Hello hello! Besides April being the craziest month for school stuff, this chapter just did not want to be written! However, inspiration finally struck and here you go!

If you enjoy it, please review. I LOVE hearing from you! Good stuff and stuff to improve upon:)

Chapter 17

A member from each contestant's family had been invited to attend the night's dinner and at precisely six o'clock that evening, Castiel walked downstairs to collect his second oldest brother. He had originally asked Michael to come but Michael was busy that evening and Lucifer had volunteered in his stead.

Castiel supposed that the idea of introducing the Winchesters to their relatives might be a cause for anxiety among some contestants, but Dean had already met Gabriel. The worst was over. Probably. One could hope at any rate.

Expecting some sort of receiving line as the guests arrived, Castiel was surprised to walk into…well, a mess. People were everywhere and the buzz of a dozen different conversations echoed across the arched ceilings. Thus, it took him a moment to discern that the cries and shouts he was hearing were not actually the happy reunions of people greeting their loved ones.

Instead, there seemed to be an air of general confusion and Castiel caught snippets of strained exchanges as he worked his way through the crowd.

"Mom was supposed to come to this—what the hell are you doing here?"

"No, you're not forgiven! Have you forgotten what you did during dinner last Christmas?"

"Uncle Uriel, no one thinks being a racist is funny anymore. You can't go around calling people 'mud monkeys'."

It was very strange, Castiel thought as he scanned the crowd for his own guest. He passed a man with bizarre yellow contacts and another whose breath smelled strongly of whiskey. Only Sarah looked mildly pleased to see a woman who, from the matching wavy hair, must have been her sister.

However, before he could come to any sort of conclusion, a hand grabbed his elbow and spun him around. Gabriel's face swam into focus.

"Present!" he said cheerily.

"What?"

"You need a family member for this, right? Present and accounted for!" He gestured to himself with flair.

"Oh hell no." The obscenity escaped Castiel before he could restrain himself.

Gabriel looked at him pointedly. "Cassie, are you ashamed of me?"

"Am I allowed to be honest about that?"

Gabriel crossed his arms and pouted. "I didn't get an invitation," he said sulkily.

"That would be because you weren't invited. I'm actually trying to make a good impression." Castiel scanned the crowd once again for a sign of Lucifer.

"It's a shame Lucy couldn't make it tonight then," Gabriel sang in that special voice he saved for when he knew something Castiel didn't. He pulled a letter from an inner pocket and Castiel saw his own scrawl etched across the address label.

Gabriel passed the un-mailed invitation back to his brother, his smile stretching wide. "Guess someone forgot to mail this. Now you'll have to invite me!"

Castiel proceeded to act entirely unconcerned. "Good thing I called last week to invite Lucifer myself then. You know, just in case."

The corners of Gabriel's mouth turned down in a frown. "I can't decide, brother dear, whether I'm proud you finally pulled one over on me or whether I'm just really really annoyed."

"Well, I'll leave you to your thoughts then—" The more he tried to extract himself though, the harder Gabriel clung to his arm.

"Now just a sec. Answer one thing for me," Gabriel said, ignoring Castiel's subsequent groan. "If Lucy wasn't coming, would I be next in line? You know, heir to the dinner party invite or whatever?"

"There's still Zachariah."

"Cas!" He stomped his foot in indignation. "Exactly how far down the list of acceptable family members am I?"

Castiel snorted. "It's rather endearing that you think you're on the list. Mostly because I don't believe I have ever used the terms 'Gabriel' and 'not embarrassing' in the same sentence before."

"That was low, Cas. It's a good thing I'm willing to forgive you if you bring me to dinner."

At that, Castiel finally spotted Lucifer's red locks over the heads of the other guests. "Keeping dreaming, Gabriel," he said and walked over to greet his other brother.

"Not being invited hasn't stopped me before!" Gabriel yelled to his back. Even though Castiel knew it would probably backfire on him spectacularly, he chose to ignore Gabriel.

It was good to see Lucifer, Castiel decided. The man had come dressed in all black, even sporting a silk black tie. It had been a long time since the family had been together.

The great thing about hanging out with Luc was the silence. Lucifer didn't try to chat his ear off or offer pointless advice or talk him into participating on stupid dating shows.

"Where's our favorite brother anyway?" Lucifer asked, like he had read Castiel's mind as they filed into the ballroom. A long mahogany table stretched across the expanse and delicate white china was placed in front of each seat.

"I'd rather not know where he is. I'd prefer to pretend that he's off participating in legal, healthy pastimes instead of calculating how to crash our dinner party."

"Sounds amusing. The party crashing, not the healthy pastimes I mean," Lucifer said thoughtfully with a slight glint in his eye.

Castiel was suddenly reminded again of why he was completely okay with only seeing his brothers at the holidays. Whereas Gabriel's mischievous streak ran flashy and obvious, Lucifer's was a slow and steady undercurrent that always took one by surprise.

They sat down and Castiel was shocked to find that they were sitting at the same end of the table as the Winchesters. He had almost expected John Winchester to seat him in another room entirely. In fact, noticing Castiel's close proximity with a scowl, John looked like he was contemplating that very thing.

Deprived of their normal flannel shirts, both Dean and Sam looked uncomfortable. Sam picked absently at his tie and Dean stared at his cuff links like they had personally offended him. As for Castiel however, he couldn't complain about the sight of Dean Winchester in a tux and bowtie. He subconsciously straightened his own loose tie as Lucifer watched him with something approaching amusement.

"You okay there, Cas?" he whispered. "You're looking a little flushed." Luc raised an eyebrow and glanced back toward Dean.

"Shut up Lucy."

"Don't call me that. It's already bad enough Gabe does it."

"Then shut up." They fell into an awkward silence as Lucifer tried unsuccessfully to suppress his grin. Castiel kept willing Dean to look up at him but, for all intents and purposes, the man was absorbed in his chaffing links.

A single empty spot remained at the table; Bela Talbot had yet to arrive. However, before Castiel could more than guess her whereabouts, the mystery was solved when the door at the far end of the room creaked open. Castiel felt his mouth drop.

Bela walked into the room decked out in full military camouflage. Sure, she had done her hair in a fancy up-do, but everything else was one hundred percent straight-out-of-boot-camp gear, right down to the tan colored combat boots. All she needed was a rifle slung across her back and some sort of tacky "I frickin' love the second amendment" shoulder patch.

Castiel bit down on his lip to keep from laughing and he suspected several other people were guilty of doing the same. Both Sam and Sarah had turned beet red and Sarah clutched at her sides like she might burst into hysterics if she didn't physically contain it. John Winchester appeared to be strangling his silverware.

Bela, oblivious to the stifled hysteria, attempted to flash Dean her best seductive smile as she strolled to her seat. Unfortunately, she hadn't counted on the fact that she would be competing with a pair of too-tight cuff links for Dean's attention. The cuff links won.

Lucifer nudged Castiel in the side. "Do you feel overdressed? I feel overdressed." Castiel brought up his napkin to hide his grin. He had no idea what was going on, but if he hadn't believed in miracles before, he did now. Someone up there had a sense of justice at any rate.

It was Sam who broke the strained silence. He slung an arm around Dean, who looked up, startled. "So, Bela, didja kill us anything good for dinner?"

Castiel figured the night could only improve after Bela attempted to throttle Sam across the dinner table.

John Winchester made a valiant effort to get the night back on track and clinked his wine glass. "To family and new friends," he toasted and took a rather large gulp.

A fleet of waiters produced the first course and the Winchesters were subsequently introduced to the weirdest batch of people Castiel had ever met, his own family included.

For starters, the guests didn't look like people you would present to a prospective husband. Ruby's guest had a wild grey beard, wore an oversized coat and appeared to be pocketing the dinner rolls.

John Winchester seemed just as puzzled by the guest selection. "So, let me get this straight, Azazel," he said to sallow man with yellow irises, "you're Lilith's second cousin twice removed? Do those even exist?"

Not waiting for an answer, he twisted around. "And you are," John pointed to a balding man who was in the middle of calling his neighbor a mud-monkey, "Anna's step-uncle? You're sure I got that right?" he said, like he hoped someone would stand up and yell, "just kidding!"

The contestants replied in a flustered sort of way that somehow the invitations must have gotten confused. John ran his fingers through his hair and drained half his wine glass.

Dean had finally abandoned his attempt at being comfortable in a suit though and perked up. He nudged his father. "Dad, Castiel brought one of his brothers. His brother," he repeated with a special emphasis on the very normal term.

Castiel felt a surge of hope flare within him. Here was his chance to at least win a little of John's approval. He chanced a conspiratorial look at Dean while John turned resolutely towards Lucifer.

"His brother, really? As in an actual related brother who's not a crazy talk show host?"

"Hey, we can't all be daytime television personalities. Some of us have got to live in the real world," Lucifer said with a grin and held out his hand.

John gifted Luc his first sincere smile of the evening. "Right you are. What did you say your name was again?"

"Lucifer."

"Very funny. I appreciate a man with a sense of humor."

"No, that's actually my name," Lucifer said nonchalantly. "Michael, Zachariah, Gabriel, Castiel and I'm Lucifer."

There was a long pause. "So you're telling me you're named after the devil?" John deadpanned.

"Well, I wouldn't swear to it on a Bible or anything…" Lucifer said and cracked a wicked grin like he had been waiting all evening for just the right moment to tell everyone he was the devil's namesake. Castiel kicked him under the table.

John looked lost for words and glared at Dean instead. Dean shrugged and Lucifer's smile widened. So much for Castiel being any sort of normal. He kicked Lucifer again for good measure.

John immediately returned to pretending they didn't exist, but Dean offered a hand to Luc. "I feel like I should thank you, man. Meeting Castiel's family is like the best entertainment ever. Every time I meet one of you all is like Christmas freaking morning."

Castiel frowned at him. "You must not have received very good Christmas presents as a child, Dean."

"Or I'm just that awesome," Lucifer supplied unhelpfully. "I like you," he said to Dean. "You're good for Castiel."

Dean blushed and glanced toward his father, who was still engrossed in another bizarre introduction.

"Yeah, well, visa versa. He's good for me too," he said lowly and looked up through his eyelashes at Castiel.

Suddenly the room felt very hot and Castiel was worried that he would simply disregard what Dean's father thought and sweep the man into a kiss right there at the table. He cleared his throat instead and blurted, "So how was your day, Dean?"

Dean chuckled like he knew what Castiel was doing but played along. "It was fine," he started, but suddenly his expression darkened. "No, scratch that. Did you know I've been slapped by three different women today?"

Lucifer whistled. "If only I was that lucky," he said suggestively and Castiel tried not to remember the brief scenes he'd accidentally witnessed of his brother's kinky love life. Seriously, what was wrong with his family?

"Yeah, well, not that I haven't deserved the occasional slap, but Lilith screamed at me for a good fifteen minutes something about standing her up and Anna and Ruby did the same."

Castiel recalled his time with Gabriel. "I actually witnessed Ruby waiting outside the pool house earlier this afternoon. Are you sure you didn't forget?"

"No!" Dean exclaimed. "That's the crazy thing. I know for a fact there wasn't anything scheduled for today. Double-checked it. I spent the day thrashing Sam at Mario Kart. And, well, getting slapped," he added and rubbed his cheek at the memory.

Lucifer looked thoughtful. "Huh. That kind of sounds like something Gabriel—"

Would think was funny, Castiel finished silently with a sinking feeling and wondered again who Gabriel had been texting. He should have insisted on seeing the phone.

Lucifer, realizing what he was about to say, stopped himself. His brothers might be obnoxious in many ways, but they weren't snitches. "I mean, perhaps someone changed the schedule without you knowing?"

"Doubtful," Dean replied, still rubbing his cheek.

Castiel cringed inwardly. He had to tell Dean. The mixed-up guest list, Bela's outfit and Dean's slap-fest were just too big of a coincidence.

He leaned forward. "Dean, I think I might have an explan—" But the ballroom doors flew open before he could finish.

"Speak of the devil…" Lucifer said with no small amount of irony. Gabriel strolled in, dressed in a chef's costume, carrying the dessert.

"And now the real party begins!" Gabriel cried and raised what looked to be a platter of cherries jubilee over his head.

"You're not the party," Castiel, Dean and Lucifer shot back automatically. It was getting to be a thing.

"Isn't the chef supposed to do that?" John asked with suspicion as Gabriel whipped out a set of matches to light the dessert.

"I am a chef. I have a hat." It was true; while it was definitely stolen, Gabriel did indeed sport a chef's toque.

Gabriel threw the matches aside however. "I find that ordinary means of starting a fire are rather boring, don't you?"

Most of the guests stared back in bewilderment. Castiel noticed however that Sam was making a cut-it-out gesture underneath the table.

Gabriel noticed Sam but it didn't deter him in the slightest. "Flame on!" he yelled and sparks shot from his fingertips.

While some of the guests oohed and aahed, Castiel and Lucifer scanned the room for a fire extinguisher. After growing up with Gabriel, Castiel sort of prided himself on his ability to locate the nearest one in mere seconds.

Dean leaned over to whisper, "Does he know what he's doing?"

"Not unless he taught himself magic in the last twenty-four hours," Castiel replied tersely. Dean started yanking at his cuff links again. Castiel figured he didn't want to die in them.

"And now for the big shebang! Are you ready for this?" He moved the platter directly in front of John.

"What are you—" John started to say but a loud whooshing noise erupted from Gabriel's sleeves and four-foot flames shot out toward the dessert. Guests screamed and toppled off of their chairs and Castiel bolted toward the fire extinguisher.

In one way, Gabriel's magic trick was a success; the cherries jubilee was on fire. Unfortunately, so was John Winchester.

Castiel yanked the pin from the fire extinguisher and soon John was also covered in flame retardant foam. The good news was that he wasn't on fire anymore.

No dared to speak as John wiped the white cream from his face. His eyes darted between all three Novaks, like he couldn't decide which one he would like to kill first. He'd probably give Bela that gun for her costume and let her loose with them, Castiel decided.

To everyone's surprise however, Anna threw down her napkin and announced she was quitting. "Being with Dean is not worth…this." She gestured toward where Castiel stood guiltily as the fire extinguisher leaked the last of its spray and where Gabriel was checking his coat sleeves like he couldn't understand what had gone wrong.

"I choose to live," she said and stormed out of the room, hauling her step-uncle with her. Lilith flipped Dean off and followed her out.

The silence after that might have stretched indefinitely if Dean hadn't burst out laughing and wiped a trail of foam from one of his father's singed eyebrows. "Well, now you have to like Castiel, Dad. He just saved your life."

Team Free Dean had an emergency meeting in the wine cellar later that night.

"Would you prefer hanging or suffocation?" Sam asked Gabriel coolly. Gabriel had been placed on a chair of shame in the middle of the room.

"Are you kidding? That was awesome. If I had a second go at it I'm sure I could—Look, you told me to be myself! I'm magical! Named after an archangel, remember?"

Both Sam and Sarah were not amused. "Gabe," Sarah said, "we rigged all that stuff so that Cas would look like Dean's best option compared to everyone else! Do you know how hard it was to get that camo gear on short notice?"

"Not to mention the effort I had to put into tracking down each contestant's most embarrassing family member?" Sam added.

"But I created all the fake-dates!" Gabriel reminded them.

"And then you ruined it by setting my dad on fire," Sam retorted.

"It's true that was an unintended side effect…"

Sarah placed a hand on Sam's shoulder to keep him from punching Gabriel. At that, Gabriel at least had the decency to start looking remorseful.

"I'm sorry, Sam. You can revoke my BFF status if you want. It's only fair," he hung his head and Sam was reminded strongly of a guilty puppy.

"No, uhh, I'm not gonna do that," he sighed after a moment, "but you can't set people on fire, okay? Could you just try to follow my lead?"

Gabriel nodded his assent, still downcast. Sam rolled his eyes and wondered why he was the one feeling guilty. He placed a hand on Gabriel's shoulder and the sandy haired man looked up hopefully.

"Still besties?"

"Don't use that term ever again, but yeah, you've kinda grown on me."

Sarah sighed. "Well, even if tonight wasn't perfect, wasn't it sort of a victory anyway? They can't even have the scheduled elimination because Anna and Lilith quit and, in case you forgot, that was kind of the goal in the first place."

"So…that means?" Sam tried to put it together.

"It means that while Cas's family still looks batshit crazy…so does everyone else's. I think we can safely call tonight a tie."

All three members nodded their agreement.

Gabriel clapped. "So does that mean Cas made it to the final four? You, Bela, him and Ruby?" he asked.

"I guess, but I don't think you should really count me." Sarah slid her hand into Sam's.

"Gotcha—but listen, that means were headed to the beach right? Because I happened to own a speedo…"

Sarah offered him a celebratory high-five.