Break your little heart
Chapter 7- im used and hurt and that makes me a betrayer
Sarah McLachlan – silence
Give me release
witness me
I am outside
give me peace
Heaven holds a sense of wonder
and I wanted to believe
that I'd get caught up
when the rage in me subsides
In this white wave
I am sinking
in this silence
in this white wave
in this silence
I believe
Passion chokes the flower
'til she cries no more
possessing all the beauty
hungry still for more
Heaven holds a sense of wonder...
I can't help this longing
comfort me
I can't hold it all in
if you won't let me
Heaven holds a sense of wonder...
In this white wave
I am sinking
in this silence
in this white wave
in this silence
I believe
I have seen you
in this white wave
you are silent
you are breathing
in this white wave
I am free
Bella POV
"I've ruined everything." I moaned into my pillow before rolling over and sitting up. My cheeks were tear streaked and I was still hiccupping as I brought my knees to my chest and hugged them.
I knew it was stupid to wallow in self pity but I couldn't help it I mean how could anyone stuff up their life so completely in one week and then continue to have it stuff up from there on. I was so depressed I had thought about leaving forks.
The idea was absurd but it had been there as I thought of my stupid Baby and Alice hating me and Edward had stopped calling. I didn't realize until now how much I relied on him calling me to make me smile and without Alice the world seemed bitter as I sat alone in a house full of people.
Alice refused to be in the same room as me and Esme although sympathetic was starting to worry about both of us. Renee and Charlie hadn't called in a week and I was getting a little worried about them but I didn't bother with that I knew it was hard for them to ring because of the time differences so I didn't trouble myself to much with it.
I let out a miserable sob again as I glared out the window into the thick sheet of rain the blurred the trees together until nothing could be seen but I blur of colours, green, brown, and misty white. The rain pelted on the windows and echoed around the silent room as silent tears dripping from my nose and chin.
I wiped at them angrily as I tried to calm myself down enough to go downstairs and get food. That didn't happen for another half an hour and by then I was starving and I'm sure the baby was as miserable as I was.
I resented it, it had ruined everything, my friendship with Ali any normalcy Edward and I had together and it ruined my future. That was all you, you pissed off Alice and why would someone as good looking as Edward Cullen talk to you, it wasn't the baby it was you my traitor mind whispered. I tried to ignore it but I knew it was right.
I stepped into the hall and nearly knocked Alice off her feet. "Sorry Ali," I whispered as I watched her form retreat.
She was almost running but I knew from the startled look on her face and the guilt that her retreating form hid meant she had been listening at my door. For how long I didn't know but I knew she'd probably heard my crying and I wondered if she knew she had caused most of that.
I stepped further into the hallway and started making my way down the stairs but halfway down I tripped.
"Shit," I muttered as I landed on my hip with a thud at the bottom. I looked at my red hip and sighed I knew there'd be an ugly bruise tomorrow. Gingerly I stood up and continued into the kitchen, ignoring the pain in my hip.
I couldn't help a few tears but I didn't cry other than that I think I'd already cried my heart out and it was a wonder I had tears left to cry. I made a peanut butter sandwich and retreated back to my room before Esme or Carlisle came in. They had been bugging me about why Alice was being so horrid and ignoring me but all I would say was I deserved it and it doesn't matter anymore.
After all it didn't Alice hated me and although I was grieved about it, it was her choice and I had to respect it no matter how much it hurt.
Alice POV
It was hard ignoring Bella harder than I thought it would be I mean we had been friends since forever and now I couldn't even speak to her. Sure I was angry but I just couldn't talk to her, she wasn't forgiven but I found I missed having her to talk to and we did live together.
I stared at myself in the mirror, my eyes were a little watery but other than that I was a picture of perfection as Bella always used to say. I put my head in my hands in despair looking through my fingers into a face of betrayal. She had hurt me but I'd made it worse, I told, I broke my promise and that was a betrayal of trust.
I splashed water over my face and watched my makeup smudge, It didn't seem important to look nice when you felt so depressed. In an instant I understood why Bella didn't care, because she had no confidence.
That was my job to have confidence enough for both of us. I sighed and without thinking punched the mirror and as pain splintered through my fingers I welcomed it as I held in my scream and watched the shattered pieces fall and with a tinkle smash on the tiles beneath my bare feet. I watched the blood run over my hands and then I sighed further lightly stepping over the glass and walking downstairs to clean out my hands.
Edward POV
I stared in shock at my reflection, a father, impossible. I looked down in anger rinsing my hands with such force when I finally calmed down my hands were red from where I had previously been scrubbing. I sighed and convinced myself it wasn't true or I tried to at least, all the signs were there and I knew it.
Bella had been sick but only in the mornings and some nights; she had been awkward in trying to hide it always stumbling when I asked her.
"Dam it why didn't she just tell me," I swore.
"You alright in their little brother," I heard Jasper call.
"Only by two minutes" I muttered under my breath, Louder I called, "Yeah fine".
I heard the door open and turned to see Jasper with a smirk on his face. "Then why have you been looking at yourself for the last half an hour and If I may add talking to yourself?" he asked.
"I-I" I stammered but it was no use denying it how could I explain it to him. Oh yeah Jazz I forgot I'm a dad now so how's the name uncle suit you? Yeah that'd go down real well I told myself.
"You were out how did you know?" I asked finally, leaning against the sink counter.
"Alice," he said and he needn't go further.
"Oh so you know," I asked.
"Nope she said you might want someone to talk to but she said if you didn't to not take it personally and that she dumped a load on you that might be pretty life changing," he said looking at me with a raised eyebrow.
"Yeah that's one way to sum it up," I muttered.
"Sure, so you gunna tell me or leave me hanging?" he asked jokingly trying to lighten the mood.
"That's a pathetic attempt and you know it, and I don't want to talk about it so your hanging for a while" I said and walked out leaving him standing there.
I wanted to be alone desperately and there was only one place that could happen with no one finding me.
The meadow was wet with dew and the flowers dipped weighed down by it. The scene was rather saddening considering they usually stood tall and un-wilted. I sat down anyway not caring about the wet.
Gently I tried to straighten a flower but it drooped as soon as I let go. I sighed giving up. I just sat there staring into nothing and finally I laid down as my eyes fluttered close and I was swept into a dreamless sleep where I wasn't a father and I didn't have anything to worry about and when I eventually woke I wished life was like a dream, carefree and trouble-less.
I blinked the sleep out of my eyes as I placed my arm over them efficiently blocking out the sun. I groaned and blinked adjusting my eyes leaving them in shadow to keep the blinding light away. I breathed in the scent of the meadow as I remembered last night's events. I knew Jasper would be freaking out but I decided to stay and watch the sun a little longer. I sat up and looked over the meadow. Some of the flowers and straightened up and I smiled to myself knowing by midday the meadow would have left its wilting state to shine in its full glory.
"Listen to you, your taking about flowers having glory," I muttered out loud.
I heard someone giggle and turned to see a girl around the age of six.
"Who are you?" I asked bluntly.
"Tylar" she said with a careless shrug and then without hesitation she sat next to me smiling showing off a small set of teeth.
"Hi Tylar, I'm Edward," I said staring at this small child.
"I'm 5," she said proudly. I smiled
"Really I thought you were six," I said.
"Three weeks," she said holding up three fingers. I smiled at her.
"Is that when you birthday is and what are you doing here?" I asked.
"Don't tell my parents they don't know I come here but its so pretty, I want to be alone and this place is nice and quiet. Yep my party's in 3 days and im having a fairy party" she said looking down. I smiled at her.
"Same here, I discovered it when I was 8 though, the meadow I meen" I told her. She seemed to consider this before her reply and I couldn't help wonder at her, she was brighter by far than a five year old but she still had a five year olds carefree ways and nonchalant innocence.
"We'll share it," she declared suddenly.
"Of course we will," I said matter of factly, not wanting to admit that I was already wrapped around this adorable girls little figure.
She had long golden ringlets and when she smiled she had two small dimples. She'll be a heartbreaker I thought grinning at the thought.
"What?" she asked interrupting my thoughts.
"Huh?" I asked confused.
"Your staring at me do I have breakfast on my face," she asked self consciously licking her finger and scrubbing at her cheek which went pink from the forse she used.
"No no no, I was just thinking," I mused. She blinked at me as I tried to think straight.
"Do you know the time," he asked suddenly and she held out her left hand revealing a battered Felix the cat watch. The clock revealed it was nearly 1:30.
"Shh…" I started to say but rethinking said, "Sugar."
Tylar laughed gleefully, "You were about to cuss" she sang happily.
"I have to go Tylar but I'll be back sometime," I said getting up and brushing my pants.
"When will we talk again," she asked and I saw her look around desperately.
"Here," I muttered pulling a small pen out of my pocket.
"Give me your arm," I told her.
She held out her right arm this time. I scrawled my mobile number on her wrist and smiled as she waved and skipped back down the way she had come.
"Secretive skwirt," I muttered as I began a slow job back through the woods to my car. It was only a 45 minute jog and when I finally reached the car where I had left my phone I noticed I had 30 missed calls. Most were from Jasper but a few were from Alice and to my surprise Bella. I called jasper but he didn't answer so I got in the car and rode back home.
"Where were you do you have any idea how worried I was you inconsiderate son of a bitch," Jasper shouted and I stood their gaping as he came down like a ton of bricks.
"I'm sorry, I was thinking," I muttered.
"Sorry! I stayed up all night calling and calling, I was this close to calling the fricking cops Edward!" he screamed holding his fingers so they were just brushing.
"Did you?" I asked curiously, just as Jasper reached me. I knew he was looking for a fight so I punched him in the gut and that was all he needed. I dodged and fought him until we finally sagged onto the couch exhausted.
"Never do that again," Jasper panted.
"I won't," I muttered equally as wounded. We caught our breath for a while just sitting in a comfortable silence.
"So why did you storm out like that," Jasper asked.
"If I tell you do you swear not to tell anyone?" I asked.
"Yeah," he said calmly.
"Ok well, um, err—" I said not being able to say the words.
"Spit it out already," Japer said eager to know what had happened.
"Bella's pregnant," I told him quickly and just as he began to say something I finished my sentence. "And I'm the father," those three words came from my lips and I almost felt a smile come to my lips, a father but it didn't because I scowled instead letting my anger show.
"That's great Edward," Jasper finally said smiling and punching me lightly in the shoulder.
"Bella hasn't told me yet, Alice did, and she told me Bella offered her the kid," I said and I saw Jasper go pale.
"Man," he started but I just stood, nodding to him and walking from the room to get a much needed vintage wine.
Im sorry I haven't updated the chapter I finished it a while ago I just haven't had time to update with half yearly tests and social life and stuff : )
Ok that was a seriously short chapter but I wanted to end on that note and I didn't know how to stretch it out. The votes were dead even which made things difficult the votes were
Alice telling – 5
Bella telling- 5
Alice telling and Edward confronting Bella- 5
from now on my lovely editor/friend is going to be writing a Jaspers pov BelleBookworm .
Preview…
"Alice, I'm so sorry I didn't mean it please forgive me" I asked my mirror. In her absence I had completely covered one of the walls in the spare room with photos. Most of us too, but I had to have others otherwise it'd only be half a wall. I put a mirror in the centre, one that Alice and I had painted when we were little. We had gone through a phase of purple so it was purple with white paint flicked across it. Engraved and painted in bright yellow were the words Alice and Bella the bestest of friends. I smiled at it
Thank you all for your reviews and sorry I left you hanging for so long