Lioness Tales
Tale 1: Njano's Secret
Chapter 16: The Truth Comes Out
As much as she had wanted to, Njano did not have the chance to confront Kanai with her questions that evening. She had found that Etana and Faiza were also at the lake at the time, so a private conversation was out of the question. Njano took that as a sign to let things be for the time being, and decided to wait until the time was right to have a heart to heart with her.
Kanai continued to have long study sessions with Nura, leaving little time for relaxation and to be with Njano. But the lioness had been very happy to hear that the intensive training would come to an end soon, and then she would finally have enough time to dedicate to herself, to the hunt, and to any possible future cubs that she and Imara would bring into the Pride.
News of that reached Njano's ears, while Chiku and Adla were talking about it one morning as they groomed each other. They were both very happy as to how well Kanai had done so far. They were sure that if something ever happened to the current leaders, Kanai would certainly be a good ruler, smart and confident. Imara, while less shy than before, still had a calmness to him that Adla found very contrasting when compared to Erevu's inconsistent and erratic behaviour. She had high expectations of the young lion, after all the disappointment Erevu had caused her.
After Kanai's lesson of the day was over, and the lionesses readied themselves to go hunting, Njano approached Kanai nonchalantly and told her, "I heard you won't be having lessons anymore, isn't that great?"
Kanai looked at her as she stretched her legs and warmed up her muscles. "Yeah, though they say the real work starts then..."
"Meaning...?"
"Well, if things go wrong and such, I might need to make some difficult decisions, that sort of thing. This ain't practice anymore, but real life."
Njano nodded. "Must be quite a burden on your shoulders..."
Kanai chuckled slightly. "It is a big responsibility, but I've learned well, and everyone keeps telling me that I'll make a decent leader sometime. I'm sort of starting to believe them!"
"Wow, listen to you... Remember there was a time when you wanted to trade places with me?" Njano asked, looking into her eyes.
Kanai's smile faded and looked away as she pretended to scratch her back leg by nibbling a spot with her teeth.
"I do remember," she replied eventually, "But things change as we grow older, and now I understand my role in this Pride a lot better."
Njano felt her heart beating faster, as she whispered, "I see... And has anything else changed, in the meantime?"
Kanai continued to avoid eye contact. "Well, of course, I've matured a lot and will soon be coming into adulthood... I dunno, the concept of going away looking for the unknown is just not appealing to me anymore. I'm happy here, under the safety of the Pride."
"That's not what I meant... " Njano replied softly, "Can you please stop what you're doing and look at me for a moment?"
Kanai gathered courage and looked at Njano. "Fine, there. I'm looking at you. Now what?"
Njano was taken aback by Kanai's sudden coldness. "Well... It just feels like you're pushing me away, kinda. We haven't spent time alone by our tree in ages... I miss you. Please, can we go there and just talk for a while?" she replied uneasily.
"We're about to go hunting, right now is not the time..." Kanai replied, looking at the hunting party, who was getting ready to leave.
"When will it be a good time, then? Is tonight a good time? Or do you already have another little nuzzle fest planned with Imara?" Njano blurted out before she could stop herself.
Kanai's eyes opened wide for a moment, but her expression quickly changed into anger. "What I do or don't do with him is none of your business, okay?"
"That's the point... It used to be my business... I really need to know what's going on, Kanai."
"Look, I really don't feel like talking to you right now," Kanai snarled, angry at having being spied on, "Please leave me alone."
Njano was about to reply something but Adla interrupted, calling for them to join the hunting party, which was already on the move.
Kanai turned around and left without another word, and made a point of not speaking to Njano unless it was something related to the hunt.
It was the longest, most tense hunting session Njano had experienced in her life, and she could not find comfort in the fact that they eventually succeeded in catching a rather big wildebeest that had strayed from its herd. The worried lioness barely ate, while Kanai continued to avoid her even throughout dinner.
Njano's mood lifted up slightly when she saw Safi and Duni in the distance. She decided to go greet them, curious about how the search for a new territory was going.
"We seem to have found a good spot with not much competition," Safi told her, "There's another Pride nearby but the leader's very friendly. He's also very old and not all right in the head if you ask me. He even suggested I stuck around so I could take over his land when he dies," he added, laughing slightly.
"We just basically came back for a couple of days, to say good bye, and let everyone now that we'll be settling down there, and that you're all welcome to visit whenever you want," Duni added, "I also wanted to know whether you might have changed your mind in the meantime..."
Njano sighed deeply as she nuzzled Duni, having missed her a lot. "My mind's made up, mom," she said, not sounding too sure anymore, "But you were right... Trying to fit in has been a lot harder than I thought."
Duni nodded. "I know what you mean. I'm the queen at trying to fit in in this Pride, and losing."
Njano smiled sadly. "Anyway, come on, you guys must be hungry and there's a nice, tasty wildebeest waiting for you."
Safi's expression brightened up. "Wow, I haven't had that in forever!"
Both lions headed straight for the meal and started eating enthusiastically, as they filled the Pride in on the new lands they had found, and which would become their new territory.
Njano lay down a few meters away, not paying much attention to the conversation. She was listening to Kanai instead, who was playing with the cubs once again, trying to teach them a few simple songs.
"'While the...?' Sun, yes! Very well! 'Shines so...?' Bright! 'Up above, in the...?' Sky!" she sang, as the cubs filled in the blanks, singing and laughing enthusiastically.
Njano was sure Kanai would make a great mother sometime, unlike her, who didn't feel much desire to spend time with the little ones. Perhaps in time she would think about having her own cubs, but for now, just watching someone else's cubs was enough.
The lioness shook her head, trying to get Kanai's sweet voice out of her mind. She hoped that taking a walk with Duni might help to clear her head, but Duni was already fast asleep, tired from the long trip. Safi had joined her in a nap not long after, so Njano decided in the end to go to her favorite tree, all by herself.
The lioness reached the tree and climbed up its branches with no difficulty at all. She stared ahead into the horizon, watching the distant herds grazing calmly, until drowsiness set in. Njano climbed down and settled down by the base of the tree, curling up into a ball. She fell asleep quickly after, waking up every now and then, just to change position, but at some point, she opened her eyes expecting to see only darkness around her, but she came face to face with Kanai, who was sitting right in front of her.
Njano rubbed her eyes to make sure she wasn't still dreaming, but Kanai blinked back at her, as real as could be.
"What are you doing here?" Njano asked, still sleep-drunk.
"Well, you wanted to talk, didn't you?" Kanai replied, still sounding angry.
Njano shook herself for a short moment, and sat down next to Kanai. She didn't know where to start, but finally she decided to go straight to the point.
"Listen... I'm really sorry about what I said earlier today, I was way out of line. But I'm not going to lie to you... I did spy on you and Imara that day, but that's because I was worried I had gotten you in trouble. You'd warned me that someone could get the wrong idea from what I was doing to you, but I didn't listen. So, I was feeling very guilty, and I thought I'd stay near, just in case you needed my help."
Kanai tilted her head, listening intently.
"I kinda heard everything you said, and... Well, while I'm used to trash-talk from everyone else, I never expected you to refer to me in the terms you used with Imara..."
"Terms? What terms? I can't remember insulting you in any way."
"You called me a distraction. You called me bottom of the Pride. You said you let me win on purpose cause I'd never amount to anything and beating you in a wrestling match would keep me confident."
Kanai swallowed with difficulty. "I'm sorry if I sounded harsh, but that's kinda the truth, isn't it? I mean, you were always distracting me, and you are and have always been at the bottom of the rank, not counting your mother. I didn't lie in any way, Njano."
Njano could feel her jaw quivering, feeling a coldness coming from her that she had never experienced before.
"I suppose it is true," she replied, swallowing her tears, "but I had assumed that my closest friend had been able to see past all that, you know? I always thought you saw in me someone special, and that you didn't mind me being all weird and useless. It always made me feel so good to know that you never paid attention to my lack of skills or to my ranking, and you fell for me anyway. Now, I understand you have to pretend not to be in love with me in front of Imara, but... I guess I was sorta expecting you to stand up for me just a little, instead of putting me down like you did. Oh, and by the way, I am sure you didn't let me win last time. I beat you fair and square."
Kanai remained silent, realizing how much her words had hurt Njano. "I'm really sorry... I don't know what else to say."
Njano bit her lip for a moment, and whispered, "You did mean all those things you said, didn't you? Please, Kanai, I want the truth... Why are you pushing me away lately? Don't you love me anymore?"
Kanai stood up and started pacing back and forth, wondering how to explain to Njano what she was feeling.
"Listen," she said after a while, "The thing is... I really enjoyed hanging out with you. We've shared a lot together. But recently I feel like we're walking in two different directions. It's like, I am moving forward, and you're lagging all the way at the start. I try to pull you along, but instead it feels like you're holding me back."
Njano stared at the ground, not able to keep her tears inside anymore; they rolled down her face and formed dark, round spots on the soil beneath her.
Kanai went on, "I can't help it if I've changed as I grew up, and finally began to understand what was expected from me. I know now that there's more to my life than just acting like a cub while chasing you around and living in a world of daydreams. All that stuff seemed very appealing when I was younger, and I honestly admired you, wishing I couldn't give a damn, just like you."
Kanai paused for a moment, when she noticed Njano was crying silently, but there was no stopping now. She had to tell Njano the truth, it was now or never.
"Njano... I swear that I wasn't lying when I told you I had feelings for you. I really thought I was in love... But the truth is... I've realized that what I felt for you wasn't love. It was just my admiration for you that turned into some kind of infatuation. I do care for you very deeply, Njano, but... You are not the one for me."
Njano closed her eyes tight, wishing the earth would swallow her right there and then, to make the pain go away. Hearing that Kanai never really loved her felt as if someone had just given her the killing bite to the throat, taking her breath away, making it hard to breathe.
"Why didn't you tell me before?" she whispered eventually, her choked-up voice barely audible.
"I wanted to, but I thought it wouldn't matter since you'd end up leaving anyway. You'd probably meet someone else in a distant territory, I'd stay here with Imara, and it would all work out well for the both of us in the end. But then I realized you were really serious about all this, you were madly in love with me, and to make it worse, you even went and made arrangements to stay... I kinda got freaked out. I didn't know how to approach the situation... I didn't want to hurt you, but I didn't feel like living a double-life anymore either, hiding and sneaking away all the time."
Njano looked up, the moist fur of her face glistening in the moonlight. A lot of things started to make sense, from Kanai's reaction to her staying in the Pride, and how she had been distancing herself more and more lately.
"I just wish I had known all this before I requested permission to stay... It would have saved me a lot of hassle and pain," Njano mumbled while she dried her face with one paw.
"You don't have to leave, of course! I still care a lot for you and you are still my best and closest friend. I'd love it if you could stay and we could still hang out together..."
Njano shook her head. "You just can't begin to imagine what I feel for you, Kanai. Knowing that our trips to this tree are over, our special grooming sessions, our big secret... As you can see, it is already tearing my heart in two. I love you and I want more than anything for you to be happy, but I don't think right now I'd be able to witness that happiness while someone else is standing by your side. I guess I am more jealous than I thought I was."
The two lionesses remained silent for a long time. Kanai felt relieved that she had finally gotten this out of her chest, but she could see that Njano was obviously having a hard time coping with the news. She was trying hard to repress her sobs, and Kanai wanted to comfort her, but she felt it would be awkward at this point. She simply waited there, keeping some distance, until Njano had calmed down.
"So..." Njano said, sniffling slightly, "Imara caught your eye after all, huh?"
Kanai simply nodded, not going into details as to how her heart raced when they were together. "I suppose we all go through a stage in which we find members of the opposite gender disgusting. He said he didn't like me at all either when he was a cub."
"I told you so... Just like mom and Safi..."
Kanai couldn't conceal a little smile, nodding in agreement. "So... Are we cool? You don't hate me or something?"
"I could never hate you..." Njano replied, "I'm just really angry that you didn't tell me earlier, and also very sad it didn't work out between us. And to think that I had been trying my best lately to fit in..."
"I noticed... But that wasn't you. I'm sure you'll be happier chasing after your adventures and your dreams of distant places, and you'll meet someone as free-spirited as you are, and you'll end up with a Pride where rules don't matter."
Njano sighed deeply. "It was excellent timing from my mom and Safi... They're only staying here for a couple of days, and will finally leave for good, so I guess I will join them after all. Just don't tell mom, I want to keep it a surprise."
Kanai nodded, and they both fell silent again.
"I... I guess I'll be heading back now, unless there's something else you want to address..." Kanai said, interrupting an awkward minute of silence.
"No, I know more than enough now. Feel free to go back."
"Okay... Are you staying here for a while?"
Njano shook her head, and unable to conceal her disappointment, she sarcastically replied, "Nah, I'll just go do something totally stupid, true to my style. Maybe I'll run around in circles while chasing my own tail, or something."
Kanai could clearly sense Njano's hostility, so she decided to leave her alone. "Fine, I'll talk to you later then..."
Njano watched Kanai leave, and then looked up at the branches of her favorite tree, trying to block the memories from rushing into her mind. Njano had never thought that tonight would be her last time here, and tears started rushing out again, without control.
"Good bye, old friend," Njano whispered while she sobbed, rubbing her head against the tree trunk for a short moment, marking it one last time, "You witnessed a whole lot of crazy things, but I trust you'll keep my secrets while I'm gone. No one is to know about what happened, okay?"
Once she was done marking her tree, Njano took a deep breath, and darted off in a sprint. She ran aimlessly, scattering herds here and there, and waking up flocks of sleeping birds. She ran for what felt like hours, until her energy was finally depleted, and she eventually managed to block the pain in her heart by passing out of exhaustion right in the middle of the hunting grounds.
Duni and Safi's departure was postponed for a couple of days; Duni had tripped against a rock and her paw had been bothering her slightly. But once she recovered and they were ready to leave, Adla decided to treat them before they left, and the hunting party brought in a delicious gazelle for dinner.
"You helped us a lot when Faraji passed away unexpectedly," Adla told Safi, "And you've taken good care of my Duni and Njano. This is the least I can do to show my appreciation to you. I wish you both the best, and I hope you come visit sometime..."
"Likewise," Safi replied, nuzzling Adla gratefully.
"I say for now we dig in!" Adla said, "You can have a nice nap afterwards, and then make your way home. How does that sound?"
"Sounds excellent!" Duni replied, as her eye began to tear up, "Thanks once again for everything, Adla."
Adla simply licked Duni's cheek, drying her tears.
The Eyasi Pride ate very well that evening. Duni still had no idea that Njano was planning to go with them after all, but she knew for sure that her daughter was hiding something. Njano had never been so quiet in her life, and she spent a lot of time sleeping. She assumed she might be sad about their definitive departure, knowing they wouldn't meet again in a long time.
Njano had joined the Pride for dinner as well, although her appetite was completely absent. She was aware that she would need the energy to make the long trip with Duni, so she forced herself to swallow her meat, although it felt as she was chewing on tough bark.
When she was done eating, she saw Duni and Safi were getting ready to catch on some sleep before the trip. Imara was discussing something with Erevu not far away, and the rest of the Pride was lounging lazily by the lair, while the cubs nursed.
Njano looked around, and noticed that Kanai was nowhere to be seen. She hadn't participated in the hunt either, and she was not present at dinner. Njano wondered if perhaps she went away to avoid any sappy good-byes, but Njano did not want to leave without seeing her one last time.
The lioness decided to skip her nap and went in search of Kanai instead. She was nowhere by the lake, nor at the hunting grounds. Njano even took a quick peek by their favorite tree, but it was deserted. Njano sat down, thoughtful. She wondered where else Kanai could be, and came up with a place she hadn't checked out yet. She headed straight for the abandoned cave.
As Njano approached, she could hear noises and rustling in the distance, like someone trampling the grass without caring to be overheard. Afraid that the wild-dogs might have returned, Njano sneaked as quietly as possible, trying not to bring any attention to herself. She was finally able to peek at the cave through some bushes, and noticed there was someone inside, pacing incessantly.
Njano walked towards the cave very slowly, and peered into the darkness, only to come face to face with Kanai, who happened to be on her way out. She was experiencing her first season, and looked extremely pleased to see Njano.
"I can't believe you found me, thank heavens! Please, help me out here, I'm going crazy..." Kanai said, nuzzling her boldly.
Njano blinked a couple of times and took a step back. "You are going crazy indeed. You seriously expect me to help you, after what happened? We're no longer together, remember?"
"You owe me one, Njano," Kanai said, baring her teeth, obviously under the influence of her own hormones, "You promised you'd help me!"
"I know I did... But things have changed now. I could go fetch Imara for you if you want-"
"No! I'm hiding here for a reason. I don't feel ready to have cubs yet. I love the little ones, but I want to wait just a bit longer..."
Njano sighed deeply. She wanted nothing more than to comfort Kanai, but she was still hurt and angry about the break-up, which kept holding her back. She shook her head, as if trying to bring herself back to reality.
"I'm sorry, Kanai. I just wanted to see you one last time and say good-bye before we leave tonight."
"Then why not give each other the best good-bye ever?" she asked, exposing her neck and shoulders to her, invitingly, "I can see it in your eyes, you want to help me so badly..."
Njano frowned. "I can't believe you want to use me like this, trying to take advantage of my feelings for you. You feel nothing for me, remember? And now all of a sudden you're okay with spending your season with me?"
"You're wrong. I still care for you a lot, and you're still my closest friend," Kanai insisted, "I told you a while ago that I wanted to spend my first season with you, and that hasn't changed, Njano. There's no one else I'd rather be with right now. You have to trust me on this one. I would have invited you to come right away if I had figured out what was going on, but it just hit me unexpectedly. I didn't want to go back and alert Imara of my condition..."
Part of Njano wanted to turn around and leave Kanai like that, longing for her and thinking about what she had and lost. But a bigger part of her was urging Njano to just go for it and give Kanai some much needed relief.
"Come on, please," Kanai insisted, "Help me like I helped you... That's all I'm asking..."
Njano looked at her intently. Kanai looked beautiful in her desperation, pacing here and there, fidgeting and rubbing against the walls of the cave. As angry as she was, Kanai's insistence awoke again in Njano the feelings that she had been trying so hard to repress for the past few days. She still loved Kanai after all, and she wanted nothing than to make her happy, even if they wouldn't see each other again after tonight.
Njano finally made up her mind. She would help Kanai, and take this last, happier memory of her beloved lioness along to her new, distant land.
Erevu and Imara had been discussing something in hushed tones, away from the Pride's prying ears.
"Are you sure about this?" Imara asked.
"Look around you, and tell me which lioness is missing. That mark we spotted has to be hers."
Imara sighed and looked at the lionesses, noticing Kanai was the only one missing. "So she's finally in season, big deal. If she didn't feel like coming to me, then I'll respect her decision."
"What are you talking about? It's finally your time to enter adulthood. She should have come to you, as your future mate."
Imara shrugged. "I know she was not looking forward to having cubs yet. She wanted to wait a little longer."
Erevu grunted and cursed under his breath. "The food is plentiful, there's no better time to raise a cub... What in the world is she thinking?"
"Who knows? I guess I'll find out when she returns."
The two lions were so engrossed in their conversation that they never noticed when Njano stood up and left the lair.
"What makes you so sure she doesn't want you around? I mean, she left that mark for a reason."
Imara looked a bit hesitant. "I guess I could try and look for her... If she invites me to stay, then I will. If not, I'll just return here and give her time."
Erevu nodded curtly. He found Imara to be too soft with the lionesses. He would have already at least attempted to locate the lioness in question.
"All right," Imara said, getting up and stretching his legs, "I'll see if I can find her, if not, I'll see you soon."
Erevu wished him good luck and then returned to the lair, feeling quite content and satisfied. His son would become an adult soon, and he wouldn't be seeing much of Safi and Duni anymore, which made him quite happy. He lay down next to Nura, who was now expecting her second litter. He looked at her proudly, and rested his head on her belly, settling down for a nap.
In the meantime, Imara searched around the area, sniffing here and there, but he had a hard time locating Kanai's trail. There were just too many scents of all the other lionesses mixing up his nose, but he eventually reached Njano's most recent trail, which was as clear as day. He knew that if there was a lioness that could lead him to Kanai, it would certainly be Njano.
With that thought in mind, Imara started following the scent trail, which took him to Njano and Kanai's favorite places, and ended at the abandoned cave. He could now also detect Kanai's scent in the area, which was quite enticing and overpowering, given her current state. Imara had to take a series of deep, calming breaths, so as not to just barge into the cave and try to claim her as his mate.
He waited for a while until he could control himself. As he got closer, he realized that Kanai was actually not alone. The sound of two distinct voices reached his ears, and he could tell they were not just having their everyday conversation. He carefully peeked inside, and froze at the sight of Kanai and Njano together, clearly engaged in more than just games to express dominance.
Kanai kept asking for more, and Njano was more than glad to comply, while Imara kept staring at them, confused; Erevu had never told him that two lionesses could actually mate. He watched them for a while, with a mixture of anger and morbid curiosity, but he eventually walked away hastily, once Kanai's urges had been satisfied.
Imara went to hide behind the nearby tall grasses, pondering about what he just saw. No wonder Kanai kept pushing him away and why she didn't want him near her during his season, he thought, feeling hurt.
Imara got distracted from his thoughts when the two lionesses walked out of the cave, slightly short of breath. They both flopped on the grass, rolling around for a while and enjoying the fresh air. Imara watched as they groomed each other in ways he had never seen the rest of the Pride-members do it, and he could not take it any longer. He needed to talk to Erevu about this.
He made his way back to the lair, and located Erevu, who was still asleep by Nura's side.
"Please, wake up... It's important..." Imara said, nudging Erevu with his face.
"Huh? What is it?" Erevu asked, looking startled.
"Not here, come on," Imara told him and walked away hurriedly.
Erevu felt slightly worried and followed the younger lion.
Imara proceeded to tell him all that he had heard and seen, while Erevu's features turned from worry into anger.
"Is it normal that two lionesses-"
"Of course it's not!" Erevu interrupted, "I knew that damn lioness would be nothing but trouble, just like her useless mother. But I've had enough. This ends right now. You wait here," he snarled, and ran off in the direction of the abandoned cave.
Kanai was nuzzling Njano, trying to persuade her to stay a bit longer. "Are you sure you have to leave already? I feel the heat building up again..."
Njano chuckled. "You're insatiable, you know that? But yes, I should get going soon, I'd hate to find that Duni and Safi have left without me."
"Come on, your own mother would never leave until she's said good-bye to you, don't you think?"
Njano pondered for a moment. "You have a point..."
"Just one more time... I promise I will let you go afterwards..." Kanai said, becoming very cuddly again, a sign that Njano would need to assist her soon.
"All right, one last time..." Njano whispered, and followed Kanai back inside the cave.
Njano was very concentrated trying to please Kanai. She had her eyes closed, and her back towards the entrance, so she never noticed when Erevu walked in.
Njano was passionately biting Kanai's neck and shoulders, when all of a sudden she screamed, after feeling a sharp pain on the back of her head. She had received a powerful blow that made her lose her balance, and she fell down next to Kanai, unconscious.
Kanai looked up startled, and turned around, staring at Erevu who was seething with anger. She gasped and backed off a few steps. "Don't touch me," she told him, baring her teeth.
"Don't flatter yourself, you filthy-" but he stopped himself in time. "You're coming with me back to the lair. Come on," he told her.
Erevu then grabbed Njano with his muzzle by one leg, and started dragging her limp body along.
Kanai looked at her friend, still unconscious and unable to fight back. "What are you doing? You can't take her like that!"
"Watch me," Erevu mumbled through his mouthful.
"Stop! I'll carry her!"
"You've carried her enough already," he said with disgust, "now shut up if you know what's good for you."
Kanai looked extremely mortified, but Njano eventually regained consciousness. It took her a few seconds to realize that she was being dragged by Erevu, and experienced a burning pain on her side, as her skin and fur were scraping against the ground. She let out a loud roar of pain, hoping someone would come to her assistance.
Erevu released her paw without even looking at her. "One more sound out of your mouth and you'll regret it. Now, move it," he told her.
The two lionesses followed Erevu silently, and Njano, just by glancing at Kanai, could tell that she was actually terrified.
Kanai had never seen Erevu so upset, and she had no idea what he was planning to do with them.
They finally reached the lair, and Erevu summoned his Pride to him through an extremely angry roar.