A/N: So here is the moment you all have been waiting for. Some may love what I have done, others may not like what I have done. Either way, I am loving how I did this. As someone who has been in this situation, I can tell you I would have reacted the same... so Hope you enjoy.

Don't forget to go toe the twilight awards and vote for this story! www(dot)twilightawards(dot)this-paradise(dot)com

Songs that inspired this chapter, Some fit perfect, others just set the mood.

Joni Mitchell- Both Sides Now, Ingrid Michaelson- Keep Breathing, Incubus-Miss You, New Found Glory- Ex-miss, Mae- The Sun and the Moon, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus- Guardian Angel, Jason Reeves- Entwined

Thank you Super sexy beta Ereeen as always I love ya!

Carry ON!!

BPOV

The plane ride home was excruciating. Because of the holiday madness, it was packed tight and I was one of the unlucky ones to be placed in a middle seat.

The portly gentleman to my right took up all of his seat and most of mine with the girth of his arm. The lady on my left yammered on about her family members she was about to see for the first time in 8 years. Something about stints in rehab, I don't know. Not only did I not want to pay attention, I simply couldn't.

The moment the plane reached altitude and the belt light went off, I made a mad dash for a bathroom, and locked myself in. It was the first time I had seen myself in a mirror, and I wondered what people must think because I looked like a mess.

My eyes were swollen and red. Black tear stained streaks were stained down my cheeks.

I looked pathetic.

I turned on the tap, cupping my hand underneath the faucet and splashing cold water onto my face. I scrubbed away all the remnants of the tears I had cried tonight.

Once I was done, I ran my wet hands through my hair, gripping it at the back, and left them on the back of my neck. I rested my elbows on the counter and stared at my reflection in the mirror.

I thought of the things that Edward said tonight; the emotion behind his words, the tears that fell from his emerald eyes, sobs that racked his body, the sight of him falling to his knees in front of me.

I puffed out my cheeks and let out a gust of air.

What was wrong with me? Tonight had been everything I have always dreamed about. He said that he loved me, and couldn't live without me. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, and I ran out on him. I told him that it wasn't possible.

What the hell is wrong with you? I mentally scolded myself.

That kiss. Why did I stop that kiss? So what if it brought back memories of that night. Edward didn't even resemble the same person that took me so blindly.

I didn't think I have ever seen him so broken in all the years that I had known him. He must have been telling the truth. He was being serious, he loved me…why did I leave him?

Fear.

The fear that it couldn't be true, that he couldn't mean it. My insecurities had been ten folded since that night. Everything I worried about came true, but now he has said everything I have always wanted to hear. I just couldn't get past all the walls I constructed.

The fear that if I could some how let my walls fall, that this would be it. It would either work and we would live happily ever after, or this would be the end of everything. I would not only lose the love of my life, but my best friend also.

Was I able to risk that?

Now that I was semi-cleaned up, I left the cramped bathroom and sat back down in my seat, blocking out the lady next to me and thinking of what I was going to do.

All I knew is that I had a lot of time to think it through.

The rest of the flight was uneventful. The lady had finally picked up on the fact I wasn't paying attention and decided to busy herself with talking to the gentlemen in the aisle seat next to her.

Once the plane landed and I was back on solid ground, I walked through the airport not bothering to pause at luggage claim because I only had a carry-on with me..

The ride back to the apartment was spent running through the night's events and the months prior to it. How could this possibly work out?

I reached the door to my apartment, dragging my bag behind me on the ground. I was so beat. I placed the key in the lock and turned. I opened the door and let it slam against the wall.

That would leave a mark. I didn't care.

I pulled the bag in behind me, then released it once I was inside the apartment. I slammed the door shut behind me.

I was here alone, and it was now Christmas.

Perfect.

I headed to my room to change out of the blue dress I was wearing. I pulled it off and threw it in the corner. What a waste. I pulled on a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt. It wasn't like I would go anywhere. I was just going to sit and fester with my thoughts.

I spent a good amount of time pacing around my apartment, ignoring my shrieking phone. I didn't bother to look at the caller ID to see who it was. I didn't want to talk to him, I didn't want to talk to anyone. I just needed time to digest everything.

Everything he said; everything I said. The kiss, his limp body huddled on the floor, the sounds of him sobbing and pleading with me to understand…

I felt sick. He was giving me everything I wanted, everything I always dreamed of with him, and I turned it all down. I told him to let it go. I told him to let me go.

Why did I do that? Maybe I should have been telling myself to let it go. Just let the past go, and start fresh. But would that even be possible? Would I be able to forget the images and memories that were so vivid in my mind? Would I ever truly be able to rid myself of the pain caused by this entire situation?

Maybe that is what worried me the most; we would give it a go, but I would never truly be able to let go of everything that had happened, and it would slowly eat away at any attempt we made.

It would leave us both resenting the other. We would stupidly bring up things from the past if we got into arguments--things with no relevance--only using it because we had it in our arsenal. Would that be how it was, both of us left bitter by this and unable to move past it?

I plopped down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. My thoughts drifted to him, and I wondered what he was doing now. Were our family and friends making sure he was okay this time? Lord knows they had babied me enough in the last few months. Maybe it was time for them to help him get over me.

I rolled onto my side and closed my eyes as I attempted to get some sleep, but it was impossible.

I thought about something Edward said. He had taken the picture from my bedside table the day that Jasper and Emmett moved my things out. I was a little stunned by that revelation because I didn't fully understand why he would have wanted to keep it.

I don't know why it was so important or what the hell I was thinking, but I wanted it back. It was my picture, and my memory. Maybe the only good one I would have left of him.

Looking at the clock and seeing that it was now morning, I slid on some shoes and decided that this would be the only chance I would get to retrieve my picture without running into Edward.

The car ride over there was nerve racking. I knew he wasn't home, but I knew as soon as I step into that house, I would be assaulted by all the memories of my time there.

I turned into the drive way and turned off the car. I sat quietly and looked at the place I used to call home.

I finally got out of the car and slowly made my way to the front door. I pulled out the key that was still attached to my chain with shaking fingers. I hadn't been here since the event that changed my life. I took a deep, cleansing breath, then opened the door.

I was immediately assaulted by the smell of home. The smell of Edward was the first hit; his shampoo and cologne, followed by the scent of clean laundry and coffee. All these scents blended together and brought forth bittersweet memories. I had lived here. To me, this had been home for the past couple of years. Every inch of this house held a memory, and every memory was a frozen moment in time that made me who I was today.

Even the bad.

Snap out of it, Bella! Get your picture and go.

I willed my legs to move, and headed to Edward's bedroom knowing that he kept things that were important to him in there. If he loved me like he said, then the picture would be there.

I walked down the hall that to Edward's room, and was hit with a wave of sadness. The familiarity of being in this room at least once a day to wake him up was too much. The witty remarks, him pulling me into bed with him laughing. Would our relationship be able to have that same spark as it once did?

I searched the room for the picture, scanning his walls and desk hurriedly. I didn't want to be in here too long because the overwhelming feeling of sadness was becoming hard to handle. I spotted what I was looking for on his bed side table and ran over and grabbed it. I smiled back sadly at the smiling faces of Edward and I.

Would we ever be this happy together again?

I hugged the picture close to my chest as I walked out of the room slowly, and back down the hallway. For some reason, I walked into the kitchen. I let my fingers trail along the counter top as I took in the images of the place I used to live.

From the kitchen I walked into the living room.

What I saw took my breath away.

There, in the living room, were all of my pictures from the gallery hung on the wall where the television used to be.

I stumbled backwards in shock until the back of my legs came in contact with the couch, causing me to stop.

Edward was the stranger. The one who bought my photos. He had seen my work, and he'd gone out of his way to actually keep up with something that was important to me, and I never knew.

I stood there too stunned and unable to move by the revelation that Edward was the buyer of my photos, that I hadn't heard a car pull up or the door open, but all the sudden, the sound of my name being called snapped me out of my thoughts and I swiveled my body towards the front door.

There stood Edward in the same button down blue shirt and dark denim jeans he had worn last night. They were a bit wrinkled, and his hair was more of a mess then normal. His face was a mixture of pain and shock. His eyes that were wide with surprise and bloodshot from what I assumed crying. His normally smooth skin was showing signs of five o'clock shadow.

He had come after me. He followed me home. Could he truly love me? Or was he feeling bad for what happened, that he thinks this is what I want?

I didn't have time to ask.

Our eyes locked and he ran to me, wrapping his arms around my waist, saying nothing as pulled me close to him, not hesitating to see my reaction as he crashed his lips into mine.

My response was not immediate. It took a minute before my brain could process all this new information, but once it did, I responded with fervor.

My hands went straight to his hair, gripping it and pulling him closer to me. I felt an arm tightened around my waist, melting our bodies together as the other hand gripped the back of my head holding me in place, refusing to let me go.

As if I would have allowed it.

It was a passion-filled kiss on both sides this time. There was no side working harder then the other. As if we were both on the same page the kiss deepened at the same time, our tongues moved together tasting and massaging.

I couldn't get enough. My heart had sped up and it felt like pure adrenalin was pumping through my veins, screaming at me to take this chance go for it.

Now or never, Bella, it is worth it.

Without breaking contact, I started nudging him backwards until his back came into contact with the wall with a thud. He moaned into my mouth and before I could register the move, he spun me around so my back was against the wall.

I lifted my leg, and he knew immediately what I was doing. He ran his hands down my legs, cupping the back of my thighs and giving me leverage to lift me so I could wrap my legs around his waist. I locked my ankles together as he leaned into me. At that moment, I could feel just what effect this was having on him as he was pressed between my legs.

I didn't care anymore. I could no longer ignore the cries of my heart. He may have hurt me, and I no doubt had hurt him too, but my heart screamed in my head, He loves you, and it was right. He did love me. I could feel it.

I loved him too.

Finally, his lips released their hold on mine, but he wasn't finished.

He trailed his way down from my lips to my jaw and neck, then to my collarbone. Coming back up to kiss every inch of my face, lips, eyelids, nose, forehead; you name it. No area left untouched.

In return, I repaid the favor to him by running my fingers down his chest and arms. I kissed every and any area I could reach. His head fell back, extending his neck to allow me better access. I took full advantage of it.

I must have been doing something right, because Edward's breathing was ragged, just as was mine. His hips were grinding his hardness between my legs, which was causing a bubble to form in my lower stomach.

My head nuzzled the crook of his neck as I placed small kisses on the sweet flesh there.

I didn't want to stop. I wanted to move forward. I knew where this was leading, and I so desperately wanted it.

But I had to stop. I couldn't go there just yet. I needed to talk to him first. The kiss had caught me off guard, and my emotions and desires got the best of me. I let my guard down too quickly.

We had to talk.

I leaned my back against the wall, pulling away from him. I placed my hands on his chest and pushed against him gently. His head came forward and he looked at me questioningly.

"Edward," My breathing was almost embarrassing. "We have to stop. We have to talk." I unlocked my legs from behind his back and dropped my feet to the floor.

He looked at me as if trying to figure out what I was going to do now.

"Please don't tell me you're going to run away from me again, Bella. You have to know now there is no where you can run where I won't follow." He leaned forward placing a kiss on my forehead before resting his head against mine.

His smell was so intoxicating. It took me a moment to form a coherent thought.

"I don't know what to say, Edward. I don't know anything anymore."

"Say you love me too, Bella." Edward offered, placing small kisses on my lips.

"You know I do." I brought my hand up to cup his cheek.

"Say it, Bella." He said brushing his thumbs over my cheeks.

"I love you." I whispered.

"Then that is all that matters." He said, his lips pulling into a smile.

"But…"

"No, Bella. We both made a mess of things. Things went unsaid on both sides. We both made shit of things, but we were meant for each other, Bella. I was meant for you and you were meant for me. There is no denying that anymore." He said with such conviction.

"But, what happens if it doesn't work, Edward? What if there is too much damage to sort through and instead of this becoming something good, it puts the finale nail in the coffin? I wouldn't be able to live without you in my life." The thought alone was unimaginable.

"I will never give up on us, Bella. I know what it is like to lose you, and I can't do it again. I refuse to live without you, without us." He pulled me closer to him and buried his face in my hair.

"I'm scared. I don't want to live without us either." I said holding him tight.

"Then we don't have to. I love you with ever fiber of my being, Bella. I have probably always loved you, it just took me a lot longer to figure it out."

He pulled back looking me in the eyes.

"I was always the smarter one." I laughed lightly.

"You were, and you are." He said brushing the back of his hand against my cheek, a smile stretching across his face.

"I can't believe you followed me home. How did you know I was here?"

"I didn't. I went to your apartment. I had to call Alice to get the address, by the way. You didn't answer the door after I begged for about an half an hour for you to please come talk to me. Your neighbor let me know that she saw you leave this morning. I couldn't think where you could have gone, so I was coming home to think of how I could make you listen, and what I could do to prove that I would never hurt you again. When I pulled up and saw your car, I almost had heart failure. To know you were here and we would finally be able to talk and we could try and fix things, was overwhelming. I came in and saw you and you were just as beautiful as you always are." He leaned forward pressing his lips to mine yet again.

"Why did you come here, Bella?"

"I wanted my picture back. I thought you were out of town still, and I knew this was my only chance to come and get it. But I saw these," I waved my hand to my pictures. "Why? Why did you buy these?"

"Because, the moment I saw them, they made me realize that I was in love with you too. I went to the gallery and saw them hanging there, and I saw what everyone else had seen. I saw that I loved you, and not as a friend, but as someone I wanted to be with for the rest of my life." He pulled away from me to lift my chin so that I could look him in the eyes. "I am so stupid, Bella. I don't know how I missed it. I don't know how I went so long without seeing it, without seeing you. I am sorry for ever single ounce of pain I have ever put you through. It was never my intention to hurt you in anyway." His eyes expressed the pain he felt for his actions.

"I know it wasn't. I should have told you, this is on me too, Edward. You weren't alone in this, we both made mistakes."

"But it stops here, Bella. We love each other, and what happened was never intentional. You have to know that," He pleaded for me to believe him.

He didn't have to.

"I know that. I just thought I had finally gotten what I had dreamed of that night, Edward. All I have ever wanted was you." I could see the pain of my words hit him. "Then not even ten hours later, you were back with her without even talking to me. I felt so used and crushed. I just couldn't be around you. I couldn't be in this house. Everything was this horrible memory."

"I'm so sorry! I will never be able to forgive myself for putting you through the last few months. I really would give anything to take them back."

"I know, I would give anything to go back and just tell you, just suck it up and tell you I was in love with you."

"Why didn't you?" He questioned.

"Look at you, Edward, then look at me. We're not exactly on the same level." I said looking anywhere but his eyes.

I felt his finger under my chin as he lifted it so I would look at him.

"Bella, what are you talking about? You've always been so beautiful. I must have really become a jerk if you thought so low of me; that all I went for is looks and not the amazing person you have always been to me. You're so smart and funny."

"They were my insecurities, Edward. If I could have gotten rid of them we probably wouldn't have had to deal with all this heartbreak."

"You know, my Mom says that will make us stronger. We will hold each other more dear now because we know what it feels like to lose each other."

"I don't want to go through this ever again." I said burying my face n his chest. His arms squeezed me closer to him.

"Then we won't." Edward cooed, placing a kiss on the top of my head.

"But what if…" Edward placed a finger against my lips.

"No, Bella. No what if's. If we dwell, then there will be a million reasons not to try because nothing is promised to anyone forever. I do, however, plan on making sure that everyday you know I love you. You know how important you are to me. I will never take you for granted again."

I bit my lower lip and looked up at him. Could I really just let everything go and give us a try? Would a chance at a lifetime of happiness with him be worth the risk of a lifetime friendship?

"Edward what if…" Edward's lips cut me off this time.

His soft warm lips touched mine, and all the what if's flew out the window.

All I knew in that moment was that I wanted him forever, and he wanted me too.

The kiss deepened, and once again I found my legs wrapped around his waist. This time, it was me grinding my hips into his and his erection was back, straining against the confinements of his jeans.

I knew what I wanted, and I knew it was a big risk. I wanted this part of our relationship to start on a happy note. I wanted to explore ever inch of him, and to have him explore every inch of me. I wanted this memory to be prefect and untarnished.

I needed this. I needed him.

"Edward…make love to me." I breathed against his insistent lips.

"Bella, we don't…" I cut him off.

"Edward, please." I begged and ground myself against him.

"Bella, are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure." I said and released the lock on my ankles and stood in front of him.

"I don't think so, Bella." He answered hesitantly. My face fell.

"What do you mean?"

He bent down and scooped me into his arms and started walking towards his bedroom.

"I finally got you. I refuse to let you go for any amount of time."

He carried me bridal style into his bedroom, then set me down carefully on the floor in front of his bed.

He wrapped his arms around me, raising one hand to brush my hair back behind my ear.

"I love you, Bella." He whispered as he gazed deeply into my eyes.

"I love you too, Edward." I stretched up on my toes and wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing my lips to his.

The kiss started out sweet and slow, almost too slow.

I traced his bottom lip with the tip of my tongue and he accepted it immediately, deepening the kiss.

My hands found their way to his hair and I pulled him closer to me.

After a few moments spent blissfully kissing Edward, I slowly dragged my hands from his hair, down his neck, and to his chest. My fingers, trembling in anticipation, began to undo the buttons of his shirt. I made sure my fingers traced a line down his bare chest as I went.

When his shirt was opened all the way, I let my fingers caress the skin above the edge of his pants. His breath hitched and his body trembled in response.

He looked down at me with hooded eyes as I softly ran my hands back up his chest to his shoulders, pushing his shirt down his arms until it fell to the floor. I leaned forward and pressed my lips to the skin covering his heart.

I felt Edward bring his hand up to cup the back of my head, holding me their and placing a kiss on the top of my head.

His heart was beating so fast. I could feel the thump thump thump of it beat against my lips.

Edward released his hold on my head and softly dragged his hands to the hem of my t-shirt, his fingers dipping under it caressing the bare skin of my back as he slowly inched it up my body. Once it reached my chest, I leaned back and looked him in the eyes as I raised my arms above my head, letting him know without words to continue.

Once my shirt was off and tossed to the floor, we stood for a moment taking in the sight before us.

"Beautiful." Edward muttered.

He pulled me closer to him, lowering his head to kiss my shoulders. His thumb pushed aside the strap to my bra. I felt it fall loosely to my upper arm.

In return, I placed the same sweet kisses on his chest, and neck. I even got as bold as to taste his skin allowing my tongue to slowly draw a trail from his well form pecks to the base of his neck.

He stopped breathing completely.

A small smile tugged on the corners of my mouth on account of his reaction, so I decided to test my abilities a little further.

I worked my hands down to the waist of his jeans and I lightly placed the tips of my fingers in the waistband, dragging them slowly from side to side.

I felt him stiffen immediately.

I bit my lower lip, slightly smiling at the effect I had on him, and began to undo the button of his jeans.

His breathing had now become erratic and every muscle in his body seemed to have tensed.

I pinched the zipper between my fingers and pulled it down. I could feel the effect I had on him as my hands grazed his very full erection. Once he was unzipped, I pushed his jean down and they fell to the ground.

He stepped out of them and kicked them to the side.

"Bella," He said, his breathing more ragged then before. "Are you sure? We don't have to do this."

"Yes, I want you to make love to me, Edward."

He stepped forward, pressing his lips to mine and nudging me towards the bed. When the back of my knees made contact, he slowly lowered me back and I scooted my way up toward the head of the bed.

He kneeled above me before he bent down and kissed my lips, moving down my neck and chest, trailing kisses down my stomach until he reached the waist band of my yoga pants. As I had done to him, he teased me by licking the skin above where my pants rested.

Soon, I felt his fingers hook the sides and he began to pull them down, kissing the newly exposed flesh as he went. I lifted my hips to help him.

His lips sent fire coursing through my veins.

I now laid in nothing but my black lace underwear and bra that Alice had bought me and insisted I wear.

Edward moved back up my body, laying next to me on his side. He allowed his fingertips to graze my skin lightly while he looked like he had something he wanted to say.

I turned on my side to face him. I brushed a few straw bangs out of his face.

"What's wrong." I asked as I placed a soft kiss on his nose.

"Bella, I made such a mess of this last time, I…I don't know how to do this right. I want to do this right." He said as he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Hey," I said lifting his chin so he would look me in the eyes. " You love me, right?" He nodded. "I love you. We both made mistakes last time. But, this time it's right. For both of us."

That must have been what he needed to hear, because he leaned forward once again pressing his lips to mine, and from that moment on, the was no more doubt.

Our tongues caressed one another's sensually. Our hands roamed freely, touching anything and everything they came in contact with. Our breathing was no longer under our control.

I felt Edward's hand come around my back in undo the clasp of my bra and tossed it behind me. My breasts were now pressed against his firm chest.

His lips left my mouth, but not my skin as he made his way down to the newly exposed flesh, tracing my nipple with his tongue, then taking it into his mouth. I bit my lip in response and threw my head back as the sensation soared through my body. He then switched, paying equal attention to the other side.

I felt his hand slide down my side and slip between us. I felt his fingers grazed the lace edge of my panties.

My breathing picked up even faster as I felt him push past the fabric and slowly sweep over the heated bundle of nerves.

My back arched and a moan escaped my lips. I needed more.

I wrapped my arms around Edward's body and pulled him on top of me. He settled between my legs and I could feel his hardness pressed firmly into me.

I lifted my leg, dragging my toes up his thigh before I reached the band of his boxers. I gripped them with my toes and pulled them down. Edward, catching on to what I was attempting to do, removed them the rest of the way.

He hooked onto the sides of the remaining piece of clothing between us and removed the lace panties.

Edward took a moment to reach for his bedside table, and insure our safety this time before coming back to me, settling once again between my legs.

Instead of rushing right into it, he leaned back down and started kissing me with so much passion that I felt it in my toes. My hips lifted on their own accord, rubbing into him.

I broke the kiss and looked him straight in the eyes.

"Edward, make love to me." I whispered and cupped his cheek. I brushed his lips softly with my thumb.

"I love you, Bella." Edward uttered quietly.

"I love you too."

I felt him maneuver himself into my entrance. His lips pressed to mine as he slowly pushed into me.

Both of us had been holding our breath at that moment and we both released it in a moan as his length filled me.

Edward stayed still for a moment to give me time to adjust to him before I moved my hips, encouraging him to continue. He slowly pulled out, his body trembling as he did, and then pressed himself back in.

My head lolled to the side and my eyes closed as every passion filled sensation reeked havoc on my body. I wanted more. I locked my legs around his waist to bring him deeper with each thrust.

I could feel myself getting close as my whole body was clenched in preparation for my release. I locked eyes with Edward, lifting my lips to his before I placed my head back on the pillow. He brought his forehead down to mine, still looking me in the eyes.

"You okay?" He breathed as his thrusts became a little sharper.

I simply nodded, keeping my eyes on his. I lightly kissed his lips as he continued to push into me bringing us closer.

Finally, the bubble that had built in my stomach burst and my walls clenched down bringing Edward with me. With a final thrust, he collapsed on to me breathing heavy. I ran my fingers through his hair as I kissed him over and over again.

"I love you so much." I said in between kisses.

"I love you too, so much." He said returning every kiss.

All of a sudden, everything became so real. I was really here with him and he really did love me like I loved him. Could it be possible that I was getting everything that I had wanted, that this wasn't a dream or a nightmare like before?

Then the tears came, but these were different. They weren't tears from being sad or in pain. These tears were from being beyond happy. In this moment, everything I had ever wanted and more had come true.

"Bella, why are you crying, did I hurt you? Oh god, this was too soon…" I stopped him with a kiss.

"I am so happy, so very happy."

"So you cry?" he asked in a teasing tone.

"Apparently." I said kissing him again.

"Bella," He said, looking serious. " This should have been our first time."

"We're putting it behind us, Edward. fresh start." I leaned up and kissed him again.

He scooted beside me and we laid on our sides snuggled close together, staring into each others eyes. Edward pulled his covers over us. Occasionally, we would share a kiss or stroke one another's face.

We were together. My dream had come true.

The nightmare we had both lived through the past few months was finally over with and we could be together again.

I drifted off to sleep in the warm embrace of Edward, smiling the entire time.

A/N: One more chapter and a Epilogue me thinks and then our story is over. How ever My first chapter of my new story is with beta and will be starting soon.