A/N: Well, you all are pretty much amazing when it comes to reviews. Some are upset she isn't pregnant.. let me take a moment to let those who may not understand this know.

Baby doesn't equal automatic happiness. I am trying to keep this story as real life as possible.. and in real life babies are work and babies are not a magical fix to a broken relationship. If she had been pregnant and Edward came back, she would never ever know if it was because he truly loved her or he was doing what he though was the right thing. A baby is not a way to fix anything, it is a human..and should be brought into the world because you are ready to be a parent, not as a way to mend something that is broken.

Takes off mom hat.

This is it people, the chapter before the one you have been waiting for.. so it may be shorter and it may not be full of my normal heartfail but you will be happy for the next two chapters.

Erin as always my little spine breaking uterus eater.. I love you beta!

Make sure to check out wwwdottwilightawardsdotthis-paradisedotcom where this story is nominated for two awards.

Alright... carry on

BPOV

Three months had past, and I was doing better than I ever expected.

The pregnancy scare had made me see how sad I had become; actually hoping for a baby to bring Edward and I together. That's an all time low if I've ever seen one. After reflecting on the entire situation, I realized that if it wasn't meant to be, then it wasn't meant to be. Nothing would be able to change that.

Especially not a baby.

Once I had that epiphany, I began my trek for higher ground.

With the help of my friends, I had created a small business selling my photography. I had never really put much thought into what I would do in the future when I was working with Edward, because I never pictured myself away from him. But, as always, reality reared its ugly head and I was forced to seek out other options.

And I had options I never knew I had.

I had saved up enough money from the jobs I booked to rent my own apartment which doubled as my place of business, and my place of rest. As much as I loved and gratified Alice for her help, I felt like I was imposing on her kindness.

Plus, I had never actually lived on my own, so it was a nice little adventure for me. I went straight from my parents to living with Edward, then to Alice. It was nice to have some privacy. I also felt satisfied because I did this all this on my own.

After the scare, things seemed to have hit rock bottom for me, but I kept a positive attitude hoping that things could only move up.

And they did at a staggering rate.

My photography's popularity traveled fast thanks to being the "unknown wonder," and with Jake as such a prominent figure in the art world as a friend, it moved even faster. I had a two month waiting list within two weeks, and I was beyond stoked.

It was December now; Edward's favorite time of year. The days were slowly growing colder and the days shorter.

The holidays were fast approaching, and my new found happiness was starting to fade.

It was fading because of the tradition this time of season held.

The Cullen/Swan Christmas party.

Each year, Edward and I would go home to spend some much needed quality time with our friends and family. Our families, being as close as they are, put together a massive Christmas party and we spent the time as one big, happy, loving family.

The gang would always join us, because it was the one time of year where we all were together for a extended vacation. No work, no worries, just us basking in time we had together.

However, with the current state of our situation, the promise of a worry-free holiday did not seem too plausible.

That was the main reason why I was a little sad; wondering if anything was left untouched by our actions, or if anything would ever be the same again.

But, I would suck it up. I would deal with whatever was thrown at me, and go with a brave face. Everyone deserved a break from the dramatics. I could tell that my friends felt a weight lift off their shoulders once the pregnancy scare had passed. They stopped hunching and shuffling. It hurt me a little to know that my problems with Edward had caused them pain also.

Everyone was talking again, though! Well, everyone except Edward and I.

I needed more time. I didn't want to have a relapse. I needed to make sure that when I was near him, I wouldn't feel like my heart was being ripped out. I would like it if I could breathe normally instead of in sharp gasps. I'd also like to hold myself together without physically wrapping my arms around myself. I needed time to let all those feelings that went beyond friendship go, because we would never be more than just friends. He didn't see me that way, and I had to accept that and make myself happy now.

But time was no longer on my side. Time trickled away with each day that passed, bringing me closer to the day we would be in the same room together face to face. With each passing day, that old prickly emotion would creep back in, and no matter how hard I tried to fight them back, my efforts were futile.

I would close my eyes and I would see him so clearly; his perfect pink lips, his dark emerald eyes, his crazy bronze hair pointing lazily in different directions…

At first, those were the only images I had. But as I was brought closer to the inevitable meeting I would have to face, more memories of Edward came to me. He would cloud my brain as I packed or slept. Even if I was alone for to long he would take hostage of my thoughts and force me to focus on him.

Please let go…

Edward laying soft kisses up my half naked body…Edward calling me beautiful…the feeling of pure euphoria as he pushed himself deep into me , fitting me like a missing puzzle piece.

I would snap out of it with a shake my head. Fresh tears always appeared after these bittersweet memories, but I never let them flow.

I scolded myself repeatedly. Let go…

I had finally gotten to the point where I could sleep through the night without my heart hurting too terribly. The only time the throbbing would grow unbearable was when I thought of him, like it was now. The fact that such a big player in my life had become someone who was in the nose bleed section of the arena not even able to see the game up close is what hurt most of all.

I think he would be proud of me, at least I hoped he would be. I had accomplished so much on my own during his absence, andI had grown into a different person. I don't even know whether or not he got chance to see my work when it was up. Someone had purchased my photos two months ago, and I was shocked that they would want pictures of strangers hanging in their homes, but also flattered that they thought them good enough to buy.

It just hurt not having Edward in my life. But it was better like this for now.

…Wasn't it?

Tomorrow was the big day; the moment of truth.

Christmas Eve.

Would we even be able to be in the same room together and be civil, or would we just bring our family down? Would anything have changed?

I was hoping that when I saw him that my heart would mend, and our connection would snap right back into action and it would be like the last three months had never happened.

But my worst fear was overshadowing my best case scenario. My fear that this time apart would show Edward what I always knew; I really had no business in his presence at all and he was indeed better off without me.

My eyes watered at that possibility alone.

I was in my apartment alone packing for the trip. I was rummaging through shopping bags Alice and Rose had brought over. Apparently, my taste in holiday apparel was not up to their standards, so they decided to update my wardrobe.

I laughed as I pulled out articles of clothing, if you could call some of these things clothing, out of the bag and folded them neatly before placing them in my duffle bag.

I shook my head when I reached the underwear.

Why even bother? I thought as held up a thin piece of black lace. I think Rose and Alice forgot we were going home to my parent's house for Christmas, and not on a island getaway with a few hot guys.

But, knowing them, once we got to my parents house they would search through my bag taking inventory to make sure I packed what they gave me. It was better to humor them than to spend time arguing.

I had just shoved the final article of skimpy lace into my bag and zipped the top when my phone began ring. I reached over to the nightstand to grab the phone and I looked at the caller ID and saw that it was Esme. I smiled.

"Hello?"

"Bella dear, it's Esme. How are you?" Esme cooed from the other line in a motherly tone.

"I'm doing wonderful, and you?" I asked sweetly as I plopped onto my bed.

"I'm well, sweetheart. I was calling to talk to you for a moment if you have the time,"

"Of course, is anything wrong?"

"Well…I know Edward and you have had a slight falling out. I know that things aren't the same between you two anymore…" She said, her voice dripping with motherly concern.

"Yes, for the moment we aren't close." I replied and cleared my throat slightly. I blinked my eyes a few times to rid them of the stinging tears.

"Well, I want you to know that no matter what happens between you two, you will always be a daughter to me. You will always mean just as much to me as if you were my own. Carlisle feels the same, dear."

"Wow…thank you." Her sudden onslaught of love had taken me off guard. I smiled a watery smile as I felt my heart clench slightly.

"We were worried that you might feel awkward coming here tomorrow, and that you wouldn't feel comfortable being around Edward-" I cut her off swiftly to avoid a hasty subject.

"Esme, really, it will all work out. This is a time to be happy and relax. I plan on leaving my issues behind. I'm not letting this effect our Christmas."

"I know you wouldn't do that, Bella, and Edward won't either. He misses you, sweetheart. I believe things will work out in time. Even the closest of people have things that separate them for a time. But, what is meant to be will happen, you'll see."

She was such an optimistic person. It was no secret that her and Renee had spent a good amount of time since our birth planning our wedding. It was sad to see them have all the hope that I had for that to come true.

It wouldn't.

"I hope you're right." Was all I could think to say.

"Aren't I always?" She teased back lightly. Her soft laughter caressed me into a calm state. I smiled thankfully.

We talked a little more about the next day, and how good it would be to have everyone over. She wished me a safe flight and a good night, then hung up.

I did a once over of my things to make sure I hadn't forgotten to pack anything, then readied myself for bed.

Once I was between the comforting embrace of my sheets and my head had resting on my fluffy pillow, I was pulled into a immediate sleep with a very vivid dream of how tomorrow went.

We were all at the party together. It felt like ages since I had seen Edward. Once our eyes locked from across the room, everything was forgotten. Every mistake was pushed away, and it was us; Edward and Bella. Not the shattered shells that we were now, but the loving friends with an amazing electric connection.

All was right.

Soulmates together forever.

EPOV

Three months had passed. Three god damn excruciating months without Bella.

I had turned around and gone back the day I found out she wasn't pregnant. I just didn't think that I was the person she would want to see. Plus, I had hurt her so badly that I couldn't stomach the idea that my presence there would probably break her more.

Production was not pleased with me. At all.

I received a warning letter ,and was fined for delaying filming which caused us to get off of a very tight schedule.

Not that I really cared.

Nothing meant anything to me anymore. All I thought of was Bella, all I saw was Bella.

Erin was not pleased with me.

Okay, not pleased was an understatement. A very large, dangerous understatement.

She was beyond pissed. Beyond livid, really. Not only did I get ripped by production, Angela, an the cast and crew, I also had to deal with an Irish rocket. Erin made sure I understood what an absolute bombay shiitake I was.

Whatever the hell that meant.

The rest of filming dragged on, and I did the best I could to get through it without pissing anyone else off.

When it was over, Erin was asked by Angela if should would like to go back to the states with me to take over Bella's job. My place at my agency depended on Erin's decision, basically. Angela said Erin was the only one who kept me completely in line(more like threatened me), and she refused to continue to represent me unless Erin was there with me.

Erin let me sweat it for a few days before she answered, trying to teach me a lesson, but eventually agreed to continue being my PA. I now owe her a year supply of Starbucks at any given time. I guess it was a small price to pay.

At least she was a decent friend.

We had been home now for a month, and with the word spreading about my flighty attitude all over the tabloids, work was slow. I didn't mind much, I wasn't in need of more money or anything. There was only one thing I was in need of, and at the moment, it wasn't available.

Everyday I spoke with my friends more. They had all pretty much forgiven me for my gross misjudgment in the events that had brought us to the situation we were all in now.

It was the guys first, then Alice, and last Rose. Rose made sure she was the last so I could sport a black eye without her being stopped. I actually grinned when it happened, because five seconds later, she jumped straight into my arms for a bear hug.

We never went out as a group. It always with one or two of them at a time to lunch or coffee, but never more. There would be too huge of a part missing if we did.

They filled me in on Bella and her new apartment and thriving business.

I was so proud of her. She never gave herself enough credit for being such an amazing person. I was glad that she had finally seen it in herself and took a chance to tackle something she loved.

I picked up the phone at least five times a day to dial her number so I could beg her to meet me somewhere so we could talk, or I could, whichever she'd prefer. But, Each time the coward in me never got past the send button.

I had heard from all our friends how happy and perfect she was doing. and I didn't want to ruin it. I was afraid I would bring her down, and all I could think was I had put her through enough. I couldn't bare bringing one ounce more of pain in her life.

Everyone said she would ask about me, but that was becoming a scarce topic.

Was she moving on? Was she forgetting me?

I had to do something soon. I had to talk to her before it was to late, if it wasn't already.

And I had the perfect opportunity.

Christmas was here, and it was time for our family's jointed Christmas party. We would finally be in the same room together with no one to interrupt our talk. They all knew how important it was. They all knew I was in love with her… and they were all hoping I could fix it.

I would suck it up this time. I had to, it could be the last chance I had.

I would have Erin there for moral support, thank God. She'd promised to kick my ass, with a very wide grin, if I failed to man up this time.

And I knew she meant it in the most loving way possible, I was sure.

I mean, how much damage could a 5'4 runt do to my tall-ass frame?

…I decided not to dwell on it.

We were flying out tomorrow. I was in my room packing, and Erin was off doing the same in Bella's old room. I figured it was the least I could do since I pulled her away from Ireland and her family. So, she gladly made house and compiled to wake me up every morning.

She wasn't as gentle as Bella was. I'd usually get a knee nudged into my rib cage of a small body tackling me with a horde of pillows.

Bella…

My brain switched to my love immediately. Would she look any different? Would she feel any different?

I had never gone this long without seeing her, and the empty hole in my chest reminded me of that every day.

I had just finished packing the last of my things, and I wondered what Bella was doing right now at this very moment. A smile pulled at the corner my lips. In less then twenty-four hours I would see her, and I would let her know I loved her.

Please don't be to late…

I was pulled out of my thoughts by the ringing of my phone.

Looking at the caller ID, I saw that it was Carlisle.

"Hey, dad." I answered as cheerfully as I could.

"Edward." Carlisle greeted me shortly. He was still upset with me, even after all this time.

"How's it going?" I asked in the same cheery tone, ignoring my Father's frostiness.

"Just calling to wish you a safe flight. Your mother and I will be at the airport tomorrow at ten to pick you and the guys up."

"Alright, sounds good."

"Alright then, I'll see you all tomorrow." He said, about to hang up.

"Dad," I said suddenly, hoping it would stop him from leaving so abruptly. "I'm going to fix it, I promise. I don't like her hurting, either. It is killing me, Dad. I really messed up. I was stupid and blind and I didn't know. Now that I do, I'll fix it. I promise." I wish he would just understand and give me chance.

But, he was angry. Bella was like a daughter to him. she was just as important, if not more, to him as I was, and I had hurt her. He was doing what anyone would do when someone they loved was hurt. He was sticking up for her.

It didn't help that the son is the one who did this, that brought nothing but anger and disappointment.

I didn't blame him, though. I was angry with myself.

"I hope so, son. I hope you are able to fix it. Because we love her; she is like family. It would kill Esme to lose her. Make it right, Edward. Fix this mess you have caused."

"I will."

After I hung up with my father, I laid down in bed on my side. I stared at the picture I had taken from Bella's room the day that Emmett and Jasper came to move her out.

We were so happy and carefree then.

None of these grown up problems getting in the way.

I focused on every detail of Bella's face; her full pink pouty lips, her deep chocolate eyes, he soft pale skin. Even then, she was so beautiful.

How could I have been such a fool?

But tomorrow was it, the moment of truth. I would do it, I would swallow my pride. If I had to, I would get on my knees and beg her to forgive me. Let her know that she was the only one for me, and I would spend the rest of my life making this whole mess up to her if it meant that I would spend it with her.

Every wasted moment, every wasted kiss or touch I had spent on someone else was never meant for anyone but her. I loved her, and tomorrow, she would finally know that I had made the biggest mistake in my life by not realizing it sooner.

I could feel the corners of my mouth pull up slightly at the thought of the outcome.

I would finally be able to see her. To touch her. To love her as I always should have.

Tomorrow, was the first day of the rest of my life, and I only hoped it went as good as I was imagining it would.

If she needed more time, I would wait. I would do anything and everything for her.

My lids started to droop and sleep overtook me.

The last thought on my mind was of her.

A/N: GOOD?? you still love me without all my emo?