Title: 100 Steps To Somewhere
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts
Claim: Cloud/Riku
Theme: 063. Pictures
Word Count: 4,485
Rating: M
Summary: Strong exhale. Soft inhale. Cycle. Repeat.
Disclaimer: I have no affiliation with Kingdom Hearts whatsoever other than I am a super obsessive fangirl. It all belongs to Disney and Square Enix. I've accepted this, and you should, too.
Author's Note: For anyone who may have lost track of the timeline like I did before I sat down and mapped it out, chapters 61 and 62 ended with Cloud and Riku on the same day. As Twilight Town Day Five opens, Leon is rushing back to Hollow Bastion. Just thought I ought to clarify that as the matter of a day is highly important at this crux of the story.
Step Sixty-Three: Breathe for Answers
His hood was still down exposing a face that was not his own as Riku took the Way to the Dawn in hand and went outside. Night had fallen by now and the moon bathed the lawn with an ethereal, blue-tinged light that was so beautiful it could break your heart. As Riku stepped through this soft haze, his grip around the Keyblade's hilt tightened and he turned his face upward toward the sky, eyes closed.
Strong exhale. Soft inhale. The rush of air through his nostrils carried the clean scent of a post-rainfall. Cycle. Repeat.
Riku opened his eyes, taking in the stars shining their own light and joining with the tragic beauty of the moon. He sighed, straightened his posture, and faced-forward, falling easily into a readied stance. The Way to the Dawn rose and slashed through the air.
Slice. Jab. Parry. Riku allowed his body to move on its own accord, fighting an invisible enemy that he didn't dare to think might be himself. The motions were exacted with grace, flowing into one another like an intricately choreographed dance.
His new limbs did not move with the fluidity Riku once possessed, and so he closed his eyes and did it again. His grip on the Way to the Dawn eased as his wrist loosened, and the Keyblade became an extension of himself. It was impossible to tell if Riku wielded the weapon or if the weapon directed his movements. Slice. Jab. Strong exhale. Soft inhale. Cycle. Repeat.
The Way to the Dawn. The road to dawn. There had been a time when Riku stood in the light, languished in it and loved every second. What had the road to twilight been like? Riku could no longer remember. The road to darkness was much like its reversal. He was alone and empty working for a stranger he didn't entirely trust for the life of his once-best friend. As Maleficent had kept things from him, DiZ refused to disclose his true objective in awakening Sora. At the end of that road to nightfall, Riku was reduced to a prisoner of his own making. He was trapped in his insecurities and defensive thought patterns. He was a prisoner in his own body, appearing to the world as himself, his voice remained, but unable to control the limbs. He could think, but couldn't speak.
Riku thought he must have crossed the bridge over nightfall and toward the dawn the moment his heart fell into the realm of darkness, body separated and gone. For a few blissful months he was able to stay stagnant, not moving forward, but not moving backward either until the heart wrenching pain became too much to bear. Now that he was moving forward again, he was a prisoner of his own making. He was trapped in his penance for what he had done wrong on the other side of night. He was a prisoner in his own body, appearing to the world as Ansem, his voice gone, but able to control the limbs and speech.
In truth, everything about the two situations was the same. He was a prisoner either way, no more free with the control of action and words than he was when Ansem took over. Either way, only his thoughts remained sacred. Only his heart remained clinging to the light and longed to be reunited with wronged friends. His thoughts and heart coincided as they ached for Cloud's touch, his embrace, and soft words of comfort that Riku never deserved.
Slash. Slice. Jab. Parry.
He could picture them all so clearly it ached deep within his chest and traveled to the hollow pit of his stomach. Riku choked on air and his fingers uncurled, dropped the Keyblade, but his knees hit the ground first. Back hunched, Riku pressed his face against the slick, dew-stained grass and pulled the hood over his head. With his palms spread Riku linked his fingers at the back of his neck and took a breath. Strong exhale. Soft inhale.
-----0-----
The following morning went as usual. Riku ignored the presence of his cell phone in the top drawer, not daring to even look at the display as he left his bedroom. DiZ was in the computer room when he arrived. Riku ate his breakfast and drank his coffee as Roxas went through his own morning procedure, showering and dressing before heading to meet Hayner, Pence, and Olette just before noon.
"He seems to remember falling off the station tower," said DiZ. "His heart is so connected to Sora's that Naminé can't properly modify him anymore."
Riku absently nodded. It didn't matter. Sora's restoration had climbed from seventy-nine to eighty-seven percent overnight. Soon enough Roxas would be gone—only a memory to the few who had known him.
Today Olette finally managed to convince the others that with only three days left of summer vacation they needed to complete the summer homework—an independent study assignment. Hayner's resistance to this was a small comfort to Riku, because while Hayner literally wanted to wait until the last second, Riku would have had the assignment done ages ago. They were, at least, not that alike, and perhaps this meant that Riku did not sound as ridiculously moronic as Hayner, even if they did have other things in common. Roxas was troubled by the memory of falling off the station tower, even more troubled that his friends just shrugged it off.
"You wouldn't be here if you did!" said Hayner.
"But man, that was a close one . . ." said Pence.
Riku hated to agree with him, but in a logical world (that wasn't manipulated by some guy with a bandaged face) Hayner had a good point. Roxas remained moody, suggesting that they investigate the Dusks (not that he remembered they were Dusks) and all the strange things happening to him for the assignment. He grew moodier when Hayner shot it down, but then considerably brightened upon learning that his friends had somehow recruited the entire town into the investigation, which was planned for tomorrow. Roxas brightened so much, in fact, that they all had sea-salt ice cream again.
"Do they ever get sick of it?" said Riku.
"I don't," said DiZ.
Riku didn't know how to argue with that. DiZ liking ice cream was weird in and of itself.
In the end they decided to investigate unusual stories about Twilight Town like steps counting differently going up and down which they called the seven wonders. Riku almost snorted. These so-called wonders were nothing more than Rai's stupidity (how that boy put one foot in front of the other was beyond him), glitches in the Twilight Town system, and breaks between the system layers (entry points). It was going to be a dreadfully boring afternoon unless Organization XIII mixed things up. By this point Riku expected that they would.
On the train ride to the Sunset Residential District, Roxas noticed the absence of his Struggle Trophy crystal. His good mood was gone. Riku almost felt bad, but he'd get it back so . . . well . . . Okay. So Riku was a thief.
They arrived in the Sunset District and split up. Roxas and Pence went through the wonders together only to discover just what Riku had known. Rai couldn't count, there were weird glitches, Dusks (disguised as Vivi and other things) were hanging around and Roxas had to fight them, but it wasn't Axel and he called the Keyblade to himself, so even that wasn't all that fascinating. Riku could hardly believe it was only a few days ago that he'd been panicking over only one Dusk in the alternate Twilight Town. DiZ didn't even flinch when a shadow figure of Roxas stepped through a reflective curtain of water.
Wonder number six was all about a ghost train that you could see from Sunset Hill, so the foursome headed that way and waited. The train was said to be completely empty without a driver, conductor, passengers, or anything.
"Is that the train . . .?" said Riku.
"The one that runs to Yen Sid's Tower."
Yen Sid was apparently King Mickey's teacher and had a tower located in the same world as Twilight Town that could be reached by train. DiZ closed off the connection to Yen Sid's Tower when replicating Twilight Town as he did with the beach and tried to erase the train, but a glitch in the system occasionally caused the train to flicker in and out of existence. Riku tried everything he could to make the train go away, but it was stubborn, so there Roxas, Pence, Olette, and Hayner sat, waiting for a train that, hopefully, wasn't going to come.
As they sat and waited, they started talking about the beach again. This was starting to get pathetic.
Naminé walked into the computer room with lunch and handed brown paper bags to both DiZ and Riku. She paused behind the monitor and cocked her head.
"What's going on?"
"Roxas, Olette, and the morons are waiting for the ghost train," said Riku.
DiZ laughed.
"Naminé, do you think if I showed the train to Roxas, you could prevent the others from seeing?" said DiZ.
She nodded and shrugged.
"Sure."
"Why would you show Roxas the train?" said Riku.
"Do it, Naminé," said DiZ. He struck a few keys.
"Wait," said Riku. "Why are you showing Roxas the train?"
The troublesome purple train came barreling down the tracks. Roxas noticed instantly, turning around the gripping the fence along Sunset Hill that overlooked the railway system.
"Look! It's really true . . . And there's really no one aboard! What's the catch? There's gotta be a catch, right?"
He was such the picture of Sora, thunderstruck and stunned, throwing his hands around in wonderment. He couldn't conceal the amazed tone that lingered in every word of his astonishment. Hayner, Pence, and Olette only looked at each other in confusion.
"Then it's real? Let's go to the station!"
Roxas took off, forcing his friends to follow. Riku felt bad for him. Naminé had obviously completed that small task, but what Riku still didn't understand . . . DiZ started pressing keys as Roxas ran. The train was still in the station when Roxas arrived, but then DiZ hit the final stroke as Roxas suggested they all go inside and stepped forward. With his back turned, DiZ deleted the image he had made readily available, and the purple train was left as it was before, a troublesome and random flickering glitch.
"What?" said Roxas, almost snapping at Hayner when his head turned back. For a second, Riku almost felt sympathy for Hayner, who clearly thought his best friend had lost his mind.
"Um . . . you'll get hurt," was the only explanation he offered.
When Roxas turned back, the train was gone, and moments later, another train pulled in.
"That could've been bad," said Riku. "Why did you show him the train? He could've gotten hurt."
"Thank you, Naminé. I think that should be all the high points of the day. He's bound to head home soon. Keep an eye on him, Ansem."
DiZ actually got up and left the computer room. Riku looked at Naminé.
"Why did he show Roxas the train? That was dangerous. Hayner . . . I'm actually thankful for Hayner right now."
Naminé shrugged. Her eyes looked longingly at the images moving across the monitor.
"I don't really understand DiZ. Maybe he thought he was being nice. Are you going to be okay here by yourself?"
Riku huffed.
"Usually am. Just . . . and he was on me about mentioning Sora!"
Naminé squeezed his shoulder as he walked toward the computer, and then she turned to leave.
"I have things to do. I'll talk to you later, all right?"
Riku shrugged.
"Sure."
Naminé gave one last look to the monitors and turned away, her steps echoing down through the stairwell. Riku grumbled and opened the paper bag, pulling out a sandwich. It seemed Naminé visited a deli today. He picked up one half from the paper wrapping and sat back, watching Hayner force Roxas onto the train and the ride back to the Twilight Town Station. When they arrived, Hayner and the others were set on writing the paper, but Roxas was still stuck on the seven wonders, disappointed to stop after six. That ghost train really riled him up.
"But what about the last one—the seventh wonder?" said Roxas.
Hayner stomped his foot and stopped walking.
"Who cares?"
"I do. C'mon, Pence."
Pence and Olette turned toward him, but Hayner walked away. Olette and Pence considered him briefly, and with a sigh, Pence confessed the seventh wonder to be at the haunted mansion—DiZ's mansion. Roxas went alone, and Riku sat up, peering closer to the screen in case anything dangerous should come up. Roxas walked through the woods, up to the gate, and just stared. Nothing happened, and then all of a sudden Pence walked up behind him.
"You know something . . ." Roxas broke from his reverie, startled, almost jumping from his skin as he turned and cried out. Pence approached, walking closer. "We were gonna check the mansion out tomorrow. It is the most suspicious place."
"Right . . ." said Roxas.
Pence stood beside him. Now they were both staring. Riku slumped back in his seat and took a large bite from his sandwich.
"Even Seifer's gang was gonna help," Pence continued.
"Seifer?"
"Yeah, Hayner asked him to."
"So what're we lookin' for?"
"Well, they say there's a girl who appears at the second floor window . . . even though no one's lived here for years."
"I'm willing to bet her name is Naminé," said Riku, chuckling.
Roxas frowned and looked back at the building, and then his consciousness dimmed. His body remained in Twilight Town, still staring hard at the second floor windows, but his mind was in the white room. Riku's heart seized as the graphs displaying the state of Roxas's mind and heart sped up.
On one small monitor Roxas glanced around Naminé's room (on the big monitor he looked up at the mansion in a staring contest with the window). All of Naminé's drawings hung around the space. One of Kairi drew his attention, and he peered at it until Naminé's voice sounded.
"Roxas . . ."
"Naminé?"
As he looked for the source of her voice (though his voice really didn't have a corporeal source, either) his eyes landed on a drawing of Axel and himself.
"This is . . . me?" said Roxas. ". . . And Axel's here, too."
"You are best friends . . ."
"Very funny."
"Don't you want to know the truth about who you really are?"
"No one knows me better than me."
"Of course . . ."
"But . . . I don't get what's been happening lately."
His consciousness continued to travel around the room. Riku felt a flood of panic wash over him. He didn't know what to do. DiZ would have found a way to stop their mental connection by now (or maybe it was a connection of heart), but Naminé was so determined that Roxas needed to know. She had contacted Roxas's heart when she knew DiZ would be gone. Riku didn't know what was right, and still wasn't sure whether to let her speak her bit or not when Roxas's attention fell to a drawing of Sora, Donald, and Goofy.
"You know these three, don't you?" said Naminé.
"Yeah," said Roxas. "Sora, Donald, and Goofy. They're from the dreams."
"About a year ago, some things happened and I had to take apart the memories chained together in Sora's heart. But now . . . I'm putting them all back exactly the way they were. It's taken me a long time, but pretty soon Sora will be his old self again. The process has been affecting you, too, Roxas."
"You mean . . . the dreams?"
Roxas's gaze began to drift around the room again.
"Yes . . . You and Sora are connected. And . . . in order for Sora to become completely whole again . . . He needs you."
Roxas landed on a drawing of he and Sora holding hands.
"Me? What for?"
"You hold half of what he is . . . He needs you, Roxas."
"Naminé?"
There was a flash of blinding light, and then Roxas and Naminé were both there, corporeal, sitting on opposite ends of the long white table in her room. Riku took a deep breath and sat back, watching. Naminé thought he needed to know. Naminé was doing the restoration process. DiZ wasn't here to stop anything, and so . . . Riku was just going to have to trust her judgment.
"Naminé . . . who are you?" said Roxas.
"I'm a witch with power over Sora's memories and those around him."
"A witch?"
Naminé shrugged a little.
"That's what DiZ called me."
"DiZ is an asshole," said Riku.
Naminé's expression grew forlorn as she dropped her eyes from Roxas's gaze to the table.
"But I don't know why I have this power . . ." she continued. "I just do. I'm not even sure there's a right way for me to use it."
"Hmm . . . I can't help you there."
Naminé smiled at him a little. Riku frowned. Roxas looked across to the drawing of Axel and him.
"It's funny . . ." said Roxas. "Suddenly I feel like I don't know myself at all . . . I guess I would like to know. What do you know about me . . . that I don't?"
"You . . ." said Naminé. She dropped her head, looking sad and troubled. Riku's frown deepened. "You were never supposed to exist, Roxas."
"What . . .? How could you even say such a thing . . . even if it were true?"
"I'm sorry. I guess some things really are better left unsaid."
The connection with Naminé dimmed, and then Pence was shaking Roxas from his staring contest with the window. They left the mansion, met up with Olette (who already completed their paper), and were off to the station to meet Hayner. He was eating sea-salt ice cream again, but Riku didn't laugh about it. His thoughts were still with Naminé's sad, troubled expression and Roxas's words upon hearing the truth.
Riku stood and left the computer room.
-----0-----
"Why did you show him the train?"
Riku barged through the door on the first floor where he had first seen Naminé again since Castle Oblivion—the same room that DiZ spent all of his time outside the computer room in. He crossed the room and demanded the answer to the question he was trying to find all afternoon, and Roxas's encounter with Naminé only fueled the fire. He was not going to be stupid and passive again, letting someone else call all the shots without any real explanation. This wasn't even an ugly exchange of services, because DiZ wanted Sora awake.
DiZ looked up at Riku as he entered, nonplussed.
"Because he missed the trip to the beach."
What kind of explanation was that?
"Hmph . . . that's almost kind of you."
"Now . . . what about you? Are the holes in your memory starting to fill in?"
"Yes . . . the haze is clearing."
"The same thing is happening to everyone who had ties to Sora. Very soon, to them, he'll be like a good friend who's gone away for a year."
Riku walked forward and sat in the armchair across DiZ. He steeled his nerves. If Naminé could do what she thought she was right, even if it pained her, then he had to know. Riku swallowed. DiZ asked him his true name; Riku deserved answers, too.
"I've waited, and now I want to know. What is it that you want?"
DiZ sighed and looked right in his eyes.
"Revenge."
Riku's heart seized. He tried to keep calm, but his fists clenched.
"Revenge. . ."
DiZ just brushed it off.
"Now, for the finishing touches. First, we must dispose of Naminé. She did a splendid job with Sora, but it's high time she disappeared." Riku moved forward, ready to fight because Naminé was his friends—she wasn't just a Nobody, and DiZ said it himself that she wasn't a normal Nobody. He wasn't just going to dispose of someone, but DiZ continued. "Roxas isn't the only one who was never meant to exist. Take care of it, Ansem."
Riku's heart pounded painfully in his chest. Somewhere downstairs the computer announced Sora's restoration at ninety-seven percent.
-----0-----
His fingers curled and uncurled, poised in a loose fist as it hovered over the door to the white room. He knew he didn't have to knock. Naminé would tell him so when she answered the door, but something about casually strolling in after what he'd seen with Roxas and that conversation with DiZ felt dirty and inappropriate. He let his hand fall, gently rasping against the wood. When Naminé appeared there, she offered him that same, sad smile she directed toward Roxas and motioned him inside. His eyes fell to the same drawings that captivated Roxas's attention slightly over an hour ago.
"Naminé . . ." said Riku.
"Thank you," she said. "For letting me speak to him. I didn't know if you would, but I had to try."
"Naminé . . ."
"I think I might have troubled him more. I . . . I can't let him go like this."
"Naminé, DiZ wants me to dispose of you. He just told me so."
Her smile actually brightened a little and sat.
"Is that what's troubling you? I could tell the second I saw your face something was wrong. I thought it was Roxas."
Riku sighed. He dropped in a chair close to her.
"That's bothering me, too."
"I'll make things okay for Roxas. Don't worry about that. As for DiZ . . . I knew this would come. I have to go . . . once things are settled for Sora."
"You can't! I'll . . . You're my friend."
Naminé patted his hand. The sadness in her eyes left a little and was replaced with mirth.
"And you're mine. We'll always be together, just not in the same way. It's like Roxas with Sora. You'll see him again in Sora, and he'll be happy. Maybe a little sad—I think he'll really miss Hayner, Pence, and Olette. He'll probably miss Axel. I'll miss this house—this room, but I won't have to miss you, and you won't have to miss me. I won't disappear, Riku. I'm going to get to be whole again, too."
"What do you mean? Who's Nobody are you?"
Naminé giggled.
"Don't you already know? In you heart?"
Riku stared at her, frowning.
". . . It doesn't make sense."
"It will. I have something for you."
Riku raised his eyebrows.
"Me?"
"Mmm-hmm." Naminé flipped open her sketchbook and turned through a few pages. She stopped and then gently pried a page loose from the metal coil binding. "Here. You've been so great to have around here that I wanted to do something for you. Since you're in touch with Sora's heart, I can look into your memories, and . . . I know it's not much . . ."
She passed the page over. Riku took it in his hands and looked down at the drawing. It was of him and Cloud back at the Coliseum during the Hades Cup. A small smile tugged at his lips.
"Do you like it?" said Naminé.
He looked up, took down the hood, and offered her a smile.
"Yes. Thank you."
"I know things are hard for you right now, but they will get better. You'll get back to way you were, and I don't just mean the way you look."
Riku stood up, stepped forward, and wrapped her in an embrace. She sighed in a sweet way and dropped her forehead against his chest.
"I am going to miss you until we meet again," said Naminé.
"I don't know how I'm going to get through this without you."
"You're going to draw on the strength and light inside you."
"It's easier to do when there's someone just there for you."
Naminé pulled back and tapped the drawing.
"There is something just there for you."
Riku looked down at the page in his hands.
"I miss him."
"He misses you, too."
"How do you . . .?"
"He has ties to Sora, too."
"Right." Riku stared down at the drawing a little longer, and then turned halfway toward the door. "I think . . . I'm going to . . ."
"Go call him," said Naminé, laughing. "And don't be embarrassed. Fear and insecurity don't help anyone."
Riku nodded.
-----0-----
Carefully removing the Organization robe, Riku tossed it on a chair and moved to sit on the bed. He pulled the top drawer open and grabbed his phone, flipping it open. He had two missed calls. Riku pressed the keys, looking into the call log. Both calls were received from Cloud last night. There was one message.
It was the first time Cloud had really called since the World that Never Was.
Riku pressed a few more keys and held the phone to his ear, expecting the worst. That was the way it went. Just as things started to look up . . .
"Hey," said Cloud, and Riku immediately felt the corners of his lips turn up at the sound of his lover's voice. It had only been a few days, but it felt like eons. "I just called, but you didn't answer, and then I called back so I guess you don't have your phone on you or something. I just wanted to check in. Everyone's starting to remember Sora so I guess that means things are going well on your end. I . . . I also have to talk to you about something. It's kind of important. Don't worry or anything, it's not life-threatening, just give me a call when you get this message or when you get the time. I love you." The frown that took over Riku's face when Cloud spoke of an important conversation faded a little at the expression. Over the line, Cloud took a shaky breath. "I really do. I know I haven't been calling much, and things are messed up right now, but . . . I love you more than anything. I . . . Call me okay? I'll be waiting."
The message ended. Riku took a shaky breath himself, closed out his voicemail, and found Cloud's number in the contact menu.