It had become a game they knew too well, waiting. Waiting to see how their lives were going to change. Whether it meant life or death, something was going to change. The wait was painful. The click of heals pacing on the floor of the waiting room and the sound of relaxed panicked breathing filled the room as the team gathered once again for news for Danny. The surgery had been going on too long, or so it felt.

Lindsay had given up on pacing and had found a spot in the corner of the room to sit with her knees to her chest. She had given up the habit of biting her finger nails when she was a teenager, in the stress of the day had reverted years. Squaring off her wedding right finger, Stella got up from her seat and crossed the floor. Looking down at Lindsay, she saw that she was in a trance like state, staring ahead at nothing, just waiting.

"Linds, can I get you anything?" She asked, standing before her. Lindsay did not move. "Linds?" She said a little louder.

"Hum?" She said looking up at her friend, unaware that she had been talking to her.

"Can I get you anything?" She repeated.

"No... no, I'm fine." Lindsay replied, before returning to her raw finger nails.

"I can see that." Stella said sarcastically, taking a spot on the floor next to her crossing her legs and keeping a little distance between herself and her friend.

"I should call my mom." She said half hazily.

"You did already." Stella stared ahead, letting Lindsay's brain run.

"Right, right. How stupid of me." She said numbly.

"You're not stupid." Placing a hand on her shoulder, Lindsay finally looked at her.

"Then what's wrong with me?"

"What are you talking about?" Stella asked, offering a confused smile.

"Why do all these bad things keep happening to me? I mean to us? What did I do?" She said as tears formed in her eyes.

"Oh Linds, no. It's nothing you've done. Bad things happen to good people everyday. We've see it, but it doesn't mean you have done anything wrong." She rubbed her back.

"At least he had time with Rebecca, he got to meet her." She said looking at Stella. This time Stella didn't have it in her to be positive, she couldn't find any words of encouragement to tell her that Danny would be fine. This time, it just may not be the case.

"And she is beautiful." Stella smiled, taking in the moment as a tear slipped from Lindsay's eye and quickly wiped it away.

The shuffle of feet brought them back as the door handle turned. Everyone in the room, sucked in air as they awaited the conversation that they feared would happen. The creak of the door opened and Danny's mother came in with Rebecca in her arms.

"Oh thank god." Don said, watching Lindsay jump to her feet and reach for her child.

"I know you said I should wait at home with Becca, I just couldn't." Danny's mother explained as Lindsay pulled her in for a hug.

"Thanks for coming." She whispered as Danny's mother held her tight, Rebecca sitting between both mothers.

"Any news?" She asked, hoping for good news.

"They haven't given us any updates in the last couple hours. He had a stroke, they aren't sure what's been effected. From what we know, at least." Mac said standing up and shaking his mother's hand.

"Well, maybe no news is good news?" She said optimistically.

"Yeah, maybe." Lindsay said, finding standing too difficult she collapsed into a chair. Her optimism has dissolved into doubt and sadness, she got an extra four months, maybe that was enough for him.

"His father is on the way, he has been away on business all week. He said he'd be here in a couple hours. Perhaps he's be here when he wakes up." She explained as everyone looked at their feet. Mac saw the visible doubt on everyone's faces as he took Rebecca from her grandmother and sat down next to Lindsay.

"When she was born her eyes were bright blue like Danny's, now they are a little brown in the center." He said holding her up on his knee with a smile.

"The curse of my brown eyes." Lindsay smiled, running her thumb on her daughter's cheek. "I wonder if she'll remember him." She said in barely a whisper.

"Lindsay, stop it." Mac said angrily.

"No one else will say it, he's going to die! Why am I the only one who can admit it?" She yelled, standing up and marching out of the room. Rebecca began to cry with the sound of her yell, as Mac tried to calm the baby, Stella attempted to go after her only to be stopped by Danny's mother.

"Let me." She said holding a hand out to Stella as she turned and left the room after Lindsay.

It was not surprising that there weren't many places in the hospital to find solitude. After the months spent pacing the hallways, and waiting for Danny to finish his treatments, Lindsay knew this place better then her own home. The chill in the air was barely felt, spring was headed for New York but she didn't seen to care. The idea of taking Rebecca to the park for the first time and to swimming lessons didn't matter, because now she had to do it all herself. Lighting a cigarette, she took a long drag. The taste was horrible, but at the moment its all she needed.

"I didn't know you smoked." She heard from behind. Turning she saw Danny's mother opening the door to the hospital and walk over to her.

"I don't." She replied simply, folding her arms over her chest and hugging her body to keep warm.

"Well, I wish you would have told me, would have made family events easier." She smiled, taking out a pack herself and lighting one. Lindsay looked at her as she took a long drag.

"I didn't know... well, nothing." Lindsay shook as she rubbed her arms. "So, I guess I don't win any points for being positive." She said, looking away from her mother-in-law.

"If that's the case, I loose some too." She said plainly, taking off her coat and placing it around Lindsay's shoulders.

"Why's that?" She asked, excepting the coat.

"When you called and said he was having surgery again... I..." She choked up, Lindsay looked at her. "I went and found the picture from his graduation from the academy. I figured they'd want one for the funeral." She admitted letting a tear fall from her eye.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Messer." Lindsay rubbed her shoulder.

"Oh sweetheart, call me Lily. We're family." She laughed.

"He asked me to marry him." She said nonchalantly.

"About time." Lily smiled.

"He said he wanted to do it here in the hospital, before surgery. I said yes to marrying him, but no to doing it here." She looked at her feet as she took another drag from her cigarette, letting it burn all the way down.

"Why?" She asked.

"I wanted our families there, and I didn't want that to be the way we said goodbye." She admitted.

"So I take it, this is guilt you're feeling?"

"Maybe. I wish I said yes. I would have take him any way that I could have him, now." A tear fell from her eye.

"I know." Lily put a hand on Lindsay's cheek. "Let's go back in." Lindsay looked up at her and stepped forward letting herself be held. She could see so much of Danny in his mother; the way her eyes peered into her soul, the way she held her, it was all Danny. Letting go, they walked hand-in-hand back to the surgical ward where they were waiting to hear news on Danny.

Stepping back into the waiting room, they stopped still holding each others hands tightly as Dr. Reese stood with their friends. Unable to hear what they were saying, Lindsay watched as they reacted. Don sat with his head in his hands, Mac stood defiantly taking in the information holding Stella's hand who held Rebecca in one arm. Dr. Reese turned to look at Lindsay, her face was unreadable. Lindsay felt her heart break into a million pieces, she was numb, she couldn't hear anything. Tears fell from her eyes without knowing they were running down her face. Suddenly the light was dissappearing as the world went black, her knees shook and she fell to the ground. She could hear her name being called as she fell unceremoniously to the floor.

Hey guys, sorry I haven't updated in so long. But back and better then ever! Please give me some reviews!