CHAPTER 5: NIGHTMARES

Someone was following her. She couldn't see who it was but she knew, in her dream, that it would have killed her. She ran away but she kept on falling down and once she looked at the ground she saw the corpses of her friends and family, their eyes wide open, mouth filled with worms and flies. She tried to get up but the hand of her dead roommate closed around and ankle. She pulled but couldn't free herself and she had to reach down and broke her friend's dead fingers to be able to get up and run. She realized then that her feet were naked and the ground was wet and slippery. She fell again. Whatever was following her was closing the distance. She could feel its breath. While she was trying to pass over her mom's body it grabbed her by the arms and painfully secured them behind her back and then turning her around.

That's when she woke up bathed in her own sweat.

Mal saw her sitting up, frightened, but didn't ask anything. Quinn couldn't say if it was because he respected her right to have bad dreams, or because he was too scared to have a connection with her. Anyway she wasn't ready to talk and was grateful she didn't have to make up some lame excuse to avoid his question or his pitiful look. He gave her a few minutes to calm down and then got closer with some water which she accepted.

- Go to sleep Mal, I can take it from here.

He nodded and went to bed.

Quinn didn't need a PhD to understand the tricks her mind was playing on her. She thought she handled everything fine but her nightmares proved her wrong.

It's the city. It's because I was brought back there, that's all. I'm fine. You're fine, Quinn, stop playing the victim and get a grip!

She was never indulgent with herself. She was raised to be a winner, and winners don't cry over themselves, blame their bad luck or wake up covered in sweat like children who secretly went watching a horror movie.

But then of course, she was living in a horror movie.

Stop it Fabray! I'm serious.

The night always made things look worse than they were. Quinn knew that, eventually, in the morning, everything would have fade away and she wouldn't be able to understand her fear. But in that moment her mom's face hunted her.

They were together when the first earthquake hit the city. When the ground started moving it took a while for them to understand what was happening.

- Jesus Quinn! Get out, get out now!

Pictures were falling from the walls and Quinn could hear things breaking in the kitchen, where dinner was cooking. She yelled to her mother to follow her and run for the garden, but when she turned around her mother wasn't with her. She screamed.

- Mom!

The front wall of the house collapsed. She could remember how the whole house fell down, like here was a big bad wolf blowing on the little pigs' houses.

- MOM!

She screamed, again and again, she run to the house, tried to dig with her bare hands while the ground was still moving under her feet. All around her other people saw their own house fell down, some of them lost family members too. There were screams, and people crying, and a female hand, motionless, her mother's hand.

- MOOOM!

Stop it Quinn!

The blonde got up and went to take an apple from Mal's bag hoping he wouldn't mind. She needed to do something to stop thinking and eating was as good as anything else.

The night was cold. They had just two sleeping bags, no blankets, not even a jacket. She used to have one, a nice jeans jacket, but they took it from her in the city.

She couldn't remember how many days she spent at their place, it all seemed blurred and confused now, but she knew that, as soon as they brought her into, they left her just with short pants and a shirt: no shoes, no jacket, no protection whatsoever; they made sure to do everything they could to avoid her escaping.

- Hey! – Anya whispered coming to sit next to Quinn. – I think it's my turn.

No. It was way too early for Anya's shift but Quinn didn't feel like talking, not even to say something so simple and easy as "Not yet", so she just nodded and slipped into the sleeping bag. Of course she couldn't close her eyes and laid motionless for the rest of the night.

- So, where were you headed before, Quinn?

It was early in the morning. Quinn was rolling up the sleeping bag and Mal was checking his bike.

- Nowhere, anywhere… You?

- We were trying to find the road to Heaven.

Quinn stopped abruptly and looked up at her.

- Excuse me?

Anya and Mal exchange a strange look then they both burst into a laugh.

- I'm sorry, your expression was priceless, I couldn't resist!

- Glad I could cheer you up – snorted Quinn

- Seriously, though, we were really looking for Heaven, though not the religious one. While we were on the road we met a few people who told us about it. It's supposed to be a military facility, where there's still electricity, and lots of supply meant to last in war.

- And how would they know about it.

Oh, you know, I'm sure even some of those who trolled the internet with conspiracy theories survived the apocalypse and they probably started this legend, but, it's not like we had any better plans anyway so we though to look for this… Heaven, or as me and Mal call it "The army's B plan".

- And you still want to look for this place?

- Do you have any other suggestion?

No, she didn't. She lived day by day, even the idea of "next week" seemed something out of reality for her, let alone a plan to settle somewhere. She shrugged.

- You're free to go where you want.

- Aren't you coming with us?

- I don't think so, I'm not really a people person.

Anya was caught out of guard. It took her a moment to answer and her voice was really low and slow.

- We're not people, we're Anya and Mal, and besides we're not so many, just the two of us.

Quinn paused considering the situation.

- Why would you want me to stay? I'm grateful that you saved me and all but, let's face it, if I stay it means we have to find food for three, water for three, shelter for three… and I know from experience finding supplies for one person is difficult enough.

- A wise man said once: if we can't live together we're going to die alone.

Quinn was stunned by the quote and then it was her turn to start laughing. Mal looked at her puzzled but Anya smiled. Finally someone recognized her quotes.

- So that's the legacy of our world. City burned down, society doesn't exist anymore and all is left are quotes from a tv show? Dear god, no wonder we got destroyed like we did.

- Still our situation is not so different from his and he was right, you know that, don't you?

Is this really happening? I'm taking vital decision for my life based on a TV show that didn't even had a proper end?

Anya seemed to understand her thought.

- Let's be serious here, Quinn, you tried to survive on your own and you know how hard it is. We're struggling too. It's not like if we stay together everything is going to be ok, there will be rainbows in the sky and chocolate fountains waiting for us. It's going to be as hard as it was before, but maybe we might have a better chance: taking turns, covering more ground, sharing knowledge.

It made sense. Quinn knew it, but she was afraid. During all the months she spent alone she really missed being with other human being but, on the other hand, being with people meant grow fond of them, feel again, and with feeling always came pain. She wasn't sure she could handle anymore.

- We're not getting married Quinn, and it's not going to be forever. Let's just give it a try!

As long as you don't care for these people it's fine Quinn. Just remember: no string attached and it's ok.

- Ok – Quinn finally said. – I guess we can try.