Chapter 6: Thanksgiving Free-For-All

Hallo! Yes, it's a Thanksgiving episode. Be very afraid… Anyway, thanks Rainmist-and-Lilymist and The Mysterious E for reviewing! You get free virtual Graystripe plushies!

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars, Harry Potter, Warriors, Party City, or any of the songs/artists mentioned in this chapter.

Qui-Gon was content. He had finally found a chance and a place to relax, away from all the chaos. Breathing a sigh of relief, he closed his eyes and began to fall asleep…

"ATTENTION!" blared Firecracker's voice from the intercom. "EVERYONE TO THE AUDITORIUM!" Qui-Gon sighed wearily and trudged over to the auditorium.

AT THE AUDITORIUM

The characters filed into the auditorium. Qui-Gon was not the only one who looked a bit weary, but the majority appeared to be in good condition. They would need to be in order to survive the trials ahead. Obi-Wan perked up when he spotted a table laden with snacks and drinks.

"Ooh, refreshments!" he noted happily, grabbing a sugar cookie and a cup of lemonade and settling into one of the plush velvet seats. Normally, Firecracker wasn't one for frou-frou décor, but no expense had been spared when it came to ensuring the character's comfort.

"SCREECH!" wailed the microphone as Firecracker turned it on. Apparently, expenses had been spared when it came to the sound system.

"Attention! Can I please have everyone's attention!" Firecracker said into the microphone. Eventually, the audience shut up. "An important event is coming up-Thanksgiving! I'm going to need everyone's help to prepare!" In the back row, Han raised his hand. Normally, he wasn't one for pleasantries, but Firecracker creeped him out. "Question, Han? Don't worry about raising your hand in the future- I don't give a Sith about manners, really- but thanks for the thought!" Firecracker had mistaken his fear for kindness.

"What's Thanksgiving?"

"Oh! I forgot- you Star Wars peeps don't know what Thanksgiving is. Thanksgiving originated from Pilgrims- these guys with funny hats and drab gray outfits- sailing to America- that's where we are- from Europe so they could have religious freedom. Back then, they had these incredibly crappy wooden ships that sailed on water, so it was an incredibly long and difficult journey. Luckily for them, they made it to America- well, most of them anyway. While they were there, they met this tribe of Native Americans- the people who originally lived there. Instead of having some lame-o battle, the Pilgrims and Native Americans ended up getting along, and had a feast which I guess they called Thanksgiving to give thanks for their friendship. People used to celebrate Thanksgiving to honor this event. These days, it's pretty much a big commercial thing, and an excuse to eat tons of delectable food without feeling guilty, and to place tacky turkeys in the front yard. So, all in all, it's a pretty wizard holiday."

"Yeah, it actually does sound pretty awesome" Han agreed. Many of the others murmured in assent. Ron, while greatly appreciating the copious amounts of delicious food aspect of this plan, was concerned about this whole "preparing" business. It sounded disturbingly similar to work.

"What exactly do you mean by…preparing?" he queried nervously.

"Well, I'm delighted you brought that up, good sir!" After this ominous phrase, Firecracker whipped a military officer's hat and handlebar mustache. She adorned her head with the hat and her face with the mustache, and began to pace about the stage as military planning music randomly began to play in the background. Ron shook in his trainers. "With all these hungry mouths to feed, we'll need to do a boatload of grocery shopping. Phoenix and I can't handle all that food on our own. However, that's not the task at hand today. If we purchase the food today, it will be spoiled by the time Thanksgiving rolls around. No, the job we've got to do today is getting supplies." Firecracker had attempted to lower her voice to appear more like a serious military officer and less like a wacky teenage girl. It was not very effective, as she was still clad in her Nyan Cat pajamas, complete with slippers. "We'll need to purchase paper plates. What with me being one of the world's biggest klutzes, there's no way I'm going to be able to carry all those dishes without breaking them if we use normal plates. The same goes for glasses, silverware, bowls, and anything else you can think of. We'll also need to procure lots of napkins. Everything should be Thanksgiving themed. Any questions?" Lupin was the first to speak up.

"I've actually got two questions. One… what's with the mustache? And two… where are we going for all these supplies?"

"Excellent questions, Lupin. I chose to don the mustache because I thought it was pretty awesome. As for your second inquiry, we'll hit up Party City for all our table setting needs. We'll also find the tacky decorations there." Firecracker assumed everyone was hunky-dory with this plan, as no one protested. "Alrighty then! I'm ready when you guys are! Just meet me at the front door when you're all set!" And with that, she leapt off the stage. Before she could exit, though, Fleur shrieked in horror.

"You're going out..wearing…THAT? In PUBLIC?" Fleur, who had already established herself as the mansion's go-to fashionista, was disgusted at this notion.

"Yeah, why wouldn't' I?" Firecracker replied casually. Fleur had no words for this. She just passed out in shock and fear.

"Uhhh…right. See you guys soon." And, with that parting statement, Firecracker was finally able to exit.

After a few moments, everyone was ready and at the bottom of the elevator, ready to leave- with the exceptions of Qui-Gon, who had stayed behind to relax and sleep, and Fleur, who was still unconscious.

"Alright everyone, let's go inside the car! No need for delay… Aw, crud." Firecracker moaned.

"What is it? Is it broken? Can I fix it? Can I fix it? Pleeeease? I read the owner's manual and EVERYTHING-"

"No, Vader. It's not broken. There just isn't enough room for everyone to ride." Vader sighed dejectedly.

SCREECH! Suddenly, a shiny, glistening, gleaming, glossy, lustrous, sparkling, beautiful, dazzling, exquisite, ravishing red limousine pulled up to the throng. A drowsy Phoenix stumbled out, and was immediately hugged by a much more spirited Firecracker.

"Woohoo! You conveniently arrived just in the nick of time for no apparent reason! That's MY friend, people!"

"Yeesh. I just got up five minutes ago…" Phoenix said blearily.

"So that's why you're wearing pajamas" Neville observed, feeling intelligent. Not surprisingly, he had noticed Phoenix's vivid taco - print sleepwear.

"Right. Anyway, I'm guessing you peeps need an extra ride."

"OOH! OOH! I WANNA GO IN THE LIMO!" Sirius was jumping up and down in excitement at this appealing prospect.

"We both have limos, you know" said Firecracker dryly, which elicited a few snickers.

"I ment da pwitty won…" murmured Sirius, trancelike. Apparently, he had forgotten how to speak properly.

"Well, off you go, then! Chop-Chop! No time to waste!" Eager to get the blibbering-moron edition of Sirius off her hands, Firecracker prodded him with a huge rainbow lollipop she had extracted from her pocket, which seemed much too small to hold such a large delicacy. And so, the merry drivers drove their victims – I mean, helpers – to Party City. Look out, world!

Larry Schmozzenheimer had recently quit his job at Manhattan Pizza in favor of becoming a cash register guy at Party City. Innocently, he peered out the window… and his heart was filled with dread. That shiny red limo was back, and it could only mean one thing. Them! Poor Larry was on the verge of total panic. Suddenly, a plan formed in his mind. Pretending to have an "emergency", Larry raced frantically toward the back and opened the supply room door. This would be the perfect hiding spot! Slamming the door quickly, he shoved a crate full of tacky decorations in front of it, and proceeded to hunker down behind a tower of drab cardboard boxes.

"Git on out, lil' doggies!" shouted Phoenix in her best Southern accent – which was pretty awful.

"We do not appreciate being referred to as dogs! Isn't that right, Luna?" Hermione asked, sounding indignant. Unfortunately for Hermione, Luna had other thoughts.

"Are you going to Transfigure all of us into dogs? How fun! What breed?" Hermione groaned inwardly and smacked her forehead in exasperation.

"Well, let's move along. Firecracker and her entourage are already entering Party City! We'll be taunted! Ridiculed! Shamed!" With that, Phoenix rushed into Party City, leaving some bemused characters trudging to the entrance in her wake. Meanwhile, Firecracker was deliberating over which ginormous inflatable turkeys to purchase.

"Forsooth, ye braggart !" hollered Phoenix, speaking in Olde English for no apparent reason. "Thou may hast beateh us to the shoppe, but thou shall never smite us! We shall prevail! Thine spiteful, wicked ways shall not conquer TEAM PHOENIX!" With that, Phoenix concluded her very old-fashioned motivational speech.

"Silly phoenix!" admonished Han. "That's not how you defeat your enemies! You just TACKLE 'EM!" With that charming sentiment, Han initiated a mini-brawl between himself, Phoenix, and Firecracker, which in turn caused an avalanche of inflatable turkeys.

"Pleaghelef" spit Firecracker, ejecting an inflatable turkey wing from her mouth while emerging from the avian-shaped rubble. "Silly Han, these aren't the turkeys we're going to eat! These are the exquisite decorations! Now that you mention it, I think I will purchase these fine pieces of merchandise. Thanks for the capital suggestion, Han!" She placed the turkeys in a magically-expanded shopping cart and headed to other regions of the store, with Han and Phoenix in hot pursuit. Soon, all their ears caught the unmistakably appalling notes of "Baby". A few steps later, their eyes met a sight too hilarious for words. Harry Potter was dressed in a leftover, marked-down Justin Bieber costume, complete with wig, and was singing the aforementioned song (if you can call it that), much to the amusement of a cluster of characters. When he finished, he took a bow.

"Bravo! Bravissimo!" cheered Firecracker.

"Yes, it was terrifyingly realistic!" complimented Hagrid.

"Yes, yes" said Harry in mock-bored tones. " I know you love me. I know you care. Anyway, it's Angelina's turn! I am so done with this claptrap." Angelina Johnson tossed on a cheap Hannah Montana wig and sparkly outfit over her robes, and began to warble.

"Everybody makes mistakes! Everybody has those days!"

After those two lines, poor Angelina couldn't take it anymore. "I CAN'T DO IT!" laughed Angelina. "IT'S TOO HILARIOUS!"

"Alright then, I'll go!" stated Gunny, pulling a blonde wig and shiny, skimpy costume over her uniform.

"Boy don't try to front, I I know just just what you are! Boy don't try to front I I know just just what you are! Yoouuuuuu, you got me goin', yoouuuuuu, you're oh so charmin', yoouuuuuu, but I can't do it, you womanizer! Boy don't try to front, I I know just just what you are! Boy don't try to front, I I know just just what you are! Yoouuuuuu, you say I'm crazy, yoouuuuuu, I got you crazy, yoouuuuuu, you're nothin' but a womanizer!"

After her performance, the crowd went wild, praising Ginny for her spot-on imitation of Britney Spears.

"Hey, too bad that Vader guy wasn't here to sing the parts where the song says 'Womanizer' in that really deep voice!" laughed George.

"What do you mean?" asked Phoenix, tugging a Vader helmet from one of the leftover deluxe costumes (where the helmet actually changes your voice) over her head. "I am Darth Vader! My head is burned up! Fear me for no apparent reason! Dun, dun, dun, dun da dun, dun da dun!" Everyone laughed at Phoenix's purposefully atrocious mockery of Vader. Suddenly, the laughter ended. Phoenix was bemused.

"What? What's wrong? Not enough Force choking?" she queried.

"Um… Phoenix… you might want to turn around…" whispered Hermione. Phoenix turned around to face the real Vader and gulped .

"What is the meaning of this balderdash?" demanded Vader.

"Um…" quivered Phoenix. "…It was Firecracker's idea!" she exclaimed, pointing towards the back. Alas, the hyperactive teenager was nowhere to be found.

"You know what I find even more appalling than this insulting performance?" yelled Vader. Everyone shook their heads. "This deplorable copy of my helmet!" he shouted, answering his own question. "I mean, the shade of black is off, the craftsmanship is simply disgusting, and the material is flimsier than low-grade cardboard!" With that, he punted the helmet across the store. Han ran towards the projectile, and, when it landed, kicked it back, aiming at Vader's head. The helmet hit its target, but it only bounced off the hard metal.

"You seriously thought that could hurt me?" taunted Vader.

"You want hurt? You're gonna be in a world of hurt! You picked the wrong guy to freeze in carbonite! IT. IS. ON!" After Han screamed that, chaos erupted in Party City. The helmet was kicked so much it never even hit the ground. A few bouncy balls joined the mix of objects to be kicked. Aside from Vader and Han, who were livid, everyone was having an awesome time destroying the store. There was only one question in their minds: Where was Firecracker? Sure, they didn't know her very well, but she seemed like the kind of person who would have initiated this lollapalooza, not hid in the storage room before it even began. Just as they were thinking these thoughts, a familiar voice hollered over the intercom.

"MEN, WOMEN, CHILDREN, AND EMPLOYEES OF PARTY CITY ! A CATASTROPHE IS COMMENCING! NO ONE WILL BE SAFE! UNLESS YOU KNOW WHO FIRECRACKER IS, EVACUATE IMMEDIATELY, BECAUSE THIS. IS. WAAAAAAAAAR!" As she screamed this last word, Firecracker burst forth from the storage room, shooting pies as rapidly as she could from her pie cannons. Everyone except the FFFHT gang fled from the premises. If it was chaos before, it was pandemonium now. Greeting card racks were knocked over, burying Ron in cheesy anniversary cards. Harry shouted "Aguamenti!" and filled water guns with water, squirting the clear liquid at anything moving, including flies and escaped convicts from the local hamster jail. Somehow, Hermione and Firecracker had got to the top of the shelves and were throwing objects of the tops onto unsuspecting victim's heads. Control of the pie cannons had been bequeathed to Fred and George, who had planted their fireworks onto the pie crusts. Lightsabers flashed! Some slashed open pre-filled piñatas, littering the floor with candy and confetti, making it easy to slip. Ina matter of minutes, nothing remained on the shelves. Everything was strewn on the floor, in midair being hurled at someone's face, or coming into contact with someone's face. Eventually, Obi-wan saw reason.

"Firecracker?" Obi-Wan shouted over the ruckus, attempting to get her attention. After she threw a Beanie Baby to Sirius for him to catch (which missed and caused a firework to explode, damaging some party hats and half a shelf), she leaped off the shelf to face the bearded Jedi.

"Firecracker reporting to General Kenobi for duty!" she yelled, saluting. Obi-Wan rolled his eyes.

"Didn't we come here to purchase paper plates and such?" he reminded her.

"You're right!" replied Firecracker cheerily, as if she hadn't made an extensive military speech that morning. "Thanks, buddy!" with that she merely skipped away towards the Thanksgiving-themed paper plates, napkins, and plastic sporks. Conveniently, none of these items had been damaged or defiled at all. (Please roll your eyes at this convenient coinkydink). She placed the merchandise in a plastic Party City bag, and stuck money for the items (and even extra for repairs) under a half-melted cash register.

Another crazy chapter! Sorry I didn't update for a long time, but at least you have a chapter now! Right? Right? Please don't kill me with Jell-O and Justin Bieber's new album! The next update won't take as long!

Well, anyway, thanks for your reviews! Have a happy Mustache Day!

~Firecracker