A/N: You all are amazing, and so I give you this freakishly long chapter.. hope it was worth the wait. I give teasers and talk to you on the forums on twilighteddotnet come join.. we have candy!
To my amazing Beta.. Ereeen.. my lil Nessie!! I love ya and I am so proud of your nom for your story.. everyone go read her amazing work.. What a Horror
The song in the club they are dancing to is by Breathe Carolina- The Birds and the Bees
Oh BB's Breaking Dawn... just be glad that in my depression I have decided to keep writing my own stuff
Disclaimer: DO NOT OWN
CARRY ON!!
Two weeks.
It had been two of the longest, most excruciating weeks of my life. I hadn't left Alice's house unless I felt the urge to visit Jacob. I never left the room much, and I rarely changed out of my sweats and Edward's hoodie. I showered every now and then, each time resulting in me crying on the tiled floor curled into a ball. The pain didn't seem to be easing up, and I was starting to think that it never would.
The more and more I thought about that life altering night, the more I started to feel dirty and used. I was angry at myself for being so stupid, for allowing it to happen. My emotions had gotten the best of me and in that moment I had thrown all caution to the wind and released my inhibitions.
Never again.
I used to think that the past few years had been hell as I watched Edward frolic around with anything and everything, but I was wrong.
I was wrong because now I was truly living in hell.
I was once again laying on my side in bed wrapped in the down comforter of the guest bed staring at the blank wall.
I heard the bedroom door open, but I didn't bother to acknowledge the noise.
I felt the bed sink next to my side, and then three more times at the end of the bed. I closed my eyes. I knew what this was.
"I know you're not sleeping, Bella, so there is no point of pretending," I heard Alice's voice ring.
I didn't move. I didn't breathe. Maybe if they thought I were dead, they'd leave me to my misery.
"This can't go on, Bell, you know that. You have to get up. Get out of this bed now." Rose commanded lightly. Ah, Rose. Even the mourning are not immune to her supreme bitchiness.
I remained still, refusing to bite the bait before me.
"Bella, I can't possibly begin to imagine what you are going through, but you have to try to move on; for yourself, for us…we need you." Jasper said quietly. I felt a warm hand on my right calf.
I could feel the blinding liquid start to pool in my closed eyes.
"Bella bean, please. Please for us, can you try?" Emmett said kneeling down in front of me. I felt him move a stray curl from my face gently.
"I don't know how." I whispered. My voice betrayed me as it broke pitifully. I winced at how weak I sounded.
"That's what we're here for," Alice tinkled, laying her head on my shoulder.
"We'll help you get through this together, you know we will. No one is expecting a full recovery now. But Bella, you're like a zombie, and we can't sit by and watch you waste away any longer." Rose laid her head next to Alice, giving me a light squeeze.
"Please," Jasper put on a full pout face, lip and all. It was too pathetic, and it made me laugh.
"See, it's a start! If all this fool had to do was give you a face, then imagine what all four of us together could do. Let us work our magic, Bella. You know you want to." Emmett was attempting to poke me in the ribs. I laughed again at the tickling sensation.
"Okay, okay! Just stop with the poking! I'll try for you guys."
"That's all we ask." Alice said, bouncing up and down happily and clapping her hands like a manic.
"First, you need a shower. No offense, but you're smelling kind of ripe, Bella." Emmett teased as he playfully fanned his hand in front of his face.
"Shut up, I do not smell." I said smacking at his hands.
The guys left while I got up, but Alice and Rose stayed behind to help me pick out something to wear that wasn't from the sales rack at Wal-mart.
I showered and brushed my teeth quickly. It was the first shower I didn't cry all the way through. Alice and Rose were in the bathroom as soon as I was done handing me different articles of clothing to put on. Rose took care of doing my hair, and Alice tackled my make-up.
"Why am I getting all dolled up to sit around the house?" I asked confused. I growled playfully when Rose pulled my hair with a round brush.
"We aren't sitting around the house, Bella. You promised to try for us, so we are going shopping!" Alice's evil laugh reverberated off the bathroom walls. "
We are going to get you a fantastic outfit, and then we are going to go out, have a few drinks, and dance the night away. There's someone who wants to see you, too!"
My chest started to tighten. They couldn't be talking about who I thought they were. They wouldn't do that to me, not this soon.
"Bella, calm down, it isn't him," Rose said as she took my face into her hands. "Jacob calls almost everyday to check on you. He's worried and he misses you."
"Oh." was all I could say. I was relieved, some what. Had Edward even tried to call, to see me?
As if she could read my mind, Alice answered,
"He has called, Bella, but we thought it best to not tell you. He asked how you were…he sounds miserable, but he understands why you need some time away."
"He sounds miserable?" My heart jumped painfully. I didn't want to know that. I hated knowing Edward was in pain, despite all this shit.
"Bella, we are working on you, don't worry about it. He'll be fine." Alice reassured me.
"I know…" But who was going to be there to make sure he was ok? Everyone had rallied around me and left him with no one…
Oh, except for Tanya.
"Bella, stop. For once in your life, put you first. Please." Alice begged me and I just nodded.
The girls lead me into the kitchen where the guys had made some breakfast. We sat around having some small talk before I was whisked away for the day of shopping. I mainly listened to the conversations rather than participating incase something Edward would slip, but everyone was pretty good at not mentioning him.
I couldn't help worrying about him, though. He had never done this on his own; never been with out his friends by his side. I was desperate to know how he was holding up.
After breakfast, I went back to my room and grabbed my purse. I paused, staring at my phone that was sitting innocently on the bedside table minding its own business.
But, at the same time, it was taunting me. Calling to me.
Call him, call him, call him…
I looked back towards the kitchen and confirmed that the others were still cleaning up.
Now was my chance. I just wanted to hear his voice. Just for a second.
I picked up the phone and dialed his number with shaking fingers. Anticipation and excitement danced sickeningly in my stomach as I waited for the line to begin ringing. It rang a few times and mercifully, he picked up on the fourth ring.
"Hello?" Edward asked after attempting to clear away some of the thickness of sleep from his voice.
My reaction was instantaneous. I could feel every muscle in my chest start to constrict, and I couldn't suck in a breathe of air even if I dared to. which I didn't.
"Hello, who's this?" Edward spoke a little clearer. I heard him shift in his bed, clearing his throat again.
I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I heard his breathing hitch.
"Bella!" Edward cried frantically. "Bella, please say something, anything. I've tried to get in touch with you, please talk to me! I'm so sorry, I miss you so much, can we please talk?"
I was about to respond, he sounded so sad, and he was begging me to speak…I wanted to respond, but I heard her in the background, asking where the coffee was.
I let out a muffled sob and I could hear Edward's breathe coming in short gasps .
"Bella, please, I can-" I hung up before I could hear anything else.
Why did I keep doing this to myself?
I took a minute to clean my face and I decided to turn myself to Alice and Rose's capable hands. He hadn't left her, and he wasn't going to. I should had known. If I had any plans to get on with my life, they needed to start soon.
I walked back out to the living room where everyone was now gathered, laughing and joking around. When they saw me enter, they all stopped mid chortle.
"Man, I know how to kill a room don't I?" I asked playfully with a small laugh
"Everything okay?" Emmett asked carefully. He eyed the phone clutched in my right hand warily.
"Everything is great. Ready to get my shop on!" I said as brightly as I could, despite the dank feeling inside of me.
"Okay, now I know something is wrong." Emmett laughed.
"Nope, she just decided to hand herself over to the masters, that's all." Alice said with a wide grin. She wrapped her arm around me tightly.
" Well, we best head out. We have a busy day ahead of us." Rose said excitedly, and grabbed my hand so she could lead me out to the car.
We spent an ungodly amount of hours going from shop to shop, buying everything from make-up and lotions, to underwear I saw no point in having. Bags upon bags of clothes filled the trunk of Alice's car. We stopped only twice. Once to eat lunch, and once for a much needed cup of coffee. I was starting to lag behind and Alice wasn't having it.
It was getting late when we got back to her house. The guys were inside playing a rather rousing game of Rock Band and barely looked up when we entered.
Alice and Rose rushed me back to the bedroom and started ripping out clothes from the multiple bags that were now strewn all over my bed. I sat in the chair near the window not even bothering to make suggestions. they wouldn't have listened if I had. I just watched as the madness began to unfold.
Finally, after much debating and refusing, Rose and Alice had decided that I should were a peach Niemen Marcus Dress that they had found on the trip today. It was form fitting and came and inch or so above my knees. It was basically a strapless wrap dress, but it was beautiful. Once they had me in the contraption, they hurriedly gave my long chocolate hair some finger waves and went very natural with my make-up. Mascara and some blush on the apples of my cheeks, topped off with a bit of sheer lip gloss to complete the look, and I was ready to go.
The girls, of course, ran and got ready themselves. I went into the living room to check on the guys.
Once I stepped into the room, I automatically noticed their was one more body there.
Jacob.
"OH MY GOD, JACOB, YOU ARE A HORRIBLE EXCUSE OF A DRUMMER!" Emmett screeched as he swung the tiny guitar slung over his shoulder around in intense concentration.
Jacob snorted and continued to play off beat to piss Emmett off.
I ignored their antics and zeroed in on how Jake looked.
He looked amazing. He was wearing faded denim jeans with worn out marks on his knees, a black un-tucked button down with the sleeves pushed up past his bulging forearms and the top three buttons undone which left a tantalizing peek at his muscular chest.
"Bella…wow." Jake exhaled slowly. He abandoned his drumsticks and got up from his crouched position. Emmett growled in annoyance.
"You're harshing my mellow, man!"
I could feel the blush rise to my cheeks and I smiled.
Once the song was officially failed, Jasper and Emmett looked up, both sets of eyes widening. They stood up quickly.
"Wow, Bella, you look amazing." Jasper said sweetly.
"Hot! Why you have been hiding that body, I will never know." added Emmett with a huge grin.
"Thanks, I think?" I laughed and rolled my eyes. Emmett was never one with words.
I walked over to Jake and wrapped my arms around him, giving him a tight hug.
"I've missed you." He whispered into my ear. I shivered as his warm breath caressed my neck.
"I missed you too, Jake."
"You look so beautiful, Bella. I mean, not that you normally don't, but, this is just, wow-uh-yeah," He fumbled with his words. He looked over my shoulder shyly, attempting to gather up his nerves. I smiled involuntarily.
I had never had that effect on anyone.
"I told you you were beautiful, Bella." I heard Alice say from behind me.
Alice and Rose were finally ready to go. They walked over to their partner and grabbed their hands.
From there, we each took our own car. Jake followed behind Emmett and Rose as we headed out to the club.
We arrived and opted for valet parking this time, it was just easier that way. Once we had handed off the keys and had been given a ticket, we made our way to the line. There wasn't much of a wait when Jasper and Rose were recognized.
Once inside, we headed straight for the bar. Alice ordered the first rounds and we found ourselves a booth. We sat there sipping on our drinks and laughing for what seemed like hours. It felt nice. I hadn't laughed genuinely in a long time. Emmett left the booth after our glasses were dry and got us another round of drinks. More talking ensued until Rose and Alice I was time to dance.
"I just wanna put my shoes and purse in a circle and just daance," Alice slurred, quoting a Dane Cook joke.
I wasn't too keen on the idea knowing my history to cause disaster wherever I go, but I had to laugh at drunk Alice. Plus, Jake wasn't having any excuses.
"You're far too beautiful to not show off your dance moves." Jake crooned and pushes some bangs out of my face.
"Your toes will not thank you, my friend." I rebutted playfully.
"My toes will survive, I promise." he said in a husky tone. He leaned in close to my ear and caressed my lobe with his lips as he spoke. I shivered for the second time that night.
Jake wrapped a warm hand around mine and led me out to the dance floor. I looked around shyly, biting my lip as I took in the other gyrating couples. I felt one of Jake's hands cup my cheek to direct my gaze back to him.
The music started playing and it was a techno-type beat, which was good. You didn't really need to have any sort of talent to dance to techno.
I hope you know I swear to godI hope you know that this won't stop(god damn, just another heartbreak)
I swear to god I won't stop until you're shakintrust me baby you know I want you to-and let me slide into you, please babyand if you're screamin, than I'm screamin too-if you want it let me bring it, let me sneak into your house tonight
I was facing Jake and he had his hands on my hips, swaying me back and forth sensuously. I felt like I was suddenly in the movie dirty dancing. Jake had a leg in between mine and his hand curved around my back to support me as we moved back and forth together, me grinding onto his knee and him grinding against my pelvis, not at all on beat.
breathe inand I'm coming to these terms that my heart won't beat anymoreI just can't get it-sing along sing if you want, ten more seconds till we're through the door.and it's a dance party everyone's looking for, been drinkin tonight and I won't stop, when it's a quarter to four daylight is breakin
I laughed and threw my head back in glee as Jake scream along with the song at the parts where the guy singing would yell,
I'll call you in the morning if you think it's rightis it over? is it over...now at the dance party, everyone looked just right, i played you all night, would you believe me if i told you that i want you, and everyday i felt this way? would you take me to the place you know the one that leaves me all alone... wait right here just for a minute we'll talk a little just about it I will take it slow, I won't let you go.
I was laughing so hard at Jake that my sides began to burn in a mixture of pleasure and pain. I loved it. I felt alive. It was amazing how he could make me laugh at the silliest things. I had my arms wrapped around his neck now and I had just pulled my head up from laughing into his chest when I glanced over his shoulder and saw him. My stomach plummeted to the ground.
Edward.
His face was a mixture of hurt, anger, and sadness. I must have stopped dancing because Jake noticed my abrupt stop and pulled my face to his.
"What's wrong?" He asked, concern deep in his eyes.
"Nothing," I smiled. I shook my head slightly to stop it from fogging up.
I looked over his shoulder again as Jake started to dance, and I saw Edward mouth "beautiful" to me. A small smile crept up onto my face and tears threatened to massacre my makeup. They suddenly turned from happy tears to heartbreak all over again as I watched Tanya walk up to Edward and Snake her arm though his.
He must have been able to tell by my face what was wrong, and he quickly detached himself from her and shook his head, willing me with his eyes to understand something I couldn't see. What was he trying to say?
I stopped dancing all together now, confusion etched across my features. Jake finally turned around to inspect what kept grabbing my attention.
"You have got to be fucking kidding me." Jake growled lowly.
"It's fine." I squeaked pathetically. I gave his arm a small squeeze.
Edward had freed himself from Tanya and started to make his way over. I started to panic. what was I going to say? What was I going to do? My heart welled painfully in my chest and I had trouble breathing again.
I looked around for the others, but I didn't see them.
Edward was finally standing in front of me, and he eyes were pleading with me to understand something I didn't know, didn't recognize.
"Bella," He whispered so quietly, so reverently that I almost didn't hear him over the loud music.
"Can I talk to you, please?"
"I-I don't think now is a good time, I'm here with Jake," I stuttered, trying to get a hold on the thousands of emotions running through my body. I felt like I was vibrating.
He glanced at Jake and looked as though he was holding back tears.
"I've wanted to call, to talk to you…I just didn't know what to say. Did you call me this morning? I wish you would have talked to me, Bella. There is something I need to tell you, to explain." Edward pleaded. His voice was thick with an emotion I couldn't place. I continued to look up at him in utter confusion.
"I- I didn't want to interrupt, I just saw you and how beautiful you looked…you just completely stunned me. I wanted to talk to you to, I just…"
Tanya walked up. Mood killer. Major.
"Babe, this place is boring tonight can we go?" She asked looking around until she spotted me. "Oh, Bella, I didn't recognize you. You look nice. How are you?" she said with a smile as she once again snaked her arm through Edward's.
"I need a drink," was all I could say before I grabbed Jake's hand and pushed my way past them. I felt like I was about to vomit up my heart.
"Bella!" I heard Edward shout, but I didn't turn around to look.
"Are you ok?" Jake asked as he ran a comforting hand through my hair. I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch.
"I'm fine, I just need a drink. Something strong. Very strong."
Jake made his way to the bar then came back with an amber colored liquid in a small glass.
"Make sure you sip-"
Before he could finish, I had tossed my head back and swallowed the glass's contents. I slammed it down on the table and unleashed a guttural, "aaaah" between my teeth.
"-it burns." Jacob finished with an amused expression.
I looked over to see Edward and Tanya in what looked like a heated argument. I was watching with a smug smile until he made eye contact with me. He turned completely from her, ignoring whatever she was saying, and started to make his way over a determined look.
I couldn't deal with him anymore tonight. I decided to use what I could to keep him away from me.
I grabbed Jake by the face and crashed my lips into his forcefully. At first, he was frozen against my hungry lips as they moved over his at an uneven pace. But, after the two second shock wore off, he pressed me against the booth and slammed a leg in between mine and forced me to sit down, kissing me with vigor. I moaned as my instincts took over, and felt my hips rocking against his leg on their own accord. I laced my fingers through his hair and pulled him closer, granting him entrance into my mouth. His tongue moved with mine in a delicious battle, and I instantly relaxed. I was lost in the moment, but soon broke the kiss to catch my breath, and ask if we could leave. He took a moment and pulled himself together. He straightened his shirt and ran a hand through his low pony tail subconsciously.
When I looked passed Jake's shoulder, I could see pain in Edward's eyes. I didn't understand what was wrong; why would he be hurt by that? He didn't care and he didn't want me. Suddenly, Edward turned and hurried out of the club, not bothering to give me a second glance. I felt like I had been punched in the gut.
Then, it hit me. Jake cared about me and wanted me. He could make me forget, he could make me feel whole. I wanted him. Now.
I wanted to feel whole again.
I nudged Jake and grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the club. He went to the valet and had them retrieve his car.
The ride back to Jake's apartment was quick. Before I had even realized it, we were out of the car and I had him pressed up against his door. Our mouths worked as one as we hungrily lapped at each other with our tongues. He fumbled for the keys as I played with the hem of his shirt, running my hands underneath it and up his hard abs.
"B-Bella, you got to stop for a minute. Let me open the door." Jake's voice was lower than I had ever heard it. It didn't encourage me to stop, it only pushed me to have him closer to me.
"I don't want to stop, Jake. I need you now." I breathed against his ear and nipped around the shell. His wide shoulders shuddered at the sensation.
He was finally able to get the door open and he pulled us inside. As soon as the door was closed, I started to unbutton his shirt. He wrapped his arms around my waist as he bent down to trail wet kisses down my shoulder. I threw my head back letting a small moan escape my lips when he blew on the wet, slick skin.
I pushed him backwards until his knees came into contact with the couch and he sat down. I put my legs on either side of his and straddled his lap. I could feel his erection pressed between my legs. I smirked as I nipped at his lush bottom lip.
He started to kiss me again as he let his hands move up my thighs, and under the bottom of my dress. I had a flash of Edward doing the same thing; how it felt, and it was no where close to the same. I could feel Jake's hands at the edge of my panties now, and he started to deepen the kiss. He broke away from my mouth and worked his way down my neck. A moan escaped my lips.
"I need you, Edward."
Jake froze instantly.
"Why did you stop?" I asked, trying to keep the disappoint at bay.
"Bella, it's Jake, not Edward. Jake." He looked at me, pain obvious in his eyes.
"I know that. I know your Jake." I nodded back confused.
"You called me Edward."
"N-no I didn't," I stuttered and shook my head.
He gently pushed me off his lap and stood up. He ran a hand up his face and stared at the ceiling for a few seconds.
"Yes, Bella. You called me Edward. I can't do this." He looked back down at me and shook his head. His teeth chewed on his bottom lip.
"Do what?" I begged him.
"Don't you see what you're doing? You're doing to me what he did to you. Don't do that to me, Bella. I want you to want me. I don't want to be some runner up, someone you use to forget. I won't be that, Bella. I won't be your excuse."
"That's…it's not…Jake, I-I'm sorry I didn't mean to…" I got up to leave, completely ashamed of myself.
"Bella, I care for you a lot, I really do. I just want to be the one for you, not the one you use to get over him." Jake said quietly. He walked over to me and gently rubbed my back. I paused at the door, attempting to hold back my tears.
"I didn't mean it like that, I…I have to go Jake, I'm so sorry."
"Bella, no, I'll take you home."
"No, I want to be alone…I'm sorry." I turned around and gave Jake a weak smile and squeezed his shoulder. His eyes looked heavy, worn. He looked like he was struggling between what he wanted and what was right.
Before he could change his mind, I stormed out of the door and ran to the street, hailing a cab.
I spent the ride home crying. I knew Jake's feelings for me. I knew he wanted more then I was able to give him, but I still led him on.
I felt wretched. How could I have done that knowing how much it hurt me?
I was dropped off in front of Alice's house and their car was still gone.
I ran to the house and to my room, slamming the door behind me and throwing myself on the bed.
Life sucks, than hopefully, you die.
EPOV
It had been two weeks since I had seen Bella. Two weeks since I had spoke to her, and it was the most unbearable two weeks of my life.
I spent a good amount of time alone in my house. I kept it dark; no lights. Trying to watch T.V. was pointless, so I kept it off. I was barely eating or sleeping. I had no friends to talk to. Emmett wouldn't take my calls to come over, and I had tried calling Bella a few times at Alice and Jasper's, but that was a mistake.
I was alone.
I was left to stew in the fact that I was a blind moron who was so secretly in love with my best friend, that even I didn't see it. That I had damaged the one I loved in my stupidity. That I would never be able to make it right.
The fact that I now knew that I was in love with Bella caused this empty burning feeling in my chest on a regular basis. It wouldn't go away no matter what I tried.
The fact that none of my friends would talk to me brought on a whole new pain. I wanted to call to let them know I saw it, that it finally happened and I needed their help to make it right. I needed them to tell me what to do, because I would do anything.
This only caused me to break down and cry because at the present, I had no friends to speak to.
I knew they were doing it for Bella. I knew she would never ask them to, but that they thought that is what she needed and that was fine.
But what was I supposed to do?
My work had started to slip. I was known for never being late and always giving everything one hundred percent. But not now. I couldn't focus. I could barely drag myself out of bed.
Angela was pissed. She said she was getting me a personal assistant, and I was going to have to suck it up. I was costing them money, and word was getting out about how I was acting. She was right, the tabloids started printing stories that I was into drugs and was slowly becoming another Hollywood statistic.
My mother had called after seeing one of these magazines and asked me if it was true. I had to explain to her what happened. I had never heard my mother scream so loud. The things she said to me…I knew she would regret later because she loved me and that is just how she was, but she refused at this time to speak to me until I fixed it.
My father wasn't much help either. Carlisle had been wary of me becoming an actor. He said that this place changed people, and he didn't want that to happen to his son. I promised that it wouldn't. he brought that up, telling me he didn't realize I was no longer a man of my word and that he was disappointed in me.
I didn't even have my parents to fall back on.
I was laying in bed staring at the ceiling, a favorite past time of mine now seeing as I could no longer sleep. The house was quiet and I was alone.
Still.
I heard my front door open, but I knew it wouldn't be anyone that I wanted to see, so I didn't move.
"Hey babe, how are you feeling?" Tanya said peaking her head around my door.
"Fine" I answered morosely without looking at her.
She breathed out a heavy sigh.
"When is the last time you were out of that bed?"
"Don't know."
"Do you have any jobs today?" she asked still standing in the door.
"Don't know."
"Edward, you can't keep doing this to yourself. You're going to ruin your career. Then what? Do you think that is going to bring her back?" She asked sounding annoyed. But I could care less.
"I don't care, Tanya."
"You're acting like a child." she spat.
"You don't have to be here." I reminded her.
"Oh course I do. I care about you, unlike your friends," Sure she did. "I'm going to make you some breakfast, and then we are going to spend some time together. Maybe we could go out tonight."
She waited a moment for my response, but when she didn't get it, she turned on her heels and headed to the kitchen.
All the sudden, my phone rang, it was probably Angela calling to tell me how I once again messed up at some audition or job.
I picked up the phone, and said "Hello" My voice was still heavy with sleep. I cleared it slightly. My throat burned in retaliation.
No one responded.
"Hello, who's this?" I asked a little louder and sat up. I clear my throat once more.
Who calls this early in the morning and says nothing?
Then it clicked, it was her.
"Bella!" I called her name, "Bella, please say something. I have called please talk to me, I'm so sorry, I miss you so much, can we please talk?"
Still nothing.
Just then, Tanya popped her head back into the room asking where I kept my coffee. I stopped breathing immediately and felt my heart thunder loudly in my chest. Bella would think she was here overnight, but she wasn't. she hasn't since that night. I heard a muffled sob and I had to stop her before she got the wrong impression
"Bella, please, I can-" The line went dead.
"NO! Fuck!" I launched the phone across the room and it hit the wall with such force that it smashed into tiny glittery pieces.
"Edward, what the hell is your problem? Way to waste a fucking Iphone!" Tanya shrieked from the door.
"That was Bella, she heard you and hung up." I said biting the inside of my mouth.
"So you took it out on the phone?" she spat back at me.
Shut up, woman.
"Better than your face." I mumbled low so she couldn't hear me.
"We are going out tonight." She announced, unaware of my previous comment.
"No." I stated evenly.
"Yes, you need to get out of this cave you have built for yourself."
"No." I reiterated, grinding my teeth together.
"Edward, we are going out. Do whatever you want today, but we are going out tonight. I will take you drinking. You can drowned your sorrows, or whatever other pathetic thing you want to do, but you are doing it outside of this god forsaken house. Do you understand?" She said with her arms across her chest and her hip sticking out.
"Whatever. fine. I'll go out, but I am coming home when I want. With or without you."
"That is all I ask." she skipped out the room to return to breakfast.
The rest of the day was spent with me in my room alone. Tanya called me on her way back from a photo shoot and told me I better be ready by the time she got here.
I told her fine, and when I hung up, I pretended to strangle the phone in frustration. She was getting on my last nerve.
I showered, but didn't bother to shave. I threw on the first thing I grabbed in my closet, which was a pair of dark jeans and a grey t-shirt. Tanya didn't even bother coming in, she merely honked to let me know she was outside waiting.
Nice.
Oh baby, you. You got what I need. I sang in my head with a sarcastic smirk.
I headed out to her car, and plopped into the passenger seat. I didn't want to this. I was in no mood to go out to a club. But maybe if I got trashed, I'd get some sleep.
"Oh, Edward, hobo works for you." Tanya smothered a laugh as she took in my appearance. I turned towards her and flashed her a fierce smile.
"Get to driving, New York."
We arrived at the club right after 9, and it was already packed. oh, of course there was no waiting for us, we went in through the VIP entrance to the side. Tanya insisted, even though she knew I hated the whole VIP thing.
I headed straight for the bar and asked for a double shot of whatever was closest to the man. He placed it in front of me and I threw it back quickly, relishing the warm numbing effect it had. I reached into my wallet and slapped a hundred on the table and nodded for him to keep them coming.
After my third double, I decided to look around. I had lost Tanya at some point. She was probably looking for her next casting couch no doubt, but I could care less.
I somehow managed to make my way to the edge of the dance floor. I was watching the crowd and listening to the random techno song they were playing. It was definitely different. I couldn't help smiling at the thought of Bella trying to dance to this. She'd probably look like she was having a seizure.
Then, I spotted her. And she definitely didn't look retarded as she moved her body skillfully against a large guy.
I had to blink a couple times, because the doubles were taking their effect. I thought I was dreaming.
She was stunning. She was laughing, her hair was swishing back and forth as she moved from side to side. I caught a glimpse of the dress she was wearing, and I stopped breathing. It was like everything in that moment finally made me feel a small fraction of what she had been feeling for her entire lifetime.
Because here I was, in love with this beautiful creature who was dancing mere feet away from me, and she was the most amazing thing I had ever seen. My heart came to life as soon as I saw her. But it plummeted once I realized , who she was with. Her hands were wrapped around the neck of Jacob, and she was grinding herself into him a little more vigorously than before. I felt like I was going to be sick.
Is this how I had made her feel for years? If so, I was royally screwed.
A new sensation of pain ripped through my body, one I had never before felt. It set every nerve on fire.
She finally looked over Jake's shoulder, and her brown eyes met my green, and we were locked in a moment.
I wanted to run to her, to tell her what a fool I had been, to get down on my knees in front of all these people and beg her to forgive me, and let her know I loved her too. I couldn't picture another moment of my life that she wasn't part of. I wanted to crash my lips into hers and taste her. To savor her. To touch her. To never let her go.
All I could do was let her know I thought she was beautiful, so I did. I saw a small smile play on her face. Her eyes seemed to glisten, and I was going to make my move, I was going to go beg for forgiveness. Just then, I noticed Bella's smile drop and tears fall down her face. I didn't understand the sudden change.
Then I felt it, or should I say her.
Tanya came up next to me and weaved her arm into mine, and snuggled up to me.
"Having fun?" She cooed.
I ripped my arm away from Tanya and she looked at me in shock. I looked to Bella and pleaded with my eyes, I shook my head to tell her this wasn't what it looked like.
She had stopped dancing and Jake took notice. He snapped his head in my direction and growled, "You have got to be fucking kidding me."
I saw her whispered something to him and give his arm a reassuring squeeze. I started walking towards her and I noticed that she was frantically searching the dance floor, probably for signs of Alice or Rose.
I made it to her, but for a moment, said nothing. My eyes begged her to understand; to give me a moment to explain. I wanted so badly to tell her everything if she would only let me.
"Bella," I was finally able to croak out. "Can I talk to you, please?"
"I-I don't think now is a good time. I'm here with Jake." she said pulling herself closer to him. Had I pushed her towards him? Was it to late? I felt water well in my eyes at the realization that I possibly would never get the chance to let her know I loved her.
"I've wanted to call, to talk to you. I just didn't know what to say. Did you call me this morning? I wish you would have talked to me Bella, there's something I need to tell you, to explain." It all came out in a mess of words.
"I- I didn't want to interrupt, I wanted to talk to you to, I just…" And then, Tanya walked up.
Mood kill. Major.
"Babe, this place is boring tonight, can we go?" She looked around the room trying to spot someone of importance. "Oh, Bella, I didn't recognize you. You look nice. How are you?" I stiffened at her tone.
"I need a drink." Bella said, grabbing Jake's hand and pushing past us.
"Bella!" I couldn't let her go, not until she knew. But she ignored me and continued on with Jake.
"What the hell is wrong with you, Tanya? Why would you do that?" I was unable to control the volume of my voice.
"What are you talking about?"
"You knew I have been wanting to talk to her! why on earth would you interrupt?" I was so pissed. If Tanya had blown my only chance to talk to Bella, I'd kill her.
She started to drone on about something, but I couldn't be bothered to pay attention. At that moment, I once again made eye contact with Bella. She had thrown back some drink in a glass and was watching me. Maybe I had another shot. I walked away from Tanya without another word.
But, before I could reach her, she grabbed Jake and pulled him to her, throwing herself into a kiss. He responded after a short pause, and pressed her into the booth. My heart was no longer beating. The pain that ripped through my body as I watched another man's lips on her was agony.
I couldn't move. I couldn't pull my eyes away from it. It was like watching the destruction of my heart up close.
She looked up from Jake, and for the third time that night our eyes met. My body was shaking from silent sobs. I couldn't take this anymore. I turned and left to find Tanya to take me home.
I found her schmoozing some guy at the bar. I grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the exit.
"Edward what the hell is-" I didn't let her finish, I pressed her up against the wall and pressed my lips to hers. I needed to feel something, anything, but the pain I was feeling now. I needed her. Now.
She granted me access no questions asked, and I deepened the kiss as best I could. As I kissed her, all I thought of was Bella. How Bella's lips felt, how her mouth tasted. That drove me further into a blissful oblivion. we made it to the car and she drove to my house as fast as she could.
Once out of the car, I attacked her again, kissing her full on as we stumbled backwards towards the front door. Once there, I hurried with my keys and let us in. I kicked the door closed and started to pull the trampy tank top she was wearing off. I needed to feel her. once I had it over her head, I threw it off to the side not caring where it landed.
We made our way to my room and she pulled my shirt over my head and started kissing down my chest. When my knees made contact with the bed, she nudged me and I fell back. I felt her climb up and straddle my lap. She was kissing and working her way down to my pants. I felt her fingers reach the button, and I froze.
It wasn't her undoing the buttons now, it was Bella. Her long chocolate hair tickled my chest and her pale skin looked heavenly; lit only by the moon light. I could smell her; the berries, her shampoo I could feel her. Every last inch of her. I needed her. I wanted her. I flipped her over onto her back, but when I looked up at her, it wasn't Bella. It was Tanya and the pain I wanted to forget.
I couldn't do this.
"Tanya, I can't." I said rolling off her.
"What do you mean you can't?" she asked angrily.
"I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry."
"It's her, isn't it? It's the nobody? You're going to leave me for someone who doesn't even exist on our level, who won't even speak to you?"
"She may be a nobody to you, but she is a somebody to me, and she is a hell of a lot more of a somebody then you. Just leave."
She stood up in a fit of anger and spat her finale words,
"She'll never take you back. You're pathetic. you ruined any chance you ever had, Edward. Enjoy your misery."
And with that, Tanya was out of my life.
I just had to figure out how to get Bella back in.
A/N: DING DONG THE WITCH IS GOOOOONE!