Title: 100 Steps To Somewhere
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts
Claim: Cloud/Riku
Theme: 042. Heartless
Word Count: 2,955
Rating: M
Summary: Things are starting to happen again.
Disclaimer: I wish, okay? It's all lies. I don't own Kingdom Hearts, I don't know anyone who owns Kingdom Hearts, and I am not affiliated with anyone who is affiliated with anyone who owns Kingdom Hearts. I think that about covers it.
Author's Note: You have Jediempress to thank for this chapter coming as soon as it did. She has made me eager to get Sora back in this story, and there's a lot to do before that happens.
Step Forty-Two: Run
"Things are starting to happen again."
Pain ebbed through the taut muscles in Cloud's back, arms, and legs. His right arm extended across his chest as his fingers worked at the knots in his left shoulder. He had been in a daze—in one of those brooding moods that prompted taunts from Leon, a swift kick in the ass from Cid, and one of Aerith's pearls of hidden wisdom. He dreaded the following day with all the work needed done on excavating the lower entrance to the castle. Merlin—in his overexcited desire to help with everything—now tried to assist with the defense system. Since Tifa departed three days ago, Cloud and Mickey were left with the entirety of the grunt work, and Cloud was not happy about it.
Cloud listened as Riku recounted the horrors of his day. For once, he was grateful for his task, because although it was hard on his body, Riku sounded more tired, wearier. The defense system was progressing as expected, but something was screwing with the system, causing blockage on the town grid and interfering with setup. Leon managed to find another system as the source of interruption, but Riku wasn't able to break into it. Merlin tried his magic, which prompted an argument between Cid and the old wizard. Leon got so frustrated after repeated failed attempts that he drew his Gunblade against it, and Riku had to step in before Leon destroyed the equipment.
It was silent for some time after Riku finished. He dressed for bed as Cloud sank back into his reverie. His eyes were on Riku, and though he watched as Riku brushed his hair, his mind was elsewhere. At least it had been until Riku's voice cut through the quiet.
"Things are starting to happen again."
Cloud brought his arm down and rested it in his lap. He rotated his body to face Riku and frowned as he caught sight of his boyfriend's face. Riku's eyes were downcast and his mouth was set tight, lips pressed together, almost pursed. When Cloud first met Riku, it was his eyes that drew him in. They were always full of emotion—the window to his heart. The distance and depression he read in the aquamarine settled heavy in his conscious.
"What do you mean?" said Cloud.
Riku shrugged. He set the brush on the dresser and crossed the room. Dropping beside Cloud, his fingers fumbled together. His shoulder rolled forward, hunched over. Riku's eyes stared at the floor, and though the lengths of their thighs brushed together, Riku remained drawn into himself. The gap Cloud felt between them was enormous.
"Are you still on about things not staying the way they are now?" said Cloud.
"I don't want to be away from you again. It wasn't great before, but it wasn't horrible because . . . Well, I guess 'cause I was used to it. Now . . . I know what it's like to be with you all the time. Live with you, and . . . I just don't want it to end."
"You shouldn't be so worried about things. You have a plan. When the time comes, you're going to help the person no one remembers, and then you're going to defeat Organization XIII. It'll only be for a little while, and then we can be together like this again, only it'll be better because we won't have the darkness hanging over us."
"I just don't know . . ."
Riku sighed.
"You just don't know what?"
"I don't know if I should be sitting here waiting. The darkness in my heart—that piece of Ansem . . . it isn't going away. I don't want us to be apart, but . . . You're right, you know? If I don't end this . . . Things can be better than what we have right now, but it means defeating Ansem, and you have to finish Sephiroth."
"I know that, babe. That's what I'm saying. And once that's all finished, we'll be together again, and it will be better than it is now. We don't need the darkness in what we have together."
"I know that."
"You're over thinking. Even if we're apart, we'll still see each other. And you have your phone again. We'll talk all the time. Then we can finish things and really be together without worrying about when things are going to fall to shit again."
Riku opened his mouth, caught his breath, shook his head, and then his mouth closed again. The depression faded a little from his eyes. In its place was the same determination he'd seen in Riku, unyielding, no matter how much hesitation may have swam behind it. Cloud smiled. For all they had gone through—together as a couple and separately as people—Riku still had the fire in him that grabbed Cloud's attention from the start. He brushed the back of his hand against Riku's wrist.
"Don't worry so much. Whatever happens happens. And you'll always have me here to be your stability."
"Cloud, I want you to know that I love you. No matter what happens or where I go . . . I just love you, okay?"
Cloud nodded.
"Yeah, sure. I love you, too."
-----------0------------
Riku remained sullen over the course of the next few days. Cloud wanted to say something, wished he could do anything to make Riku cheer up, but he had learned long ago that they were similar people. When Riku was ready to talk more about what he was feeling, he'd come to Cloud, but until then it was best not to pry. He had to let Riku figure things out on his own. It didn't stop the ache in his heart when he caught Riku's eye. There was a sadness there that mingled with the fire, and Cloud wanted nothing more than to hold him and make the pain go away.
They had never been big at cuddling. Sure, Riku tended to use Cloud's body as a pillow, and there were nights that when they lay down to sleep, Riku would press his back against Cloud's chest and he'd bring an arm around Riku's waist to hold him there. More often than not, Riku sprawled across his half of the bed. They rarely held hands. When they sat together, Cloud draped an arm over Riku, and Riku might have dropped his hand to Cloud's knee, but the contact was always relaxed. It might have been the way he'd sit with Aerith or Tifa if the mood was right.
They had never been big at talking about their feelings. Sure, there were times when everything fell apart, and all the bottled emotions came spilling out, but the said feelings tended to relate to the darkness. When there was a big enough concern, they had discussions about them. They made sure to say "I love you" everyday just in case, but there were no mushy conversations. Chances were that if there wasn't a raging war between dark and light, and the Heartless weren't such a big problem, they wouldn't even get that far. More often than not, talks about their relationship led to banter, sexual innuendos, and ended in a good fuck.
The lack of poetic romance to their relationship had never bothered Cloud. He never saw a reason to bring Riku flowers or chocolates. Dancing sticky and sweaty at a club on New Year's Eve beat slow dancing under the moonlight any day. One of the things he loved most about Riku was that there was never a need to whisper sweet nothings to him. He need only say what he meant, and sometimes a simple pat on the shoulder was all Riku wanted. Maybe Riku tended to bring him breakfast in bed, but he had ulterior motives. There was nothing sweet about it.
As the days passed, though, and Riku drew farther away, Cloud wished they were more affectionate. Physical contact between them had always been casual, almost natural. It would be weird and out of place to hug Riku when he was withdrawn. Hugs were only warranted when Riku was an emotional mess, ready to talk, and in the middle of a breakdown. Cloud wanted to pull Riku to him at night and tell him how beautiful he was, wanted to make sure Riku knew just how much he meant to him. He wanted to tell Riku how lost he'd be without him, but professions such as these would be even stranger than hugs. It was more likely that Riku would panic, assured that Cloud was about to break up with him rather than assuage his insecurities.
Ansem was getting to him; it was in his voice. To Cloud, it seemed like eons ago when he sat on the balcony at the hotel in Thebes, spending hours on the phone listening to Riku. All that time, however, had made Cloud's hearing acute to the changes in Riku's voice. He had always known when it was an uneventful day, whether Riku was down or not, if he'd had an encounter with Sora before Riku ever said anything. The way he spoke now was so familiar that Cloud felt his heart breaking; it was the same way he spoke every time Maleficent bestowed him with another "gift" of darkness. The way Riku spoke when he feared losing his heart.
"Hello? Cloud? Cloud!"
Cloud blinked. He raised his head to find Leon staring at him. Where did he come from?
"Hey."
"What were you so lost in thought about?"
"Hm?"
"You've been sitting there for almost an hour now. It's starting to creep me out."
Cloud frowned.
"What time is it?"
"Almost ten. Riku's getting ready for bed."
"Oh."
Cloud nodded. Leon frowned, rounded the counter, and sat opposite from him. He lit up a cigarette and brought it to his lips.
"You shouldn't think so much. You're going to hurt yourself."
A weak laugh escaped him. Leon shook his head.
"Really, Cloud . . . What's up?"
"Hm . . . nothing, really. Just . . . I don't know. I've been spacing. So how did things go today?"
Leon raised an eyebrow. He considered Cloud for a moment, took a drag, and shrugged.
"Same as usual. We got the defense system working, but we still can't break into the other system, and I still can't figure out where it's coming from. Did you hear about the Heartless problem?"
"There's a Heartless problem?"
"Yeah. Around the castle on the other side from where you're working down by the Dark Depths. The Heartless keep multiplying, and we can't get the system out there yet. The other system's interfering with it. Their numbers are growing faster than we can keep up with it, and there are these other creatures . . . these things . . . they look like aliens wearing white jumpsuits. You should see 'em walk, too. It's like they're made of rubber. Cid thinks they're another kind of Heartless, but I've never seen anything like them before."
Cloud frowned.
"Things are starting to happen again."
"That's what Riku said." Leon paused and rolled his cigarette in the ashtray. "He's worried, but you know that, don't you?"
Cloud shrugged.
"He's been distant for a few days now."
"I know. It really started right after the Heartless thing happened."
"He's counting down."
"What?"
"Things are starting to happen again. That's what he said. He's counting down until it's time to leave again. The time's coming and he knows it."
"Cloud . . ."
"Probably a Keyblade master thing. He just . . . He just knows."
Leon dropped his head and laughed.
"You know . . . I know you're right, but I don't want you to be."
Cloud raised his eyebrows.
"You?"
"Yeah. Riku's . . . Riku's one of us now. I'm used to having him around. He's . . . I don't know. I guess he's kind of like the little brother I never had. Thinking of him going away again . . . fighting to get rid of that piece of Ansem in his heart . . . I guess I see a lot of you in him. I still hate it when you leave, and I pray every time that you'll finish it and come back."
"Squall . . ."
"We're a family, you know. We never had anyone else but each other. Riku's part of this now, too. I don't want anything to happen to either one of you. I know I have everyone else, but when you both leave again . . . I don't know. I guess it's going to be just me again."
Cloud bit his lip. He regarded Leon, studying his face. His head hung.
"You have Aerith, Yuffie . . ."
"They have each other. Cid . . . Cid's always been Cid on his own or not. Tifa's got Vincent and the kids. It was always you, me, and Zack. Now it's you, me, and Riku. I hope you know that, Cloud. I hope you know that Riku's one of us. Breaking up isn't an option anymore."
"Guess it's a good thing I have no intentions of that ever happening."
Leon nodded.
"That it is."
"Why is the third person in our group always my boyfriend?"
Leon smiled.
"Cause you made it that way, I guess. It's a good thing you and Reno weren't serious. I don't think I'd have liked him in our group."
Cloud laughed.
"Oh, I can just imagine you and Reno trying to inhabit the same space. You'd kill him in days."
"I don't know how you put up with him."
"Easily. We didn't talk much."
"Slut."
"Leon . . . I'm sorry about all of this. For leaving Hollow Bastion. What happened with Zack. Sephiroth. I . . . I didn't mean . . ." Cloud took a deep breath. "I didn't mean to isolate you."
Leon's lips twitched. He shrugged.
"Hey, shit happens. Don't go getting all sentimental on me."
"You started it."
"You aren't supposed to point that out, Strife. Don't you remember how things work around here? I couldn't care less if something happens to you. I'm just worried about Riku. You know how I like to look at him."
Cloud crossed his arms over his chest. His lips twitched into a smile.
"Bastard."
Leon smirked.
"I try."
-----------0------------
Cloud hated the cold, hated the wind. It was annoying the way it whipped at his hair, dried his skin, chapped his lips. His nose felt large on his face; the sweat and heat from labor against the biting January cold had blocked his sinuses. He grunted as his shovel sank into the pile of rocks, strained, and whipped it to the side.
"Cloud!"
He set his shovel down, wiped the sweat from his face, and turned toward the source. Leon rushed toward him, panting, his brunette locks whipping in the wind. He stopped before Cloud and looked around.
"Walkway's coming along," said Leon.
"Yeah it is. So what's up?"
"Have you seen Riku?"
"Not since he left for Merlin's this morning. Why? What's up?"
Leon frowned.
"Merlin's? Riku was going to take his Keyblade out to the Dark Depths today and work on the Heartless problem."
"Oh, well . . . I don't know. But, no. Haven't seen him since this morning. Got a problem?"
"The computer's freaking out, and I can't figure out what's wrong with it. I went down to get him, but he wasn't there, and he wasn't at the house, so I thought he might be with you."
It took several seconds for the information to process. Cloud stared at Leon, searching for some sign that this was a misguided, mean-spirited joke. His heart sank. Leon's face turned expressionless.
"Riku's missing," said Leon.
Cloud bit his lip. He turned his face from Leon and caught King Mickey's eye. Mickey frowned and nodded.
"No," said Cloud. "Riku's gone."
"The piece of Ansem in his heart?"
"It's been bothering him."
Leon frowned. He stepped forward and took the shovel.
"Go."
"What?"
"I think he's telling you to go after him," said Mickey.
Cloud shook his head.
"No. He . . . he needs to do this on his own. It's what he wants. I understand. Sephiroth . . ."
"Go find him," said Leon. "You don't have to bring him back here, but go."
"He shouldn't have to go through this alone," said Mickey.
"You're the one he trusts."
Cloud's mouth fell open to respond. He looked between them.
"If he wanted that he'd have asked me to come."
"He didn't want things to end, Cloud," said Leon. "He's been dreading the change. He's scared of losing you. He's trying to make it easier on himself by just taking off, but he needs you. Aren't you the one who told me that you're his stability?"
"Yeah, but . . ."
"Even if it's not what he wants, it's what he needs."
"I wouldn't know where to start . . . I mean, Hollow Bastion is just about the worst place for him. If I was going to look anywhere, I'd start in the castle, but I know he isn't going to be there."
Leon shrugged.
"Do you know what I'd do if I were you?"
Cloud looked up.
"Hm?"
"I'd get on my Gummi ship, give him a call, and lie my ass off about understanding and supporting his decision to do this alone until he told me where he was."
Cloud smirked.
"Sneaky bastard."
"I bet you a month's worth of hard labor it works."
Cloud raised his eyebrows.
"You're on."
Yeah, go ahead. Continue.