With Heinz humming cheerily at the stove and Vanessa completely engrossed in her online forum with ear buds at max volume, Perry was alone with his thoughts once again. So far the afternoon had been… nice. Yes, nice. That was how Heinz would have worded it. There was fun to be found in helping Vanessa study and staying for dinner, as well as a sense of inclusion and purpose.
Perry wondered how closely the OWCA was monitoring the events in the DEI building this evening. He wasn't worried; Perry knew he was doing nothing wrong. There were no regulations in the OWCA handbook that said he couldn't stay for dinner once in a while, or help Heinz out of the occasional jam. But still, Perry knew that no one at the Agency quite understood his unusual relationship with his nemesis.
Every OWCA Agent had a personal file that listed their strengths and weaknesses. Though it was technically against regulation, Perry had once found an opportunity to take a peek inside his own personal file. It contained many typed documents and a few photos, with the occasional hand written note or addition printed in Major Monogram or Carl's handwriting.
Most of the comments had been positive, things like "Agent P excels at adapting to his surroundings" and "Agent P is very creative with his lair entrances." There were a few negative remarks, including "Agent P has almost been seen by his host family on several occasions," "Agent P is stubborn and sometimes refuses to salute back" and even "Agent P is now applying for vacation time on a weekly basis."
One remark in particular had startled the monotreme. Handwritten on a sticky note by the redheaded intern responsible for monitoring the security tapes was an unexpected message:
"Proclivity for Fraternization with the Enemy."
It was true and, in hindsight, Perry knew he shouldn't have been startled by the observation. A few other Agents had decent relationships with their nemesis-es, but nothing as complex as what Perry shared with Heinz. Perry wondered if Carl was watching at the moment and what Carl might be thinking. He would probably never say anything about it to Perry's face, but that didn't mean the unpaid intern wouldn't add "playing house" to the list of weaknesses or have a laugh with the Major.
-Thump- -Thump- -Thump-
Perry was pulled away from his thoughts by the sudden arrival of a fourth individual.
"ALL DONE DUSTING THE LAB!"
"Wow. Took you a while. Alright Norm, you're just in time. Could you clear the table so we can eat?"
"SURE THING, DAD!"
The giant robot man made his way to the table as Heinz loudly denied his paternity. Perry decided that this was a good opportunity to see if his nemesis needed any help. He hopped down from his chair just as Norm arrived at the edge of the table. The robot reached out a stiff arm and said, "LET ME GET RID OF THESE THINGS!" before swiping at the assorted piles of textbooks and notes stacked on the surface.
"Krkrkrkrkrkrkr!"
"Norm! Not my laptop!"
Books and papers now lay haphazardly in the corner, a few loose sheets now torn from Vanessa's binder still floating in the air. Vanessa stood against the wall, laptop clutched to her chest defensively, one ear bud dangling near her shoulder. Perry's hat had been knocked away and the heavy Biology book had taken its place. Perry removed the book and chattered again.
"You piece of junk! That isn't what I meant at all! You help Vanessa pick those up! Nicely this time!" Heinz waved a wooden spoon for added emphasis. The teen dashed off to store her precious computer in a safer location, and Perry found his hat and returned it to its rightful place. Perry quickly grabbed the loose leaflets and shuffled them to give them some semblance of order while Norm picked the books up from the floor. By the time a thoroughly irritated Vanessa returned the mess was almost completely cleaned.
"I'M SORRY ABOUT THE MESS, SIS!" Vanessa ignored him.
Norm took his seat at the back of the table after being assured several times that there was nothing more he could do to help. Perry and Vanessa set four places at the table and poured three glasses of milk. When they were confident that the only thing missing from the table was the food, they both made their way into the corner of the room where food was prepared.
Both stopped in their tracks, mouths agape as they took in the sight before them. Pots, pans, trays, baskets and casserole dishes lined the counter. The two might have been busy studying, but Perry still didn't know how they failed to notice that the chef was preparing a feast. The Flynn-Fletchers didn't prepare this much at Thanksgiving!
Well, if anyone could go overboard and defy the cooking laws of physics, it was Heinz. Or Phineas and Ferb, but they had more sense than to do so.
Perry and Vanessa placed their hands on their hips, but Heinz beamed at them. "Behold! A perfect feast of German cuisine!"
"Dad…"
"You see, I was already preparing to make pan roasted potatoes (or Bratkartoffeln) when you said you were taking German in school! So I thought to myself, 'Heinz, why don't you make your baby girl some other authentic foods, and teach her what to call them!' But then I couldn't decide what to make, so I made a variety!"
Perry and Vanessa blinked, so Heinz continued.
"These are Maultaschen, or stuffed noodles! And this is Spargel, or steamed asparagus! Oh, oh! This is Sauerbraten, or a sour roast made with beef! And we have several pork dishes, and a vegetable stew! And for dessert I made doonkleberry cobbler and apple strudel and black forest cake (or Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte)!
Two wide-eyed stares were the only response, and Heinz's face began to fall. Finally his daughter spoke.
"Umm, Dad? Isn't this a bit much? You're going to be eating leftovers for three weeks!"
"Well, maybe. But this is a special occasion!"
"Yeah? And what's so special about it?"
"Well, you're here, and-"
"I'm here all the time! I was here the weekend before last, and I'll be back this Friday! Me being here doesn't make it a special occasion! Why are you making such a big deal and going through all this trouble?"
"…It's a school night. You've never been here on a school night. I was telling Perry the Platypus-"
"Oh, so that's it!" Vanessa huffed. "Perry comes over for dinner and then everything has to be impressive and special!"
The teen seemed to have grasped at the wrong straw and come to a false conclusion.
"Krkrkrkrkrkrkrkr"
"Vanessa, sweetie, I'm not sure I know why you're so upset…"
"Because I'm more than just an excuse to play house!" Vanessa nearly cried. She turned and ran for her bedroom.
Perry and Heinz stood together in an awkward silence for a few long minutes. The monotreme had just decided it would be best if he left when Heinz began to cry. Perry moved to pat the man's leg in consolation.
"I don't know how I messed up this time! I don't know how she could be angry with me! What did I do? Shiesse, why am I such a dummkopf?"
Oh no, he was starting to speak in his native tongue.
"What should I do, Perry the Platypus? I try so hard and I don't get anywhere! She was happy earlier. And this time I don't even know why she's upset. It doesn't make sense, and she didn't tell me!"
Perry nodded sympathetically and continued to pat Heinz's shin.
"I'd go talk to her, but our Daddy-Daughter conversations rarely end well. If only- hey!" The scientist's face lit up again, "Why don't you go talk to her? She might tell you why she's upset! Then you can fix it, or come tell me so I can fix it, and then we can all sit down and eat dinner!"
Perry was unsure. He had been present for several Parent-Child conversations at home, but he had never been a part of one. His lack of speech could only complicate matters. What if he made the situation worse? Perry pointed to the door, silently asking Heinz if he should leave.
"Please don't leave yet. I think you can do this! You can do anything! Please go talk with my daughter and see what is troubling her! Pleeease!"
Perry rolled his eyes and nodded his head before making his way for Vanessa's room. This night was getting harder than Perry had anticipated.