A/N: So the reviews are pretty much amazing, and I can't believe you all have given me so many. You have no idea what that means. It sounds odd, but I am super excited that I have made so many of you cry!
As always my beta is pretty much a super hero in her abilities. Ereeen, the demon baby loves you :D Check out her story What a Horror, and IED by jandco is amazing.
Here is some of the music I was listening to while I did this chapter, may not all fit.. gets me in the emotastic mood.
Playlist 10 Finch-New Beginnings, Leona Lewis- Better with Time.
Alanis Morissette- not as we, The Weepies-World Spins Madly On, Missy Higgins - Where I stoodDISCLAMER : DO NOT OWN
BPOV
I was laying in bed in Alice's guest room completely exhausted. The sun began to rise, and I was wide awake. Just like I had been the entire night.
I lay on my stomach with my hands curled under the pillow. I was staring at the wall next to the bed. Just staring. I was unable to think of anything other than what happened.
Every now and then my body would try to force me to sleep, but as soon as my eyes shut, visions of the previous night flashed before me. Once that would happen, I would snap my eyes open again until the next time my body attempted to take over.
This went on all night. Wall, Edward kissing me, wall, Edward touching me, wall, Edward moving with me.
Every vision more painful, and every memory forever branded into my mind. Just thinking about him kissing me caused me to bit my lower lip. Pleasure and pain all rolled into one.
This truly was torture.
Would it always be like this? Would I be able to sleep again without my mind filled with images of him?
I didn't want to move from the bed I had taken refuge in. I wanted to stay locked away in this room until my heart didn't feel like it was missing.
Because it was.
The worst fear of telling Edward my feelings had come true without the words even leaving my lips. I only had to foolishly think that he wanted me and sleep with him.
I had lost my friend. My best childhood friend. My only love.
My eyes once again started to close of their own accord, but froze when my mind hit me with the most excruciating words possible.
"I want you Bella…"
My eyes snapped open again. What a lie. He didn't want me. He never had.
My thoughts were interrupted by the door handle turning quietly. I looked over my shoulder and saw Alice poking her head through the crack in the door.
"Bella?" she asked through a whisper.
I paused for a minute before answering. I wondered if I should just pretend to be asleep and ignore the world today, but I couldn't. That wouldn't solve anything.
"Hey Ali," I said looking back at my favorite wall again.
"Can I come in?"
"Sure."
I felt the bed sink with Alice's weight, and I felt her lay beside me. She didn't say anything at first. We both just laid there in mutual silence. Eventually, her need to be Alice became too much for her to hold back, so she spoke up.
"Bella," she began cautiously.
"Hmm?"
"Bella, Rose and Emmett will be here in a little bit. Emmett and Jasper are going to get your things from the house. They need your keys just incase he isn't there."
"You all don't have to do that. I don't want to cause problems between all of you. This is my fault, It's not fair to bring-" Alice cut me off abruptly.
"Bella, we are your friends. What he did was reprehensible, and he needs to deal with the consequences."
"But he didn't know, Alice. You can't be mad at him for not knowing,"
"Sure I can, Bella. he is a blind fool. The truth has been staring him in the face. Hell, anyone can see that. He knows it, and he feels it too… he is just too stupid to figure it out on his own. You have to stop making excuses for him, Bella."
"Well it doesn't matter now, I don't see anyway to fix what has happened."
"I have a feeling things will work out for the best, Bella," She said while running her fingers through my hair.
"You can't know that, Alice," I said with a deep sigh.
"Sure I can. I know he loves you too, Bella. It is going to hit him when he least expects it, and he is going to feel like a complete jackass and you are going to make him suffer." Alice trilled in a devious tone.
I turned to look at her and saw the devilish look in her eyes. I could almost hear the wheels turning in her head.
"Alice, it isn't going to happen. Stop trying to figure out how painful it would truly be to hang him by his toes. I would say after the right hook you gave him yesterday along with the nasty hang over he was nursing, he should be in a good amount of pain already."
"Yeah, well he deserved it. It wasn't nearly enough, if you ask me. He should be happy it was me and not Rose. Emmett actually had to restrain her from going over there. He said he had never seen her so intent on causing someone bodily harm…he also said that is was kind of hot." She said rolling her eyes and shivered playfully. It earned a small smile.
"Well, that's good. I don't need to get you all involved my issues. Edward is friends to you all as well,"
"Bella, if you think for one moment any of us are going to act like he hasn't done anything wrong, then you are out of your mind. Even if he doesn't understand your feelings, what he did was beyond unforgivable. He has a lot of work to do before I will ever be able to look at him like he is a human being."
"but you just said…" I started in a confused tone. She was talking in circles. Typical.
"I know, Bella, and I mean it. I think that you two will be alright, but not anytime soon. Bella, you have practically spent your entire life so far taking care of him like he is a child. He has gotten away with murder basically, and you have always been his doting friend who would do anything for him. Nothing has ever gone wrong for him. This did, so it's going to be a good lesson for him. He is going to have to fend for himself." Alice gave me a tight, reassuring squeeze.
Just then, my cell phone started to go off. I took a deep breath, thinking it would be him calling and trying to talk to me. I checked the display screen and saw that it was Jacob. I flipped if open.
"Hey,"
"Hey, Bells! How are you this morning?"
"I've been better."
"What's wrong? You're not sick are you?"
"Jake, no I'm .. I'm not sick," I wasn't going to do this to him over the phone. I wonder if he could ever forgive me for what I was planning to do.
"Jake, we need to talk. Do you think it would be ok if I came by?"
"Of course you can come by."
"Alright, Jake. I'll be their in a little bit."
Once I got off the phone with him, Alice was waiting for an explanation.
"Alice, he likes me. A lot. I like him too, just not in the same way. At least I don't think I do…anyway, he knew ahead of time that I loved Edward and he said he didn't care, but he still deserves to know what happened. I don't want him getting hurt. it isn't fair. He should be wasting his time on me."
It made me sick; the thought of bringing one ounce of pain to Jake that Edward had brought to me. But, I couldn't allow him to live in false hopes. That was my fault. I shouldn't have kissed someone when I was in love with someone else, no matter how much they said they didn't care.
I got up and threw on some clothes that Rose had brought over for me. Alice gave me a hug and I headed over to Jake's.
The ride to Jake's was quick. I mainly thought about how to go about letting him down. I didn't want him out of my life. I wanted to be friends, but I didn't want to hurt him if he had feelings for me.
I got out of the car and walked up to his door and knocked lightly. My body was shaking with nerves. I never had to do something like this before.
Jake opened the door with a wide smile, but it faltered once he took in my face.
"Bella…what the hell happened to you?" Jake asked as he took a step forward and placed his hands on my shoulders.
"I don't look that bad, do I?" I said tucking loose strands of hair behind my ear shyly
"What's wrong?"
"Can I come in?" I adverted his question. Not yet.
"Of course," He moved aside so I could pass by him and walk into his living room. I made my way to the couch, and took a deep cleansing breath. He came over and took a seat next to me. We sat their in silence for a immeasurable amount of time.
"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" Jake asked softly, placing one his hands on one of mine.
"I'm scared, Jake…I don't want to hurt you,"
"Bella, you don't have to be scared of telling me something. What ever it is, I will deal with it, alright?" He squeezed my hand reassuringly.
He may have said he would be okay, but I knew that what I was about to tell him would hurt him. And it killed me.
"I moved out of Edward's house," I blurted suddenly.
"Ok…" he answered in a confused tone. He made a gesture with his free hand to continue.
"I also quit."
"Alright…" He answered again, still not understanding why I was telling him this.
My chest started to tighten, and I could feel the warm liquid begin to build in my eyes. I attempted to blink them back, but it only allowed them to flow more freely.
Jake took notice.
"Bella, you don't owe me an explanation of your life. Whatever has happened isn't a good, and you're upset. You don't have to tell me anything, You know that my feelings haven't changed," His fingers were wiping away the dripping tears.
Here he is, saying no matter, what he still feels the same. Only because he doesn't know what I did. I can't let him do this.
"I slept with Edward," I spat out.
"You dropped me off, and Edward was home. He had been drinking because Tanya broke up with him. He wanted me to take shots with him, so and I did. Edward kissed me, which lead to more things. I thought what I had been waiting for had finally come true, and I was so happy," I paused and gave Jake a sad watery smile. "I went to get coffee in the morning before he woke up, and when I got back he was with Tanya. he didn't want me, Jake. I was a mistake." My shoulders began to shake violently. I threw my hands up in defeat, letting my emotions take over. "Now I have done the same thing to you that he has done to me. I just thought you should know so you don't waste anymore time on me. Because that is what it would be, a waste. Because right now, in this moment, even though he has made it very clear that he doesn't want me, I would still fight for him. I can't do that to you, Jake. You deserve someone better, someone not so masochistic. Someone who wouldn't rather live alone and in pain waiting for someone who doesn't love her to come around, then to go for the guy who wants her too." I was sobbing hysterically now, and it all came out in a rush, but it was everything I was feeling and I couldn't stop it.
Jake was silent. I could tell he was trying to mask the pain. I could see it in his eyes, and I felt like such a shit of a person.
"I'm so sorry, Jake, so very sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you," Would he ever be able to forgive me?
"Bella," He said looking deep into my eyes. "You warned me ahead of time. I knew what I was getting in to. You have nothing to be sorry for," He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a hug. " What an idiot."
"I know I am," I wailed pathetically. Tears were still covering my red face.
Jake let out a small laugh.
"Bella, silly girl. Not you. I'm talking about that jackass of a friend you have," He squeezed me tighter. "He has this amazing human being in front of him, and he goes for the one who is just using him. Go freaking figure."
"Jake, how am I going to get over this?" I asked, sniffing loudly. I wiped at my eyes in an attempt to wipe away the pain.
"Bella," Jake pulled his mouth away from my head so he could look at me. " You have to know you are worth so much more. You are. You allow him to have this power over you. You need to let it go. If he can't see the amazing person you are and scoop you up and never let you go, then he isn't worth it. You deserve better, Bella."
"It hurts so bad. I don't know how I am going to do this. It feels like I can't breath, like I'm suffocating, Jake. Everything hurts, and I feel like part of me has been ripped in half. Will that ever stop, will I ever be whole again?"
"Yes, only you can put yourself back together. You have to want it, you have to be in control of your life. You have been there for him all your life, and this is how he repays you?" Jake shook his head firmly. "Take control of you. Bella. Believe you deserve more, because in the long run that is what is going to make you a stronger person."
"What if I can't?" It didn't feel possible that this type of pain would ever lessen.
"You're stronger then you think, Bells. It will take time, but it'll happen. I promise." He said placing a kiss on the top of my head.
I couldn't believe what an amazing person he was. After I told him everything, I expected him to be more upset. Instead, he sat their comforting me and not at all concerned with himself. He really was an amazing person.
After spending more time with Jake, I left to go back to Alice's. Jake was right. It would take a while, but I had to get over this. It would hopefully be easier now that I was no longer around Edward everyday. Maybe a break in our friendship is what we needed to help me move on.
EPOV
It was pointless trying to get anything but a restless sleep. I tossed and turned all day and night, thinking of nothing but the events that had unfolded. I finally gave up and pushed myself into a sitting position, but not before I punched the bed a few times as if it was its fault I couldn't sleep.
My face was killing me. I lifted my hand to touch my tender nose, but that was a mistake. Shooting pain shot across my cheeks and eyes. I couldn't believe Alice hit me. Out of all my friends I expected it to be Emmett, not tiny Alice.
I got up and dug around in the kitchen to look for some asprin or something to help with the throbbing pain. It would only help the pain in my face and not the one radiating from my chest.
I took a look around the house from the kitchen and it was strange. I expected at any minute for Bella to come around the corner and make some smart ass remark about my face.
But she wouldn't be doing that because she wasn't here.
Once I popped the pills into my mouth and took a drink of water to wash them down, I slowly walked to the part of the house that no longer held my best friend.
Her bedroom door had been left open by me since I was the last person there. I stood in the doorway taking survey of the room. Bella's blue dress from last night was still laying in a heap at the side of the bed. Her sheets were a mess from the act that left us in the positions we were in now.
I took another step into the room and was accosted by her scent. It was everywhere. Her floral scent was mixed with the berries of her favorite shampoo.
My hand came up to my chest, clutching at it when the memory of her caused it to tighten uncomfortably.
How was I going to do this? How was I going to live here without her.
Looking around the room, my eyes came to rest on a picture beside her bed on the night stand.
I walked over and picked it up.
It was a picture of Bella and I when we were about six years old, sitting on the tire swing that my father had put up for us in our back yard. We were hugging, cheeks pressed together, and arms wrapped around each other tightly. We had big toothless grins on our faces.
Even with missing teeth, Bella was still one of the most beautiful girls I had ever known.
I sat down on the edge of her bed and stared at the picture, thinking of happier times. I let my fingers trace the image of Bella.
I was brought out of my thought by the phone ringing. It was so loud in the silence of the empty house, that it caused me to dropped the picture. I picked it up quickly and put it back in it's place before I sprinted out into the living room.
I practically ripped the phone off the charger and hit the answer button.
"Bella?" I asked excitedly.
"No, Edward, this is Angela."
"Oh, hey Angela," The disappointment rang clear in my voice.
"Well nice to talk to you too, Edward." She teased.
"Sorry, Ang," I replied sheepishly. "what's up?"
"Well, your shoot in Ireland has been pushed back a few weeks. I just received a call from the director. I will fax the information over to Bella so she can work on fixing any accommodations that need to be fixed. I will also send over all the new info once it gets here…" She rambled on her list of things that she was going to have Bell do, but Bella was gone.
"Umm… Ang. Bella no longer works for me," I said Sullen.
"What?" Angela asked incredulously.
"Some things happened, and she quit."
"Oh, Edward, I'm so sorry. We'll need to get you a new assistant then,"
"Angela, can it wait? I am not in the best of moods right now,"
"Sure thing, Edward. Call me and let me know what is going on sometime this week."
"Yeah, sure." I didn't want anyone else.
I hung up then, fiddling with the phone in my hands wondering if Bella would at least talk to me on the phone. I sat there for a few minutes trying to build up the courage to try.
Just as I hit the talk button and dialed the first three numbers, my doorbell rang.
I wasn't expecting anyone, so once again getting my hopes up, I ran to the door and pulled it open to be greeted by Tanya.
"Hey Baby, feeling any better today?" She asked and stretched up on her toes to place a kiss on my cheek, but paused. "Edward, your face…what the hell happened?"
"No," I said flatly. " And it's nothing. Nothing I didn't deserve anyway."
"She hit you? In your face? Some friend," She scoffed as she took survey of the damage.
"Actually, she didn't hit me. Alice did."
She looked like she was trying to hold back a laugh at the image of little Alice hitting me. Nice.
"I'm sorry, honey. I know what it's like to be in a fight with a friend. But it will work out," She said smiling.
"It's not that simple, Tanya." Irritation was slipping into my tone. Could she just leave?
Tanya pushed past me and walked in, heading to the living room and dragging my hand with her. She went to the couch and sat down, patting the cushion next to her saying, "sit".
"Now, Edward. You've been friends with Bella since, what, birth?"
I simply nodded.
"Well then, why would something like this keep a friendship that old apart? Sure, she may be embarrassed that you slept together, but she'll get over it and come back. It's not that big of a deal. she is blowing it out of proportion," She said taking my hand in hers.
"You don't know what you're talking about, Tanya," I spat.
"Oh you mean her little crush on you?" She looked at me, arching an eyebrow.
"You really want to go there again? She doesn't have a crush on me. We have been friends as long as we have been alive, Tanya. Just because you don't have that sort of relationship with someone doesn't allow you to be a bitch." I ripped my hand from hers. I didn't need her to make this about her jealousy issues.
"Whatever, Edward. I don't want to fight. I just think this is silly. I mean, it was just sex. she'll get over it and it will be fine. You'll see."
"Yeah," was all I could say. She was wrong. There was more, but I didn't want to talk with her about it.
"How about you let me take a look at your face and see if there is anything I can do to help?" Tanya asked as she ran her fingers through my hair.
"I doubt there is, Tanya. I was punched, it's going to hurt."
"Aww, babe, I'm sorry," she said and rested her head on my shoulder. She brought her arm across my chest and gripped my hair in her fingers. She started to kiss my neck.
"Tanya, I can't… okay, not now," I said, trying to push her off.
She wasn't having it.
"Edward, I just want to make you happy, just for a minute. You look so sad, I just want you to feel better." She looked up at me with sadness in her eyes. Maybe she did understand.
"I'm sorry, I don't mean to snap. I'm just…sorry." I was hurting everyone around me. Here Tanya was trying to be nice to me, nicer then she should be seeing as I slept with someone else, and I was being a dick yet again.
"It's alright, I just hate seeing you so upset,"
"Thank you for being so sweet."
"No problem." She leaned up and gently pressed her lips against mine. She started to deepen the kiss, and my mind suddenly flashed to kissing Bella, how her soft full lips moved with mine, how she tasted sour from the lemons that night but also sweet. What the hell was I thinking this for? This was Tanya, not Bella. I had to stop this. I couldn't be kissing her now.
Before I had a chance to pull away, I heard the front door swing open and hit the wall with a bang. I snapped my head towards the door thinking, "oh god not again," but was happy to see it wasn't Bella.
There in my doorway was Jasper and Emmett, both wearing faces of disgust. Emmett looked as though he was about to jump me and finish the job Alice had started.
After a minute of standing there, both shook their heads and Emmett gave an angry sigh before they headed to Bella's bedroom.
I quickly stood to see what was going on.
"Tanya, can you give us some privacy? I'll call you later." I needed to talk to the guys and I didn't want Tanya here.
"Sure thing. I'll see you later." She placed a kiss on my cheek, and was off.
I watched her go and stood there thinking of a way to approached my obviously pissed off friends.
I slowly walked back to Bella's room. I could hear Emmett and Jasper whispering to each other.
"I don't think this situation could have possibly gotten any worse," Jasper murmured, shaking his head. "I can't believe he did this."
"Well, he better be happy that wasn't Bella at the door. How much more can she possibly take?" Emmett said quietly, obviously angry.
"Well, we can't tell the girls she was with him again,"
"Oh hell no, you know what it took for me to keep Rose home. Fuck, I thought I was going to have to lock up all the knives in the house. I was almost afraid to go to sleep, like she would sneak out and come after him at night."
Great, I had Rose after me now.
I walked into the room to find both of them digging out duffle bags from Bella's closet. It hit me then. She was serious about moving out, and my friends were here for her because she wasn't able to be near me.
"What are you doing?" I already knew the answer.
They both turned and looked at me.
"What do you think were doing. We're here to get Bella's things for her," Emmett spat after clucking his tongue.
"She's seriously moving out?" Of course she was.
"No man, she wants to see the guy she gave her virginity to fuck another chick who treats Bella like trash constantly. Yeah, that's definitely what she wants." Emmett said as he turned bright red.
"Emmett, it isn't like that…I never meant to hurt her, I would never hurt her…Tanya came and she-" Emmett cut me off.
"You know what, I don't care what you and Tanya do. Just don't talk to me while I'm here." He turned and started pulling things from Bella's drawers.
"Wow, so I make a mistake and everyone is going to turn their backs on me?"
I was getting pissed. And hurt.
"Edward, you brought this on yourself," Jasper said with an exasperated smile.
"I wasn't the only one. It takes two to tango." Wrong answer.
Emmett dropped what he was doing and stormed towards me. Jasper caught him in time before his fist made contact with my already broken nose.
"You know Edward, you're just lucky I don't kick your ass. Not that it would take much seeing as our 4'11'' friend already got to you. Nice face by the way." he smirked.
"Fuck you, Emmett. I am not fighting with you. All I want to do is fix things between Bella and I and all of you aren't helping." Why couldn't they see I was sorry?
"Not you, " Jasper said. "Our concern is helping Bella with whatever it is that she decides to do. She has decided to move and it hurt to much too come here, so we are doing it for her."
She couldn't even stand to be in the same room with me.
"You know what she is doing right now?" Jasper asked.
"What?"
"She is over at Jake's place, telling him what happened. She feels horrible for the guy because after knowing he likes her and going on a few dates, she sleeps with you. She's hoping he can convince him to forgive her because of you."
"He'll forgive her. It was my fault. She would never have done this if it wasn't for me making her drink. She would never have thought to do this."
Emmett let out what sounded like a frustrated sigh.
"You really are an fucking idiot, man, really." Emmett said and pushed past me to finish packing up some of Bella's clothes.
"Edward, open your eyes. Before it is to late." said Jasper and went on to continue packing Bella's things.
I watched as they brought in boxes and loaded every last piece of Bella I had away.
On one of their trips out to the truck they had brought, I ran into Bella's room and grabbed the picture off her night stand. I didn't know if or when she would ever talk to me again. But I wanted something of her, something of us.
The guys had finished up loading all of Bella's things into the truck and gave one last look around to see if they needed anything else. Once satisfied that they didn't, they made their way out. Emmett didn't say another word to me and hopped into the truck starting it. Jasper, however, spoke his mind.
"You know what, Edward? I have watched you do some pretty stupid things since becoming friends when it comes to Bella, but this one tops them all. I wish you would open your eyes. The truth has been staring you in the face for so long, and I think you didn't notice it because their was never a chance of it leaving. But if you don't figure it out, if you don't fix this soon, you are going to hate yourself for a long time to come." With that, he turned and left.
I stared after the retreating truck dumbfounded. What?
I sat their thinking of ways to get to Bella, to apologize or have her at least talk to me.
It was important.
All of a sudden, the doorbell rang and I jumped up and was at the door in seconds. I ripped it open to find someone who I knew I would see at some point after word got out about this.
"What do you want?" I spat
"We need to have a little chat about Bella."
A/N:Uh Oh.. who is there at the door! Edward gets a huge wake up call next chapter peeps