Love is a funny thing. It keeps you up at night, yet it lets you sleep peacefully. It takes you to worlds unknown, yet lets you live comfortably in this world. Something about the way we feel separates us from our animal instincts, letting us live happily with another, unburdened by little problems, and settled with the ones we endure. Love is more then a feeling but a way of life, a way to deal with life. Though it may not be enough to save our lives, but it is enough to help us through what life we have. It is the strength we known not that we have, until we need it.
Light felt blistering as Lindsay slowly opened her eyes, only to find herself in a bed. The ceiling looked strange, she wasn't at home in hers and Danny's comfortable queen sized bed, but somewhere she had been before, many times. Opening her eyes completely she turned her head, looking around reality kicked in and she was reminded of her horrible day. A dull throbbing pain, hit her in the side of the head as she looked to the right, pressing her head against the pillow.
"Ouch." She said softly, bringing her hand to the aching area.
"How are you feeling?" She heard a familiar voice from the foot of the bed.
"What happened?" She questioned, knowing the answer but looking to prolong the truth.
"You passed out, hit your head off the floor, but you're fine." Stella said, standing up and coming into view.
"I don't feel fine." She admitted, closing her eyes trying to hide from life. "Where's Rebecca?" She asked, not wanting to know about Danny's condition. Not yet.
"She's with Danny's mother and Don." She stated, sitting down beside Lindsay she took her hand and squeezed it. "Lindsay-"
"No, no don't tell me. Not yet. I'm not ready." She said cutting her off, and pulling her hand away.
"Lindsay..." Stella tried to speak again.
"No, Stella please? I can't hear that he's dead. Not yet." She begged, pulling herself up and stepping out of the hospital bed.
"Lindsay, he's alive." Stella said loudly, so that she would hear her.
"What?" Lindsay turned, gasping at the surprise.
"He's stable. There were some complications, but he is alive." Standing up she moved to her, holding her shoulders in her hands.
"There is something you aren't telling me." Lindsay stepping out of her grasp, but Stella held her tight.
"There is going to be some lasting damage from the stroke."
"What kind of damage?" Her head dropped to her chest. "What kind?" She repeated, fear coating her body.
"Most likely speech and memory loss. They'll be able to tell more when he wakes up." She explained.
"I want to see him." She said finally looking her in the eyes.
"Alright. I'll take you to him." Stella said, pulling her close for a much needed hug. Holding her for a couple minutes, she could feel that her heart was broken. No longer able to cry, Stella held her hoping her friends would be alright.
"How long was I out?" Lindsay asked against the side of Stella's neck, not moving from her embrace.
"Couple hours. They just moved Danny out of recovery into the I.C.U." She explained, finally letting go. Taking Lindsay's hand, she walked out of the room and down the hall. Dr. Reese had insisted that Lindsay stay on the same floor as Danny, keeping them together was the most important.
Entering the room, Lindsay felt her heart skip. The tubes attached to his body kept his chest moving, his hands covered by his Mother's and Don's. The look on their faces told her that they were grieving, but she couldn't understand why.
"Lindsay?" Mac said from the corner of the room, walking to her he gave her a hug.
"Thanks, Mac." She replied, letting go and walking to Danny's bedside. "How is he?" She asked, as Lily stood up and let her sit down in her spot.
"No change." She said squeezing her shoulder softly.
Looking across Danny's sleeping form to Don, she saw how red his eyes were. It looked as if he hadn't slept in months, and his face had grown lines of his frown to add to the shadow of his growing beard.
"Flack? You alright?" She asked, hoping to shake him from his trance like state.
"You know what I keep thinking about?" He said solemnly.
"What's that?" She replied, realizing her mothering voice had kicked in. Hoping to settle her friend, whom was more the upset.
"That one day, during his treatment, that he felt good enough to go outside." He stopped, and looking at his hands. Lindsay looked back at Stella, confused as to what he had meant, until he continued to explain. "He wanted to go to a game, but there weren't any so instead we went to the park. There were theses teens there, playing baseball. Danny couldn't play because he didn't have any strength, but he wanted to be outside, so we sat there. We watched them play for hours. He kept saying he was fine just watching, but I saw something different in him. It was like he was dying all over again. I didn't have anything to say to him, I couldn't tell him other wise because I thought he was dying." His voice broke.
"Don..." Lindsay said standing up and walking around the bed. Kneeling down in front of him she took his hand and squeezed it. "Are you feeling guilty for thinking he wouldn't survive this? Is that what's going on?" She said softly, hoping he'd look at her, but he didn't.
"I gave up on him, Lindsay. This is my fault." He shook his head, refusing to cry.
"God, I wish it were that easy." She laughed. "It's no ones fault. Danny didn't even know this could happen. All things considered, we're pretty lucky." She smiled as Don finally looked at her.
"Why?" He said looking at her through red eyes.
"If we had been sitting down for lunch and he had a stroke, we would have never had a chance to get here in time. If he had taken more time off of work and he had gone for a nap in the afternoon, he wouldn't have woken up. There are too many 'what ifs' to being feeling guilty for it. He's here and he is alive, because Danny admitted to feeling off. He admitted that he needed help, and for someone as stubborn as he is, I'd say that we are all pretty damn lucky." Lindsay finished, squeezing his hand she offered him a smile which he returned.
"You're right." He said, wiping his eyes free of wetness.
"Tell me, what else did the doctor say?" Lindsay asked, standing up she still held his hand as Don relaxed again looking up at his very sick friend in the bed before him.
Mac stepped forward from the corner of the room and began to explain. "The hemorrhage was quite bad, he lost a lot of blood. His brain was cut off from oxygen for quite a fair bit of time, Dr. Reese thinks there might be lasting brain damage." Putting his hand on her back, he felt the air catch in her lungs.
"Alright." She sighed, returning to her chair beside her loved one. "Now we wait." Lindsay said calmly letting a long breath drag from her mouth as Lily, Stella, Mac and a sleeping Rebecca sat in silence, waiting for any sign of life.
Minutes seemed to blend into hours, as the time went on people seemed to drift away. Staying in shifts, never letting Danny be alone. Lindsay had finally relented in going home to take care of herself and Rebecca while Lily stood over her son, watching him sleep.
It had been five days since his surgery and there was no change. His eyes would move under his closed lids, his hands would spasm, his toes would curl, but never did he wake. No one said it, but they all thought it, he wasn't going to wake up. Even his doctor showed no sign of hope. Sitting at his side, Lily stood from her chair and stepped close to her son. Running her hand down the side of his cheek, she noticed how chilled his skin felt. His hair that was shaved for the surgery had grown back into a soft buzz, she could see the scar of his previous surgeries but ignored them as she leaned forward and placed a kiss to the top of his head. The way she did when he was a little boy.
"Danny, baby? I love you. You're the light in my life, I couldn't have asked for a better son. I want you to know that it's OK. You are fighting so hard, I know it's painful and you've been through hell." She took a hard breath before continuing as the tears came to her eyes. "But you don't have to fight if you don't want to. You have a wonderful woman that loves you, you have a beautiful baby girl. You did good, you can sleep now." Tears fell from her eyes as she kissed his head again.
"Lily?" She heard from behind as she turned to see Lindsay standing in the doorway. "Everything alright?" She asked seeing the tears in her eyes.
"Hum? Yes, no I'm fine." She turned away wiping her eyes. "How... how is Becca?" She asked as she moved the back to moving the blankets around his body.
"She's good, she's with Stella." She said passing Lily a coffee.
"Oh thank you, dear." She said wiping tears away.
"You OK?" She asked again, feeling something was off.
"No. No, I wouldn't say that I am." Lily said softly. looking up at Lindsay she realized she could no longer lie. "He's gone."
Lindsay looked at her and then at Danny, unsure of what she meant. "I don't think he is, Mum." She said casually. "I can still feel him here."
"That man laying there is no longer my son." Her voice was stiff with frustration.
"Yes he is." Walking to his side, Lindsay picked up his hand and squeezed his fingers. "He's just stubborn. He'll wake up when he is ready." She smiled, and kissed his cheek. Lily had no words for her, she had said her goodbye to her son, eventually Lindsay would have to come to terms with it. A soft knock at the door brought them back.
"How's our boy?" Danny's father asked, coming into the room. "Hey, Linds." He said, walking up behind his wife and kissing the top of her head.
"No change." Lily said calmly.
"I talked to Rebecca this morning... sorry, Dr. Reese. She said that he is responding well to medication, they are going to ween him off of his ventilator." Lindsay explained, sitting at the side of his bed.
"That is the best news I have heard all day." His father said before walking over to Danny and placing a hand on his chest. "Hello son, not sure if you can hear me, but I wanted you to know that we're here. We're always here." He whispered and he kissed his son's temple.
"Charlie, I've got to run to the ladies room. I'll be back." Lily said, standing quickly and leaving the room.
Watching her leave, Lindsay turned to Charlie. "She going to be alright?" She asked.
"That depends entirely on Danny." He said offering a supportive smile. "Ever since what happened to his brother... well, you know." He didn't need to explain, she understood.
"Yeah, I know." She said sadly, faking a smile to her soon to be father-in-law.
"I have to believe he'll wake up. I have to believe that everything will work out." Charlie said settling in the chair opposite Lindsay.
"Me too." Sitting in silence was easy when there is a slumbering patient close. After a couple minutes, Charlie looked at Lindsay and noticed how soft she looked.
"You miss him, hum?" He asked.
"Every second, of every day." She said, giving him a smile.
"Me too." He looked back to his son. "He really loves you, you know that right?" Though it was more a statement then a question, Lindsay liked hearing it either way. "When Danny found out you were pregnant with Becca, he called me. Which is rare, because Danny is much of a chit chat kind of guy when it comes to me." Lindsay laughed, he wasn't much a of a chit chat kind of guy period. "I could tell by his voice that he was scared. Said he wasn't sure if he was going to be a good father, see I was never around much when he was younger and I can't blame the kid for fear of commitment, I was never committed to him, and for the longest time, Lily either. But then he said something to me that I will never forget." He scratched the back of his neck uncomfortably.
"What?" She turned her body, facing him.
"He said, 'Dad, you did the best you could with me, no matter what you think, I'm a better man because of you' and my heart broke." A tear came to his eye.
"That was sweet of him." Lindsay said putting a hand on his.
"My heart broke because it wasn't true. He is a better man because of you, Lindsay, not me. You changed him, he has grown up into a great man, and I thank you for that." Charlie smiles, causing a tear to fall from his eye.
A strange beep in the heart monitor caused their hearts to catch in their throats. "What was that?" Danny's father said, standing to get a better look. The monitors relaxed again, Danny's hands began to shake, softly as if he was afraid. "Danny?" He asked.
Lindsay stood so quickly she was nearly dizzy. Moving to the side of his face, she ran her fingers across his forehead. "Danny, you with me? Open your eyes, baby." She whispered, his hands began to shake again. His eye movement was quick, and suddenly his eyes began to open. Slowly the lid separated, showing the softest glow of glue. With the tube in his throat, he could not talk and even if he could she didn't think he would have the strength. "Dad, go get Dr. Reese." Lindsay said taking Danny's hands in hers holding them close to her chest.
Charlie left the room in a hurry, leaving Lindsay with Danny. His eyes fluttered, barely awake he stared up at Lindsay. Running her hands through his hair, she felt his hands stop shaking and relax. "You're going to be alright, just relax." She said softly. Softly closing his eyes, he gave a soft nod as a gurgling sound came from the tube in his mouth. "We'll get this taken out, just try to breath." No longer able to hide her feelings, a tear rolled down her cheek landing on Danny's cheek.