldn't return her smile because I knew it was only the beginning.

I shared a look with Alice and she smiled reassuringly with her back turned on Esme so she couldn't see. I gave her a petrified look before turning back to Esme.

Alice P.O.V

Oh My God Bella was pregnant! I yelled at myself.

The shock was overwhelming as I stared at her in wonder. My shock turned to worry pretty soon though. Bella sat quietly, not moving just staring blankly at her hands. I could almost imagine the clogs of her mind turning and twisting trying to process this latest news.

I was about to congratulate her when she looked at me and instead of excitement or even wonder I saw cold fear. It made a surge of sympathy run through me as I stared at Bella in her weakest moment. All her defenses were down and she looked so scared.

I squeezed her hand in reassurance and when she started to cry I wrapped an arm around her to hug her.

"I can't be pregnant," she moaned into my shoulder and I squeezed it and pulled back keeping one arm around her. I didn't say anything I just let her sob as we stared out at my Mother's garden. I wondered what Bella was going through, if I would go through it as well.

My biggest wish, a child, and my best friend gets it from a one night stand and its with someone that probably loves her. Edward had rung me every hour in the first day and then he had called every-day after that always asking and the worry in his tone had made me sadden that I didn't have anyone like that.

I loved jasper but I wasn't sure if he did me, if he would call when I was sick, or even if he loved me. Sure we were friends and we kinda liked each other but I didn't know how I could tell him I liked him, and for the first time I felt unsure of how to go about telling Jasper which had never happened.

I'd never been hopeless at just bringing up my feelings but something with jasper stopped me. I stared into the garden not seeing just lost in thoughts.

I pictured a little girl the age of two swinging on a swing with me pushing her, her black hair spiked up and her dress blowing lightly as the swing moved. I pictured her big eyes staring at me, and a few dimples when she smiled to reveal small little teeth. Bella was getting a child and I wasn't I thought venomously but immediately after the thought I scolded myself for it. Bella was my oldest friend and it was like she said it was, I was only seventeen I still had a while yet.

Bella had stopped crying and was starting to laugh. The sound brought me out of my own selfish thoughts and she instantly had my attention. She was laughing so hard I thought she'd choke but she just kept on laughing as I stared at her in concern.

It probably looked strange from somebody else's point of view but I knew Bella and when she was ill she didn't laugh that much, so I knew it must have been pretty funny, or maybe she had finally lost it with all the news, and her being so upset but I didn't have to think for much longer because she calmed down enough to tell me.

"Remember when we painted the fence blue?" she said and that was all it took to get us both laughing so hard we were gasping and clutching our stomachs by the end of it.

We both stood and decided to go downstairs, seeming Bella had been inside for the whole week, barely moving and barley eating. When we got downstairs I knew mum would ask questions but I was hoping I would just be able to shrug it off without her questioning it, I knew it was something Bella needed to tell her and if she wanted to wait then I would respect that.

As I predicted Esme looked at us and in a second she was firing questions. Bella looked at me in worry and I tried to tell her with my eyes that I wouldn't tell her.

As I hoped Esme dismissed it and I was thankful. "Bella we should sit outside, you need some sun you'll go even paler," I suggested not looking in Esme's direction just trying to get out of the room so I could talk to her, and she did look really pale, so I figured some sun would do her good anyway and even though it wasn't exactly boiling, it was raining like usual either.

Bella stood, gasping a little in pain and I looked at her questioningly but she just started walking outside calling "That's a good idea," over her shoulder.

I followed her outside expecting her to stop and sit at the little table but instead she kept walking until she was obsucured by the apple tree. I walked over to find her sitting under it, using the trunk as a back rest. She was smiling and I knew she was remembering something, probably us climbing up to get the best apple or her falling out and me jumping out after her thinking it was the fastest way to do it, in the end we both had sprained ankles. I smiled at the memories and sat across from her using the fence to lean against.

A few stray bits of the sun were shining through the thick leaves shining on Bella, but she seemed oblivious to it as she laid there with closed eyes.

"You ok?" I asked looking at her, thinking what the hell why isn't she moving or doing something. Worry once again was on my mind but when she opened her eyes I saw her peaceful smile light up her face and for the next couple of hours we sat there discussing memories of our past.

Edward P.O.V

I called Alice a couple of times but her answer was always the same. "Bella is sick" I wished I could see her to make sure she wasn't dying just to reassure myself. I stressed and worried about a girl I'd met twice like I'd known her my whole life, but seeing her curled up in-front of a toilet vomiting up nothing and so pale, it had done me in and now I couldn't stop thinking of her it was like I had my own fever and she was the cause and cure at the same time.

I dialed the number I had come to learn by heart as I held it to my ear and waited for Alice to answer. She answered on the third ring and I was surprised to hear laughter in the background. I recognized it as Bella's and a wave of relief washed over me.

"Can I-" I started but Alice didn't say anything instead Bella's voice filled my ears.

"Hello" she asked and she sounded a-little confused.

"Bella your OK, finally I've been calling all week," I said in a rush completely forgetting what I was about to say. Probably something that actually made sense and didn't sound like Bellayourokfinallyivebeencallingallweek!

"So you're the one annoying Alice every minute?" she asked teasingly and I could almost imagine her smile.

"Yeah I guess that was me," I replied grinning despite myself. "You are better, right?" I asked just wanting to be reassured.

"Kinda," she said and I had the feeling she was holding back something.

"What is it? What's wrong?" I asked getting ready to go to the car and drive straight there and erase this threat or give her money or whatever she needed.

"Nothing," she said and I trusted her enough to let it slide but doubt still laced through my mind and I knew she wasn't telling me something.

"Why have you been annoying Alice?" she asked and I could hear the smile in her voice.

"I was worried last time I saw you, you were vomiting over a toilet," I replied grimly.

"I do seem to leave you like that don't I?" she said.

"Yeah, well, just don't make a habit of it," I said and although I said it jokingly I meant it. I heard the door and grinned.

"I have to go put Alice back on Lover boy will want to talk to her," I said grinning at Jasper as he came round the corner. I made kissing noises in his direction as Bella said good-bye and then Alice's voice came back.

"What's up Edward, who's lover boy?" I heard her asked but like her instead of replying I handed Jasper the phone, told him not to run up the bill and left, grabbing my keys on the way out.

I felt a giddy kind of relief as I drove around Forks, neither going here nor there. I came to a stop at the lights and started fiddling with the radio. I gave up after a moment though and decided to select a Cd at random. I turned the radio on and listened for about a second before scowling.

If you fall for me

I'm not easy to please

I might tear you apart

Told you from the start, baby from the start

I'm only gonna break break your, break break your heart
Whoa, whoa

(I do absolutely NOT like this song but it seems fitting for this section unfortunately : ( it's by Taio Cruz ft. ludicris -Break Your Heart, if you like it good for you : ) )

Break Your Heart by some wanna-be artist had come on and I despised the song but I found long after id found a new station the lyrics echoed through my mind along with Bella's angelic face and I wondered for the first time if the song made sense.

I searched for a mix that Jasper had created and put it in. The light went green and I eased the gas on and started forwards again.

For some reason I ended up sitting in the forks school car-park sitting humming to the music. I looked up at the notice board and smiled.

The usual we are accepting applications and transfers was printed in black across the board. I started thinking and I don't know how long I sat there but the music stopped eventually and in what felt like minutes I heard a tap on the window.

I blinked a couple of times and looked over to the window. A big buff guy was standing there looking at me like I was a freak. I winded down the window and looked at him, noticing for the first time it was nearly dark.

"You have to leave," the guy said and I studied him. He was wearing a security uniform and well I felt pretty pathetic sitting in a school car park on a Sunday afternoon.

"Sorry," I said wondering how I discovered this new level of pathetic.

Bella P.O.V

I was vomiting again, with Alice sitting on the floor next to me holding out a glass of water and holding my hair back. Esme was at the door on the phone with Carlisle and well I was in complete shock.

For the last three days I had spoken to Edward on the phone and every time I tried to tell him I backed out of it and now I was getting really sick again. I didn't have a running nose but at night my nightmares were getting worse making me scream and my stomach was looking a little bigger I thought. I vomited nearly every day and I only managed to keep small meals down, other than that I was retching.

"Shh," Ali was soothing me.

We hadn't told either Carlisle or Esme let alone my parents about the thing inside of me it was our secret one that I intended to keep until the very last straw and Edward what to tell Edward. Should I tell him, will he freak out and leave or stay? What would happen if I didn't tell him? It was all unanswered and I started to cry as I retched up my last meal which had only been about 15 minutes ago.

"You poor thing, you can't seem to shift this bug can you?" Esme said sympathetically flushing the toilet to replace it with clean water.

"Ye-" I started but retched again.

"Is she taking the antibiotics Alice?" Esme asked her daughter instead of me.

"Yeah every night," Alice said smiling at her mother and handing me that glass of water. I gulped it greedily as I tried not to show Alice's lie on my own face as I guiltily hid behind my glass. Then I retched again.

The blackness I fought so hard to escape engulfed me again as I struggled to wake uselessly. I wasn't on the cliff looking down for once instead I was in a brilliantly lit field surrounded by woods.

A few flowers were here and there but there was nothing else to look at apart from the child that sat in the middle watching, always watching. His pale features stood out against his dark hair and his pink lips stretched into a smile showing dimples as he stared at me intently.

His teeth were a little crooked but other than that they were perfectly normal child's teeth, they were tiny. His cheeks had little rosy circles on them and they were chubby as and his eyes. His eyes were a brilliant hazel that were a mixture of a chocolate brown and a bright green.

The Moon came up in an instant and his eyes went from perfect hazel to a dark shade of brown and he reached out his hand. I started stumbling towards him but I wasn't the only one. A cloaked figure emerged from the trees and smiled cruelly at me.

It was a smile I knew well and I started running towards the kid with only one word echoing through my mind. Mine. I reached the child and scooped it up just before Jacob came to a stop beside me.

"No!" I hissed but Jacob laughed and then the child was gone and replacing it was a bunch of bloodied rags. Jacob disappeared but I still heard his laughter echoing off the mountains long before I woke up.

I woke with a gasp as I stared around the pitch black room. I was back in Alice's room, the spare bed having been moved next to Alice's double. She murmured and rolled over but didn't wake and I was grateful, how could I tell her of my dream when how could Alice understand.

She would understand she wants a child my mind whispered and I stared at Alice as I had a sudden thought. I didn't want a child but Alice did. Alice wanted one with all her heart and I could give her one.

Sorry it took a while to update I couldn't get the chapter right.
Ill try to update within the next week but my next update probably wont be for at least a week and a bit : )
Thanks Izzy for editing and maisie for being maisie and giving hilarious reviews XD
I'd also like top thank all the others who have reviewd and keep it up : ) it makes the updates faster so Review review review and its not a bribary it reviews seriously make me want to write more
tegz xx