Title: 100 Steps To Somewhere
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts
Claim: Cloud/Riku
Theme:048. Growth
Word Count: 3,543
Rating: R
Summary: Riku's got to prepare for Roxas, but first he'd got Cloud to contend with.
Disclaimer: I wish, okay? It's all lies. I don't own Kingdom Hearts, I don't know anyone who owns Kingdom Hearts, and I am not affiliated with anyone who is affiliated with anyone who owns Kingdom Hearts. I think that about covers it.
Step Forty-Eight: Comfort and Joy
There was a part of Cloud that knew he shouldn't be amused by this. It just wasn't polite to laugh at one's blinded boyfriend under the circumstances causing said blindness. This was a serious situation. Riku thought he should take the blindfold off, but that didn't mean he was about to do so any time soon. Cloud thought that maybe since he'd already seen Riku this way, he'd have taken it off and tried to forget the new coloring of his eyes, but there was still Roxas to contend with. Roxas meant that Riku needed to learn how to navigate blind, because Roxas could not know what Riku's eyes meant. From what Cloud gathered, Roxas had already seen and commented on it, but the meaning behind it was still a mystery. Riku wanted to keep it that way.
The rest of Cloud still knew this was a serious situation, but couldn't stop laughing. Riku was too adorable the way he stumbled around, reaching before him. The good news was every time Cloud hid the Way to the Dawn, Riku found it without a problem. He never headed in the wrong direction, walked too far, or stopped too soon. The bad news was every time Riku crossed an obstacle, he tripped over the thing and face planted into the ground. Cloud bit his knuckles in the hopes of holding back the chuckles.
"It isn't funny," said Riku, pulling himself from the ground and dusting off the Organization cloak. "I'm really starting to hurt."
"You almost missed it that last time."
"Yeah, so instead of tripping over the entire crate and landing directly on my face, I'm falling cockeyed and landing on my arm."
"No, really. You're getting better."
"You think this is funny."
"A little."
"Jackass."
"I love you. It's just hard not to laugh when someone keeps falling on their face."
"I'm going to break my nose."
"No, you're not. You're falling cockeyed now, remember?"
"Very funny."
"Here. Let me help you."
Cloud crossed to Riku and gripped his wrists, pulling back as Riku struggled to his feet.
"This sucks."
"You're getting better. Really."
"Roxas is going to murder me."
"Roxas is not going to murder you. We have a plan, right? You're going to fight your little heart out, and if you think you're going to lose, you're going to pull out Ansem's power."
"And change into him completely."
"It's a last resort. I'm not saying to do it from the start. Only if you think there's no other way you're going to win."
"He kicked my ass last time. I don't see how this time will be any different."
"Because I'm here to support you; you're not alone. You already released some of the power so you've got more at your disposal than you did the last time. You already know how he fights. Not to mention you're going to throw him when he sees the cloak and blindfold."
Riku sighed, swung behind him, and Cloud looked past to see a shadow fall to the ground.
"The damn Heartless are driving me crazy here."
"At least you can sense them, right? You can sense me?"
"Yes. I know where you are. I know when there's a Heartless coming."
"Good. That means you'll know where Roxas is, and considering he's the most important part. .."
"Yeah, well, he walks behind a crate and it's all over."
Cloud snorted.
"Why don't we take a break from the crates and actually get into some combat, then?"
"Combat?"
"Yes. We'll leave the crates where they are and you're going to fight me."
"What? You?"
"Yes, me. What? Do you think I'm not a match for you or something? I have had Jenova cells injected into me, exposure to mako, and even though Sora whips my ass, it doesn't mean that I can't kill Sephiroth."
"How impressive is killing Sephiroth again?"
"Sora has issues."
"Ah, right. I just . . . I don't know."
"What? Are you afraid I'll kick your ass?"
Riku laughed.
"Yeah, right. Sure you will."
"I will. You nurture and I kill shit, remember? That wouldn't be my role if I couldn't kick your ass."
Riku smiled, turned his head to the side, and adjusted the grip on his Keyblade.
"All right, Strife. You're on. Don't cry when I beat you."
"When you beat me? Wishful thinking, Asaki. Don't blame the blindfold when I win."
"Won't have to. You're going down."
-----0-----
Riku collapsed on the bed, laughing. He held his hands over his stomach and lifted his head in Cloud's direction.
"Have fun?"
"Yes. I thought the training was going to be completely awful after those crates, but fighting you . . . You're better than you look, you know?"
"In bed? Yes, I know."
"Shut up. I mean . . . you're really good. You held back, though. I could tell."
"Of course I did. You were already complaining about my sword hurting like a bitch. I wasn't going to give the full brunt of the blow."
"And how is that going to help me against Roxas?"
"Won't help you if you're dead, either."
"As if you could kill me."
"Is that a challenge?"
"Hell no. You're brutal."
"You're not so sugary sweet, either. That Keyblade of yours is vicious."
"Me? You're worse than I am."
"Better, you mean. Does that make me the winner?"
"No. You called me vicious."
"It's a draw, then. Can you accept that?"
"I suppose so. There are worse people to tie with. Besides, now I am comfortable with you being my protector."
"Thoroughly assured that I can take care of you?"
"Yeah. So I'll keep cooking for you and giving you coffee if you kill all the bad, nasty people that may break into our house."
Cloud smiled. He turned his face down toward the duffel bag, dug around, and pulled two potion vials out.
"So I get to take down the burglars, huh?"
"Yeah, but you can rest easy knowing that I'll take care of them if you're not home."
"Watch yourself, Asaki. Those sound like words of commitment. Our house. Home. I think you're making some implications that you plan on permanently living with me one day."
"I think that's your ass backwards way of asking me if that's what I meant."
"I think you're reading too much into it."
"That definitely means you want my opinion on permanently committing one day."
"You know me far too well. I think we should break up."
"Sounds good. I was getting sick of you, anyway."
Cloud bit his lip. Despite the seriousness of everything going on around them—training today and blindfold wrapped across Riku's eyes—his heart felt light, his head dizzy. Hope rose in his chest; anxiety rolled in his stomach. Cloud clutched the vials in his hand and walked to the bed. Riku's face turned toward him, frowning, and Cloud place one bottle in his hands.
"Drink. It's a potion. It'll help with the wounds."
"Thanks. Do we have anything left over to eat?"
"Yeah. I got enough for the next few days. I didn't know how long it was going to take until you were ready for Roxas."
"Should be pretty soon. Tomorrow or the day after. Trying to just navigate around the crates was a bitch, but I could sense you well enough that all I had to do was follow your movements."
"Do you sense the Heartless that well?"
"Usually. You feel much different, of course." Riku paused. He gulped down the potion, screwed his face up for a second, and relaxed. He handed the empty bottle out to Cloud. "You know, there's not as much darkness in you as you think. I sense far more light."
Cloud frowned. He took the bottle, leaned across the bed, and placed it on the floor.
"Riku, I want to talk."
"We are talking."
"You know what I mean."
"What? Did I say something wrong?"
"No. You just . . . you brought something up, and then I continued, and we . . ."
"What are you talking about?"
"Commitment."
"Ah. Scary word for you."
"Yes and no. Scary in the way that I . . . I've already told you I want to be with you forever. You know this. Just . . . you've been talking a lot lately about finishing off Ansem so that we can be together. And I want to finish Sephiroth so that we can be together. But we haven't really discussed what we'd like to do when those things happen other than be together. There's a lot to consider."
"Such as . . .?"
"Such as . . . such as your education. You're only sixteen. You haven't finished school, and I don't know if you want to. If you've even considered it. How much longer you'd have to go should you decide to return. There's living arrangements, and I don't just mean whether or not we live together. Would you live with your parents again? Do you want to live in Hollow Bastion? Destiny Islands? Somewhere else? And when you say that you want to be together, do you just mean dating or do you mean living together? Are we talking about just dating or are we talking about throwing a commitment ceremony, setting up house, and adopting kids one day? Have you even considered the possibility of having kids one day, because you're only sixteen and I know I didn't even think that far when I was sixteen. There's the age difference, which we haven't had an issue with yet, but I don't know if there's going to be one when we can finally be together. What if we realize we're at very different places in our relationship maturity and while I'm ready for a lot more, you still just want to have fun?"
Cloud watched Riku's eyebrows rise. The corners of his lips twitched into a smile. Cloud sighed and hung his head, raking his fingers through his hair. Soft chuckles sounded in his ears and Cloud glanced up to see Riku's chest heave a few times before he burst into laughter.
"You seriously didn't just say everything I think you just said. That was some speech."
"Don't laugh at me. I'm serious."
"I know you are. That's what makes it so funny."
"Riku, please . . . you know, you're in no position to laugh at me when I'm trying to be serious with you. I've been feeding you all day, training you, supporting you in everything you decide to do . . ."
"And you're wonderful at it. Speaking of which, can we get some food over here or what? I'm starving."
"Hog."
He sighed and stood, crossing over to the table again. Cloud shuffled through the grocery bags he retrieved that morning in Twilight Town. Pulling out two paper plates, he set the food out. Two sandwiches later he turned back toward the bed. The orange eyes peered at him; Riku's smile hadn't faded. Cloud's breath caught as he stared into the foreign hue, but despite the obvious differences, the love was still there. The glint of mischievousness and pride that had been there since day one flickered behind the hesitation and anxiety—the glint that never really died out.
"I thought you'd like to look at my whole face while we talk about this."
"Is that right?"
Riku nodded.
"Yeah. And I'm testing you. Cause, you know, if you can look in my eyes and talk about commitment while I look like this, then maybe . . . you know, maybe this can all become easier to believe."
"I don't think that's going to be a problem."
"So you say now. We'll see. Give me my sandwich."
"Yes, dear."
Cloud returned to the bed and handed one plate over to Riku.
"So where should we start?" said Riku. "I know. How about my education?"
Cloud took a deep breath and nodded.
"Sounds good."
"Here's the deal, and tell me if you're not okay with it. I would like to go back to school and finish out, but I've been gone so long that I don't know if it's even an option. When I do get home, I'm going to look into everything that I'd have to do to finish, and I'll make my decision then, but I am going to complete high school in one way or another. I know I want that much. I'm not really sure beyond that yet."
Cloud nodded. He released a breath.
"Good. I want you to finish school."
"Good. So we agree there. As for the living situation . . . If I'm going to finish school, then I have to live on Destiny Islands. If Sephiroth is gone by the time I finish Ansem off and go home, then I'd like you to come with me. If you'd do that for me. Because as far as the living situation goes, we've already lived together and I want to do it again. I can't live with my parents anymore. Maybe for a little while right after I get home, but if something happens with the Heartless . . . if another mission crops up, I don't want to bail right out of that house for the second time. I've been away too long; I've become too used to taking care of myself. I want to live with you. But that's what I want, so if you don't . . ."
Cloud reached out a hand and placed it on Riku's forearm. Their eyes met. Cloud smiled and nodded.
"I can do that for you. No problem."
"Good. I mean, if Sephiroth isn't finished yet then that comes first. But if he is . . ."
"I will live with you on Destiny Islands. I'd like that."
"Okay. Good. After I finish school . . . I don't know. We'll see when we get there."
"Sounds good."
"As for the age difference . . . I don't know, Cloud. Who knows where I'll be by the time this all gets to happen? Right now I know that I'm too young to even think about the possibility of kids one day. I'm still a kid myself. I think we both know this. Maybe one day, but definitely not until after I'm finished with school and financially secure."
Cloud smiled and nodded.
"You never cease to amaze me."
"Why? Because I know I'm immature?"
"No. Because you understand your limits, and you set your boundaries within those limits for the present, but you keep your options for the future open. It takes a great deal of maturity and confidence to do that."
"I'll have you know that I used to be very confident. You could have called me arrogant."
"Why does that not surprise me?"
"Because I've told you a thousand times before?"
"That too, but it's ridiculously obvious as well."
"Well, I do have my strong points."
Cloud snorted. His face relaxed and hand slipped down to wrap his fingers with Riku's.
"We're on the same page with the possibility of kids, then. Maybe one day, but no time soon, and definitely not before you finish school. Or before we're both ready."
Riku nodded.
"Listen, as far as . . ." Riku took a deep breath. His grip tightened around Cloud's hands. "As far as commitment ceremonies and setting up house goes, because that's a bit more . . ."
"Committed?"
"For lack of a better word. Yeah. It's a bit more committed than just living together, but . . . I do think about it. When I say I want to be with you forever, and I don't ever want to be without you . . . I don't just mean I want you in my life. I don't mean that I want to be with you for every second of every day. I can handle a few days, weeks, even months apart. I just always want to be yours. I want to know that I can call you any time, any day, and you're going to be there. I want to know that . . ."
"That's we're always going to be together in that romantic sense . . ."
"Yeah. I like being an 'us' with you. I need you, and not in that desperate, codependent way, but . . . I have fun with you. You make me happy. And you're not exactly my light, per se, but you make me want to find the light within myself. You make me want to try harder, and not just for you or me or us, but for other people, too. And not just to repent for my mistakes. Don't get me wrong. Sometimes you really piss me off. You drive me so crazy sometimes that I just want to bitchslap you a couple times, but it doesn't mean that I'm not in love with you while I'm wishing you dead."
Cloud smiled and dropped his face toward the mattress.
"Tell me about it. I could throttle you daily."
Riku laughed.
"I guess what I'm trying to say is that . . . I don't know. Maybe when I finish school . . . maybe we could just agree right now that we will have this conversation again when this is over. When Sephiroth is dead, and Ansem's gone from my heart, and I finish school . . . Promise me, okay? Promise me that when that all happens, you'll ask me."
"Ask you?"
"Yeah. You'll ask me for that commitment ceremony."
"What if we aren't together anymore?"
Riku bit his lip and smiled.
"We will be. After all, I'd have to be the one to end it because you aren't going anywhere even if I turn into ugly Ansem, right?"
"So you were listening."
"Yes, I was, and I've accepted it. So . . . yeah. I'd have to end it, and since I'm not going anywhere, either, we will be. So promise me that you'll ask me then."
Cloud nodded.
"I promise."
"If I freak out and try to run from you, promise that you won't let me. Because I know these next couple of months are going to be really bad and I just might get the idea in my head that I'm not good enough for you. I might get bratty and mean. I might tell you that I hate you and never want to see you again. I might even really try to hurt you when you hold on, so promise me you won't let me ruin this because I'm scared and insecure."
"Only if you promise to do the same for me. I push people that I love away, too, because I think it's better for them. Don't let me do it to you. I don't care if I tell you that I changed my mind about us. I don't care if I bring up this conversation and tell you that I don't feel that way anymore, because it won't be true. I'll just be trying to convince myself that it is."
"I promise."
"Then I do, too."
Riku took a breath, held it, and then released. He pried Cloud's fingers from his own, grabbed the plates, and carried them over to the trash bag. Cloud stared as he paused by the bag, rubbed the back of his head, and turned back to the bed.
"Cloud?"
"Yeah?"
"Can you wrap my eyes up again for me?"
"Sure."
Cloud patted the bed beside him. Riku hung across the room and then walked back over. He sat on the bed, back to Cloud. His fingers flexed against his knees as Cloud grabbed the wrapping and strung it across his eyes. He knotted the back and gave it a light tug. Riku's back remained stiff at first, and then he relaxed, turning, and he crawled toward the headboard.
"Can we turn out the lights and get into bed?"
"Tired?"
Riku bit his lip and shook his head.
"No."
Cloud's eyebrows rose.
"Then . . .?"
Riku huffed. He rubbed his forehead.
"God, I think I'm more nervous right now than I was the first time . . ."
"To make matters clear, we are talking about having sex, right?"
"Yes. We are."
"With you blindfolded."
"Yes."
"And I get the feeling you aren't going with the kinky vibe."
"As cheesy as it sounds, I want to use the rest of my senses. I want to feel that light I was following today, and if I can see I just won't pay attention to the rest of it."
Cloud swallowed.
"I think I'm nervous now."
Riku laughed.
"You?"
"I can get nervous about sex, too, you know? Nice sex, anyway."
"Some might call it making love."
"Some might, but that would be awfully corny and girly of you."
"That's why some might call it making love, but we call it nice sex."
"Because lying to yourself is sometimes all you can do not to lose your mind."
"Exactly, but if we admitted that, then we wouldn't be lying to ourselves."
"That's true; we wouldn't."
"Turn out the light, Cloud, and shut up while you're at it."
"Right on that."
All right. Now that you've read them both I submit myself to your verbal bashing about where I've been and just who I think I am letting you all hang like that.
Update on my life: Hersheypark is awful and they have no one but themselves to blame. They sent me to the Boardwalk for a day after moving me around to three different rides. I thought it was awesome, had my only good day, and aspired to be a lifeguard down there, but there were no applications up. So I investigated my options and got into a lifeguard training class with a man that looks like the hulk. So I quit Hersheypark and they have no one but themselves to blame. Shouldn't have put me where I didn't belong. Got my hands in the cookie jar and now I have my lifeguard/first aid and cpr/aed certifications.
The good news for you is that I have no July 4th plans so I will be continuing the progress of this story tonight and tomorrow. After that . . . I don't know how long it'll be until I update. I'm on a roll right now, though. So you should expect an update tomorrow. Possibly also the day after that, too, but I make no promises.
To the lovely people who have been messaging me, thanks bunches.
To the 59 people who have this story on alert and the 52 people that have favorited it, thank you very very much.
To my reviewers:
Futile Faith: I does seem that I've infected people. Jediempress and I even share a brain. It's very fun. I'm sorry about the very long wait. I really am. I feel bad.
Beatrisu: I'm doing my very best with the canon, but it's such an intricate plot line when you get into Deep Dive and the second game because stuff is revealed late in the story and it's all very interwoven. I'm just trying to do what I can and not mess it up too bad.
Jediempress: I am planning on fulfilling the request you PMed me about, but I put my story updates first. I doubt you have a problem with that.
Lady Karai: Cloud had to give him the outfit. That blindfold is too kinky not to come from Cloud (thanks to Leon's closet, anyway).
LunaLocket::laughs a little to self:: Update sooner, huh? Um? Sorry? I tried. I really did. I wrote the beginning of 47 right after I posted 46, but I didn't get any time to get back to it until very recently mostly because of lifeguard classes and then I'm working on a story with my best friend and I can't abandon our joint project for my own sake. I just wouldn't feel right about it. But still, this story is very important and it shall never be abandoned for good. I promise.
Riku-Rocks: Let's not lie to ourselves. Cloud and Riku can, but I just can't. This story drips with sap. Yes, it has it angst and drama, but it's saturated with cheese. I'm okay with that. Life sucks too much sometimes to not have it drip with sap when you get the opportunity.
-find.me.please-: I know. That cliffhanger was horrible and I left it with you all twice. I know it had to be horrible, anyway, because I was pleased with it. Anyway, I don't know how frequently I'm going to be updating because I'm now attempting to make enough money for school and an apartment, but I will do my best. That is a promise. I won't have any Dawson's Creek marathons when I could be writing this. Cross my heart.
DarkFoxFlame: I'm glad you understand the blindfold when he changes back, because I'm not quite sure why it's there as him when it isn't as Ansem/Xehanort thingy. Doesn't matter, though. I'll just make something up, KH3 will come out, and all my hard work will be for nothing.
Koji Inari: Before I reply, I want to say that I like your Virtual Dome story and want to read more, but haven't had the time to review yet because I've been working on this. I haven't caught up on Dirge yet, but I will leave you a review when I do. Okay. Now that that's out of the way, the Leon's leather tongue twister was enjoyable. And I must personally apologize to you as well for not updating sooner because I didn't and you told me to. ::sigh:: I will get better at this again. I will. Employment is a bitch.
koyuki-san: Cloud is a pervert, and that's the way we like him. Or the way I like him, anyway.
ChibiFrubaGirl: I'm still replying (obviously). Just didn't for the last update. Do not fear. I will not abandon you.
prettykitty3000: I'm glad you didn't explode waiting for the last update, and I hope you didn't update waiting for this one. I know it was a very long time. I feel very bad for it.
Mangled Euphoria: I don't find the time to be creative. Which is why I take so long to update. And if I did find the time to be creative, it would be because I reject reality for the brutality of it and live in a fantasy world instead. As for roleplaying, I have honestly never done it, but have considered many a time. Perhaps one day. If I ever figure out how it works, anyway.
audaces fortuna iuvat: So the story takes approximately five hours to read. Good to know. Thank you for the luck with all one hundred chapters. I might need it. I have never written that much before, either. At least I know it is still fabulous, bringing in new readers, and hasn't become dull yet. That's always a good sign that I'm still doing something right.
fallenxfate: Kingdom Hearts is the shit and I am more than happy to make people more intersted in the games. They are completely awesome. Your comments were also very lovely because it's a huge compliment to get a review in the first place that isn't out of guilt or pity, much less one that calls a story beautiful. So thank you very much.
With My Key I: Another 'beautiful' and another fan for the pairing. Excuse me while I applaud myself for sharing CloudxRiku with the world. Okay. I'm good now. Thanks very much. Twisting canon with two characters who have never met (as far as we know) and making it work is not as easy as it sounded when I decided to go about this. Then again, it probably would have been easier had Leon never found it. Nosy Leon.
BloodRedViolet: I'm going to update right now. Hah. No, I'll be updating tomorrow again in case you were interested. I have all night with nothing to do and I'm out of WB teen dramas to watch on DVD which leaves me with this story and myself. Thanks for the comments. Much appreicated.
HoggyWarts: You've been very kind in your reviews. I appreicate them very much. You last reviewed on chapter 36, so I hope to have correspondence with you soon. Thanks a lot.
Once again, apologies for lack of chapters, but I've enjoyed reading everyone else's stories. Hee.
No, really, I'll update tomorrow again. It is a promise. I have nothing else to do. So until then . . .
Love,
D