Title: 100 Steps To Somewhere

Fandom: Kingdom Hearts

Claim: Cloud/Riku

Theme: 049. Morning

Word Count: 2,519

Rating: M

Summary: Everything sucks right now and nothing is exactly what Riku needs.

Disclaimer: I wish, okay? It's all lies. I don't own Kingdom Hearts, I don't know anyone who owns Kingdom Hearts, and I am not affiliated with anyone who is affiliated with anyone who owns Kingdom Hearts. I think that about covers it.

Step Forty-Nine: Interlude

Riku sat in bed, his back against the pillow. Darkness streamed through the window matching the darkness of the small bedroom. The blindfold lay in his hands; Riku pulled it through his fingers and wrapped it around his palms. He watched the sky from this vantage point, wondering if it were still night or if day had already come. Didn't make a difference in the World That Never Was. Day or night, it was always dark. It didn't really matter, either, because it had no effect on today's events.

Beside him, Cloud was still sleeping. His cheek pressed against the mattress and smashed his lips together in a pucker. His mouth was slightly open. One arm hung over the bed's edge; he kept the other pulled against his chest. A thin, dirtied sheet lay draped across Cloud's back and Riku's lap, but while Riku was dressed, Cloud still lay nude from last night's . . . something.

Riku smiled. He balled the blindfold in one hand and used the other to smooth across the soft, blond spikes. Leaning forward, he placed a kiss on Cloud's forehead. His hand stilled and rested at the crown of Cloud's head.

It must've been before ten because Riku was wide awake and Cloud could've been dead if not for the snoring.

There was a lot that still needed to be done before Riku could face Roxas again. Riku would've made plans for today, but Cloud might have something on the agenda already, and Riku didn't want to disrupt any help Cloud thought to offer. He would wake him in a bit, but for now Riku wanted to just sit and watch Cloud sleep. Yesterday had been a tiring day between training and . . .

It would figure that Cloud would bring up commitment at a time like this. It was so unexpected and yet so like him that Riku could only grin and not ask questions. If Cloud hadn't shown up, he'd simply resort to brooding and feeling bad about himself, but Cloud wouldn't have that. He'd come because he didn't want Riku to do this alone—didn't want him to fall into that pattern of depression. So of course Cloud would bring up commitment at a time like this. Just when Riku started to push away, before he even knew he was doing it, Cloud clung tighter.

Last night was weird. Something had changed, and though Riku wasn't sure what it had been, he felt the difference. Maybe it was the open admission that he intended to spend the rest of his life with Cloud. It was a big thing to decide (and not just because of his age), especially when he didn't know what was going to happen tomorrow. Deciding to spend a lifetime with someone, no matter what happens, was a scary thing. It was more than that, though. Riku actually expressed his want to finish school, and Cloud not only thought it was a good idea, but agreed to move to Destiny Islands for him while he did it. They promised not to let each other delve into bad habits by pulling or pushing away. Then there was the sex.

Sex was still a sensitive subject for Riku. Sure, since that first time in Olympus Coliseum, he'd had it a lot. It wasn't some big, scary thing. He wasn't nervous anymore, and they'd had emotional sex before, but last night . . .

Blindfolded, every feeling was heightened. He could actually smell the light coming from Cloud. He felt pathetic and corny even thinking it, but he could actually smell the love there. While it was a comforting sensation that made him feel closer to Cloud than ever, it was terrifying as well. The fear of letting him down—even if he wasn't going anywhere—increased.

Riku bit his lip and hung his head. He slid down on the mattress, stretched his body out, and shifted toward Cloud. His nose pressed against Cloud's arm. Closing his eyes, he breathed in the scent—one that was now so familiar and calming that Riku felt fatigue he didn't even know was still there take over his consciousness.

"I love you so much," he mumbled.

Cloud shifted in his sleep, pulled his arm away, and wrapped it around Riku's back. He drew them together, readjusted his head, and resumed snoring. Riku snickered and shook his head. He fell back into sleep.

-----0-----

"So what's on your agenda for today?" said Riku. He glanced up from his breakfast to catch Cloud's eye and grinned. "You do have something horrible planned for me, don't you?"

"I take that comment personally. It's not like I'm trying to torture you, you know."

"Could've fooled me."

"There's nothing on the agenda. You're taking the morning off. We'll resume tonight."

"And what are we doing tonight?"

"I'm not doing anything. You're going to go look for Roxas."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

"Don't you think it's a little soon?"

"You had no problems following my movements yesterday. You're ready; I have faith in you."

"At least one of us does."

Cloud sighed. He lowered his head and rubbed a hand over his forehead. Riku frowned and shifted for a moment before patting the bed beside him.

"I'm sorry, okay? Come sit."

"I'm not mad or anything. I just . . ."

"You think I can do it, but all I can do is be negative." Riku bit his lip and nodded. "I know. I haven't been very positive about any of this. It must be getting difficult for you."

Cloud strode across the room and sat on the bed. He reached out his hand and placed it mid-thigh on Riku's leg. He gave a short squeeze and shrugged.

"I'm frustrated because I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help you. And I think you're ready, so I don't want you to put this off anymore than you had to. You're just going to psyche yourself out until you really believe there's no way you can win. That's why I want you to do it tonight."

"What should I do until then?"

"I don't know, babe. I just want you to take some time to mentally prepare yourself. Don't think about it too much, but remember that you're going to do it."

Riku frowned.

"What do you want to do?"

"Honestly? Spend time with you before this is over."

"What do you mean?"

"This is kind of our last morning together. At least for awhile. Once you've got Roxas, you'll be off with DiZ doing whatever he needs you to do for Sora. I'll be back in Hollow Bastion with Leon and everyone moving rocks or something equally retarded until I sense Sephiroth. I kind of thought it'd be nice to spend the day in bed together."

Riku's lips twisted into a smile.

"That does sound nice. Depressing circumstances, but . . . yeah. I mean, it's not like we ever really did get much of a chance to enjoy each other living with Leon."

"He's a slave driver. You think you've got it bad with Roxas? I'm just about ready to cry thinking about going back to those boulders."

"I bet you miss everyone, though."

"Sure, but it's no different than if I were off looking for Sephiroth. Cause you know I disappear for months when that happens."

"So . . ." Riku crawled under the blankets and snuggled down to rest his head on the pillow. "Get in bed with me and let's talk."

"What? No kinky, blindfolded sex?"

"Come off the kinky sex already. You want to do that shit at a time like this then go back to Leon. I hear he's into that stuff."

"That was a mental image I just never needed to have," said Cloud. He, too, slipped beneath the blankets. Riku shifted, lifting his torso as Cloud's arms wrapped around his shoulders. Cloud pulled Riku's back to his chest and nuzzled his nose into Riku's hair. "Sex with Leon. Gross."

"Leon's sexy. I don't know what you're talking about."

"Leon is not sexy."

"Yes, he is. I don't believe you haven't noticed it before. I know I have. First thing I thought when I met him was 'Dear God, you are fucking hot.'"

"You did not."

"Yes, I really did. Why? Can't I tell you that? Are you going to freak out about the way he looks at me again?"

"That was ages ago. Do you really have to keep bringing it up? I'd like to forget how supremely I managed to embarrass myself."

"You got that much right. Supremely."

"Not that I shouldn't have been worried. You think Leon is sexy."

"Leon is sexy, but that doesn't mean you should have been worried. I'm in love with you, yeah, but that doesn't make me blind. Leon is fucking hot."

"Could you stop that now and tell me how hot you think I am instead?"

"Oh, yes, Cloud, I think about you and I instantly get hard. That's how hot you are."

"Thank you."

"I was being sarcastic."

"Let me dream. It's not like you've ever called me fucking hot."

"You are fucking hot. It just happens that Leon is as well. If we weren't together, I'd totally have sex with him. I can't believe you never thought about it."

"Well, you know, I knew him when I was still taller. I was walking around for almost eight years thinking of him looking the way he did when he was eleven. Not exactly sex-worthy if you know what I mean."

"But didn't you just see him again and think that he got really fucking hot?"

"Not really. I was too preoccupied thinking about how long it really had been."

"I can't believe you're actually getting worked up about this. It's not like I'm going to go run after Leon. I'm not into leather, but you seem genuinely interested in the merits of sex toys. That's what this conversation is about, after all."

"You're enjoying this more than you should. I want you to know you're a sick bastard."

"Is that a step up from brat?"

"Think so. You've been promoted."

"Sweet. Leon would be so proud."

"Mention Leon's name one more time and I'm going to throw you to Roxas."

"You're so sensitive. It's not like I'm serious. I just like getting you riled up."

"That's because you're a sadistic little shit."

"You like me this way, you masochistic fucker."

"Listen to the way you talk. I can't believe I let you kiss me with that mouth."

"I can; you're masochistic. I thought we just established this."

Cloud laughed. The sound brightened the darkened part of his heart still aware of what he needed to do tonight. Roxas hung in the back of his mind, but Cloud's voice in his ear and arms tight around his chest eased the pressure. Riku pressed back into Cloud, rolled his head onto his shoulder, and smiled.

"Thank you for this. Really. I needed it."

"What? Light-hearted banter about wanting to fuck my best friend?"

"Not about Leon, but yeah. Jokes. Laughing. Ridiculous conversation. I can't stop thinking about Roxas and what I might have to do, even before you told me that I need to go after him tonight. This is nice."

"Lucky for you I'm good at shooting the shit, then. Leon wouldn't have taken this good care of you."

"Hey, Leon and I have some pretty decent conversation. He's actually really funny. But you're right. We're great friends, but I doubt anyone could make me feel like you do."

"Leon's just not masochistic enough for you."

"Leon doesn't just understand without me ever having to tell him what's wrong. You . . . you just always know. Just what I need to hear. That I shouldn't put off Roxas because I'm only going to make myself more nervous. That I needed this morning to just be with you. That you should even follow me in the first place. You even thought to bring the cloak."

"I'd love to take the credit, but I don't think I'm really that good. I just . . . I don't know. We've been together for a long time now."

Riku nodded.

"It'll be a year next month."

"You're kidding."

"Nope."

"It feels like so much less, and yet . . ."

"Like we've been together forever. And not entirely in the good way."

"Yeah. I know what you mean. You know, they say the first year's easy. The second year is the one that kills you."

Riku barked a laugh.

"We're screwed."

"Yeah. I can't wait to get rid of you."

"Oh, shut up. I just meant that this year has been anything but easy. If the second year's the tough one, I don't even want to think about the challenges we're going to have to deal with."

"Oh, I already know. You're going to be all ugly, Ansem-looking."

"Yeah, and you're going to contract some disease that further prevents us from having sex. It's going to be all Sephiroth's fault, too."

"Definitely. And then you'll defeat Ansem, turn back into yourself, and I'll still be chasing Sephiroth while trying not to die. Cause, you know, the disease will be fatal."

"Yeah. And you've got to kill him for good if you want to live."

"The completely unfunny part about this is it's the only way shit can get worse."

"I don't know. I could fall for Leon."

"Don't fool yourself. His closet of kink would make you piss your pants."

"Maybe, but my love for him will win out. Or you'll fall for Leon."

"You'll decide you aren't over Sora."

"You'll decide you aren't over Zack."

"Zack's dead. What would the point of that be?"

"Exactly."

Cloud snorted.

"Ah, I see."

Riku sighed. He turned in Cloud's arms and pressed his face against his chest. He inhaled.

"I love you so fucking much."

"I'm not going to decide I'm not over Zack."

"I know. One of the many reasons I love you so fucking much."

"Why do you love me so fucking much right now?"

"Same as before. You banter good. I feel like crying."

Cloud's expression softened.

"I know. Everything really sucks right now. It will get better eventually."

"I don't want to fight Roxas."

"I know."

"I want to go back to our room in Hollow Bastion. I want to be with you. I really don't want to do this."

"I know, but everything's going to be all right."

"You promised."

"Damn right I did, and I'm not about to break it."

"Cloud, I'm tired."

"Sleep. I'll still be here when you wake up."

"But if I go to sleep, that's less time with you before Roxas. I'll wake up and . . . and what if I have nightmares again?"

"I'm here, okay? I won't leave you. You know, unless I have to piss or something. Deal?"

Riku nodded. His head pounded; his eyes stung. He rested his head against Cloud and took a deep breath.

"Deal."

Continue, my dears. Continue.