Jerome pushed open the door to Amber and Nina's room. He had expected Nina to be with Fabian. The room was empty and he slipped inside.
It was getting more and more painful to see Amber's empty room, to see it how she had left it. No one had dared touch her things, like a grave museum piece of her last moments. No one knew if it would be disrespectful to change it, so they didn't.
Her bed was still unmade. Her phone still switched on and lay placed on her bedside table. Her wardrobe doors still swung open with dresses on hangers spilling out.
It pained him. Every time.
He walked over to her dressing table and picked up her hairbrush. It still had a few strands of silvery blonde hair left in it. Jerome wanted to pull them out and feel their featheriness against his calloused hands.
The door creaked and Jerome turned having been caught.
"You should wait," Fabian said as he entered the room, "Nina's gone to see her."
Jerome nodded and held the hairbrush awkwardly in his hands.
"I know it's you," Fabian told him, "I think it's really lovely, what you're doing."
Jerome placed the hairbrush back on the dresser and went to speak, to defend himself, anything.
"You don't have to say anything, really, its okay. And I won't tell," Fabian stuttered out, "I promise – if you wanted to tell us you would have but you didn't so… I won't tell."
"Thank you," Jerome croaked out.
"All you have to do, Jerome, is ask." Fabian took a few steps closer, "We're all in this together now, and we miss her so much. If you're struggling, just ask for our help and you know we will."
Jerome nodded, biting down on his lip hard but it was too much. He let out a sob and Fabian rushed forward, engulfing him in his embrace. Jerome pressed his face hard against Fabian's neck and choked out a deep, hollow cry.
"It's okay," Fabian whispered.
Jerome gripped at Fabian's shirt, his nails digging in as more sobs of pain and anguish overcame him. After a moment, the jerk of grief in his body subsided and he pulled away, pushing the palm of his hands into his eye sockets – a desperate bid to stop the flow of tears.
Fabian laid a hand on his shoulder and gripped it affectionately.
Jerome nodded to show he understood.
Fabian left and Jerome gathered what he needed. When Nina returned, he bolted out of the door – he wasn't ready for everyone to know yet. Through the hammering rain he ran towards the hospital and when he got there, he re-did Amber's nails and applied her lip-gloss. This time he brushed her hair and placed an Alice band on top of her head.
Amber was starting to look like the Amber he had once known. All he could do would be to pretend that the tubes and machines weren't there.
The next morning Nina ran in with a huge smile across her face. She had just been to see her before breakfast.
"She was wearing an Alice band, somebody put…" Nina choked out, gesturing to her head and suppressing a sob. Fabian hugged her and as he did, he looked to Jerome and smiled.
Jerome just wasn't doing it for himself anymore. He was doing it for all of them.