Title: 100 Steps To Somewhere
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts
Claim: Cloud/Riku
Theme:052. Leaving
Word Count: 4,361
Rating: M
Summary: It's just sad when Leon's the well-adjusted one, isn't it?
Disclaimer: Square Enix, Disney, and a bunch of other cool people own Kingdom Hearts. I'm sure that one day I will become affiliated with one of these companies, but as I am still a measly little peasant, I own no rights to the franchise. Let's face it: I don't even really own this plot. I just like to pretend things happened in canon that there's no proof of, because I'm deluded like that.
Step Fifty-Two: Wrong
The darkness of the World That Never Was grew more distant and less sinister as the light of Twilight Town neared. Adrenaline coursed through his body; his mind moved faster than his feet would allow. His muscles shook, threatening to collapse. A pounding ache thrust against his skull. His limbs twitched and trembled.
Time felt all wrong. It moved too fast and too slow. Twilight Town hadn't seemed so far away when he came to fetch food. DiZ gave Riku ten minutes to stay in the World That Never Was, but it seemed like only seconds. In a fraction of a moment, his entire world turned upside down, and it was followed by their first walk through the darkness together. As long as this walk took, Cloud knew that the second they arrived back in the mansion it would only be another fraction of a moment. They'd say goodbye—no tears, no hugs—and Cloud would find himself back on his Gummi set in the direction of Hollow Bastion (which was another time issue, because it felt like years since he'd said goodbye to Leon).
This was, as Cloud thought, their first walk through the darkness together. While this was still a new experience for him, it was Riku's prime mode of travel. He'd heard about Riku's portals so many times, was amazed that Riku hadn't lost his heart to Ansem sooner on his first journey, and now when everything had just changed so drastically, they hurried through these corridors together. Stranger yet, Cloud led the way.
He gripped Riku's hand as he steered the course, but that felt wrong, too. The hand was too large, too wide. Riku's palms were calloused from the various weapons he wielded over the past year, but the back of his hands were soft and smooth. The hand he held now was rougher to the touch. The planes dipped at the wrong angles, curved at the wrong places. The fingers were too long.
Cloud said that he still felt Riku, could still see him when he closed his eyes, and it was true. What was wrong about it all was that underneath that essence (that sense that made Riku Riku) there was a darkness that didn't belong there. It was something Cloud had always sensed there, something that was the strongest right before he fell into the realm of darkness, but it had never overshadowed the light and dark that belonged solely to Riku. Now it was stronger than ever before, and like the light was faint in these corridors, Riku was a sliver buried beneath Ansem's strength.
Cloud took a breath and trudged forward. He knew in his heart that this would all be fixed eventually. He could still see it in those eyes that didn't belong to Riku. He could feel it in the embrace of Riku's hand held tight around his. It didn't stop the pain filling his heart with every step toward Twilight Town, because as much as he wanted to get out of here, he knew it was one more step toward seeing Ansem in Riku's place again.
It just wasn't right. Ansem didn't belong there. Riku was just . . . not a boy. He was a teenager. He was a normal teenager stifled for independence by a family that loved him so much it got smothering. A normal teenager with a healthy sense of curiosity about the world around him and his place in it. He had a healthy level of love, friendship, and loyalty that he bestowed freely upon those in his life. So he went and got mixed up in some bad business. Cloud understood; he'd been there, but he'd never had to endure this.
In a way, Cloud was glad he hadn't listened to Riku's request. It made the outcome a little less unendurable. He'd fought his heart out, did everything he could, but Roxas was stronger. Maybe Roxas couldn't tell, but Cloud knew Riku. Even with the blindfold on, it was easy to see the pain etched across his face. He moved through that fight with care, subconsciously guarding injuries from further damage. In the end, he had to give himself up. It was unfair.
"I got it," said Riku.
The voice broke the silence (it, too, was all wrong), and Cloud realized they were at the exit back into Twilight Town. He almost questioned how Riku knew, but remembered how stupid a question it was at the last second. Of course Riku knew. As far as Riku was concerned, this was the only way to travel.
Cloud stepped through the portal, and then they were side by side in the mansion basement. Riku's hood was still up.
"I guess this is goodbye, then," said Riku. "I have to get back to DiZ. See if he needs my help with anything."
"All right. I'll call you."
"Yeah. Okay."
Cloud shuffled his feet. His eyes fell to their still-clasped hands. He gave a squeeze.
"I don't want to leave you like this."
Riku sighed. He pried his fingers from Cloud's and let their fingertips linger for a second longer than normal.
"I don't want you to leave, either, but . . . It's going to be okay, right? I'm going to beat Ansem, become me again, and everything's going to be better than it's ever been. I don't really want to go back to how it used to be. It used to suck then, too."
Cloud laughed and nodded. He shoved his hands in his pockets.
"Yeah, I guess you're right. After all, I have to come live with you on Destiny Islands."
"Yeah, see? I'm going to go back to school, and you're going to bitch about the humidity on the Islands. We couldn't do that if this didn't end. I'm going to be okay."
"But you aren't right now . . ."
"No . . ."
"Which is kind of why I don't want to leave you like this."
Riku nodded.
"I know, but you have to. DiZ is going to need me to help with Sora, and I can't keep you from Sephiroth. You have to get back out there and finish things so we can be together."
"Promise me that we'll still find time to see each other. Even before you finish things."
"Sure. I mean, you won't really see me, but, you know . . ." Riku paused. "I really hate this."
"I don't like it, either."
"As long as you aren't leaving me."
"I'm not. I'm just . . . I'm just a little more anxious for you to finish off Ansem, I guess. I was anxious before, but now . . ."
"I don't expect this to be easy for you to deal with. I don't even care if you hate me for doing it or you don't want to be with me until it's over. I just don't want to lose you over this. I want that much clear."
"I can promise you that you won't. And I don't hate you."
"I know you don't. Always above and beyond the call of duty."
"It's not duty, Ri. I wouldn't still be with you if it was duty. I'm not very good at duty."
Riku looked away.
"I know. Now get out of here, why don't you? I'm sure my ten minutes are up by now."
"I love you."
"I love you, too. I'll call you."
"Not if I call you first."
"Keep me updated."
"I will. That goes for you, too."
"Promise."
Cloud nodded. Under ordinary circumstances, he'd have kissed Riku goodbye and reluctantly left, but Riku looked like Ansem now. His hood was still up, concealing all glimpses of the change in visage. Even his voice was different, and it didn't help matters that since Riku returned from that long separation with the realm of darkness, they hadn't parted for longer than a few days. The standard reluctance upgraded to heartbreak.
He took one last look at the Organization robe and tried to steel his nerves. Cloud nodded once more in Riku's direction and walked through the door. He was aware of Riku's eyes on his back until he turned toward the stairs out of the computer room and Riku's sight.
-----0-----
Riku called once during Cloud's trip back to Hollow Bastion. Their conversation was brief. Cloud had nothing exciting to tell about the Gummi, and Riku didn't have much time until he needed to return to whatever assignment DiZ had him on that day. He heard a bit about Naminé, the girl repairing Sora's memories. She was, apparently, a Nobody as well, though Riku had no idea whose even though they struck up some sort of friendship and Riku swore he knew the girl besides their encounter in Castle Oblivion. He'd seen Sora again, asleep in some pod, and his memories were starting to return, which had significantly lifted his spirits (Cloud had the feeling Riku's outlook on the Ansem situation was tangent to Sora's success against Organization XIII). As far as Roxas's state, he got through something about computer programs, virtual reality, and an alternate Twilight Town before he lost Cloud all together. He gently reminded Riku that he knew nothing about computers and never understood a damn thing he or Leon said about them before Riku laughed, called him hopeless, and said he had to get back to DiZ.
The rest of the journey was lonely and uneventful. He picked up the phone several times to call Leon, Aerith, and Tifa, but put it back down before he managed to press send. There would be too many questions to answer, and it was probably best to skirt the issue in person. Riku didn't want anyone to know, and while Cloud knew they wouldn't look down on him for it, he understood. Unfortunately, it put Cloud in a sticky situation. One in which everyone had to lie to Sora now instead of just he and Leon, and they would have to do it without any real explanation. Aerith might understand, and would be good at convincing the others to trust his judgment, but Leon would want answers. Cloud spent most of his travel time trying to come up with some, but when he set the Gummi down in Cid's new garage, he was no where closer than he'd been back in the World That Never Was.
"Welcome back, Spike," said Cid, coming around the side of the building. There were grease stains across his face; a cigarette hung from his lips. Cloud shook his head.
"You back on that again?"
"Gets hard to quit with Leon and your boyfriend around. How'd that go, anyway? Did you find him?"
Cloud shrugged. He slung his duffel bag over his shoulder.
"Yeah, I found him. I have a lot to tell everyone, but I'd like to get some rest first. It's been an exhausting week."
Cid nodded and scratched his nose.
"Yeah, sure. Go get some sleep. I'll let everyone know you're home."
"Thanks. Could you also let everyone know I don't want to even attempt to talk about it until tomorrow, too? I don't want the circus barging in on me before I've managed to settle."
"That bad, huh?"
"Bad doesn't begin to cover it. Is the King still here?"
"Left the day after you did. Said he had some stuff to take care of before things started again."
"Figures. Okay. I'm gonna take off. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Sure. Take your time. But . . ."
Cloud turned back. He raised his eyebrows.
"What?"
"He is okay, isn't he? Still breathing?"
"Yeah, he's alive. It's just a long, disastrous story that I don't really care to relive until I've gotten a good night's sleep in a real bed."
Cid took one last puff on his cigarette and threw it into the grass.
"Got cha. Rest up, kid. Talk to you tomorrow."
"Yep."
Cloud turned away and walked in the direction of the borough. He hoped Leon wasn't home yet. If he could sip into bed and sleep before Leon came home, maybe he really could get that well-needed rest. Maybe if Leon was there, he'd be kind enough to notice the dark circles under his eyes and just one "I don't want to talk about it right now" would suffice.
Leon wasn't home yet, though, and he wasn't home for another twenty minutes. Cloud didn't get that well-needed rest, either, because twenty minutes later when Leon walked up to the house, he found Cloud still standing outside it. Still standing there with the duffel bag slung over his shoulders, weary face contorted, staring at the front door as if it were going to bite. Leon paused several steps away and surveyed the scene.
"The knob turns to the right," said Leon after several seconds passed and Cloud continued to fail to notice his presence. Cloud jerked.
"Huh?"
"The doorknob. It turns to the right."
"Oh. Yeah. I know."
"How long have you been standing out here?"
"I don't know."
Leon frowned, staring at Cloud before he passed, opened the door, and yanked Cloud inside. He took the duffel bag away and slung it onto the chair. He pointed toward the couch.
"Sit. I suppose you need something stronger than coffee?"
Cloud shook his head.
"As much as I'd love to drink right now, it's not a good idea. There's too much shit to not explain tomorrow."
"You don't want to drink? How bad did it go?" Cloud shrugged. Leon stilled in the living room, and then grabbed the ashtray. He sat on the floor and lit up. "You found him, though, right? I tried calling, but you had your phone off."
"Yeah. I found him."
"Am I going to be okay on seven cigarettes, or should I get another pack from my room before you start?"
"I don't want to talk about it tonight."
"Yeah, Cid said. He came by Merlin's to tell us you were back and that you'd talk tomorrow, but I figured I'd catch you tonight if I still could. Might want a little extra support."
"As great as that would be, I'm really not up to it, and you're the one I'm dreading the most."
Leon frowned.
"What happened?"
"That's just it. I can't tell you."
"Huh?"
Cloud sighed. He raked a hand through his hair and looked around the living room.
"Can we go somewhere else to talk about this? It's . . . this house . . . he was just here . . ."
Leon perked up.
"Cid said he wasn't dead or anything . . ."
"No, he's not. It's just . . ."
"Cloud, you live here. Deal with it. Now talk."
"I can't. He made me promise that no one would find out." Cloud laughed; his hand moved from his hair to rub across his face. "Oh, yeah, by the way, when Sora-the-Keyblade-master comes back, he can't know about me and Riku again. Can't even know that any of us have even met Riku. So, yeah, I know that needs explaining, too, but I can't give you an answer for that one, either."
Leon's eyes narrowed. He searched Cloud's face for a few seconds, his lips pressed tight together.
"Sora can't know again?" said Leon. Cloud nodded. "And whatever happened with that Roxas kid Riku doesn't want us to know, either."
"That's right."
"Any of us."
"Right."
"Even me."
"He didn't single you out. He just made me promise that no one would find out what happened."
"Even me."
"You were included, yes."
Leon shrugged. He put out his cigarette in the tray and lit another. His hands shook. Cloud sighed.
"Don't be like this. He doesn't mean it personally."
"No, of course not. I just . . ." Leon snorted. "I just thought he might have realized by now that he could trust me. I just thought that maybe you could trust me. It's not like I've ever fucked either one of you over. I just lived with the two of you. I just kept your fucking secret. Who am I?"
"Don't be like this. Seriously. If you knew . . ."
"I don't know. That'd kind of the point."
"Please, Lee, don't do this. I can't take much more of this."
"You can't take much more of this? I don't even know what happened. I know you were off to some world through corridors of darkness that you shouldn't be in, but besides that . . . You've been gone for days. Your phone's been off. I guess I just don't understand how we're all friends when he's living here and the second he runs off it becomes just the two of you again. I'm not trying to get into your relationship or anything, but honestly . . ."
"He doesn't mean anything personal by it. This is why I didn't want to tell you tonight. I knew you'd be upset. Listen . . ."
"No, you listen. I'll keep the whole thing from Sora, okay? That's all you really want me to say, right?"
"I don't want you to be angry with me, either. I don't want you to be upset with him. This has been a really bad week, it's a really bad situation, and he's embarrassed, okay? If I wouldn't have been there, I doubt I'd know."
The tension in Leon's face eased a little. He took a slower drag off the cigarette.
"Embarrassed?" he said. "That's it? He's embarrassed about something?"
Cloud groaned and buried his face in his hands.
"I'm trying to come up with a way to explain this to everyone, but I just can't. He doesn't want anyone to know, but yeah, you're included because . . ." Cloud sighed. "He likes you, you know? Your opinion of him means a lot, and . . ."
Leon groaned. He rubbed the back of his neck.
"Why don't you just tell me what you can, okay? I won't press the issue."
"Okay, well . . . okay. By the time I got there and found him, he'd already fought Roxas. And he lost. Pretty badly. Roxas . . . While I was there, I was prepping him to fight Roxas again, because Roxas isn't taking to this Sora thing too well."
"What's the purpose of the Roxas kid again?"
"He's Sora's Nobody, and DiZ needs him for Naminé to repair the damage she did to Sora's memories so he can be whole and off fighting the Heartless again."
"And that's when we'll remember him."
"Right. So it was Riku's task to go find Roxas, obtain him, and take him to DiZ."
"Is that taken care of?"
"Yep. Roxas is safely in DiZ's hands and the memory restoration process has started. But to defeat Roxas . . . Roxas is really good. I mean, really really good. He's an amazing fighter. He reminds me of Sephiroth."
"Nice."
"Yeah. He kicked the shit clean out of Ri the first time. Broke his right wrist . . ."
"He's right-handed."
"Exactly. Roxas told him to get the hell out before he killed him, but of course Ri needs him to help Sora. It's the reason he left in the first place."
"So he had to fight him again."
"Yeah, and he was already pretty hopeless after losing the first time. There's more to it, but it's what I can't go into detail about."
"Because he's embarrassed."
"Yeah. So I helped prep him and threw him out to Roxas. I don't know. Maybe I did it too soon."
"Why do you say that? He won, didn't he?"
"He got Roxas, if that's what you mean. He lost in the long run, but that's more of what I can't go into."
Leon frowned and stared at something beyond Cloud. He nodded.
"Has something to do with darkness, though, doesn't it? He had to use the darkness to beat him, and he's beating himself up more than he should about it."
"It's something like that. Let me just put it to you this way. If it had happened to me, I wouldn't want any of you finding out, either. Like Riku, I'd know that you'd understand why I did it, but I'd be too humiliated to actually tell you. And with Sora, it's kind of like . . . The last time they saw each other, Riku was behind the door to darkness, and so much time has passed since. He still has to use the darkness if he wants to survive, and Sora's light. He wants to be in a better place than he is when Sora sees him again, especially if he has to explain why he had us all lie to him in the first place. So . . . is that okay? Will it suffice?"
Leon bit his lip and went to shake his head, but then nodded.
"I get it. I do. I just . . . I'm his friend, too. At least I thought I was, and I care a lot about what happens to him. I don't like being kept in the dark, but I won't say anything to Sora. As far as he's concerned, I don't know anything about Nobodies, Organization XIII, and the only things I know about Riku are the things he's told me."
"He'll come around. Riku, I mean. You are his friend, and as much as it drives me crazy, you do mean a lot to him. He's really come to rely on your support, and I just don't see him not telling you eventually."
"I could be a better friend if he'd confide in me."
Cloud sighed.
"You could call him, you know. His number's in my phone. He'd probably . . . he'd probably really like it. You know. You caring that much to not take no for an answer."
Leon smirked.
"You don't know how entertaining it is to see how much saying that statement physically pained you. You're his boyfriend, Cloud. I'm his friend. I just happen to take my friendships seriously, and it's a good thing for the both of you that I do. Otherwise you'd be driving yourself crazy and Riku would stay holed up and defensive. I think I'm good for your relationship."
"Oh? Why's that?"
"Because I can explain your neurotic tendencies to him, and when he's feeling closed off about something that he's too embarrassed to tell you, I can drag it out of him."
"Do you want to kill us, like, ninety percent of the time?"
"Oh, yes. Like right now I'd like to smack Riku upside the head for whatever he's too embarrassed to let you tell me. I can't imagine anything worse than that wing of yours."
"You'd be surprised."
"You think it's worse?"
"Definitely yes."
Leon raised his eyebrows.
"Okay, maybe Riku has a reason to be embarrassed, but that doesn't give him a right to hide from his friends."
"Well his number is in my phone. Call him, because this has, apparently, become about your friendship and I'm not included. I won't intervene."
"Don't be a crybaby. Go to bed."
Cloud smirked and nodded. He left the bag sitting in the living room, dropped his phone onto the coffee table, and walked toward his bedroom. He stopped short of the door and turned back.
"Hey . . ."
"Yeah?" said Leon.
"Thanks. You know, for listening. And for calling Riku."
"I didn't call him yet."
"I know, but you're going to, and I know that I can tell him a thousand times that it's going to be okay, but I think coming from you . . . It's different. You don't have to tell him that, you know? You don't have boyfriend obligations."
"You're just happy that I'm going to suck it out of him because then you can tell me all about how much it's killing you inside."
"Am I that obvious?"
"About as obvious as it is that you're jealous of my friendship with your boyfriend."
"I just . . ."
"You like being the most important person to him. Don't worry. I could never threaten your spot."
"I know. I just wish I could do everything for him, and I can't. Trust me. This is a really messed up situation. Probably more so than Maleficent, and I realize he needs more than just me to get through this. I want to make it all okay, but he needs more support than any one person can give, so thanks."
"It's not a problem. I'm not doing it for you or him. They're nice side effects, but I'm doing it because he's supposed to be my friend and he's keeping things from me. I'm pissed off. I don't put up with his shit for the fun of it."
Cloud laughed.
"Nothing like a good Leon ass-ripping to get your head straight."
"Someone's got to keep you two in touch with humanity."
"You say that like you are."
"Which is why I'm friends with you losers, but that's a good point, Cloud. It's sad when I'm the well-adjusted one."
"You make an excellent point. I'm going to bed."
"Good. You look like shit."
"Yeah, well, I've been distraught."
"I can tell. Sleep. We'll talk to everyone else tomorrow. Aerith is going to take this much better than I did, so at least be happy I'm out of the way."
"I did say you were the one I was dreading."
"Cloud—"
"I'm going."
Cloud caught a glimpse of Leon smile and shake his head. A small reassurance that things really would be okay took over some of the worry as he slipped into the bedroom. He was painfully aware of Riku's absence as he got into their bed, but that sliver of hope eased him into rest. It didn't do well to worry, anyway. Worry wasn't going to change a thing. What had happened had happened and there was nothing to be done about it other than wait and lean on the people you could. Cloud just hoped that when Leon called, Riku would realize that, too.
Ahem . . .
I know it's the wrong fandom, but do we have any Harry Potter fans out there? Yes? No? Well, either way, you should all know that HP5 movie is out tonight, which means I will not be writing at all tonight. I won't even be thinking about writing tonight. And, like, next Friday night will be the midnight party for the last Harry Potter book, so . . . yeah. There might be an update or two between Wednesday night and next Thursday, but don't expect for like a week after that book. I'm going to have to read, digest, discuss, go online to further discuss, and plot a fanfic. Because Harry Potter is a lifestyle. And I've been MIA from the Ron/Draco community for ages leaving them with nothing but a two and a half year old porn story. Though I guess if you're going to go MIA for that long, promise a story, and deliver it over two years later, it may as well be porn.
But I digress . . .
The point is that Harry and co. will be intervening with my writing for a short amount of time, and it is possible that I will be sharing time with this story and a HP story in addition to all that other crazy CloudxRiku I like to write. Just thought I'd give everyone a fair warning.
So what to say?
I had so much positive feedback on the Deep Dive sequence. Made me really pleased with myself because I was awfully worried about it. So thanks everyone for that.
I also had a lot of positive feedback about five chapters in two days, so I guess I'll have to try that again some time. It works for me, too, you know, because while five chapters is a lot in some stories, five chapters to this one is, like, nothing. It's like half a chapter to a normal story. Something like that.
I'd reply to reviews but I am too lazy to go read them.
Until next time (which will be between HP movie 5 and HP book 7), all my love and thanks to the readers (those of you in the review closet count, too), readers who review, and readers who put me or my stories on their favorites/alerts. I appreciate you all.
48 to go. We're starting to get somewhere, people. It's almost like this story will end one day.
-D