Title: 100 Steps To Somewhere
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts
Claim: Cloud/Riku
Theme: 062. Rules
Word Count: 8,199
Rating: M
Summary: Despite himself, Cloud's tired of giving up. Leon has a few rules for Zack. Zack is more trouble than he's worth. What does this all have to do with Riku, again?
Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts and the characters contained within (and, you know, all this Final Fantasy stuff I've been using, too) is property of Square Enix, Disney, and probably a bunch of other obscenely wealthy folk/corporations. As such, I am making no profit off this story. It is simply a product of an overactive imagination and a healthy dose of fangirl delusion.
Step Sixty-Two: Resolution
Cloud woke up before the sun rose to a slight throbbing in his left thigh and a slender, calloused, long-fingered hand draped across his face. He groaned, shoved the hand away, and turned his face to the side. Next to him, Leon muttered something, readjusted his position, and his arm swung out, clubbing Cloud in the cheek. He winced and brought his fingers to tenderly trace his bruised cheekbone. A glare shot from his eyes to Leon's figure buried underneath the blankets and silhouetted against the dim light of the night sky that gently billowed through the open window. Cloud snatched Leon's wrist from where it landed on his shoulder and threw it back toward the other man's body.
"Keep your fucking hands to yourself, Leonheart," Cloud mumbled.
He turned on his side and shivered a little, realizing that sometime during the course of sleep, Leon had stolen all of the blankets. He rolled back over and groped blindly through the dark for the material, and when he found it, tugged and grunted. It was securely trapped between Leon's hip and the mattress. Cloud tugged harder, but Leon apparently wasn't having any of this. His hand shot out again, awkwardly aimed toward the offending pull that threatened to tear apart the cocoon sleep wrapped him in. The blow landed on Cloud's jaw.
"Motherfucker!"
Cloud sat up, groaning. He opened his mouth as far as he could and rotated his jaw a few times. His fingers gingerly brushed the spot where Leon's fist had landed. Across the room Zack half-sat up in his bed.
"What the hell's going on?" said Zack.
"Leon's abusing me in his sleep."
"Oh."
Zack snickered for a few second and slumped back against his pillow. A light snore sounded. Cloud rolled his eyes. He returned his attention to Leon, still wrapped happily in the blankets Cloud desperately wanted to stave off the goose bumps that prickled on his exposed skin. He shivered again and frowned. If he could just get Leon to roll this way a little . . .
Cloud got up and rounded the bed. He peered down at Leon's lax, sleeping face, partially amazed that Leon could ever look so peaceful. At least one of them could be in happy dreamland right now. Cloud sighed. Zack was going to die for forcing Leon into his bed. He reached out one hand and gave Leon a hesitant poke in the arm. When Leon did not retaliate, Cloud gave him a slightly rough shove. Leon muttered something unintelligible and rolled over, wrapping the blanket tighter around his body.
By this time, a faint, orange light started to shine through the window and the softly billowing curtains. Cloud turned his head toward the source and grumbled at the sun. Tifa would be awake soon, after Tifa would be the kids, and then maybe Zack. Leon had a tendency to wake early in the morning, but this was probably the first time he slept since the long trip on the Gummi to Gaea from Hollow Bastion. At any rate, he didn't seem interested in waking any time soon. Cloud slept until noon if he could get away with it, which meant he should still have six or so hours of blissfully uninterrupted sleep. Leon, however, had apparently found new and fun ways to deprive Cloud of this unconscious state. He hoped this did not continue when he finally returned home.
Cloud yawned. This was getting ridiculous. He was tired, cold, and cranky. There was a part of him that ordinarily would have just shut the window and hoped for the best, but all those years with Zack dead did not erase the memories. They dated for years. Cloud knew better than to close a window around Zack. Unless it was snowing or raining in on something important Zack would be up within five minutes complaining of poor air circulation, the room feeling stuffy, and that he couldn't breathe right. The window would be open again in less than six minutes. Six minutes did not equate to six hours of uninterrupted rest.
Cloud huffed. He loved Leon, but he didn't love him enough to lose sleep. He also didn't love him enough to climb into Zack's bed, because while Riku would never have to know Cloud would, and Zack would, and that was just way too weird. Cloud nodded a little to affirm that this was the right choice. He worked out the folds and twists of the material until he found the blanket's edge. Working his way up, he fisted it by Leon's hip in one hand. In the other, he gripped Leon's shoulder, and hoping that he wouldn't end up with a black eye, rolled Leon over once.
That wasn't so bad. Leon didn't attack at least. Cloud took another breath. One more roll ought to do it. He released the previous grip on the blanket and moved it up close to Leon's hip again. Cloud gripped him by the shoulder, gave him a gentle shove, and rolled him over. Right off the bed. Taking most of the blankets with him.
The resulting crash was followed by Zack shooting up, looking wildly around the room, and snatching the Buster Sword as he mumbled something about Sephiroth. Leon snarled, shooting off the most profane of curse words in half-sentences that didn't make sense. Tifa appeared in the doorway, panic-stricken. She took one look at Leon tangled on the floor, Zack waving around his sword, and Cloud's guilty, wide-eyed expression as he fisted one pitiful sheet.
"I don't even want to know," she said, and then she was gone again.
"What the fuck?!" said Leon. It was the first truly coherent thing he'd said. Cloud roughly shoved the sheet he was holding away.
Zack sighed. He dropped the Buster Sword to the floor and fell back on the bed, deeply exhaling.
"So thought I was back there in Nibelheim for a second," said Zack.
Across the bed, Cloud saw Leon struggle to his feet, trying to shake the blanket off, but it was twisted around his ankle. He stumbled several times, still cursing, before falling back on the bed. He grabbed the blanket, ripped it off, and threw it across the room. His hand moved to rub his head.
"What the fuck just happened?" said Leon.
Cloud bit his lip.
"You rolled off the bed."
Leon looked up and blinked a few times as if he was not seeing quite right yet. His head swiveled round, gaze landing on Cloud. He squinted.
"What time is it?"
Cloud shrugged.
"Don't know. Sun's just coming up."
"What the hell are you doing up already?"
"What?" said Zack. "Spiky still not managing to crawl out of bed until half the day's already gone?"
"What? He was always like that?" said Leon.
Leon and Zack both spoke in heavy, sleep-induced slurs.
"Yeah. Just give him a kick, call 'im grunt, and tell him he's late and that Sephiroth's looking for him. Always worked in SOLDIER."
"Sephiroth scared the crap out of me, okay?" said Cloud. "For good reason. He proved my fears right."
"That doesn't answer my question," said Leon.
"Oh," said Cloud. "You woke me. When you fell off the bed."
Leon tried to raise an eyebrow. Considering his facial muscles weren't cooperating with him just yet, both eyebrows went up instead. His eyes were still squinted and half-shut.
"Really? I was under the impression you could sleep through anything."
"Usually, just . . . restless night."
"Must've been," said Zack. "I could've sworn you went to sleep on opposite sides."
Zack's eyes were shut as he said this and he rubbed at his forehead. Cloud frowned. He was far too alert, noticing details like that when he could hardly keep his eyes open.
"Yeah," said Leon. "Me too. What the fuck . . . I've never rolled off the bed before."
"Except when you were a kid," said Zack. "Do you remember that time I had to clean up your knee after you rolled off the top bunk?"
"What?"
"It was the first night you got moved up in the same room with me and Spiky, and you weren't used to sleeping on bunk beds. You rolled off and scraped your knee all up. You were all crying and bleeding. I think you were seven."
"How can you think this clearly at this time of morning?" said Cloud.
"Not everyone sleeps until noon, Cloud," said Leon.
"You tell 'im, Squally."
"Don't call me Squally."
"You both can barely keep your eyes open!" said Cloud.
"Well I did wake up rather abruptly," said Leon. "It came as a bit of a shock."
"And I'm just trying to calm down," said Zack. "Man, my heart is going."
"I just can't believe I fell off the bed."
"It was an accident, okay?" said Cloud. "I didn't mean to. You just kind of . . . fell."
"What do you mean it was an accident?"
"I was trying to get the blanket, and . . . I was cold! And you were hogging all the blankets! And beating me up when I tried to get them back! I didn't mean to . . ."
"You pushed me?"
Zack snorted.
"I just . . . it was an accident, okay?"
"I just love us, don't you?" said Zack. "We just love each other so much. We have these great little morning wake-up calls. You guys are the best. I want you to know that. Other people should be jealous to have the loving friendship we all do."
"I can't believe you pushed me!" said Leon.
"I didn't mean to!"
"And we're all so considerate of each other."
"What the hell are you going on about?" said Cloud.
"Yeah," said Leon. "Shut the fuck up, Fair."
"Calm yourself, Squally. I was just expressing my adoration for how well we treat each other. It's almost like we care."
"Don't call me Squally!"
"But you look so cute all pissed off like that, Squally."
Zack cracked an eye open and rolled it around until it landed on Leon. He grinned.
"How did you put up with him?" said Leon.
"Oh, Spiky's not so bad once you get him liquored up and into bed. He must really like you, though, Squally. He never pushed me out."
"Cloud's not exactly the person I meant," said Leon.
"It was an accident!" said Cloud.
"Let's not have a repeat performance of that, okay?"
"I didn't mean to! You were beating me!"
"I told you I like my personal space."
"I didn't know your personal space meant an entire full-sized bed."
"Now you do. Should've let me sleep on the floor."
"He did try to rectify that," said Zack. "You ended up there, anyway."
"I wasn't the one who forced you off the floor," said Cloud. "That was all Zack."
"As much as I adore these little chats wherein we all point fingers and call each other names, I gotta piss," said Zack. "Then I'm going to stuff my face. Meet you downstairs."
"Thanks for the newsflash," said Cloud.
"No problem. Watch Squally while I'm gone. Don't make him cry."
Leon kicked Zack in the ass on his way out.
-----0-----
Tifa really didn't want to know what had happened upstairs, not even when Zack tried to explain. Vincent arrived sometime before noon, gave Tifa a short kiss, and went straight to bed, only acknowledging the two new presences in the bar with a short nod to both Cloud and Leon. Reno called three times, all of which Cloud ignored. After lunch, Tifa forced Zack, Leon, and Cloud outside to play with Marlene and Denzel.
"She's been bugging me about when you'd get the time," said Tifa, her gaze directed pointedly at Cloud. "If you aren't going to call Reno yet, I'd say you have the time."
It was fun, though. Cloud at least had a great time watching Marlene beg Leon for piggyback rides. He had an especially fun time when Marlene caught on to Zack's little joke and decided she thought Squally was a cute nickname for Leon, too. The best part of it was that Leon was such a softie when it came to small children that he couldn't even argue with her. It didn't stop him arguing with Zack.
Denzel didn't do a whole lot of playing. He mostly sat by Cloud and occasionally touched his fingertips to his forehead, wincing. They watched together as Zack, Leon, and Marlene raced around an obstacle course Zack dreamed up, and Cloud put an arm around Denzel, pulling him close to his side. He smoothed his hand over the boy's hair. They said nothing.
Tifa sent Denzel up to bed after dinner, citing that he needed rest. Marlene followed.
"She's been keeping a close eye on him," said Tifa. "Won't let him out of her sight for long."
"He's a really sick little boy, isn't he?" said Leon.
"It's only going to get worse," said Zack. "The stigma gets pretty ugly."
Tifa nodded a little. She started to collect the dishes around the table. Cloud jumped up to join her.
"Let me help you out with that," said Cloud.
"Since when did you take an interest in cleaning up after yourself?" said Leon.
"Since we infringed on her place, ate her food, and made her worry."
"That's almost kind of you," said Tifa.
"You made her worry," said Leon. "She doesn't even want me here."
"That's not true; I was surprised."
Tifa batted Leon lightly over the head and carried the dishes into the back for washing. Cloud grinned at her and reached across the table for one of the serving dishes. Zack lightly grabbed his left arm and turned it over.
"What the hell happened to you?"
Cloud looked down. On his forearm was a large but faint bruise. Cloud shook his head.
"Don't know. Probably playing with the kids."
"Does it hurt?"
"Obviously not since I didn't notice it."
"What about what I press on it?"
Zack gently pushed on the discolored area. Cloud shook his head again.
"It's a little tender, but it doesn't hurt. Why?"
"Just curious. What about when I do this?"
Zack took the skin between his index finger and thumb and pinched the bruised area. Cloud winced and jerked his arm away, almost dropping the plates balanced in his other hand. He pulled his left arm into his body and scowled.
"What the hell did you do that for?"
"Did it hurt?"
"Yes!"
"Oh. Okay. What do you think, Squally?"
Zack proceeded to pinch Leon. Leon smacked him over the head.
"Keep your fucking hands off me, Fair."
"Did it hurt?"
"Go fuck yourself."
"I didn't pinch that hard."
This time Zack actually did it to himself. He yelped.
"Shit," he said, laughing. "That does hurt."
"You're such a freak," said Leon.
"What's going on in here?" said Tifa as she walked back into the room and grabbed the serving dish Cloud had been reaching for.
"Zack's abusing us," said Cloud.
"And himself," said Leon.
"Tifa, can I pinch you?" said Zack.
"If you want me to drop this on your head," said Tifa. She waved the heavy, porcelain dish at him. Zack nodded.
"Okay. Just thought I'd ask."
-----0-----
The day ended like the first except this time Cloud offered to sleep on the floor and Zack made no attempts to stop him. He did, however, make off-hand comments about Leon being so miserable because he hadn't gotten laid in ages, and that probably had to do with his required personal space in bed. Zack made an effort to throw the name Squally in at least every other sentence. By the end of the night, Cloud thought Zack just might wake to the Gunblade's wrath.
The following day was spent helping Tifa around the bar with much-needed housekeeping that she hadn't had the time to attend to since Denzel came down with the stigma. Marlene hung around Denzel's bed most of the day, but was persuaded out of the room when Denzel felt well enough to visit with Leon, Zack, and Cloud again. It was almost adorable the way Denzel leaned his head against Leon's shoulder, and Leon only smiled down at him giving gentle, reassuring hugs and soft pats on the back.
While Denzel had taken to Leon back in Hollow Bastion and continued to seek comfort from him in this sorry state, Marlene had developed a strong liking for Zack. She beamed at him, giggles growing out of control, and Tifa made sweet jokes about her little crush. Cloud swore he overheard Marlene telling Zack at one point that she wanted to marry him someday.
Cloud stood by Tifa for some time, watching the exchanges that occurred between Marlene and Zack. A gentle, reluctant smile tugged at his lips no matter how much Cloud tried to fight it. The pressure eased in his chest. Zack really was a great guy. He didn't deserve what had happened to him—not to die, and not to come back from the dead to such a twisted romantic entanglement. There was a time when Cloud swore to Zack that if they lost each other, he would never be able to move on. He swore he'd be lost forever and Zack had told him that was self-abusive to close off a heart like that. He said they were in a war and that there was a real possibility of death. He made Cloud promise that if he died, Cloud would move on and find love again. Cloud had promised then, but he never expected it to happen.
It actually hurt back then to think that Zack wanted him to move on if he died. It hurt to think that if he died, Zack might move on and fall in love with someone else. He told Zack what he wanted to hear, but when Zack did go Cloud spent years telling himself that if he had just been stronger maybe he could have saved him. If he hadn't fallen to the darkness then there would have never been a reason to hold them in Shinra mansion, experimenting with the darkness, injecting whatever they retrieved from Cloud's heart into Sephiroth. He would have never gotten Mako poisoning. He was absolutely no help to Zack that night outside of Midgar when the SOLDIER sniper shot him down. Cloud blocked it from his memory, couldn't even recall Zack's existence for ages, and when he did and realized what had happened . . .
It was the absolute worst pain of his life up until that point. It was bigger than Sephiroth, bigger than his home world's destruction, bigger than the Heartless. Cloud had cried for days, unwilling to go anywhere or do anything until he properly repented. He visited the spot where Zack fell. Kept the Buster sword close to his side and offered silent prayers to Zack, begging to keep him safe as he directed his eyes toward the Lifestream. He went after Sephiroth with a new vengeance, but no matter what he did, the darkness festered inside of him. He couldn't find the light. Nothing in his world would ever be right again.
The memories were still there like a hazy, long-forgotten dream. It was so long ago that he and Zack were still together it almost felt as if it weren't real—as if it were from another life that Cloud couldn't believe he had led. He was a different person then. Zack made comments that Cloud hadn't changed, but Cloud had to disagree with him. When Zack died was when this self-abuse started. He'd always been insecure, but he had never felt like a true failure until that day he realized Zack was gone. He didn't try to push people away for their own safety until then. He had smiled a lot. He and Zack rolled off smart-ass banter without really thinking about it. Sephiroth had seemed cool then, and someone to be emulated. Cloud looked for examples in people more powerful, more personable, and stronger than he.
After Zack was gone, Cloud stopped smiling. He stopped laughing. He looked no where for examples because everywhere he searched seemed empty. Tifa and Yuffie dragged him back to Traverse Town and dropped him there. Cid and Vincent said it was for the best, because Cloud couldn't spend the rest of his life wasting away over his dead lover. Even that couldn't alter his line of thinking. Aerith's offered words of comfort were too painful. Seeing Leon again with a new name and looking so much older than the little boy left behind in Hollow Bastion only reminded him of how much time had gone by. He couldn't stop the rush of thoughts that tormented him and further soiled his heart. Cloud left almost as soon as he arrived, still in search of Sephiroth, still in search of something to fill the void.
As he looked back on it, Cloud realized he had almost been a machine. He slept when he needed to. He ate when he needed to. He listened to what his friends had to say, but he pulled away and refused to let anyone get close. Aerith got in the most because she never pushed too hard except when Cloud wanted to hear it, but even that wasn't close to what he had before. He ruthlessly sought out Sephiroth, the only person to still spark emotion in him when he closed himself off to the unbearable pain.
Sephiroth's continued existence was a reason to keep going back then. Was Sephiroth still alive, still going because Cloud had never wanted to find his light? Had he come to depend upon Sephiroth and the darkness for motivation to keep living? Without them, he was sure to have just given up on life, but there was a part of the back of his closed-off heart that knew Zack would be disappointed if he gave up with things the way they were so Cloud kept going. It was in this realization that Cloud wondered if that was why he could never find his light. Perhaps he had never really wanted to.
Until Riku, that was. Until he signed a contract with Hades, went home to Hollow Bastion to meet with Hades' superior, and saw the silver-haired boy with his unyielding, pained eyes that looked just as lost as he was. Cloud had thought he was bothered by Riku's age and that he shouldn't be caught up with Heartless so young, but Cloud was fourteen when he joined SOLDIER. It wasn't Riku's age, really. It was his eyes and that shared pain that so clearly reflected in them. It was his eyes that brought Cloud back to him for a second meeting. It was Riku's confusion and pain that kept Cloud going. Eventually it was Riku who lit emotion in him again, and Riku who on that first day they met sparked the first real smile in ages, offered only because Cloud knew back then it was all he had to give.
Over time Cloud found himself caring again. He found hope, he found light, and it was Riku's struggle with darkness that became the main motivation. It was their similarities that drew them together, and their differences that forced Cloud to move. He found himself laughing, smiling, making jokes again. He established a new kinship with Leon. Cloud sought Aerith out. Zack became a little less painful every day he spent with Riku as their bond grew to something bigger than Zack had ever been. He had known Zack his whole life, and their love grew from an innocent place, but the darkness still crept in. When Riku came along, even the darkness couldn't touch him as it once had.
More than anything right now as Cloud watched Zack laugh and twirl Marlene around the empty tables in the bar he wanted to talk to Riku. He wanted to see his eyes again, hear his voice, but it was impossible. Riku was Ansem now. He had failed again, only this time . . . Cloud had changed. He had made an effort to keep things going.
Cloud bowed his head for a moment and closed his eyes. Things couldn't keep going on this way.
He would give it a few days to collect his thoughts. He could call Reno, get things straightened out, and once things felt a little less awkward with Zack, Cloud would tell him everything. He wasn't going to lose Riku over the Ansem appearance even if it had to be that way his entire life. This was Riku inside no matter how he looked on the outside. It was still his Riku, and nothing was going to take him away, too. He murmured this silent promise to himself under his breath as he felt a strong sense of conviction stir in his chest.
He had never thought he'd get over Zack. He was happy Zack was back, but it only made it more final that this chapter of his life needed to close. That pain had been so encompassing, but he would not endure it again. Only one good thing had come of it. It led to Riku. Without Riku, Cloud was sure he would die.
"They're cute, aren't they?" said Tifa, pointing to Zack and Marlene.
Cloud blinked and looked up. He grinned.
"Sure are."
"I think that spot is clean enough now."
Cloud looked down to where he'd been wiping the same spot on the counter over and over through his reverie. He grinned.
"You sure? I think a few more swipes ought to really do it."
Tifa grinned and gave a playful shove.
"So what did you find so interesting over there?" Tifa winked at him. "He's great, isn't he?"
"Who? Zack?"
"Yes, Zack."
Cloud nodded.
"Yeah, he is."
"I'm really happy he's back. I really missed him. You did too, didn't you?"
"Of course I did. Zack was everything to me. Losing him was the hardest thing I ever had to do."
"I know. He really missed you, too, you know?"
"I know."
"So . . .? Is there anything going on I should know about?"
"No."
"No?"
"No. I loved him. I still love him in a way—he was my first love, but . . ."
"But . . .? What else is there to it? You said it yourself. Zack was everything to you. I've never seen someone as heartbroken as you were when he died. Now he's back, and that just doesn't happen. It's like fate."
Cloud shook his head.
"I'm happy Zack's back. I really missed him with my whole heart, but now . . ."
"Please don't tell me Riku."
Cloud put the cloth down. He shrugged and met her eyes, offering a gentle smile.
"I love him more than I've ever loved another person. Ever. Zack is great, and I hope we can get back what we lost, but not in that relationship context. I want to be his friend. I want to marry Riku. Zack's amazing; it's just over."
Tifa sighed and crossed her arms over her chest. She looked back to Zack and Marlene.
"There's nothing I can say, is there?"
"Zack will get over it, too. If I did, he can."
"I guess you're right." Tifa sighed. She glanced at Cloud, dropped her head a little, and lightly touched Cloud's forearm. "I hope everything works out for you. It may not be what I want to happen, but I can see how much you love him. I don't want to see you hurt again."
Cloud nodded. He covered Tifa's hand with his own.
"Thank you." Cloud locked eyes with her. "I love you, Tifa."
Tifa raised her eyebrows and her lips slightly parted. She smiled.
"I love you, too."
-----0-----
It was the day following Cloud's almost silent vow to himself and Riku. He, Zack, and Leon had spent the entire duration of the morning lounging around the bedroom talking about absolutely nothing for hours. Leon filled Zack in on the workings of Hollow Bastion and the restoration and Zack offered up ideas as they both made jokes about Cloud's inability to help with anything. During one of these un-amusing one-liners, Cloud's phone rang, and he chucked it under the bed offering nothing but, "Reno," as an explanation.
"Are you ever going to call him?" said Zack.
"Since that's why you're here," said Leon. "Or at least his calls are the reason you're here."
"I don't want to deal with him yet," said Cloud. "I've still got a lot on my mind, and it's my experience that the more I have on my mind, the harder a time I have keeping Sephiroth dead. I don't want to run into this Kadaj guy and his little gang with my head messed up like it is right now."
"They'll just mess with your head, anyway," said Zack. "And call you brother."
"What are they, anyway?"
"I have no idea, but they look like Sephiroth punched out a couple of kids on his own."
"You mean like Riku?" said Leon, snorting.
"Riku does not look like Sephiroth," said Cloud.
"Yes, he does."
"Riku looks like Sephiroth?" said Zack. "Why did no one tell me this sooner? He's not involved with the Jenova project, is he?"
"No," said Cloud. "He's not, and he doesn't look like Sephiroth."
"He does," said Leon.
"Does he?" said Zack.
"Yeah."
Zack cracked up laughing.
"So what's up with that? Were you harboring a crush on Sephiroth that I didn't know about when we were dating? Is that what your obsession with being like Sephiroth really had to do with?"
"I did not have a crush on Sephiroth, and I was not obsessed with him, okay? I just looked up to him. He was my hero."
Leon sniggered.
"That never stops being funny. The irony . . ."
Zack laughed.
"I know! I remember Nibelheim and all, but Sephiroth was really cool before that. I still can't believe he's out there right now, running around and out of his freaking mind. I can't really believe he is still out of his mind over Jenova after all this time. It's gotta be that cells in the fetus thing, or me and Spiky would be nuts too. Some dad he had." Zack snorted. "Makes you thankful to be an orphan, doesn't it?"
"I'm not entirely convinced you two aren't crazy," said Leon.
Zack frowned.
"Come on, Squally, why you gotta be like that?"
"I'm going to take a shower," said Cloud. "Talk about Riku's resemblance to Sephiroth to your hearts' content."
"I told you he looks like him," said Leon.
"We will," said Zack.
Cloud shook his head and despite himself, laughed a little as he walked out of the room and down the hallway toward the bathroom. As his hand fell to the doorknob, Cloud groaned and turned back toward the room, remembering that he had not brought any clothing with him. This ordinarily wouldn't have been a problem as he never had qualms about walking around in only a towel with Leon, but Zack couldn't be trusted. Zack couldn't be trusted farther than Cloud could throw him.
He turned back, nearing the cracked bedroom door and paused as Zack's voice floated through the door.
"I don't get what the big deal is," said Zack. "I'm not going to do anything."
"I just want to make sure that things aren't going to turn to hell once I'm not here to mediate," said Leon. "I know it's easier on him to have me around as a buffer, but once I'm gone . . ."
"I get that he's got a boyfriend, okay?"
"I just want to make sure there are some ground rules. Things are going to get more awkward when it's just the two of you. Don't tell me you don't expect it to."
"I know it's going to, but I'm not going to do anything rash about it. I don't want to ruin anything for him. I love Cloud."
"That's what I'm worried about."
"I already told him that I'm not going to try and steal him back. I know it's not going to work so there's no point in trying."
"There's the problem right there. There's no point so why try isn't exactly the same as I want to move on because it's over."
"Well it's not like I want to get over him. I do want him. I want him back more than I can possibly explain. It's not even normal how I lost him. As far as I'm concerned, I shouldn't have even lost him in the first place. It's not over for me. It may be for him but I'm still in love with him."
"How am I supposed to be comfortable leaving you to each other knowing that?"
"You don't have to be comfortable leaving us to each other. If Cloud's as in love with this Riku kid as he says he is, then I don't have a chance. That fucking hurts, but it doesn't mean that you need to be around to make sure we're all right. Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate you here. I like seeing you again and it's great to have you around, but we'll be all right on our own. Don't stay just because you feel you need to make sure I don't intervene in this picture perfect romance."
Leon laughed.
"Cloud and Riku are no picture perfect romance, but they're . . . there's something really special about them. They really love each other. They're good for each other. They understand each other in a way I don't think anyone else ever could."
"You really have made yourself a part of their relationship, haven't you?"
"I . . . I don't know. Cloud just threw all of his conflictions about Riku on me right from the beginning, and I've been there ever since. If something goes wrong, I hear about it right away, and then when Riku lived with us, we . . . we got close. And then I heard about Cloud from him. He's really a great guy. If he hadn't stolen your boyfriend, you'd probably like him."
Cloud walked closer to the room and gently eased the crack in the door farther open, careful not to make a sound. He caught sight of Zack and Leon facing each other on the bed closest to the window—Zack's bed. Leon was smiling in a strange way, his face directed toward the ground. Zack raised his eyebrows.
"He's that great, huh?"
Leon's eyes darkened. His smile faded.
"Don't."
"Don't what?"
"Don't even suggest it."
Zack grinned.
"You like him. You like him so much you knew what I was thinking."
"No, I don't."
"Yes, you do. You like Riku. That's why you're so defensive. Cloud was right, wasn't he?"
"I don't like Riku. I mean, I do, but not like you're suggesting."
"No, really, this is perfect. You can steal Riku for yourself, and then I can take poor, brokenhearted Cloud for myself, and everyone wins."
"How, exactly, do Riku and Cloud win?"
Zack sniggered.
"I knew you liked him."
"Whatever . . . I don't . . . I don't know if I like him, okay? It's not exactly an unappealing idea, but it's not something that I can even realistically imagine either. Maybe if he weren't with Cloud, but I couldn't even consider it. At least not until everyone started saying I do . . ."
"Cloud constitutes as everyone?"
"Cloud, Aerith . . ."
"Aerith thinks you like him? You may as well be in love."
"Yuffie, Riku . . ."
"Riku!? Riku thinks you like him?"
"Not exactly, just . . . Never mind. Anyway, even if I did like him, I would never be as good for him as Cloud is. And if Cloud is as determined as he seems, then you can never be as good for him as Riku is. They belong together. I'm not going to mess that up. I'm not going to let you mess that up."
"You keep telling yourself that."
"It's true. If you saw them together, you'd get it, too."
"Or you've just given up on Riku and resigned yourself to this line of thinking."
"Or you should just give up on Cloud. He's not backing down, and no one will thank you for getting him riled up and confused."
"Don't worry, Squally. I'll take care of this Riku thing for you."
"That's not even funny, Zack."
Zack sighed.
"I'm kidding, okay? I already told you that I won't do anything. It's pointless. Cloud's a stubborn bastard. He's not giving up on him and I know that. I wish I could be like you and resigned to my misery."
"I'm not in misery. I don't even know if I like him or not. I know Riku and Cloud belong together, so I've never really even entertained the idea. I never could."
"You're a better man than I am."
"I've just seen them together. I didn't even meet Riku until long after Cloud was firmly settled on him."
"Exactly. You never had him, so of course you can be resigned to your misery."
"I know it's rough. I don't know if I could handle what you're going through."
Zack shrugged.
"Cloud has it rough, too, I guess. I don't want it to be like this."
"Neither does he, but he doesn't wish you were dead again, either."
"I just wish it didn't have to happen this way."
"I know, but things happen, and all we can really do is try to keep going. Maybe we can even make things better than before if we try our hardest. Nothing gets better by just wishing things were different. You have to take action to make things get better."
"That was very sage-like of you, Squally."
"Aerith is full of deep insights, which she likes to throw in my direction with obnoxious frequency." Leon sighed. "Hey, don't say anything about this to Cloud, okay?"
Zack snorted.
"Are you kidding? I'm upset, but I'm not stupid."
Cloud took a deep breath and slowly back away from the door. He pressed his back against the wall and closed his eyes. Things had just started to settle. He had just started to collect all the pieces. Cloud thought Leon was being ridiculous, worrying over what would happen when he left, but now . . . What was he going to do without Leon? And Leon did . . . could . . . might have, in an alternate reality, actually had feelings for Riku. But he said they belonged together, and . . .
Cloud couldn't even properly connect all the thoughts spinning through his head. He couldn't even finish his trains of thought. He wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. In all honesty, he probably should just accept it for what it was and leave it there. He knew Zack still wanted him, just without that defeated tone to his voice and the resigned look in his eyes. He almost felt vindicated that he hadn't been the only one to think that Leon might care about Riku (especially after all the verbal beating he'd endured since then), but that also meant Leon . . . but he wasn't really hurting, was he? He said he couldn't even entertain the idea.
The door to the bedroom opened and Cloud flattened himself back against the wall. Leon walked into the hallway; his focus immediately fell to Cloud. For a second his eyes flashed panic, and then he shut the door entirely.
"I forgot clothes," said Cloud. "I didn't trust myself in only a towel around Zack."
Leon frowned. He nodded.
"How much did you hear?"
"Pretty much all of it."
Leon nodded. He motioned his head toward the staircase.
"Follow me."
"We really don't have to talk about this."
"Yes, we do."
"No, we don't. I'm fine. Really. I'm just . . . You didn't have to talk to Zack for me. I can take care of this on my own. I . . . I am resolved. I'm going to call Riku, tell him everything, and let the pieces fall where they may."
Leon stared at him hard for a second. His frown deepened.
"Listen . . . what Zack was talking about with me and Riku . . ."
"I know nothing's going on. To tell you the truth . . ." Cloud took a breath, trying his best to sort out these thoughts. "It's . . . I'm not threatened. I'm not mad at you. I appreciate everything you've done for us. I appreciate you being there for him, because . . ."
"Because he doesn't have any friends right now. That's what you've been saying from the start."
Cloud grinned.
"Yeah. It's . . . To tell you the truth, I . . . its better that I heard, I think. Knowing . . . I know I've been really horrible about how close you are, and I realize I was an idiot. I know he isn't going anywhere. I think I got so angry back at Christmas because sometimes I think you would take so much better care of him than I do. You were the one noticing he needed clothes when I didn't, and making him food because I'm a disaster in the kitchen, and I hated that. When he let out that piece of Ansem . . . I really felt like I failed him. I've been thinking that you would never let that happen . . ."
"Cloud . . ."
"Wait. Don't. It's just . . . It doesn't matter, does it? He . . . For some reason I will never understand, he picked me. Whether you would have let it happen or not is inconsequential, and this is Riku's battle. He wanted to do it on his own, and if I would've stopped him, he'd only resent me. So I didn't. It happened. And now I think . . . I don't think Riku really wants anyone to step in on anything, so maybe . . ."
"Maybe you belong together."
"I appreciate your presence in his life, but I'm not really worried about what you might have thought of him if he was never my boyfriend, because he is. You've been nothing but a good friend to him, you haven't tried to come between us . . . And if anything . . ." Cloud paused and took a deep breath. He forced himself to meet Leon's eyes. "Back at Christmas, one of things that kept pissing me off was how much attention you were paying him, and all the comments about how we needed to break it up. I thought you were trying to move in on him, but you . . . You were just lonely, weren't you?"
Leon's face didn't change, but his posture slumped a little. Something flickered in his eyes.
"Because . . ." said Cloud, thinking hard about his choice of words. "Because you haven't really had anyone. Not since I've been back, anyway. I never see you with anyone. We all make jokes about Yuffie, but . . . I mean . . . Did you? Ever?"
Leon titled his face toward the floor and crossed his arms over his chest.
"Back in Hollow Bastion after you left. Her name was Rinoa."
"What happened?"
Leon lifted his head and offered an awkward shrug.
"Heartless. It was during the move to Traverse Town. Anyway, she's gone now."
Cloud raised his eyebrows.
"So . . . The Restoration . . ."
"Yeah . . ."
Cloud nodded.
"It gets better."
"I hope so."
"I should really go take my shower. Zack's going to be on me all afternoon about how long it takes me to wash."
Leon offered a small smile.
"You should get on that then."
"Yeah." Cloud turned and took a few steps toward the bathroom. He paused and turned back. Leon was frowning again, staring down at the floor. His arms were still crossed over his chest. "Hey, Lee?"
His head snapped up.
"Yeah?"
"When I get back to Hollow Bastion, I think I want to take a shot at tools again."
Leon's face contorted.
"You don't have to . . ."
"It's not because of you. I've just had enough of giving up on things. Maybe you can help me out in the kitchen, too. Wouldn't want to poison Riku if he gets sick and can't cook or something."
"That's what delivery is for, Cloud."
"Yeah, but I have trouble with cereal."
Leon smiled.
"Okay. But no stoves or hammers without supervision until I say you're ready."
Cloud rolled his eyes and shook his head.
"Whatever you say."
-----0-----
Zack, Tifa, Leon, and Cloud sat around a table in the bar, sipping on drinks. It was late afternoon, and Leon was regaling Tifa and Zack with stories about Traverse Town that Cloud had heard once or twice before from an over animated, exuberant Yuffie. Zack was nearly in tears as Leon slid in the ever-popular Yuffie insults, which only became funnier coupled with Tifa's own cracks about Leon and Yuffie being destined for one another. Zack's laughter hit a fever pitch when Leon practically screamed that anyone who would want to date Yuffie had masochistic tendencies.
"Yuffie always was a spitfire," said Zack. "I really liked that girl."
"We like her, too," said Leon. "She just makes it too easy."
"She likes it, too," said Tifa. "She thinks it's funny to drive us all crazy."
"The way she just bounces around . . . she's always happy," said Cloud. "I don't know where she gets the energy."
"Probably the same place Sora does," said Leon. "That kid just doesn't know when to slow down. Remember when Sephiroth was wailing the hell out of him and he just kept marching back in for more?"
Cloud laughed.
"Yeah. Don't mind the bleeding gash on his leg. Cura will take care of that. He's ready for more."
"That kid is vicious. My back was in agony for two days after I fought him and that was with potions and everything."
"Your back? I was limping around for almost an entire day, and I had potions and Mako."
"And the way that kid just talks and talks . . ."
"Oh, I know! First time I met him all I got was question after question . . . He might be nosier than Yuffie."
"I thought you guys couldn't remember Sora?" said Zack, still chuckling.
Leon's and Cloud's laughter sobered up. They exchanged glances.
"When's the last time you talked to Riku?" said Leon.
"Before you got here."
"I have to go."
Leon got to his feet and shoved his chair back. Cloud followed the example.
"What?" said Zack. "Right now? But we were just getting along so well. Making fun of other people instead of each other."
"Leon?" said Tifa. "What's going on?"
"Remember what we told you about no one remembering Sora? He's been asleep, but once he wakes up . . ." said Cloud. "If we remember Sora, that means he's almost back."
"And if Sora's back, I have to be in Hollow Bastion in case he shows up. There's stuff with the Restoration I need to ask him about, and there's no reason why I shouldn't be there. There will be too many awkward questions . . ."
"Sora will ask then, too. At great length."
"I have to get out of here. Now."
"I'll help you get your stuff and take you to the Gummi."
"I'm coming, too!" said Zack. "Tifa, hold the fort down until we get back."
With Leon's stuff collected, Zack jumped on his bike while Cloud and Leon climbed on Fenrir and raced toward the area where both Gummi ships were landed. When they arrived at the sight, Zack, Cloud, and Leon walked toward the hatch.
"At least you know Riku's getting along all right with his goal, right?" said Leon.
Cloud nodded.
"This is good news. Hopefully I'll have some good news soon, too."
Leon paused, and then he wrapped one arm around Cloud's shoulder, dragging him into a hug. He turned and did the same to Zack.
"I'll see you both soon," said Leon. "Take care of yourselves."
"That goes for you, too," said Cloud.
"Yeah. I'm getting Yuffie's number from Tifa, so if you do something stupid, I'll know about it," said Zack. "Watch you step, Squally."
Leon rolled his eyes despite the small grin twisting the corners of his lips upward.
"Whatever."
"I'll call you and let you know how things are going," said Cloud.
Leon nodded and opened the hatch to the Gummi ship.
"I'll be in touch, too. See ya."
"Bye."
"Be a good boy!" said Zack.
Leon waved and disappeared into the ship, closing the door behind him.
Thus ends chapter 62. Whew. That was a long one.
Still working on the FST dilligently. If anyone is good with Photoshop or another smiliar photo program and would like to help out with graphics, please contact me via PM or Email. I have no problem making them, but if anyone wanted to help out it would be appreciated. There's going to be five of them, one for each set of twenty, and I want them to reflect the part of the story that's being covered, so just let me know and we can discuss. If you have anymore songs, please send them this way. Thanks for the response so far. The first sixty parts are really started to get fleshed out, so keep it coming. I'm even listening to things in order now to make sure it doesn't suck. Gaping holes still remain, but what I've got is fantastic (or so I think).
Thanks for all the reviews.
To those who commented on the Awakening, I did not really think about it until I got there and went, "Damn. Shouldn't have put that off." I didn't expect it to come so fast. Thank you if like the explanation, and if you didn't, more power to you for coming up with your own ideas. I know it was a bitch for me.
Thanks for all the support. I'm going to need it now that I'm over that 50 hump. Only 38 to go. That's right. 38.
On a similar tangent, Parts 81 - 100 have just been plotted for the sake of mapping out the FST. To be a fucking tease, I will tell you that I started speaking out loud to myself through the whole thing about how it's just fantastic. I've finally settled for good on an ending, so from here on out I pretty much know where I'm going. I know who is ending up with who. The frame is there.
Expect more over the weekend. I've got more time than I know what to do with on Saturday. I won't settle for less than two chapters.
May I also tell you that my present to myself for finishing this story is going to be a PSP because I have yet to be able to squeeze it into my budget and I'm going to need it when Crisis Core and Birth by Sleep come out.
I was looking at screencaps for Crisis Core yesterday while working on this chapter and just about squealed myself to death announcing in a high-pitched voice that I need to have this game or I will die. Zack and Cloud. ::swoon:: If I were like any character in this story, I think it's Yuffie.
And that's that before I ramble for years. Off to search for a fight song for Chapter 39 and replace the song that just wasn't perfect for Chapter 10 on the FST.
All my love to everyone who reads this story. You make my migranes worth it.
-D