Title: 100 Steps To Somewhere
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts
Claim: Cloud/Riku
Theme: 029. Bad
Word Count: 3,256
Rating: M
Summary: Riku couldn't change who he was, so the darkness and the light within him would have to coexist. He wouldn't settle for anything less.
Disclaimer: None of the rights to Kingdom Hearts belong to me or anyone I personally know. It all belongs to Square Enix and Disney including the characters and most of the dialogue in this chapter. So there you go.
Author's Note: Chain of Memories is a lot harder to write than KH1. Just thought I'd let you know.
Step Twenty-Nine: Symbiosis
Things just kept going from bad to worse. Riku wandered Halloween Town, thoughts ahead and behind. Never-ending questions raged, overpowering his senses. He swung the Soul Eater out of habit, but didn't think on it.
Did Ansem lie ahead when he saw the blinding light of the white corridor he was sure to enter after leaving this card-world? He needed to finish things . . . but could he? Was he strong enough? He didn't fear the darkness itself, but feared what it had done to him, where it led him, and what he lost because of it. He feared losing to Ansem again, and losing his heart. He feared his own weakness and inability to fight the darkness.
Behind him, more despair invaded his heart. Regret for what he said, how he reacted to the clone ate away at him. Between the accusatory tone, the smirk, the lengthy discussion on the merits of darkness, and physical features that did not belong on someone else, Riku felt he may have been a little rash.
He was shocked—angry, even. How was he supposed to act standing face to face with a boy who looked just like him, had the same talents and abilities, but a mind of his own? Ansem called him a model, and Riku thought that maybe he harbored a little resentment toward the replica. Logically, Riku knew that the clone never asked to be made. Knew nothing other than darkness, and probably didn't have a choice in whether he embraced it or not.
He should have been angry with the blond man—Vexen—who made the replica, and not the replica itself. Riku hung his head and sat on the ground of the room, now devoid of Heartless. He reached to his pocket, searching for a cigarette, but found nothing.
Why did he call the replica a fake? Sure, he was a copy, but he had valid thoughts and feelings. He was a fake version of himself, but a real person. Why did he react just as cocky and just as obnoxious as the replica? He felt ashamed when the realization struck that Riku must have sounded the same, smirked just as proud, and behaved just as arrogant as the clone had to him when he faced Sora. If he felt so ashamed, why would he turn around and throw it right back at the replica?
It was with humility that Riku thought that old habits die hard. He hadn't changed one bit.
When it came to tying before and after together, Riku wondered if his impulse to kill the fake—and his failure to realize it was only a hasty reaction, because the replica didn't deserve death for his existence—meant that the darkness wasn't as far behind him as thought. The clone suggested they would fight again, and that when the time came, Riku would be the one to lose. Thoughts of the replica taking over his life, and making it one of darkness overwhelmed him. He didn't stop and think. He didn't consider it an idle threat, or that it wasn't his identity the replica was after. He went for the throat, and allowed darkness to influence his decisions.
If that was how he reacted against a copy—a copy that knew he was a copy, and they just happened to share talents, ability, and physical appearance—what would he do against Ansem? The replica talked of how great the darkness was, called Riku a coward, but said he was "still new" when Riku won. He never said he was better, or what Riku should be. That was Ansem.
Riku stood, picked up the Soul Eater, and continued through Halloween Town, intent on finding Oogie Boogie. He would finish this thing against Ansem—for better or for worse. Shame, hasty decisions, and bad behavior could not be lingered upon. This wasn't the time to feel sorry for himself.
----------0----------
Riku stepped through the doorway and squinted, allowing his eyes to readjust to the white after the dim lighting in Halloween Town. When Riku opened his eyes again, he stared at the man standing across from him, tall, hulking, and carrying a tomahawk.
"That scent . . ." said Riku. "You're another 'nobody.'"
"You've done well to make it this far, Riku. Your reputation is well-deserved. But to be scared of the darkness . . . What a waste."
Riku frowned. The darkness cost him a lot. Just because he despised it didn't mean he was afraid.
"I'm . . . I'm not scared."
"I can see that you are. You have the potential to control it. Cast away the fear that weakens you. Unbind your heart, and take control of the darkness within."
Control the darkness? Unbind his heart? Yes, and then Ansem could sneak in again. Riku shook his head.
"And if I say no?"
"Then you end here—light, darkness, and all!"
Riku groaned at the sudden throbbing in his head and heart.
"See the power of darkness!" said the man. "I, Lexaeus, will not yield to a frail-hearted craven! Now, end your resistance, and let the darkness in!"
The battle was close. The entire floor shook, rocks fell around him, and Lexaeus swung the tomahawk with skill. Darkness rose within him, and he felt himself shift again into the darkened form. Eventually, Lexaeus fell, and Riku leaned over, propping his hands on his knees for support.
"Such . . . such power!" said Lexaeus.
Riku struggled to breathe. Where was Ansem, and who were these people so intent on forcing him to allow the darkness back into his heart? Darkness wasn't worth shit.
"What's wrong . . . Lexaeus . . . is that all . . . darkness can do?"
"Well . . . it seems . . . I am beaten. But the Organization shall triumph! I may perish, but all the darkness within me will billow forth and devour you!"
Lexaeus disappeared. The smell of darkness was overpowering, and then everything was dark, too. The ground shook. When Riku opened his eyes, again the darkness was still there. He sat up, looking for a source of light.
"What the . . . what . . . what happened? Where am I . . .?"
"I can see. I can see clearly!"
"Lexaeus?"
"Riku . . . I can see your heart . . ."
"No, it can't be . . . Darkness this foul could only belong to one person . . ."
"That's it, remember me . . . Let me drift into your heart . . ."
"Ansem!"
Ansem's laughter rang through Riku's ears.
"You called my name, Riku? You're thinking about me . . . You're afraid of the darkness I command. Good . . . The more you think of me, the closer my return draws. And when I awaken . . ."
Ansem appeared behind him. Sensing the presence, Riku turned to face him, the only thing visible in this dark place. Was this the world of darkness again?
"Your heart will be mine!"
"Riku, fight!" said a voice. "Don't let Ansem take you!"
Riku lifted his head.
"That voice," said Riku, and as he finished his sentence, King Mickey appeared between them. "Your Majesty!"
"Meddlesome king!" said Ansem.
King Mickey and Ansem disappeared, and Riku opened his eyes to find himself staring at a white ceiling. He was back in one of those blinding white hallways. Riku groaned and sat up.
"The king . . . protected me?" Riku stood and looked around the corridor. "Your Majesty, where are you? Please answer!"
Riku looked down to the floor. Why would the king care so much when all Riku did was disappoint? He touched a hand to his heart and allowed his eyes to fall shut.
"You're with me . . . aren't you . . .?"
Riku raised his eyes and looked to the staircase before him. No more cards lay in his hand or pocket. King Mickey intervened between him and Ansem. Riku didn't allow his thoughts to linger on what lay ahead. He had to keep moving. He had to get out of this place.
On the next floor was another, typical white hallway. No one was in sight. Riku sighed, hung his head, and then it snapped up again. Riku looked around.
"Huh? The air has changed . . . One of the scents has died—a really strong one."
Another figure appeared before him—another figured dressed in black with short, silvery-blue hair. He walked toward Riku.
"That was Marluxia, keeper of this castle. Ex-keeper, I should say. The Keyblade master just finished him off."
Riku frowned.
"Keyblade master . . . You mean Sora! Sora is here?"
"Would you like to see him? Or should I say, can you face him?"
"What does that mean?"
All the riddles, all the digs, were getting to him. The man didn't seem to take offense, though. He smiled.
"Darkness and Ansem's shadow nest within your heart. Aren't you ashamed to face Sora in that state?"
"What—"
He should be ashamed to see Sora? When he'd come so far, battled so much darkness, and his heart overcame the darkness? When he helped Sora close the door to darkness? The man seemed to understand his thoughts.
"Sora's fate is to battle the darkness. As the hero of light, he must oppose hosts of the dark—in other words, you. If you don't believe me . . ."
He threw a card to Riku. His heart fell. Another card? A host of the dark? It was true he had darkness within him, but would Sora really . . .
"Then you had best see the truth for yourself."
Riku frowned and looked at the card in his hands. A familiar scene lay before him. He wondered many times through this castle what kind of people these were. Traverse Town, Monstro, Neverland, Hollow Bastion, Olympus Coliseum . . . they all tortured him, all seemed to get worse than the one before it. He didn't stop to think that there was only one world worse than the rest, worse than them all combined.
"This card! This is our—"
"Yes, your home."
The man disappeared, and Riku's eyes fell on the door before him. The door that would take him home. The home in his memories, anyway.
Riku walked forward and bit his lip. He held the card to the door and entered. His shoes touched sand, and the ocean breeze brushed across his skin. Riku glanced around at the scene, drinking it in. Paopu trees, the sound of the waves crashing atop one another, and rushing toward the shore. The unstable, moving ground that sand created shifted around and beneath Riku's feet.
"I never thought I'd miss the island winds so much . . ." said Riku. He closed his eyes and breathed in the scent. "Funny—there was a time I couldn't wait to get off this rock. And now I'm acting all relieved." Eyes opened, he walked forward, and paused again. "Is that . . .? Hey!"
Tidus, Wakka, and Selphie would never know how much they were a sight for sore eyes at that very moment. Riku rushed to them.
"What's with you guys?" he said, staring at their blank faces and motionless figures. "I don't think I've ever seen the three of you so quiet." Riku smiled. "What? Is there something on my face?"
They continued to stare, unmoving, and then disappeared. Riku jumped forward.
"Guys?"
They didn't reappear. Riku walked forward, explored the island, but like so many worlds before, encountered Heartless and nothing else. Selphie, Tidus, and Wakka were nowhere to be found. Riku entered a door with one of those gold cards he'd become well-acquainted with in the other card-worlds.
Both sadness and joy ebbed through his body in this card-world. He mourned for the doors, proof of his pre-existing knowledge that this world was not real. He wasn't really home. Joy at feeling the ocean wind and the sand moving beneath his feet, however, filled his heart. Riku longed for home.
He passed through the door, and walked across the bridge to his island. He placed a hand on the memory of his favorite paopu tree, and looked across the ocean. Turning his head, Riku glanced back to the bridge to find he was no longer alone.
"Kairi!" Riku left his paopu tree and ran over to her. "Hey, Kairi, don't tell me you—"
He was about to express his surprise that like he and Sora, she was in this castle, too, but she faded before he got the chance. Riku rolled his head back, groaned, and then dropped his head, eyes fixated on the ground.
"No . . . no . . . no!"
"Surely you knew this would happen."
Riku raised his head and turned. It was the man with the silvery-blue hair again.
"Why would I know that?"
"You've been to a number of worlds in your memory before this one. And in those worlds, you met only dark beings. That's all that's left in your heart: dark memories. Your memories of home are gone—each and every one."
Riku's head swam. He had only met dark beings in the card-worlds before, but he didn't see the good ones, either. He didn't see a figure of Cloud that failed to move or speak before disappearing, and he didn't see one of Sora, either. Destiny Islands and all the good it contained was in his heart. He fixed his eyes on the man's.
"That's a lie! I remember everyone from the Islands! Tidus and Selphie and Wakka . . . Kairi and Sora, too! They're my . . . my . . . They're my friends . . ."
"And who threw away those friends? Maybe it's your own actions that you forgot. You destroyed you home."
The scenery changed. The sky grew black and the Islands appeared before him, ransacked. Trees were destroyed. Lightning raced through the sky. Fear seeped into Riku's heart.
"This is . . . that night!"
"The islands you grew up on were sundered, scattered . . . Many hearts were lost to the darkness. Because of what you did!"
An image of Riku—not the replica, but Riku that very night—appeared. He watched as the storm raged, and the haughty, but unconcerned look on his own face as a bolt of lightning raced behind his head. Riku swallowed.
"N—No . . ."
"You hated being an islander cut off from other worlds. So you opened the door to darkness and destroyed the islands. You did that! And now you belong to the darkness. Look at what you are!"
The image of himself transformed, stretched, grew, and Darkside loomed over him. Riku's breath hitched, and he took a step back.
"This . . . this can't be me . . ."
Darkside attacked, and Riku defended. He couldn't concentrate . . . couldn't focus . . . the man's worlds replayed . . . over and over . . .
Riku did defeat Darkside, but his breathing was staggered and weak. Tears pricked at the corner of his eyes. Was he always such a horrible person? Riku turned and locked eyes with Sora. He stood in a fighting stance, rushed forward, attacked, but Riku blocked.
"Sora?"
Sora rushed forward again, attacked, but Riku parried.
"Stop it, Sora! Don't you recognize me?"
"Yeah, I recognize you. I can see exactly what you've become."
Riku swallowed and averted his eyes. Sora rushed forward, attacked, and Riku fell back.
"Look at you, shrinking away from the light . . ." said Sora. "You're not Riku anymore. You're just a pawn of the darkness. So be it. It's time for you to face the light."
Destiny Islands disappeared from his vision. The light was blinding, but then Riku felt himself drifting, floating in nothingness . . . Maybe there was more darkness in him than Riku thought.
"I'm . . . fading . . . consumed by the light . . ."
"You won't fade."
Riku searched for the voice and found Kairi standing before him.
"You can't fade," said Kairi. "No power can defeat you—not the light, not the dark. So don't run from the light—and don't fear the darkness. Both will make you stronger."
Riku stared at her. The light would make him stronger, sure, but . . .
"Darkness, too?"
"Especially darkness. Because that power is yours alone. The darkness in your heart is vast and deep . . . but if you can stare into it unflinching, you'll never know fear again."
Never know fear again. Riku could accept the darkness without fear . . . Lexaeus said it himself. It wasn't the darkness, but the fear that weakened him. It was opening his heart to the darkness rather than accepting the darkness that was already there. He looked Kairi over, searching for a sign of trickery, but he felt no darkness radiate from her.
"All this time I've been pushing the darkness away . . ."
"Just be brave. Know that the darkness is there and don't give in. Do that, and you'll gain strength unlike any other. You'll be able to escape the deepest darkness—"
"—And I'll be able to see through the brightest light . . ."
Riku smiled.
"Follow the darkness, Riku. It'll show you the way to the friends you miss."
The friends . . . Sora, Tidus, Wakka, Selphie, Cloud . . .
"But can I face them . . ."
"You don't want to?"
"You know I do." The fear crept in, but Riku looked up at Kairi and smiled. "And I will! The darkness—my darkness—will show me the way! Darkness, awaken!"
The dark powers overtook him, and Riku followed the trace of darkness through the blinding light. Destiny Islands reappeared before him and he faced Sora. He'd be damned if he was going to be taken by both the darkness and the light because he was unable to achieve a balance. It would be work keeping it that way, but that was a concern for later.
"Im . . . impossible!"
Sora faded and shifted into the man with the silvery-blue hair.
"How did you find me in the light?"
"You reek of the dark. Even the light can't block out the smell. I followed the darkness right to you!"
"Heh . . . After all your protests you're still just another darkling."
Riku smiled and shrugged.
"I know who I am."
The man could try to tell him differently, but Riku wasn't in the mood for his games anymore.
"Since when? You were terrified of the dark before—"
"I'm not now!"
This time, he believed it as he rushed forward to take the man down.
"Hypocrite!"
Riku slashed through the air. The man was gone.
"He got away."
Riku turned and left the room. He fought the Heartless, made his way through the rest of Destiny Islands. It wasn't real, and he wasn't going to let it get to him, either. Everything he felt, everything he believed led him back to the same place. Riku held light and dark within him, and they could coexist without falling to the dark or consumed in the light.
No, they would coexist. They had to. Riku couldn't change who he was, and he couldn't fear it, either.
So I said there would be more today, and here it is. Double post and all.
Reviews!
Lapse-Raevn: I would like to second your "Blah" on the Riku as Ansem in KH2 thing. And that's going to take up a large part of the one-hundred chapters. So blah to that, too. Riku with a tail . . . I couldn't bring myself to write it. I'd ruin it and make it sound weird, but yeah . . . Riku with a tail. Or fin, to be more appropriate. Yeah, he didn't get to see Cloud, but that will make it all the better when he sees the real Cloud again. Sleep is healthy for you, or at least I think it is. I don't know. I don't do it often.
FrEaKyAoIFaN: Yeah, Riku has to go through bad stuff to become a better person, I guess. Force him to grow up. I agree that Riku is strong. He has his moments of weakness, but we all do, and that simply makes him human. Sorry there are more cards, but Disney and Square say it is so.
Chalice of Chelsea: When I read your review, I went and looked up your author profile. Saw you had Hogwarts Slander on your favorites. Made me smile. Yeah, the longest story I ever wrote was a Harry/Draco way back in the day before I discovered Ron/Draco, and the most complicated story I ever wrote was my Ron/Draco epic, The Prophecy of Absconditus. The Harry/Draco, entitled Falling, was 48 chapters including the prologue and the epilogue. Abscon, as I affectionately call it, was only 24. I'm in over my head with this one, I think, but I'm doing a good so far. I hope. Yeah, definitely even more over the weekend. Well, actually, it's going to be here Monday morning because I'll write Sunday night/Monday morning and then post. I'm looking forward to Cloud/Riku fluffiness, too. My goal right now is just to get Riku out of Castle Oblivion. It's taking longer than I thought it would. The only plot I have for the rest of this story is KH2, and right now I'm working on figuring out how to lead into it. I also have a very shaky idea for the last couple of chapters after KH2 ends. As for Cloud, I have no idea what I'm doing.
Tolkienologist: Yeah, I definitely think I will work on my novel. I'm sorry, but I can't take credit for the cleverness of tying the prompt fear into fear of darkness. It happened by accident. I knew the prompt was fear, but I had no idea there was so much discussion about it in the parts I needed to write next. It fell into my lap, but I guess I did a good job at pacing this story so it would fall into my lap. I hope this happens more often. Kind of like how the prompt bad just fell on a Riku chapter. That was a good thing, too.
jediempress: Yeah, I thought Cloud and Riku would get along, too. Hence the story. Hence my work to make this all make sense. I hope Cloud isn't getting too OOC for you, seeing as how he's still moody, but chattier. I don't know. I worry about that a little bit, but I think it works (the same goes for Leon), because they talk more the longer they're around everyone. Opening up a little, I guess. Not that Cloud won't put his head back into the sand or anything, but you know . . . I'm rambling. Must stop. Anyway, I'm glad you gave the story a try and liked it. Those experiences tend to be really great, or at least they have been for me.
Lady Karai: Thank you for mentioning the CoM dialogue sparsity issue. I knew it was there, but I was afraid I was taking away from the dialogue by digging so much into Riku's head. Maybe breaking up the dialogue too much to make the conversation flow. I tried to fix it in this chapter. Chain of Memories is so much harder to play with than the first game because Riku is by himself most of the time.
ChibiFrubaGirl: No need to worry. My week gets occupied by so many other things that it gets too hard to find the five hours or so it takes to sit down, write, edit, and post. I try to make up for it when my best friend is gone and my family doesn't require as much attention. Not to sound like a desperate CloudxRiku fangirl, but you should write one. Help out the cause. Heh. I want a C2, a LiveJournal community, and a small army for this fandom (okay, I'd like a bigger army, but let's set somewhat realistic goals, shall we?). Anyway, thank you for noticing the quotes are correct and commenting on it. I spent weeks watching the cutscenes, pausing, and writing the sentences word for word in a notebook for the first game. I spent a week playing Chain of Memories on my crappy gameboy, pausing, and writing down everything said in Reverse/Rebirth all the way down to correct punctuation, facial expression, and body movement. I'm going to do the same thing for KH2. It's nice to know someone noticed. CoM was the only one I played for a long time, too, cause I could only afford a Gameboy (which I bought just for KH, too), but then I bought a PS2 just so I could play the first game. Then the second one came out and I was so happy that Axel was in 3D and not pixelated. I want that 3-D version of CoM when it comes out more than I can express. I hate Gameboy. I liked the Riku not finding Cloud scene, too.
Koji Inari: Yeah, I worried that maybe this story wouldn't be as great as I thought it would be because . . . uh, well, it's kind of obvious what's going to happen. For someone who's played all three games, or even just the PS2 ones, the story is already set. Cloud was obviously not going to beat Sephiroth. Riku was going to get possessed, close the door to darkness, and . . . yeah. It's just nothing is a big surprise. I think that maybe it works because of the perspective. It also probably helps that you get to see everything that (I wish) went on behind the scenes. As for Winnie the Pooh: Kingdom Hearts destroyed any fond memories of Pooh bear that I may have had a child. Tigger is the devil. Pooh is a dumbass. Piglet needs to shut up. Rabbit can live.
I'm overly ambitious. I have some idea what I'm writing for the next Cloud and the next Riku chapters. I do. And since both of the previous statements are true, I'm going to do something I know I probably shouldn't do (if only because it means I will deprive myself of sleep):
I will double post tomorrow morning. Not a maybe. I will. There will be a fancy little double post sitting here tomorrow morning.
Yep.
I'm going to write two chapters tonight after I sleep, after I clean my room, and after I brush my cat.
Promise.
(If only because Riku needs to get out of Castle Oblivion before I start to cry for him . . .)