Title: 100 Steps To Somewhere
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts
Claim: Cloud/Riku
Theme: 024. Questions
Word Count: 2,313
Rating: M
Summary: If this was his family, and Leon was like a brother to him, Cid was the closest he ever came to a father. This realization was not as frightening as he thought it would be.
Musical Inspiration: Dishwalla: Counting Blue Cars
Disclaimer: I didn't acquire the rights to Kingdom Hearts since I wrote the last part of this story, nor did I become affiliated with Disney or Square Enix. I don't foresee becoming affiliated with any of this in the near future. I haven't even been to Disney World or Disney Land, so no. I don't own any of this. I'm just playing with it like a kid with my hands in the cookie jar.
Author's Note: This came easier than expected, and honestly, I'm quite pleased with it.
Step Twenty-Four: Reassurance
Why did Cloud hate himself? Cloud never considered himself to be much of a masochist, but standing here in this room, he figured he must be. After all, he was still here in Hollow Bastion, helping Leon, Aerith, Cid, and Yuffie with plans for the Hollow Bastion Restoration. He spent most days in town, shoveling gravel with Leon or helping Cid rebuild shops and houses. He spent his evenings in the castle where there were beds to sleep in, and once a few houses were finished being built, he agreed to move into one with Leon.
Staying in Hollow Bastion was torture enough—everywhere he looked held a memory of Riku. This was where they met, where they departed for a month-long trip on his Gummi ship, where they shared kisses, secrets, and dreams. Worse yet, staying in the castle broke his heart every day. How was he supposed to move on if every step he took brought back so many memories?
Why did he commit on staying—calling this world home again? He could have said no when Leon asked Cloud to be his roommate, but no, he just had to agree. It wasn't that he didn't want to spend time with Leon. Leon was fantastic. Despite his disappointment over the most recent Sephiroth encounter, Leon said nothing negative when Cloud cried. He told him things would get better. He listened when Cloud went on for hours about the despair he felt in this world, and how everything reminded him of Riku. It was hard to live here and call it home when everything felt so empty.
"You're beating yourself up," said Leon. Cloud knew he was right, but he couldn't stop. Riku and his beautiful eyes latched onto Cloud's thoughts from the moment they met, and even now, when things seemed hopeless, Cloud couldn't shake it.
Here, standing in this room, Cloud wondered why he hated himself.
He trailed his fingers over the chair, pulled it out, and sat at the desk. He glanced at the unmade bed by the wall. A strangled sound escaped his lips, and Cloud wasn't sure whether he was laughing or crying.
Any sane person in his position would have avoided Riku's bedroom at all costs, but Cloud, it seemed, hated himself.
He traced a finger across the desk. Books lay sprawled across the top; Cloud gathered them together, and shoved the small pile to the side. Cloud paused, staring at the object sitting behind the last book. His breath hitched.
Cloud reached out and took the cell phone into his hand. The display read that there were thirty-seven missed calls. All of them were from Cloud.
He didn't need to wonder why he pocketed the phone before he stood and left the room.
----------0----------
Cloud walked into the library and took a seat at the table with Aerith, Yuffie, Cid, and Leon. Diagrams, blueprints, and plans lay spread across the table. To Cloud, they were all starting to look the same.
"We were just discussing how to make a security system for the town against the Heartless," said Aerith. "Sora helped by sealing the Keyhole, but the Heartless are still around, and they will be as long as there's darkness in a single person's heart. We'll want to protect what we fix."
"Where were you?" said Yuffie.
Cloud shrugged. Across the table, Leon leaned forward and peered at him.
"Cloud," said Aerith. "You okay? You look like you've been crying."
Cloud rubbed his face.
"Are you going to be like this all the time?" said Yuffie. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I like having you around, but it's starting to be a real drag. Fixing up the town could be a lot of fun, but you're so moody all the time."
"Cloud's going through a hard time right now."
"So something happened with his boyfriend. Who cares? You two will make up and then you can stop moping."
"It's a little more than that, Yuffie," said Leon. All eyes save for Cloud turned to Leon.
"You're defending him? I'd think you of all people would think he's overreacting."
"If anything, he's holding it in."
"I'm right here. I can hear you," said Cloud.
"Just trying to help."
"I don't get what the big deal is," said Yuffie. She turned her attention to Cloud. "I mean, how are we supposed to understand if you don't tell us anything? I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but really, Cloud. I'm sure it's nothing and it will just pass over."
"I haven't heard from him in two weeks," said Cloud. He reached into his pocket and slammed the cell phone on the table. A part of him wanted to behave with more self-restraint, but the pressure built, and Cloud couldn't stop the explosion in time. "This is his phone. He doesn't have it with him because, for all I know, he could be dead."
"Where did you get that?" said Leon.
Cloud glared.
"His fucking room."
"Okay, now I'm really lost," said Yuffie.
"His room?" said Leon.
"Yes. His room. His fucking bedroom. Since we're all so eager to talk about my relationship issues instead of the plans like we're supposed to be doing, that's where I was."
"You left Hollow Bastion?" said Yuffie.
"No. I didn't."
"But . . ."
"I met him here, okay? That's why I was here so much a few months back. Because he was here."
"Do we know him?"
"Not exactly," said Leon. Cloud felt his anger ebb.
"Listen, I'm sorry. It's just been really . . . hard . . . being here."
Yuffie paused and looked at her hands. She frowned.
"Cloud, what happened to him? I mean, I thought that maybe he just took off without telling you or anything, and you just didn't know whether he was alive or dead because you hadn't heard from him, but . . ."
The softness in her tone that was so uncharacteristically Yuffie softened Cloud.
"I don't know whether he's alive or dead. I do know that he isn't okay."
"He lost his heart," said Leon. Cloud looked up and he met Leon's eyes. Leon nodded.
"The . . . Heartless got him?" said Yuffie. Cloud turned from the strength and concern in Leon's eyes to meet Yuffie's. "I'm sorry, Cloud. I wouldn't have been so . . . I mean . . . if I had known . . ."
"It's okay."
"Is there any way to help him?" said Aerith. "Is he gone for good . . . or is it just that the Heartless have control over him and there's still a chance?"
"I don't know."
"I think there's a chance," said Leon.
Aerith smiled and turned toward Leon.
"Do you?"
"Well . . . yeah. I mean . . . not that I've thought about it much or anything."
Cloud laughed.
"And the icy exterior cracks."
"Someone has to look out for your sorry ass."
"Yeah, Squall," said Yuffie. "That almost sounded sincere."
"Leon, I didn't know you were still capable of feelings," said Cid. Cloud jumped. He almost forgot Cid was there.
"Yeah, yeah. Laugh all you want, but you don't have to listen to this drama queen mope and cry all day because the love of his life was taken by the Heartless. If you were in my position . . ."
"And you listen to him, and support him, and tell Cloud that everything is going to work out just like a decent human being!" Yuffie sprang from her chair into Leon's lap and wrapped her arms around her neck. "It's almost like he's a real person!"
Leon shoved Yuffie onto the floor. He looked to Cloud.
"Do you know how much you owe me, Strife?"
"I'm depressed and find my situation hopeless," said Cloud. "I never asked you to be optimistic. You did that on your own."
"I meant about Yuffie."
"I have no control over the words that come out of your mouth. I can't help you jumped at trying to reassure me first."
"It's habit."
Yuffie squealed.
"Squall makes it a habit to be reassuring! Look at you, being all nice to Cloud like you're capable of friends!"
She hopped back in his lap. Leon pushed her to the floor. For the first time since Leon called him on the Gummi, Cloud smiled and forgot about the pain.
----------0----------
"Moogles," said Cid. "Do you believe it? Already!"
Cloud almost laughed. As they days stretched on, more people showed up in Hollow Bastion. Cloud recognized many of them from before their world was overrun with Heartless. Where did they come from? Where had they gone when leaving this world? Some were from Traverse Town, but most of them Cloud hadn't seen in years.
Aerith welcomed each returning person with food and invited them to help in the restoration. Leon brightened a bit with every familiar face that appeared in town. Cloud figured that he not only appreciated the extra help with building, but felt he was finally fixing whatever mess he believed he caused in the first place.
Nothing was entirely finished yet, but talk already buzzed about deeds and shops. This morning, a representative for the ever-enterprising Moogle race arrived, ready to take over the first shop finished. Cloud almost laughed. You had to hand it to the Moogles: they were on top of things.
"I think it's funny," said Cloud.
"You would. Pass me that hammer."
Cloud dug around in the toolbox and passed the hammer to Cid.
"So how're you holding up, kid?"
Cloud glanced up the ladder to the aging man and watched as he drew a nail into the new roofing. He smiled. How long had it been since Cid had called him 'kid'? He thought back to his conversation with Aerith in Olympus Coliseum. If this was his family, and Leon was like a brother to him, Cid was the closest he ever came to a father. This realization was not as frightening as he thought it would be.
"I'm all right. I didn't think I'd like this restoration as much as I do, but it reminds me of times when things were simple. Before the Heartless came."
Cid nodded. His lips were agape, a nail held between his teeth as he marked a spot on the roof. He plucked it out with his fingers and drove it into the roof.
"So when're you going to tell me about the love of your life?"
Cloud sighed.
"Does everyone have one-track minds these days?"
"He seems really important to you. Before the Heartless came, you would've talked my ear off about him."
Cloud smiled.
"Nah. You don't want to hear about it."
"I never had a problem with you liking guys before. Why would I have a problem with it now?"
"I don't know."
"What's he look like?"
"Beautiful."
"That tells me a lot."
"I don't know. He's kind of indescribable. He's got this messy, kind of choppy silver hair. The most amazing eyes I've ever seen. It's like I can read everything he's feeling in his eyes. Tan. Lean."
"He sounds like Sephiroth."
Cloud burst into laughter.
"I know! It's horrible. I mean . . . he's nothing like Sephiroth, but when you get down to the basics . . . Yeah. They look like they could be related."
"That doesn't bother you?"
"Not really. Like I said, he's nothing like Sephiroth. Not when you really look at him."
"He's messed up in the darkness, though."
Cloud sighed.
"He's young and headstrong. Bad combination when it comes to the darkness."
"So's Sora."
Cloud closed his eyes.
"Yeah, I know, but he . . . he trusted the wrong people. Didn't know what he got himself into until it was too late."
"Sounds like someone I know."
Cloud glanced up to the roof to see Cid staring down at him.
"We have a lot in common."
"Leon said he's only fifteen."
"Leon has a big mouth these days."
"There's only one thing I need to know from you."
"What's that?"
"How does he make you feel?"
Cloud smiled.
"Like I could finish Sephiroth without even trying." Cloud sighed. "I know everyone is really fixated on him being involved with the darkness, but the darkness doesn't suit him, and he doesn't make me want to be involved with it, either. When I'm with him, all I can see is the light."
Cid nodded.
"If he can make you feel like that, he's got my stamp of approval."
"Yeah, well . . . I don't even know if I'll ever see him again."
"If he's as great as you say, you don't have to worry. People like that don't just give in to the Heartless. You can bet he's somewhere right now putting up one hell of a fight. He'll be back."
When Leon said Riku would be back, it often felt like a meager attempt to cheer him up. Aerith was always optimistic, and her views were both predictable and typical. Yuffie, like Aerith, was an eternal optimist, though with far more enthusiasm. Hearing Cid say this, who could be just as negative as Cloud, caused a little warmth to settle in his heart.
Cid was right. Riku wasn't the type to just give in. Somewhere, he was alive, fighting the Heartless, and being an utter pain in the ass. Riku was just as stubborn as Sora and Leon put together.
Cloud closed his fingers around Riku's cell phone in his pocket. He'd hang onto it just a bit longer—just long enough to return it to its owner. After all, he couldn't keep running to Cid for a new cell phone, and Riku would need one upon his return.
"Could you pass me that other box of nails?" said Cid.
Cloud rummaged through the toolbox.
Speedy updated. Yes, I know. I'm amazing like that.
I debated with myself over whether or not to respond the few reviews I already got the previous chapter, but I decided why not? I mean, I may as well. Help me keep up with this reviewer thing so I don't miss anyone.
So here we go . . . again:
Mangled Euphoria: Yeah, I'm pretty obnoxious, too, when I'm really into a story and it gets updated. None of my friends care. They don't like the same ships I do, but yeah. The funny thing is that I tell them all about my story, too, and where it's going, and they don't care about that either. My poor best friend. She doesn't care for Cloud at all, and as he's an integral part of this story . . . yeah. I drive her nuts, I think. I'm glad you liked my walk down memory lane. I thought maybe it was a little much, but it just led into Chain of Memories so well I had to keep it the way it was.
Resa: Thank you for my cookie. I'm on a diet, but I guess I can sneak just one. I know what you mean about poor Riku and Castle Oblivion. Just thinking about writing it I feel bad for him. Poor dear. I'm going to try Castle Oblivion pretty fast, though, because I really want these two back together. I'm looking forward to playing with that year.
Koji Inari: You're wonderful, you know that? I love my constant reader, you put me in a C2 . . . yeah. I'm glad you don't tire of how long this thing is. Especially since it's going to be much, much longer. Hopefully I can keep things interesting. Yeah. I'd hate to overkill this thing.
Lapse-Raevn: Nah. It won't be longer than 100. I just hope it doesn't get rushed. I admit I burst out laughing when I read you forgot about Roxas. Heh. That whole Roxas/Riku fight is something I'm really looking forward to writing. Yeah, I don't know why Riku has a big sister. He just does. I, admittedly, adore her. You just don't mess with Ayumi or her little brother. You will get to meet her eventually, but that eventually means, you know, around chapter 95 or so in the KH2 aftermath. Yes, she is very protective of her brother, and though you don't get to see much of it, Riku adores her just as much. Honestly, as far as Castle Oblivion, I look most forward to writing Riku meet his Replica. Yeah. That's going to be fun. ::snickers at Riku's misfortune::
Lady Karai: Thank you for the compliments and the luck. I do fear, though, that once I get to 100 I won't want to let it go. It's going to be such a long journey for all of us--Cloud and Riku included. I'm always sad finishing a story, so I can't imagine what this will be like. There's a great chance I won't abandon this story. It's a LiveJournal challenge, and the fact I'm signed up and working my way through is great motivation. I also really want my pretty banner and a spot in the Hall of Fame.
And for some pimpage. I mentioned before that I'm on myspace as DecemberSins. The link is in my profile, but yes, myspace, DecemberSins. I'm also at LiveJournal (obviously) as december-sins. If you want to send me messages or read up on what I'm doing with this story (because it's all I blog about anymore), you can check me out over there. I will friend you. Promise.
My weird mood should be accreditted to the 3:28 am time. I usually go to be around midnight, but I had a pot of coffee late in the evening, and now I'm all spazzy.
Whoo!
Feedback rocks my socks.