Title: Being 'A'

Author: artfreak (Lady Ifrit on )

Ratings/Warnings: R

Genre: Romance

A/N: I am so so so sorry for being late with this chapter and I hope that those of you I kept waiting aren't too mad at me. I am appalled at myself for being so late – I said January and now it's late February. To be honest, the holidays were a lot more hectic that I had expected – my family moved house just after Christmas and I had six teeth extracted so I can have braces (DX wah! My teeth! My smile!) and then we got given two new projects as soon as I got back to uni and the deadlines have all been so close together, it was unbelievable. But excuses, excuses, right?

Also, to those of you who reviewed last chapter – thank you so much. 14 reviews! That's the most I've ever had! Your reviews really motivated me to write more and reading them cheered me up a lot when I was down and in pain. I really enjoy hearing what you guys think of what's going on, your reactions and it really helps me when you tell me which parts you liked and which parts you weren't sure about. So thanks, guys. Anyway, I'll stop rambling now. The plot is finally moving! So read on!

Chapter 3

There was no denying that sex was part of what he had looked forward to when his relationship with Sasuke had heightened. He was a healthy growing male, as red-blooded as any – perhaps even more because of Kyuubi's shared impulses – still in the late stages of his teens and therefore still quite hormonal. It hadn't been the only thing, of course, but he had figured that it would be the most different addition to their relationship that would change and merge with the previous dynamic.

As friends (and the best of those at that), they had always been close and not much had changed in those terms, or with interaction, with the status of their relationship. They had shared an apartment for quite a while, though now they had moved into the same room and bed. They touched more now, though Naruto had always been a tactile person but now Sasuke tended to lean into it more rather than just accept it. Sex, however, hadn't quite managed to come into the picture. That bungled first attempt a few weeks back had been the closest they had gotten, even out of the several efforts that had come after, and Sasuke hadn't yet been able to overcome whatever it was that was stopping him from letting go.

He sighed as the warm water washed over him, allowing the heat of the water to seep into his skin. Closing his eyes and leaning back against the cool tiled wall of the shower stall, he let his hands wander over himself, stroking his tanned skin and touching and fondling himself. His body, already slightly flushed from his anger, became hotter and the need inside him grew ever larger. As he reached down to grasp his manhood, fisting it lightly, he wished Sasuke was there with him and it was his paler hands on him touching him that way. In the darkness behind his closed eyelids, he imagined it was.

The Sasuke in his mind didn't have nearly so many inhibitions as the real one. He touched Naruto without fear and perhaps more than a hint of curiosity and possibly a touch of experience. He caught Naruto in his dark eyes, trapping him with their intensity. He touched Naruto with soft and gentle hands, teased him and seduced him. He kissed him passionately, running long-fingered hands fervently over whatever parts of Naruto's sculpted body he could reach – through his hair, over his chest, his shoulders, his back and down to squeeze his ass-cheeks – allowing Naruto to do the same to him and letting him get away with groping him copiously, enjoying the feel of the blond's hands over him.

Then he'd pull away – only an inch or so – to lick his kiss-swollen lips, raise his eyebrow in that smug, aristocratic manner of his and smirk at him, wearing that air of superiority like a king's cape. He was sensual and direct and there was nothing shy about his touch. In his fantasies, Sasuke pressed himself close against Naruto letting him feel his own body's desire for the blond. That always made Naruto catch his breath and made something warm and prideful grow inside him. That intense gaze on him, lustful and needy, and that hard, lean body pressed tight against his, hot and ready, was what Naruto had dreamt of for too long.

The Sasuke in his mind was a positive wildcat during sex and the passion and ease with which he did everything else was apparent during this as well. Uchiha's never did anything by halves and Sasuke was no exception – he was wild and unfettered and demanding and threw himself into the act. It was in much the same way Naruto had often seen him fight and train and practice a new (and probably particularly difficult) jutsu or technique. He pushed himself at the other's body, making Naruto work harder; demanding more pleasure and Naruto couldn't help but lose himself in the sensation. That was what he had envisioned sex with Sasuke to be like. He'd imagined it quite often, in fact, and now the Sasuke in his mind was almost as incredibly well-fleshed out as the real one.

His body achieved release in a peak of white-hot delight and Naruto was left panting softly under a fall of warm water, watching the evidence of his self-gratification wash away down the drain. He slumped, feeling vaguely ashamed and frustrated at his actions and his circumstance. Quickly turning off the water before it got cold, he hurried to step out of the shower.

Sasuke was his romantic partner and it was a little galling to know that Naruto couldn't go to him with his needs. And it hurt that Sasuke didn't feel comfortable enough with him to be able to let himself go that much. Sex was a primal and instinctual act, one that Naruto loved to take part in and to him it wasn't just the physical pleasure that counted, though he thought that was fun too. He liked the closeness it gave him in every way – physically and emotionally. Spiritually as well, though he was never sure if he bought into that stuff.

It couldn't be that Sasuke felt they didn't know each other well enough – they had known each other since early childhood, way back in those lazy days at the Academy. Not only that, but it was now a widely known fact that Sasuke and Naruto were each others' most important person and had been since the age of twelve. They may not have understood each other completely, their philosophies, experiences and outlooks on life so different they almost clashed, but they knew and trusted each other the most; almost better than they knew themselves. He knew that Sasuke trusted him with his life and now even with his heart.

Naruto thought he had loved Sasuke long before he himself had realised it. When Sasuke had left the village, hell bent on obtaining revenge and gaining the power he thought Konoha could never teach him to do so, it had hurt Naruto deeply. And he had spent years of his life simultaneously trying to erase that pain and running after the Uchiha in order to bring him back. When he had come back, completely of his own volition, for Naruto it had been inevitable that they should finally be together, because somewhere along the line, after Sasuke had left, Naruto had realised that the bond they shared was far deeper than he had first thought. So why couldn't he let himself go with Naruto of all people?

He remembered the last time he had needed to service himself – Sasuke had managed to walk in on him accidentally and they had both been surprised and embarrassed. The look on Sasuke's face had been one of shock coupled with a heavy dose of discomfort. Naruto had never experienced anything like that in any of his previous relationships and it made him question himself.

Wiping the fog off the mirror, he gazed at his reflection, wondering what Sasuke saw when he looked at him. Did he not find him attractive enough? He'd grown a lot from the awkward child he had been – a veritable ugly duckling. He'd gained height, muscle and grace through the hard and intensive training he'd gone through during those in-between years. His body was now hard and sculpted, still as bronzed by the sun as it had always been, his limbs no longer seeming like gangly extensions of a short, scrawny frame. The face that looked back at him through the glass was more chiselled now as well, having lost the puppy fat in his cheeks that had made him look chubby in his younger days. As a ninja, he was formidable and he was a far cry from the 'dead last' he had been known as before. In short, he had grown into himself.

But the thought that Sasuke didn't find him appealing brought back old insecurities and bad feelings of the sort he hadn't felt in such magnitude since graduating from the Academy. It made him think of the days when he used to be shunned by the whole village, where the children mocked him and those old enough to remember couldn't seem to see past the fact that he was the Kyuubi's container. That heavy feeling in his chest seemed too much like rejection.

He knew he had hurt Sasuke's feelings with his words and actions and the guilt wouldn't ease. That voice inside his mind that wasn't Kyuubi but was probably his conscience was shouting at him. How could you do that to someone you love, you selfish little fuck? But he wouldn't be able to apologise now – his own pain eclipsed everything else and he felt it more deeply than remorse at his behaviour. If he wanted his apology to be sincere, then it was going to have to wait a while to come.

Taking his time as he dried himself off, he changed into his night-clothes and left the bathroom. He headed to the kitchen first, reaching for the fridge for something he could heat up quickly. Instead he found a few covered up dishes of food left for him on the counter. The sight soothed his pain and cooled his anger a little, making the guilt grow inside. He shook his head a little and uncovered the containers, heating them up a little and consuming them in the same way he ate everything – by inhaling.

When he entered the bedroom, he could see that Sasuke was already under the covers, on his side and turned away. Again the guilt made itself known fiercely, but Naruto pushed it down. He didn't want to feel that right now. He climbed in and turned so that his back was turned to Sasuke, almost mirroring the other's position, making sure there was a good distance between them. Sleep took a while to come.

When he woke up the next morning, it was to the sight of Sasuke making his final preparations for his missions. In a reverse of the morning Naruto had left for his last mission, he watched as Sasuke shrugged on his vest and checked his pockets a final time, ticking off his mental checklist once more and knowing it was the last thing he did in that familiar ritual. He sat up, drawing Sasuke's attention to him, accidentally catching each other's eyes. And for a moment, as they looked at each other, Naruto thought that his partner seemed lost. There was a look in dark eyes that Naruto hadn't seen very often for a long time. Then it was gone, Naruto looked away and when he turned back Sasuke looked the way he always had – cool, calm, confident.

But as they stood there staring at each other a moment longer, he realised they were both of them unsure of how to act now. The memory of last night still made Naruto feel a little upset and, from Sasuke's stance, it wasn't just him.

On the other hand, however, Naruto didn't want that awkwardness to be the last thing they remembered of each other and didn't want that tension to distract either of them on a crucial mission. They had made a promise to each other that they would try to keep the air between them as clear as possible and if they had a fight, they would try to resolve their problems as soon as they could afterwards. A ninja's life was a dangerous one and, as skilled as they were, the missions they were sent on were hardly ever simple or easy anymore. While they trusted each other's abilities and level of competence to know they could take care of themselves, they knew there was still the chance that one of them wouldn't return from a mission. They had learnt the error to over-confidence early in the game.

With that in mind, Naruto knew he couldn't let Sasuke leave without doing what they had always done before either of them embarked on a mission. Levering himself off of the bed and taking quick strides across the room, he enveloped his partner in a tight embrace, avoiding looking into his eyes. He felt Sasuke still and tense a moment before his arms came up to rest hesitantly across the blond's broad shoulders and around his neck. Naruto closed his eyes and took a moment to just breathe Sasuke in before he lowered his head to kiss the Uchiha's jaw.

"Do it well." His voice was unusually quiet.

He felt Sasuke take a somewhat shaky breath, something between a sigh and perhaps the softest of laughs, before responding, "I always do."

And then he was out of his arms and the sound of their front door closing as he left resounded through the house. Naruto wished he had been able to make himself look into Sasuke's eyes properly.

An escort mission to guard a high-ranking Fire Country dignitary to the Water Country, was more than just an escort mission. The fact that Sasuke was being considered for ANBU, not on terms of ability but behaviour and loyalty made it more of a test, for the team as a whole. The mission was important enough to tip the scales either way and the opinion of the client's word would carry substantial weight. Had Sasuke been the same person he was a few years ago, angry and frustrated at life, he wouldn't have cared overly much – he would have got the job done, more because the thought of failure stung, than anything else, but he would have done it on his terms. Now, Sasuke knew he had to be on his best behaviour, though what that was, was a concept very different than what he was used to. He was going to have to fall back on half-remembered words of advice from a woman who seemed to exist a lifetime ago in his eyes – his mother.

As the team waited just inside the gates of Hidden Leaf village, the recollection of getting ready for a family gathering at the New Year festival resounded in his mind, his mother tying his sash behind him and trying in vain to make his hair lie flat.

"Now remember, Sasuke dear, try and smile at everyone. We're the hosts so you must greet everyone and ask them how they are. Be polite, don't speak out of turn and you must call them properly by their titles – if you recognise them, its 'uncle' or 'aunty' or 'grandmother' or 'grandfather', alright? If you don't, then you must call them 'Sir' or 'Madam'. But don't worry, darling, and stick close to me or your brother, OK?"

Of course, Sasuke had been about five years old at the time and those rules would have to be modified a little, but Sasuke hadn't waited on general social etiquette for a long time and the behaviour definitely wouldn't come naturally. He had enough to think about already. He hoped he wouldn't have to talk to this dignitary person very much – with any luck, not at all.

He looked sideways at the rest of his team, wondering how they were dealing with the situation, noting the lack of the usual quiet banter. He could see Konohamaru seated on against the wall with his legs spread out in front of him, flipping a kunai between his hands in somewhat restless boredom. Ten-Ten was stretching. And Shino looked much the same as Shino always did, except, the bugs under his coat seemed to be moving around a lot more than they usually did, and so Sasuke could assume that he was feeling a little nervous and restless too. Understandable, considering reports of their performance for this mission would be heavily influenced by a civilian's opinion. Having only seen the man once for the briefest moments across a crowded room when he had been in his official robes, he knew they were all imagining and expecting the worst of his character.

"Hello then! I see you're all ready to go. I do apologise for being late – my dear wife, bless her, was trying to fit more food into my pack. But we can be on our way now. You are expecting me, are you not? Escort for Seijirou Asegawa?"

The speaker was a short, greying old man, dressed in well-worn travelling clothes of the finest quality. He had an open, good-natured face and the lines visible were from laughter as well as age. The pack he carried easily on his own back seemed well stocked and almost professionally done, as if he made trips such as these fairly often and he did, as he had said, look very much ready to go.

Sasuke looked from the old man to his team-mates and saw the almost palpable relief visible in their stances. This man wasn't going to be one of those pompous elitist men, full of their own self-importance and expecting to travel in luxury. He might even be able to keep up a good steady pace. And he didn't seem the sort to tell them how to do their jobs. Perhaps this wouldn't be so bad after all.

As it turned out, Seijirou Asegawa wasn't the nightmare they had all been imagining at all. In fact, he was quite the opposite. He was astute and knowledgeable, talkative without being loud or overwhelming and it was clear to see exactly why those in the governing body of Fire Country trusted the man enough to allow him to act as ambassador. He would handle any situation with tact, care and sincerity.

During the journey to the edge and beyond the borders of the Fire Country, Seijirou regaled them all with stories of his somewhat adventurous youth, his love for hiking and birdwatching – which explained a lot about his attire and his well packed bag – and his vast knowledge of the flora and fauna of the forests surrounding much of the land around Konoha and covering the rest of the country. There was even a tome in his pack – he had confessed that he hadn't been able to resist adding it in; even knowing that it was unnecessary weight – that detailed birdlife indigenous to the Water Country and even what they might find on the way there. He had also engaged each of them in light-hearted conversation, being careful not pry into things he shouldn't and didn't need to know and, most importantly to Sasuke, never brought up the Uchiha's previous defection from the village or seemed to judge him for it. Sasuke wondered, somewhat whimsically, if this was what it was like to have a grandfather.

When they arrived in Water Country, the team was left to their own devices for a while. The talks that Seijirou had come for would take a few days to settle and he would be involved in a rigorous schedule of meetings and gatherings for most of his time there. They would spend their time in shifts, with one or two of them acting as his bodyguards depending on the type and size of his meetings while the others wandered through the town as civilians, scouting and exploring the attractions.

It was one such day, as he had been wandering through the marketplace and shopping district, that Sasuke stumbled upon a rather interesting shop stall. He had already visited the weapons and armaments stores that served the ninja of Kiri as well as the samurai of Water Country and had found a few pieces that caught his eye in terms of workmanship and style. After making his purchases, Sasuke had wandered towards the streets that sold herbs and medicines. They hadn't encountered many problems during their passage but there were still a few items missing from his emergency field med-kit that needed to be replaced, for the sake of prudence.

Now as he walked down the street filled with various vendors, some calling attention from shop fronts, others from behind moveable stalls and some even with their goods just spread out on a thin blanket, he couldn't help but gawk at everything he saw. The noxious fumes from several potions and brews mixed with sweet perfumes and Sasuke knew, without a doubt, that a man could find absolutely any concoction to serve any imaginable purpose on this street. Konoha was nothing like this.

As he meandered through the strangely ordered chaos of the drug street, still trying to find a place that sold the items for his med-kit that he was looking for, he heard a woman cry out to those that passed her by. She stood in front of a dingy, little shop which lay squashed between those on either side, its window crammed with all sorts of bottles and containers. From what he could see of the inside of the shop through the narrow doorway, the inside was much the same. The speaker herself was a middle-aged woman with frizzy hair, held back, only somewhat successfully, with a million pins and a dumpy figure. She was wearing an apron over her working clothes, her sleeves rolled up for business and her voice was pretty much the only thing remarkable about her – it was loud and there was something there that made her very convincing.

"For matters of the mind and heart come to us and we can solve any problem you have. Are you having trouble sleeping? We can help you dream again. Is something causing you stress? We'll make you calm. Are you sad? We'll give you happiness in a bottle. Trying to lose weight? We can help that diet of yours. Trouble with love? We'll fix it. Problems in the bedroom? Come to us and we promise that neither you nor your lover will ever be so satisfied again. Yes, come to us; let us help you and we'll show you miracles!"

Sasuke turned to look at the woman and then to the entrance of the shop. A moment's pause, a hesitation of sorts, and then he walked in.

When Shikamaru had intercepted Naruto and his team on their way back from a training mission in the woods of Konoha and said that he needed help, Naruto had been eager to solve whatever problem his friend had. Of course he's spared a moment to whine in his head: 'but it's my birthday! Nothing bad is allowed to happen!

When he'd been informed that it was Chouji that needed help – and he was one of the more level-headed people that Naruto knew – the team had followed after Shikamaru, urgency colouring their footsteps and adding haste. Nara had led them to a barbecue house – one of Chouji's favourite restaurants and a place that he came to, both when he wanted to celebrate something amazing and also on particularly bad occasions. Naruto remembered the time he had come here more than a year ago, after an especially horrific mission had killed one of Chouji's chuunin team-mates. That had been an awful time and Naruto dearly hoped that the reason for Chouji's eating wasn't anything so bad.

The sign over the restaurant proudly proclaimed 'BBQ BANZAI!!' in letters matching the overly colourful façade. The inside of the restaurant was a little less obnoxious, the lighting soothing and adding to the open, friendly atmosphere. Chouji was sitting at one of the larger round tables, an enormous spread of food before him, and he was eating like he'd just survived a famine and was sure the world would end tomorrow.

"He's been like this for a while now. He won't tell me what's wrong. Normally I'd just leave it and let him know that I'm there when he wants a friend and if he wants help, but I don't think I should let this go on too long. And I'm not that good at pep talks so you're going to have to talk to him." Shikamaru informed them as they drew closer to the table.

Normally Chouji was a very healthy person – he just ate Akimichi sized portions. Gone were their gennin days when Chouji had eaten anything and everything – he saved the junk for the extremely good or bad occasions. It had been a while since he'd eaten like he was trying to give himself a heart attack and now, Naruto was worried. With a capital 'W'. So worried, in fact, that he missed the look that passed between Shikamaru and Kiba. He immediately sat down beside the ravenous Akimichi and set himself to the task of trying to find out what was wrong.

Chouji, it seemed, was inconsolable. He merely shook his head between mouthfuls of food as Naruto tried to pry the reason for his sorrow into the open and Naruto grew steadily more alarmed. As the hours passed, Ino and Neji seemed to sense that there was nothing they could do to help for now and had put off their need to return home for as long as they could. Neji had commitments to his family and Ino had another engagement that she needed to get ready for. Naruto smiled at them as they left, thankful for the time that they had stayed and knowing that they trusted him and Kiba and Shikamaru to help Chouji.

At long last it seemed that Chouji had finished all that was on the table and had eaten every dish on the menu twice over, including the desserts. He sat for a while, digesting, with a solemn look upon his face. Kiba, his face crumpled with concern leaned over to suggest,

"Let's go for a walk. It'll help the food settle and we could use some fresh air. All the barbecue smoke is making my eyes itch."

It was a good distraction and Chouji, mindful of Kiba's still ongoing recovery from the last mission's wounds even in his depressed funk, quickly agreed to leave the place, casting one last sorrowful glance at the table and empty dishes.

They walked aimlessly, letting Shikamaru lead the way most of the time, though sometimes the small group found themselves following Naruto or Kiba and were never quite sure where they were headed. They each took turns trying to find out what was wrong with Chouji, sometimes guessing, sometimes plainly asking and sometimes just trying to make him laugh to distract him from whatever was causing him distress. Somehow, they found themselves at the steps to the apartment Naruto shared with Sasuke.

"Oh hey, I know!" Kiba exclaimed loudly, with the air of someone who'd just had the most amazing idea in the world, "Naruto, you can make Chouji some of that super, amazing hot chocolate – the one with the rum in it! We'll watch that mercenary chick movie and Chouji will have to tell us what's wrong! That movie and the hot chocolate together make everyone's deepest, darkest secrets spill out so it'll work for sure!"

He grabbed Naruto's key out of his hand and opened the door, leaving the others with no choice but to follow him inside. Naruto hung up his coat last and took of his shoes, and he had a second to wonder why the place was so dark as he flipped the switch before he was ambushed from all sides with a thoroughly united cry:

"SURPRISE!!"

He was instantly blinded by the lights and streamers and smiles as everyone he knew jumped out of places in his own apartment that he never knew could hide a person (but he supposed it attested to their skill as shinobi). He turned to see Kiba, Shikamaru and Chouji standing to the side, the stupidest, biggest grins on their faces and knew that he had been had. Sasuke was standing in front of the crowd smirking at him like knew he could pull something like this off without Naruto ever noticing and Sakura was beside the bastard, beaming at him and looking she would burst, she looked so pleased with herself. Actually everyone was looking at him intently and several flashes indicated that the shell-shocked, idiotic, surprised look on his face would be captured and preserved forever and there was nothing he could do about it. In the expectant silence, there were only three words that came to Naruto's mind:

"Holy shit, guys!"

The party was amazing and, as Naruto, still feeling a little drunk, began to clean up the aftermath, he was left in wonder at his friends and especially Sasuke. They'd obviously spent time planning it all, but he'd never noticed. The even had been designed and carried out with battle strategy-like secrecy and efficiency. Naruto was truly touched, though he realised that this was a perfectly good pay off from all the people who had initially rejected his idea to have a birthday celebration. Pretty much all of his friends had said they had some prior engagement or something very important to do as they let his invitation down and apparently Naruto wasn't very good at being able to tell when his friends and even his lover were lying to his face. Sasuke had been told that he had been put on guard duty at the Hokage tower and couldn't find anyone to swap with – a story that Tsunade herself had confirmed.

He looked across the room at Sasuke and was struck by how much he loved him and how the Uchiha had changed. It truly was a magnificent expression of care that Sasuke had done something like this for him and Naruto loved him all the more for it. He'd never thought that Sasuke could come up with anything like this and even knowing that it had been a joint effort between Sasuke and Sakura, it still amazed him that Sasuke had been capable of it. It also made Naruto feel even worse for blowing up at Sasuke those many nights ago, and although they had both made up since then and put the matter behind them, Naruto thought to himself resolutely that sex didn't matter, surely, when your lover was as amazing in pretty much every other aspect as Sasuke was.

Sasuke abruptly turned to face him, seeming to sense that Naruto had been looking at him. He smirked a little, surveying the room and the amount of mess left before meeting Naruto's eyes once more. They would leave the actual cleaning till the morning but they, meaning Sasuke, hadn't been able to leave the rubbish on the floor.

"I'm going to have a shower. Think you can manage the rest on your own?"

"You're making the birthday boy clean up?" Naruto pouted exaggeratedly.

"Well, I made it happen. It's only fair that you clean up the mess you helped make. I'll see you in bed."

Oh ho! There was something about the way he said that – almost like a promise. Naruto caught his wrist as he passed him, turning him around to embrace him. He kissed him on the cheek softly and planted his face in the thick, black hair.

"Sasuke…thank you."

"Hn" He felt Sasuke kiss his jaw before he pulled out of Naruto's arms. Hearing the water run after the door closed on him, Naruto carried on clearing the party mess off the floor and moved the dirty dishes and glasses into the kitchen where they would probably be washed first thing in the morning by Sasuke. When he was done, he switched the lights off and headed towards the bedroom. The water was no longer running and Naruto assumed that Sasuke was already in bed. As he entered the room, he couldn't help but stop at the sight before him.

Sasuke was naked. Sasuke was naked and walking towards him. Sasuke was naked and was pressing himself against him, his arms coming up to wrap around his neck. He wanted to pinch himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming. He was feeling a bit tipsy, but perhaps he was further along than that.

"Sasuke, what is this?"

"I thought about it for a long time and…it was silly really. But now, I can do it. I guess I'm just a bit nervous now – I don't know what I'm doing. Show me?"

Oh hell yes.

A/N: Well that sounds like a cliffie, right? So…*peers at readers to try and guage reactions* what do you think? I'm not too sure about this chapter, because I'm not too sure I pulled it off right – not sure that what I wanted came across the way I want it to, you know? So please review – it's the only way I'll know. Feedback and concrit will be greatly appreciated. I'll send you psychic love over the Internet in return! XD!