A/N: Sorry, sorry, sorry. I have no excuses for not updating. Not a single one.

What is it - now I'm over two seasons late? I actually wrote a half of a new chapter, then never visited the site for a few months - all my drafts were gone. But I promise to start posting more regularly.

I knew the whole Bade aspect of this episode was Beck joking about breaking up with Jade, but I had just written a whole make-up the last chapter, and I don't think break-up drama is such a good thing for them to deal with so quickly, again.

But... I hope you enjoy.

Fantastic.

Now Robbie had nothing better to do now than spy, embarrass, and vilify people constantly; unfortunately, his number one victims happened to be his best friends (or as Jade put it, the only people that could tolerate him - and only barely and that).

God, now everyone would be making innuendoes and wiggling their eyebrows and being overall more annoying than possible.

Jade signed onto theSlap, half-hoping Robbie may spared them some salvation.

click. click. click.

And, yes, there it was.

Spectacular.

Jade marched across her room to snatch up her PearPhone; about to hit 'two' and speed dial Beck, but he beat her to it. His name flashed on the screen as her ringtone blared.

"What?," she answered bitingly.

"Robbie is such a wonderful friend," said Beck's voice, caustic with indignation.

"I told you we should never have associated with that Jewish monkey. Or his piddling puppet."

"Yeah, well, it's too late for that. The damage is done."

Jade let out a sound a frustration. "That idiot."

"We should get him back," Beck decides. "He needs a taste of his own medicine."

A vengeful smirk played Jade's lips. "I've taught you well. What should we do?"

"Meet up at my RV in fifteen minutes. Call Tori and Cat, I'll get Andre. Love you," he hung up.

Jade dialed Tori's number (she certainly didn't qualify for speed dial) and waited.

"Who are you and why is your number blocked?" Tori answered after the second ring.

"You didn't bring Cat?"

Andre, Beck, Jade, and Tori were all seated in a perfect circle of four in the middle of Beck's RV, a bowl of buttered popcorn in the middle.

"Well, she started talking about this waterproof fedora she had bought, so I hung up on her," Jade said.

"So what do we do about Robbie?" Andre changed the subject.

"I think we should just stop talking to him altogether. Snuff him out of the group," Tori suggests.

"I think Andre wanted an idea that would work," Jade lambasted her idea. Amity between the two girls wasn't complete, but they were working on becoming what could now be defined as "almost acquaintances."

Beck rolled his eyes, amused, and ran his fingers through his hair.

Tori made a hurtful face as her idea was shot down. She reached in and grabbed a handful of popcorn from the bowl, disgruntled.

"How about we bring together everyone who's been on his t-slog?"

There was a pause as everyone registered Andre's words. Tori stopped chewing.

"What the hell is a t-slog?"

Andre looked around, confused, "Y'know... t-slog? T-slog?"

The nonplussed staring continued.

"T-slog? Like, The Slap, blog? Almost like the word vlog?"

Beck shook his head.

"Ah, forget it," Andre waved a hand, signaling them to move one.

"Well, we can't do that anyways. He's got people working on the inside. Sinjin's been featured on his..." Tori glanced at Andre, who provided her a reassuring look, "...t-slog. But he's also working as the cameraman."

"Hey, what if we just hack his blog?" Beck suggests, putting his hand in the bowl.

"T-slog," Andre was quick to correct.

Jade ignored Andre's new term.

"The only one who knows how to hack is Robbie," Jade reminds him. "But, good idea, baby."

She stole a few pieces of popcorn from his fistful.

"Hey, what about my idea!" Tori cried, displeased her idea wasn't as commended.

"Tori. If we could snuff out Robbie, don't you think we would've done it by now?" Jade said.

"Guys, guys; Robbie's our friend, and even though he's not being a great one right now, we need to remember that he'd being blinded by the success of his t-slog," Andre declaimed loyally.

"Give it up, man. No one's going to say it."

"Fine."

"No, guys, we're thinking too big. This doesn't need to be that elaborate. That's the flawlessness of revenge," Jade galvanized her friends' efforts. "We just need to get embarrassing footage of him."

"Yeah," Andre jumped in, "we should just post something worse than pit cream," - Tori groaned - "or ketchup obsessions-" Andre paused to make a contemptuous face - "or car rendezvous," he gestured to Beck and Jade and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Jade glared at him, in such a way that if looks could actually kill, Andre would be a pile of ashes littering the floor of Beck's RV.

Tori laughed at Andre's suggestive implication.

"Shut up, Andre," Beck told him.

"Yeah, they just filmed us at the wrong time!"

"Mmm-hmm," Andre nodded sarcastically. "And theSlap blogs aren't called t-slogs!" he said.

Tori stared at him. "They aren't."

Andre frowned. "Well, they should be."

"Gah, shut up, both of you. It wasn't what it looked like!"

Beck nodded in agreement with his girlfriend. "We were just planning on going to-"

"A party with lots of empty bedrooms?"

"A luxurious hotel room Beck reserved for the weekend?"

"Oooh, the philosophy section of the library?"

Beck shook his head exasperatedly, while Jade glowered, annoyed.

"Tori-"

"Oh, wait you're right. Agriculture and Gardening it is, no one goes there."

Tori and Andre exchanged high-fives and laughed; Jade glared at the both of them, about to protest, but Beck ignored their guffawing and changed the subject.

"That's not the point. Jade's right. What are Robbie's weak points?"

Jade raised an eyebrow. "What are Robbie's strong points?"

"Well, Andre said, answering Beck, "he's pretty insecure about the fact he's never had a girlfriend. Maybe one of you could go out with him, kiss him, be all lovey-dovey with him, whatever, and then stand him up? Or dump him in public?"

Both Tori and Jade spoke at the same time. Tori responded with an "Ewwwww..." and Jade answered, "I would rather cut off each of my fingers individually with a chainsaw than pretend to be into Robbie," and grabbed Beck's hand.

He smirked and squeezed it loyally.

"Hey, maybe Cat would be able to do it?" Beck proposed.

"Nah, I'm pretty sure she's just as into him as he is into her," Tori said.

Jade frowned. "Cat has such a bizarre taste in men."

"Yeah, and even if she's not, she'd probably feel bad about humiliating him that she wouldn't go through with it anyways."

Andre plopped a few pieces of popcorn in his mouth and nodded in agreement with Tori.

"Well, we have to decide on something, guys," Beck stood up and moved to the other side of the RV to grab his sweatshirt.

"What about Rex?" Jade offered.

Tori raised a careful eyebrow, wary of the gleam in Jade's eye. "What about Rex?"

"I've always wanted to get rid of that moronic puppet. Now I have an excuse to do so," Jade smiled vindictively. "Don't worry, I have a crowbar, a baseball bat, a hammer, and a shovel."

Beck crossed back across the room, yanked the loose-fitting sweater over his flannel shirt, and slung his arm around Jade as he took back his seat between her and Andre.

"You do realize that Rex isn't real, right?" Andre asked slowly, exchanging careful looks with Tori. He was just making sure.

"So?" Jade shrugged. "C'mon, it shouldn't be that hard to rid of him, right?"

"Well, Jade, it's just that half of Robbie's persona comes from Rex. Can you imagine if something would happen to him? He would never forgive the person that took him away," Tori pointed out.

Jade persisted her point, "Exactly! Then he'd never talk to us again. He'd become so depressed he'd just shut down his blog-" Andre was about to correct her use of language, but she was one step ahead of him and held up her hand to stop him, "and then, bam! Problem solved."

Tori shook her head, not done with her polemic. "No, Jade, that's just too mean."

"Yeah, mm-hmm," Jade nodded sarcastically. "How's that pit-cream working out for you?"

Tori clenched her teeth as Andre laughed sniggered quietly. "Don't. Mention. It."

Andre stepped in. "Rex did nothing wrong anyways," he laughed at his own joke.

Tori nodded, sanguine to see someone had agreed with her opinion, "See? I'm just as mad at Robbie as you are, and I could do without Rex, but we can't take him out. He means too much to Robbie," she said, taking Robbie's feelings into consideration.

But apparently, Jade took Robbie's feelings like a grain of salt. "Okay, it's a deal. You take the crossbow, Beck gets the baseball bat, Andre, you're in charge of the shovel, and I will use the hammer."

Beck rolled his eyes and squeezed his girlfriend closer towards him. "Babe, Tori's got a point."

"She's got no point, why are you-"

"No, hey, hey just... hear me out," he stopped what might have been quite a lengthy rant on how Beck only agreed with Tori to make her jealous.

"Think about it. Remember the time Robbie didn't bring Rex to school, because he left it at his dad's house. And he didn't get him back until the end of the week?"

"Yeah, and?"

Tori and Andre just watched, fascinated, and nibbled on leftover popcorn pieces as Beck proceeded to convince Jade that murdering Rex wasn't the best idea.

"That's because Robbie isn't Robbie without Rex. Rex is a huge part of who he is. Without Rex, Robbie is pretty much some shy, socially awkward kid."

"He already is a shy-"

"Okay, okay. Fine," Beck motioned for her to stop. "Just - imagine if someone took away your favorite pair of scissors."

Jade paused to listen to this scenario. "The sleek black pair from that store? Rock, Paper, Scissors?"

"That's the one," Beck nodded. "Or no, if you never got to use scissors again. What would that be like?"

Jade gasped at this terribly rude awakening. "God, no. What would I do with my life?"

Tori watched, half-amused, half-thunderstruck. How much scissors actually did mean to Jade, she had no idea.

Beck, however, nodded in understanding. "Yeah. That's how Robbie would feel. His world would be lost."

Tori and Andre just sat there dazed, feeling lost themselves. Andre had finished sucking on the remaining, un-popped kernels from the bowl, completely emptying it and giving him a lack of purpose.

Jade frowned, suddenly realizing the perdition Robbie would go through if someone were to take Rex away from him.

Beck continued, "Robbie feels the same way about Rex. As much as I hate that puppet too, we can't do that to Robbie."

"Fine, fine. Another time, when Robbie really pisses me off," she said, and Beck sighed with a resigned expression and a slightly amused smile.

Tori made note of the conversation in her head. Beck's knowledge (which was undeniably sweet) of Jade's sensitive quirks was valuable to her - who knows? Maybe one day, Tori could learn enough from Beck for Jade to become her actual friend.

"Okay..." Andre coughed, changing the subject. "So, any other ideas?"

Tori replied, "We could lock him in a closet until he agrees to stop spying on us."

"A closet's not gonna stop his little army of tireless freshmen," Beck identified the flaw of the plan. "They're oddly stealthy. I didn't even hear the dude in the back of my car-"

"When you and Jade were planning on doing it on her porch swing?"

"Ooh, or in the bathroom of the Nozu's!"

"The Hollywood Arts' swimming pool?"

The RV shook with Andre and Tori's peals of laughter.

"Shut up, you two. It's not funny. We weren't talking about that at all," Jade snapped. The innuendoes were driving her crazy.

Tori, still overcome with laughter, tried to form coherent words.

"You're ri... you're right..." she stifled her laughs, and reverted to a serious face. "Sorry. What were you guys talking about?"

"None of your business," Jade told her.

Beck looked thoughtful. "The swimming pool actually wouldn't be a bad place, if I wasn't paranoid some freshman would steal our clothes."

Jade glared at him. "Why?" she asked simply. "Why would you give them more ammunition?" she gestured to their two other friends, who were now rolling on the ground with stitches in their sides.

"Hey, you guys!" Andre stopped laughing to catch his breath. "That's it! That's it!"

Everyone paused to look at him.

"We should just steal Robbie's clothes during gym!"

Beck and Jade joined Andre, who looked up and smiled at them, at the usual lunch table.

"Okay," Tori ducked down at their table, and pulled her ebony sunglasses above her eyes. "We all set on the plan?"

"Yep," Beck informed her. "Robbie's got gym right after lunch."

"Yeah, no more filming us doing embarrassing stuff, like... pimple popping-" Andre was cut off by a defiant Tori.

"I didn't know there was a camera around, okay, Ketchup Boy?"

"Hey, I do not have a ketchup problem!" Andre protested. "Besides, people are now only talking about Beck and Jade's late-night date."

Beck groaned and Jade rolled her eyes. "God, I know. It's annoying."

"Our conversation was probably the furthest thing away from sex."

"Too bad no one would actually believe that," Andre pointed out.

Tori nodded. "So far I've heard the Beverly Gardens Park, the phone booth at the back of the school, last row of the movie theater, and a graveyard."

Three heads turned to stare curiously at Tori as she continued eating her pizza.

She only stopped chewing once she realized the conversation had stopped.

"A graveyard?" Beck asked; he was slightly amused, but also baffled at how information traveled at Hollywood Arts.

"Yeah, well there's also a rumor that Jade's super kinky," Tori shrugged.

"That's not a rumor," Jade said. "But a graveyard... I've never thought of that," she mused.

Beck frowned. "And you got mad at me, for giving them ammunition?"

Andre and Tori exchanged looks; the topic, however amusing, was getting them nowhere, so Andre decided to change the subject. "So, the plan?"

"Right," Beck confirmed. "You and me, we gotta be in the locker room three minutes before he gets out of class. You girls," he pointed to Tori and Jade, "will have the video cameras ready and turned on, waiting for us, 'kay?"

"Cool," Tori smiled.

A few seconds later, a redhead skipped up to the table cheerfully.

"Guys," she said dramatically, "guess who just got the new teacup mustache protector?"

"Hey guys," Robbie waved awkwardly at his friends as he stood before them at their usual lunch table.

It was the day after their revenge had taken place.

"What?" Jade asked rudely, not making eye contact with him.

"Look, I'm sorry. I get it now," he apologized. "I got caught up with the attention."

"It's okay, Robbie," Cat said earnestly. "We forgive you!"

"Yeah, you can sit here, man," Andre scooted over to make room.

"Anyways, guys, guess what I just ordered!" Cat waved her phone in the air. "A beard beanie!"

Beck rolled his eyes and Jade threw her head back in frustration.

"Cat. No one cares."

Cat's looked offended, and her eyes immediately filled with hurt. "What?" her lip trembled.

"Hey, hey!" Robbie defended Cat, and put his arm around her comfortingly. "Don't get mad at her!"

"Yeah!" Cat cried defiantly, "Jade, why don't you just sneak off into the phone booth with your boyfriend!"

Both Beck and Jade openly gaped at her uncharacteristic behavior; even Cat, the most sympathetic, innocent person at HA, was aware of the circulating rumors and was taunting them for it.

"Oh my God, will people let this go!" Jade cried. "This is all your fault," she snarled, pointing at a terrified Robbie.

"Yeah, we weren't talking about sex!" Beck claimed. "We were talking about my Aunt Sylvia's freaking wedding reception!"

"Yeah, tell that to the rest of Hollywood Arts," said Andre.

"Gah!" Jade lashed out. "You know what? Yes, yes we were talking about that." Beck stared at her with confusion; he didn't know where she was going with this.

"What are you doing?" he murmured, but she just put her hand on his shoulders and ignored him.

Jade proceeded to stand up on the table and cupped her hands over her mouth, shouting loud enough that the whole courtyard could hear, "Yes. You were all right. Beck and I were planning on having hot, rough, kinky, passionate sex! Not in just one place, but everysingle location possible - the library, the movie theater, the phone booth, Nozu's bathroom, and the graveyard," she finished and calmly sat back down.

She then smiled sadistically at her friends. "Everyone satisfied?"

"At least people have stopped talking about the video," Jade muttered, eyeing passerby students as she stood waiting next to Beck, who was bent over his locker.

"Yeah, your announcement really shut them up," he said back, barely inaudible over all the surrounding hubbub. "Though the seniors look thoroughly pissed. That would've been gold for Robbie's t-slog."

Beck blinked and then stood up straight and exchanged looks with his girlfriend.

"It's catching on," he muttered.

A/N:

Fun Fact: mustache protectors and beard beanies do exist.

Review :)