Before going to Mickey D's however, Clint took a detour to visit to a local crime family.
They were all conveniently in the same room of the same building having a meeting of some sort, immersed in a heated debate that involved a lot of cussing and table-slamming, so it was easy for Clint to fire an arrow through the window that released copious amounts of chloroform gas. Criminals are stupid.
And yes, of course he had an arrow for that. Clint's quiver was the equivalent of Batman's utility belt.
Men in the room were literally tripping over each other to get to the door (which involved even more swearing and some "move motherfuckers!"), which turned out to be locked (cue more swearing), so as the gas cleared, there was an undignified heap of people surrounding the door. Clint climbed into the room to pick up his winnings.
One man was still in the process of passing out, but somehow managed choke out, "What do you want with us?"
"Present for my boss," Clint said, giving a sharp blow to the back of the guy's head to knock him out.
He loaded the soon-to-be minions onto the back of the truck, tying them all together with some bungee cords that he found on the vehicle. A large piece of biege cloth served to hide them from the world after Clint had securely tied and gagged each one.
Clint dusted himself off, Now off to find the golden arches.
Upon entering McDonalds, the cashier girl actually screamed when Clint showed up with bow in hand and quiver of arrows on his back (not to mention the guns in his holsters). She looked about to call the cops on him until he flashed his SHIELD badge, which didn't actually calm her down, but at least she stopped trying to get him arrested.
Clint gaped at the menu for a while, feeling completely out of his element. While gassing people was totally part of his gig, ordering fast-food for the god of mischief wasn't exactly something Clint had been trained for.
To be on the safe side, he ordered a crowd favorite, "Six cheese burgers and three cafe lattes."
"Um...w-would you like to super-size that?" The girl said nervously while punching in his order.
Loki looked half-dead so... "Sure, why not."
Clint stood awkwardly at the checkout while "Baby" played in the background. A different McD employee set a large, white paper bag on the counter, adorned with a large, yellow "M" and the infamous motto, "I'm lovin' it", All the while keeping an eye on Clint's weapons. Just then, there was a bit of commotion outside, Clint grabbed the bag and ran to the exit.
"Wait! Come back! Mister! You didn't pay!" The cashier girl called out.
"I work for the government!" Clint said, not that that was a legitimate excuse.
"Come back for your drinks!" The other worker shouted.
"You can't trick meee!" Clint yelled as he pushed through the doors.
Turns out, some of the to-be minions had woken up. One of them even managed to get his gag off and was screaming bloody murder. The few people in the parking lot were looking at the wriggling biege cloth with horrified expressions on their faces.
"Uh calm down, people," Clint said, taking out his badge again, "I'm a civil servant, and these are... uh... terrorists."
Clint mentally face-palmed, Not your best, Barton.
"Terrorists don't scream about getting kidnapped!" someone shouted, "And they don't speak English!"
"That," said Clint, pointing a finger in the direction of the voice, "is untrue and racist."
"The government doesn't bring terrorists to fast food restaurants!" another said.
"How would you know what the government does? We could be secretly holding aliens for all you know!" Clint shot back. A woman actually raised an eyebrow at that.
"That's actually the truth." Clint said matter-of-factly. The woman pulled out her cellphone to punch in a certain three-digit phone number. Clint decided that anything he said would just make things worse, and high-tailed it out of there.
Author's Note: Just fyi, in my Doc Manager, the files for this story are all labeled "Crack" because that's what this is. Crack.