Sheldon

When Sheldon was awoken by his alarm (something which rarely ever happened), he immediately thought of two things: despite his confusion, he was certain the previous night's kissing had not been a dream, and also, that he was extraordinarily tired. The antics of the night had caused him to toss and turn for a good portion of the night before finally succumbing to sleep sometime between 3:00 and 4:00 a.m.

Not since that time a few years back, when he had spent several days trying to figure out why electrons behave as if they have no mass when traveling through a graphene sheet, had confusion caused such sleeplessness. No matter which way he thought about it, he simply couldn't reconcile his previous night's behavior. He had continued, well into the night, to comb through every moment he had had with Amy, from the moment he had met her until the pedestrian "make out session" of last night, searching for a specific reason to explain his throwing caution to the wind, disregarding the potential effects on his health, his mental acuity, or, most importantly, his quest for a Nobel Prize, and allowing Amy to stick her tongue in his mouth. But no matter how much he pondered, he continually came up empty.

He looked at his clock. It was 6:03 a.m. He blinked for a minute, trying to decide what to do. He was extraordinarily tired. He thought about staying home and sleeping. He had never in his life skipped work without being violently ill, excepting the day that it was Amy who was ill…then he realized that if he were to stay home, he would have to face Amy. He wasn't ready to face Amy. Not until he had the upper hand back on his mental faculties at least. No. He would go to work.

He yawned.

He wasn't sure how much work would be accomplished, but at least he would be there and not facing Amy without any answers for his behavior…

By the time lunch rolled around Sheldon was sure of one thing: the first half of the day was a complete waste of time. He might as well have been at home asleep. He had accomplished exactly nothing. In fact, there were a couple of moments that he might have actually dozed off, as he would suddenly jerk, realize he had been staring at his board unseeing, and have no idea how long he had been staring.

And even when he was awake enough to potentially concentrate, the only thing that he could think about was Amy and this French kissing business. The distraction was most unwelcome.

As he was grabbing his tray for lunch, it suddenly occurred to him that he would be forced to face his friends. He wondered if they were privy to the information regarding his antics of the previous evening. He sincerely hoped not. Although the way that women commonly blabbed about their conquests to their female companions likely meant that both Leonard and Howard would, by now, have heard, and would no doubt have also informed Koothrapali.

He frowned. Hmm. Perhaps he could eat lunch elsewhere?

But no. To eat elsewhere would interrupt his daily routine. Every work day he ate in the cafeteria, if not always with his friends (depending on their behavior).

He thought about sitting elsewhere in the cafeteria, but decided that would draw too much attention to an issue he was hoping he could avoid talking about with the ruffians he called his friends.

He walked over to the table where said ruffians were already seated and sat down in the available chair.

"So I hear you finally got to second base with Amy." Howard wagged his eyebrows at Sheldon.

Drat. He would have been better to have eaten in his office.

Sheldon straightened his back to gain maximum height and threw his nose in the air in what he hoped conveyed the appropriate amount of haughty derision.

"I don't know where you get your information from Howard, but I can assure you that I never touched Amy's breasts."

For good measure he took a bite of his peas.

"Dude get over yourself," Raj rolled his eyes. "You totally made out with Amy. There's no denying it. Leonard heard the whole thing last night from Penny."

Sheldon glared at Leonard. "Did he?"

Leonard shook his head and threw up his hands in mock surrender. "Hey. Don't look at me. She heard it straight from your girlfriend and then couldn't wait to tell me about it after Amy left."

Sheldon really detested girls. Why on earth couldn't Amy have pondered their kisses by herself like he had done? Why did she feel the need to immediately run to apartment 4B and dissect every feeling she had had with the biggest gossip this side of the Mississippi River?

He returned to eating his peas, deciding to say nothing. So what if he "made out" with Amy. Why did they care? Honestly, they were all in their thirties now. Surely "making out" with one's girlfriend wasn't worthy of noting. It was a perfectly normal thing for a boyfriend to do with his girlfriend.

Sheldon froze, another bite of peas halfway to his mouth. His friends were still laughing, likely at him, although he had learned long ago to tune them out when they were making fun of him. He noted, however, that when they saw he had frozen, they had all frozen as well. Had he really just had that thought? Where had it come from? When did he start thinking of kissing as a normal thing for a boyfriend to do with his girlfriend?

He set down his fork and straightened, staring straight ahead. He could see his friends glancing at first him, and then each other. He could not remember any other instance in his entire life when he had thought of kissing Amy as something which would be considered normal. It had been something he had entered mostly against his will. Something he had done to appease Amy's wish for further intimacy.

Something you did because you like it.

Shut it, he thought. He did not want to believe that niggling voice, but in his sleep deprived state it was becoming more and more difficult. When had this shift in his thinking occurred? He took a moment to think about the relationships of his friends. Both Leonard and Howard, now in serious relationships, one married and one living with his girlfriend, both having regular intercourse (or so he assumed)…both of them had started off their relationships with kissing…which had then led to French kissing…

But what did this mean? Was he, Doctor Sheldon Lee Cooper, merely following the same mundane relationship course every other human on the planet had followed for thousands of years before him? The thought was both dissatisfying and yet oddly comforting. Comforting in its predictability, but dissatisfying because he was not yet willing to admit that he was not part of a new, more advance species of human, which was above following the pedestrian course set by of the rest of humanity.

If however, for the sake of developing a hypothesis, he assumed that he was on a course followed previously by others, then would "making out" with his girlfriend indeed be considered a normal step?

Leonard broke the silence that had fallen on the table. "Hey, Sheldon, we were just kidding…"

Sheldon looked at Leonard. He had no idea what Leonard was talking about, but decided to use Leonard's almost-apology to his advantage, to test out his new hypothesis.

He put on his best glare and gave it to each of his friends in turn.

"I would like to remind you that we are all over thirty years old and that three out of the four of us are in relationships with females." Raj rolled his eyes and sighed. "It is perfectly normal for a person in a relationship to "make out" with the other person in said relationship." He used his fork to point between Howard and Leonard, still glaring. "You two should know this. Howard, you're married. Leonard, you're living with your girlfriend. Why on earth would the fact that Amy and I engaged in kissing of any sort be of any note, let alone cause for mockery. Should you not be yawning from the boredom of having learned a fact that is nothing more than an obvious step for a person who is in a relationship?"

He set down his fork, clasped his hands in front of himself on the table, and looked at each of them, waiting for the results of his experiment. All three of them were staring at him, Howard with his mouth open, and Raj and Leonard with their eyebrows raised.

Howard raised his hand. "I have a question."

Sheldon nodded at him. "Proceed."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Sheldon raised his eyebrows. "What do you mean? I don't know how I could have stated that clearer."

Howard laughed in what might be a sarcastic manner. "What do I mean? I mean, why the hell wouldn't we be shocked to learn that Mister Germophobe has been a willing participant in locking lips with the girlfriend he is living with and yet has never done anything more than cuddle and share a few chaste kisses with?"

Interesting.

"So you believe that my choosing to live with my mate prior to ever having 'locked lips', as you so eloquently put it, means that the news of my having completed that relationship milestone is of note?"

"Shya!"

"But doesn't the fact that it's considered a relationship milestone make it a normal progression?"

"Yeah, maybe if you weren't….you."

"I don't follow."

"Leonard help me out will you."

Leonard looked at Sheldon. "Sheldon, yes, for any other person on the planet, the news that they had made out with their girlfriend would be considered a natural step. But come on. You're the one who has spent years shunning all forms of physical contact and stated that Albert Einstein could have perfected time travel if he hadn't been such a hound dog."

Interesting indeed. "So, your shock and mockery towards me is due to the fact that I have in the past indicated an aversion to anything relating to a relationship?"

Howard held up his index finger. "Ding, ding, ding!"

Sheldon scoffed. "Well I find your mockery off putting. I have been in a relationship for over a year now. And to circle back around to my original statement, it is completely normal for Amy and I to have engaged in French kissing." He picked up his unfinished meal. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have work to do and I am not finding the present company enjoyable to be around."

As he sat in his office later, still staring blankly at his whiteboard, he thought about the conversation he had had at lunch. The results of his impromptu hypothesis test were interesting. On the one hand Leonard said that it was perfectly normal for a pair bonded couple to reach said milestone, albeit excluding Sheldon. On the other hand Howard found the fact that Sheldon and Amy had attained said milestone to be something noteworthy. And then of course, the original piece of data was that he, Sheldon, believed that it was perfectly normal for he and Amy to reach said milestone.

So if both he, Sheldon, and Leonard, both physicists with doctorates, had come to the conclusion that it was completely normal for pair bonded couples to engage in such activities, while Howard, lowly engineer with nothing more than a master's degree, had felt that it was out of the realm of possibility for Sheldon to engage in such activities, then the only logical conclusion was that Howard was incorrect, and that what Sheldon did was perfectly within the limits of normal.

He pondered this for a bit. He was still unsure at what point he had decided to throw his entire belief system out the proverbial window. Up until he had met Amy he had believed that he was above needing and, most importantly, wanting a physical relationship with a woman. And yet, along the way something had changed. What had it been? When had it happened? Why had it happened?

Why do you ignore the obvious?

He sighed. I don't know what you're talking about.

He decided to think about something else.

If what he had done last night was to be considered normal behavior for a pair bonded individual, then he now wondered what else would be considered normal…

"Leonard, I was wondering what things are considered normal within relationships."

Leonard looked over at Sheldon before looking back at the road. "What do you mean?"

"If we are to consider the hypothesis, that it is normal to French kiss with your girlfriend, as valid, then I was wondering what other things are to be considered normal. Excepting intercourse naturally…What do you and Penny do?"

"You lived with me for ten years Sheldon. You don't know what Penny and I do?"

Sheldon sighed. "Leonard, you know that the only care I showed for your relationship was in how it would affect me. I might remind you that you lived with me for ten years as well."

Leonard nodded. "Fair point…so what specifically do you want to know, if we're excepting sex."

"Well…is there anything that a boyfriend is supposed to do for a girlfriend? Anything that is considered a nice gesture perhaps?"

Leonard thought for a moment. "Well…I don't know. Sometimes people will make a nice dinner for the other person."

"What do you mean by nice dinner? Do I have to cook it? What makes it nicer than any other dinner?"

"Well…normally yes, it would require cooking…but in your case, I think just taking the food out of the take out boxes and using real plates might suffice."

"So the use of real plates makes a dinner nice?"

"Yes. No. I don't know. There are usually candles and nice napkins."

Sheldon thought for a moment. Yes. Perhaps he would try this with Amy. After all, he was "normal" now.

He turned to Leonard. "Leonard, you and Penny will have to eat at your apartment tonight. I'm going to have a nice dinner with Amy."

Leonard raised his eyebrows and looked over at Sheldon. He smiled. "Good for you."

Sheldon wasn't one to admit to a necessity for compliments, and yet he found Leonard's affirmation oddly reassuring. He smiled. "Thank you."

He pulled out his phone to text his remaining friends to tell them to find their own meals for the evening. He was going to have a nice dinner with his girlfriend.

But it didn't work out like Sheldon thought it would. Amy was hesitant throughout the entire meal. He made an effort to ask her about her own work, never minding the fact that she never once asked him about his work. But this was about showing Amy that he could be a good "normal" boyfriend. Theirs was a "normal" relationship.

But all throughout the meal she kept glancing at him strangely. He couldn't figure out why she was acting the way she was. Did she not enjoy the effort?

She finally asked him what was going on. He made several attempts to explain his reasoning, but couldn't bring himself to do it. It appeared he had failed, that he was not adept at being a "normal" boyfriend after all. His hypothesis must have been incorrect. Suddenly he wished to be by himself. He got up, telling her to clean up and then headed for his room, to ponder this failed experiment and his invalid hypothesis.

He should have known better than to believe that the Homo Novus was capable of falling into a normal relationship pattern.

A/N: Thank you as always for reading. Thank you to all reviewers. 350 reviews. WOW. I'm just stunned! Seriously. Thank you so much...now click that button below and send more my way! Yet again I'm anxious to know what you thought. And if you're thinking to yourself, "She'll never notice if I don't review because she gets so many" then you're wrong. ;) I am a like a baby fawn, and lack of reviews are light the headlights of a car traveling 90 miles per hour...ok that's probably an overly dramatic, "fairly labored metaphor", but you get the idea. Review! Have a Shiny Day :D