She could only stare in disbelief in the first few seconds. She noticed his eyes registering her current state. When she remembered herself, she stood from the table and threw her arms around his shoulders. "Doumeki! Where have you been? I've been so worried about you…" she said as she buried her face into his neck. Normally he might have at least held her for a moment, but…this time there was nothing. Barely an acknowledgement of her presence. When he didn't respond either verbally or physically, she knew something was very wrong. An unconscious pang of jealousy shot through her stomach and she gripped him harder, as if she was trying to physically squeeze the words from him. "Where did you go, what happened to you, why won't you tell me?" She tried to send the thoughts through to him. "I know you can feel me, yet you still choose to ignore me…is that what we're left with now?" The silence was thick and each second cut further into that wound, shaking her mentally and physically until the silence was entirely too much.

After what seemed like an eternity, she finally let go of him. She tried to search his eyes for a clue, pushing her face close to his and peering into his eyes. But what she saw there was nothing but clouded pain and foggy misery. She felt frustration well up inside of her, threatening to burst from her chest. She didn't want to be angry, but she had worried for him so much, and now he would say nothing! Didn't they mean more to each other than that? She got it! She knew she could never compare to Watanuki! But she had never tried to replace him! She had only wanted to become someone else by his side, someone he could trust and confide in, at least a close friend! Was that so much to ask? So why was she being treated like this now? It wasn't fair, no matter what it was. He could at least say something! She stepped away from him and couldn't meet his gaze. She knew the truth even before she spoke.

"…How could you? How could you just…leave like that and never say anything to me at all! I was worried sick you know! I didn't know what had happened to you, you could have been dead! What was I supposed to think! I was so scared…" She felt her throat tighten and she choked back the tears that threatened to spill.

These words brought some recognition back in his eyes, but he made no move to comfort her.

"I…I know you see him. I know you meet him at night. Even though you're asleep…I can see it."

Doumeki blinked and said nothing.

"I know I can't compare to him, and I never hope to. I just…I just wanted to know I meant something, anything at all to you!" Her fists clenched in anger. "I thought we were close enough that…that you could even tell me about these important things!" The tears began to stream down her face, out of her control. She sounded almost hysterical as she cried "Doumeki, I've always known you've been in love with him. When we make love, I know it's him you're thinking about! Why don't you love me, even a little?"

With these words he felt something break inside.

He let the words sink in as he knew she was right. The anger in his words came mostly of the frustration he felt with himself, but

"Oh, have you no pity? This thing I do, I do not deny it…" His lips curved into a grimace that indicated the churning emotions just under the surface. " I do not deny," He began again, "I know in my mind…I would leave you now." He felt the chill through his spine and the lead weight in his stomach as he knew he spoke the horrible truth, but hear it she must. "If I had the strength to, I would leave you up to your own devices," he hissed.

"But Doumeki, I-"

"Will you not talk!" He fired, but immediately adjusting his temper afterwards, continued softly with a pleading look in his eyes. "Can you take pity? I don't ask much." He finished.

With the heartbreak in his voice, she realized that the pain he was feeling now must surely reach far beyond anything she had ever known. Immediately she regretted her words, regretting in a moment of selfishness that she had only worsened the pain, rather than helped, the way she wanted to…

She felt sick.

The pain was still evident in his eyes as he met her gaze.

"…But won't you speak, please?"