Chapter 4--warning Adult Themes
Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who.
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The Doctor never imagined that he would be making love to Donna in such a way. He imagined, on more than one occasion, that their first time would be more romantic; couple candles, soft music, maybe some alcohol of some kind.
Not like this, not quick and frantic.
He loved her, by the gods he did; and now he was finally with her, which for her was not unlike the many nights that she and his alternate self had shared, he was sure.
That was the worst part of it all.
Donna groaned loudly, her hands clasped on his shoulders as they flipped over, him looking up at her as they moved together. On of his hands on her hip the over pushed her hair back and pulled her down to him, kissing her.
There were only a handful of moments that had made him completely happy; he could count them on both hands and have fingers left over. But, this moment; this wonderful, unbelievable, unexplainable moment was the only one he could think about.
Every bit of him felt pain and amazing at the same time, and all he wanted was to make her feel the same.
She was kissing his neck, nibbling on his ear and all the while whispering endearments; words that made his chest tighten, it felt like her had a stone in his gut. It felt almost hard to breath, and if not for the fact that he was a Time Lord; he would probably have passed out.
His arms wrapped around her body, pulling her closer still, wanting to become one; wanting to join with her more than physically.
Donna lifted her head, giving him access to plant kisses under her chin, licking her throat; the taste of her was exquisite…like vanilla and honey.
She moan faintly; barely heard above his grunts as they kept their rhythm and thrusts drawn out, wanting the moment to last as long as possible. Her hands roamed over his chest and slim frame, cupping his face, staring into his eyes; not ashamed, but in love.
Her blue eyes melted into his brown ones; the shape of her lips molded perfectly to his own.
Clichés be damned, there were nothing more than a perfect fit.
Wanting to gain the upper hand once more, he rolled them both over; speeding up the pace, wanting both of them to fall over the edge at the same time.
He hated himself just a tad, he wished that he didn't need to rush so; he hoped that she wouldn't see this as just a animalistic act, with no emotion behind each movement.
The Doctor grasped at her, tightening his embrace as he thrust harder inside her; causing her to arch pressing her body to his. He smiled down at her, kissing her skin; tasting salt from the sweat and recognizable flavor of her.
And before he knew it, it was all over. His first time with her would be his last, he had acted purely on instinct and the result was one of the best moments of his life.
He felt stupid thinking like this, so…domestic. But he couldn't help but ponder over what life, a normal life, would be like with Donna. The two of them and a happy little life.
The Doctor rolled off of her, relaxing on his so he could continue to look at her.
"You're beautiful." He whispered.
She turned her head towards him, her blue eyes glowing in the dark; her chest rising and falling with each breath. Perspiration clinging to her pale skin, red hair plastered around her face. The gentle shade of red blossoming on her cheeks by his compliment.
"So," Donna sniffed lightly as she too turned towards him, "are you feeling better now?"
He tried to pull his 100 watt smile, but he only managed to give her about half and he nodded anyway.
She smirked at him, her fingers pushing back his hair from his forehead, "Now, are you going to tell me what's wrong?"
The Doctor's eyes blinked in confusion, hoping that she wouldn't peruse the matter, but if she were anyone else than Donna than he would have believed that.
"Come on, Doctor, really; what are you thinking about?"
He grinned, "I'm thinking that it's been a long time since I've shared a bed with someone, someone I..." He sighed.
Donna's hand moved her to the crook of his neck, her fingers gently massaging his muscles, she shook her head, "I don't understand, I mean, we've…"
He stopped her with a kiss, feeling his emotions bubbling to the surface, but for want of self-control and to not stain her face with his tears, he thought of something else; her lips on his.
"Something's not right." She said the instant they broke away, "That's it, innit?"
The Doctor closed his eyes again, shifting so that his back rested against the headboard, pulling her body up her head on his chest. The double heartbeats pounding in her ear.
"I can't put anything past you, huh?" He whispered, looking down onto the top of her head.
Her face turned up, searching for anything that would give her answers to his confusion.
"You know, when we are like this, and you look at me like that, I can almost see the universe in your eyes." Her voice was smooth and almost hypnotic.
The Doctor stared at her, as if all thought left his head; she had the gift for that, to suck all breath from his body; and leave him as nothing but a shell. And if not for the present circumstances, he would have stayed like that until he gained his bearings.
He wanted nothing more than to make love to her again.
He looked up into the darkness, trying to find some way out of this; a small tear leaked from his eye and rolled down his cheek, the Doctor found no strength to wipe it away.
"Please, love, please."
The Doctor looked down again, watching as her face registered what she saw, "We have to go back to Xfenus."
She tilted her head, "Wha? Why?"
He cupped her cheek, "I have to set it all back."
Donna shook her head, "'Set it back'? Set what back?"
He ran through ever explanation and picked the one that would least confuse her, although he had done a grand job of that already.
"You said that something wasn't right, well you were…right. Remember earlier when the TARDIS started shaking?"
She nodded silently.
The Doctor swallowed harshly, "Well, we had managed to get in direct contact of the eclipse that had occurred, and somehow our timelines were melded."
"Wait—our timelines? Wha…I don't understand." She sat up her face level with his, equal to his eyes.
He nodded, "I'm not surprised." He muttered, "I'm not the Doctor that you know, you see me and the Donna I know never were together. I wanted…but, no. I'm afraid that I have to set this all right."
Her eyes filled with panic, "What are you talking about?"
The Doctor shook his head, "I don't know how to explain it any further than that, Donna. Our timelines were crossed, so I set the TARDIS to go back to Xfenus for another eclipse."
She took a shuttering breath as she looked away from him, "So answer me this, were together here, but not for you…I'm still in your life though right?"
He licked his lips, tilting her head up back to him, "No."
Donna gasped, "Am I dead."
"No."
"Well that's good," She whispered, "But, I would never go back home…you must have done something, am I right?"
"As I said before, I can't put anything past you." The Doctor replied.
"Okay, but why go back?" She grabbed his hand, "What we have is good, yes? This is a good place to be."
He sighed, "Of course it is, Donna, I would want to stay like this forever if I could, but I can't. That's not what can happen, it shouldn't have happened."
Tears leaked from her eyes, "I don't under…"
She was cut off when a soundly wail filled the room, scaring them both.
The Doctor knew that the eclipse would take place soon, their window would be limited and he needed to get the TARDIS in place.
"Come on, let's get dressed." He spoke calmly, he wasn't going to betray what he was feeling, it would be easier in the end.
Donna watched him climb out of bed, not believing what she had heard, but it was the Doctor; he had lied to her in the past, but she knew on some level that his words had been true. She wondered what would she be greeted with when he was gone, would she have him again or would she been home in the end.
They dressed in silence, there were no words that could be spoken to ease the tension, nor persuade the Doctor's mind.
They walked hand in hand to the console room; the Doctor could feel her shaking in their grasp.
He reluctantly let go her hand when he had to set the TARDIS in place of the oncoming eclipse.
Donna watched him work, thinking of anything she could do or say.
The TARDIS groan and whirled stopping almost immediately.
"We're here." The Doctor announced more to himself, the realization that he was actually going through with this amazed him on so many levels.
He turned to her and held out his hand to her, "Come here."
She came and grasped him, letting her to be pulled up close to him, she could feel his body tense knowing that this was probably one of the hardest decisions he had ever have to make. Or it could just be her ego talking and her wild sense of imagination.
"I wish I could say something to you." She whispered into his ear.
He pulled her back and smiled down at her, "You're wonderful, you know that don't?"
Donna ducked her head, but the Doctor lifted it back up again he wanted to see her face, if not for the last time.
The Doctor kissed the corner of her mouth before resting his forehead against hers, his eyes close, trying to savor each second.
There was a beep from the monitor, but the Doctor didn't pull away, instead he grasped onto her tighter.
Donna sighed, "How long have we got?"
The Doctor chuckled sarcastically at her question; déjà vu was just loving him today.
"About a minute, or so." He answered, feeling his shoulder become damp, and hearing her sniffle softly.
Holding her at arms length and running his thumb over the streaks of tears on her blotchy cheeks, "Now, Donna, why are you crying?"
She smiled at the tone of his voice, calm and almost cheery.
"I hate to you leave you." Donna replied.
"But, I really must say…good night, sweetheart, goodnight." The Doctor grinned, watching as confusion spread across her face.
He shook his head, "No one listens to the classics anymore." He muttered.
Donna looked away shaking her head, "That's not what I meant."
"And what did you mean, Donna?" The Doctor asked, whispering her name.
She gulped loudly, her tears adamant even though she tried to keep them back, she could seem to manage, "I just don't…don't want you to be alone."
There was another beep and she pulled him back again, as if holding on for dear life.
The Doctor shook with emotion, knowing that it would be soon now, planting a kiss on the side of her head, he bent down just low enough to whisper in her ear.
"I love you, Donna."
Tears leaked from his eyes, rolling off his cheeks, listening to the TARDIS telling him that the eclipse was almost in place.
The ship began to shake and tumble about as the TARDIS felt the bombardment of the sun's rays, the Doctor and Donna fell to the ground, landing on their side.
The Doctor closed his eyes, his arms holding onto her, he groaned loudly; the metal grating pushing into his hip bone.
The TARDIS stopped moving and hummed sadly to him, letting him know that they were safe and sound once more.
He opened his eyes and felt his emotions started to get the better of him once again, his arms were empty and Donna was gone.
The Doctor stood slowly, he felt tired.
He leaned over the controls and stared at the buttons and levers, not knowing what to do next.
For the first time, he was lost.
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