Chapter 8
Recap: "One of the last things my namesake told me was that if I tried to interfere or didn't stand aside, he would eliminate me."
He held up a hand at the loud protests he got with his admission.
"I'm only telling you because if something happens to me, you'll need to watch yourselves even more."
"Not unless something happens to him first," LeBeau said drawing a forefinger across his throat to emphasize his meaning.
"And me pencil sharpener is nice and sharp, Colonel," added Newkirk. "Between me and Louie, there won't be anything left of our friend to cause any problems, sir."
Hogan looked at his men and saw the concern and worry in their eyes and he appreciated how they felt. But he shook his head.
"Nobody's killing anybody," he said sadly. "We need to find out what's going on. Besides, his death might cause even bigger problems. So as I said, if anything happens to me, protect yourselves, and the operation. And that's a direct order I want obeyed."
The following morning came too soon for Hogan and his men as they had spent the entire night taking extra precautions to make sure things they had hidden in the barracks were secured and could not be found no matter what. Schultz pushed open the door and banged on the side of the bunk startling Newkirk awake.
"Blimey, Schultzie, can't you knock like a normal person?" he asked raising up on an elbow.
"Didn't we just go to bed?" asked Carter whose bunk was below the Englander's. He yawned loudly.
"I don't know," said Kinch with a yawn. "Did we?"
"Have a heart, Schultzie," LeBeau said yawning loudly. "Just tell Klink we're all here and let us go back to sleep."
Schultz chuckled as he walked around the barracks slapping the sides of bunks in which prisoners were still asleep. "You boys wouldn't be so tired if you weren't so busy with monkey business."
"Monkey business? What monkey business might that be?" asked Newkirk leaning on an elbow looking down at the obese guard. "I was on a date last night."
Carter looked up at his friend. "You were on a date last night? With who?" He genuinely seemed puzzled.
Newkirk rolled his eyes in exasperation knowing Carter didn't get it. "I didn't get that far, Andrew, because ole Schultzie woke me up before I could find out."
Carter smiled a goofy grin. "Oh. Okay."
Schultz laughed. "Jolly jokers. You were on a date last night." Suddenly, what Newkirk had said registered with the guard, and he shook a finger emphatically at the Englander as his face became serious. "You could get me into big trouble if the Kommandant found out you had a woman in the barracks last night, Newkirk! It would mean my life!" Then his face softened and a twinkle appeared in his eyes as he leaned closer. "Was she pretty?"
"Gorgeous," said Newkirk with a smirk.
"What did she look like?"
Newkirk mulled over the question. "What did she look like? I'd say she looked like Adolph Hitler without the mustache."
"That is not very funny!" Schultz proclaimed.
"What's not very funny, Schultz?" asked Hogan who had appeared in the common room zipping up his jacket.
"Newkirk had a date last night," Carter explained.
Hogan arched an eyebrow. "The one who looks like Hitler without the mustache?"
"That's the one, sir," Newkirk replied with a grin as he got dressed.
"Doesn't she have a sister who looks like Goering?" Hogan asked innocently.
"Yes, sir, Gov'nor," Newkirk said with a smirk.
"Jolly jokers!" Schultz screeched pulling open the door and leaving the barracks not hearing the laughter of the prisoners after the door closed.
Slowly, the prisoners walked out of the barracks and formed two lines. They stood patiently as Schultz counted each prisoner, hoping things would go quickly as they were all tired.
"Schuuuuulllltz! Repooooooorrrrttt!" Klink's loud voice was heard as he neared the prisoners. The guard turned and exchanged salutes.
"Herr Kommandant, all prisoners present and accounted for," Schultz announced.
"Excellent. You can dismiss your prisoners."
"Jawohl, Herr Kommandant." He turned around. "Prisoners, dissss-missssed."
As the prisoners dispersed, a large staff car pulled up outside the Kommandantur. Schultz hurried as fast as his legs would carry him, and pulled open the back passenger-side door, saluting as the rotund form of General Albert Burkhalter struggled to climb out. He saluted in return before he spotted Klink who had just joined them and returned his salute as well.
"General Burkhalter, it is so nice to see you this morning, sir. And let me add that…."
"Klink, shut up and let's continue this in your office," Burkhalter said as he walked past the Kommandant and up the steps of the Kommandant's office with Klink following.
Hogan and his men watched with interest from across the compound.
"Gentlemen," Hogan said calmly. "I think it's time for a coffee break. If you'll follow me." He led the way into the barracks and into his office. As LeBeau was the last one inside, he closed the door behind him as Carter plugged in the coffee pot. The first thing they heard was the sound of a door opening.
"Now, Klink, tell me briefly what this is all about?"
"Herr General, let me tell you what has happened as you would not….."
"Klink, I said briefly!"
"Yes, sir. My guards captured an American Air Force officer in the woods outside of camp. He's been claiming his name is Colonel Robert Hogan."
"I see. And just where was he shot down? Has he said anything since he's been captured?"
"No sir. He says nothing but name, rank and serial number."
"I see. Have this prisoner brought to your office immediately. I wish to ask him some questions."
"But Herr General, wouldn't it be better to have both Hogans brought here at the same time?"
"So they can get their stories together, Klink? Absolutely not! I will question them separately! Understood?"
"Yes, Herr General. It is brilliant thinking like that which is why you're a General, sir."
"Among other things. Now get that prisoner here. I haven't all day."
"Yes, sir. Schuuuuulllltz!"
A door opened almost immediately.
"You summoned me, Herr Kommandant?"
"Schultz, you will go to the cooler and bring the prisoner here so the General can question him Understand?"
"Jawohl, Herr Kommandant." The door closed.
"What do you think, Colonel?" asked LeBeau looking up at his commanding officer.
Hogan was leaning against one of the four posts holding up the upper bunk, arms wrapped around himself. "I'm not sure. Burkhalter probably won't get much out of our friend. After that, he'll probably want to speak with me. The big moment will be when Kueren shows up with his written authorization. I'm guessing Burkhalter will override Kueren and keep both of us in camp. There's no way he's going to let the Gestapo have all the fun nor embarrass the Luftwaffe considering the two don't like each other."
They then heard the door opening.
"Herr Kommandant, I have returned and brought the prisoner with me as ordered."
"Have a seat Colonel."
"Thanks. I didn't know we were going to have company, Kommandant. I thought this was just gonna be a personal chat between you and me."
"This is General Burkhalter. He's come from Berlin to ask you a few questions. And I suggest you answer them truthfully."
"Klink, stop with the threats. Colonel Hogan and I are going to have a nice little chat."
Hogan winced hearing this man referred to by his name.
"Sit down, Colonel, bitte." There was a pause. "Now, Colonel. I understand you claim to be Colonel Robert Hogan. Is that correct?"
"That's me, General. Next?"
"But we already have a prisoner in camp who claims to be Colonel Hogan. How would you respond to that?"
"He's a phony who's been pulling the wool over your eyes. I'm the real thing."
"Colonel, let's stop with the kinder spiel. Tell me why should I believe you when you say you are Colonel Hogan?"(1)
"Hogan, Robert E., Colonel, serial number 0876707."
"Are you the elusive underground agent known as Papa Bear?"
"Never heard of him."
"I see. Exactly where were you shot down, Colonel?"
"Hogan, Robert E., Colonel, serial number 0876707."
"You aren't even going to tell me how you ended up being captured near Stalag 13?"
"Guess the Kommandant just got lucky is all."
The questioning continued for another hour with the only answers being name, rank, and serial number from the prisoner. After awhile, Burkhalter became exasperated.
"This is getting us nowhere. Schuuuuulllltz!" The door was heard opening.
"Jawohl, Herr General?"
"Take the prisoner back to the cooler and bring the other Colonel Hogan here. I now wish to question him."
"Jawohl, Herr General."
"That was a bloody waste of time," mumbled Newkirk. "The bastard says a lot but admits nothing."
Hogan headed towards the door. "Schultz will be here in a few minutes. Keep listening." He looked at his watch. "Five….four…three…two…one." There was a knocking on the door. LeBeau opened it to reveal the rotund guard.
"Colonel Hogan, General Burkhalter wants me to bring you to the Kommandant's office right away. He wants to ask you some questions."
"Then let's not keep the jolly fat man waiting, Schultz," Hogan joked pushing the guard ahead of him and closing the door as he followed him.
The prisoner, now back in solitary, stretched out on his bunk with legs crossed at the ankles and hands behind his head.
"Now we shall see what happens," he said softly. "The seed's been planted, and I will see what grows. That and the Kommandant doing what I believe he will." He exhaled. "If things go the way I believe they will, by the end of the day I should be out of here and assigned to a barracks. Then I can start to undermine the other Hogan."
A grin crossed his face as he began to plan.
The sound of the door in Klink's office opening was heard.
"Ah, Colonel Hogan, do come in."
"General. Kommandant. Schultz said you wanted to ask me some questions, General."
"That I do, Hogan. Have a seat."
"I'm assuming this has something to do with the new prisoner?"
"It does. Tell me, what do you think of the new prisoner having the same name as you?"
"I think he's some kind of a nut, really. Or maybe even a spy of some kind."
"And why would you say that?"
"C'mon, General. Only a basket case would come into a prison camp using the name of a prisoner who's already in said prison camp. But then, the Gestapo were never ones for imagination."
"So you think your namesake is really Gestapo?"
"Could be. Could be a lot of other things as well. All I know is that I am Colonel Hogan. My birth certificate will verify that. This guy is a phony and a liar, and I'm willing to bet he might even be a spy sent here to get dirt on the Kommandant or the Luftwaffe even."
Just then, the door opened.
"Herr Kommandant, a Captain Kueren is here to see you," said a female voice.
"Have him come in, my dear," said Burkhalter.
"Klink, I have the written authorization ordering you to turn over both Hogans to me immediately so I can take them to Berlin. You will see to it this instant."
"Captain Kueren, I am afraid I will have to deny that request," said Burkhalter. "Both Colonel Hogan and the new prisoner are property of the Luftwaffe, therefore it is a Luftwaffe problem. And should you have a problem with that, I can always talk to my dear friend Reichsfuhrer Himmler and see what he has to say about the matter. And I assure you, that will be the end of one very insignificant Gestapo captain."
"General, you cannot interfere in a Gestapo matter!"
"Captain, it is a Gestapo matter when I say it is. For now, it is a Luftwaffe matter. So I suggest you return to Berlin."
"General, you have not heard the last of this I assure you!"
"But I have heard the last of you, Captain. The matter is closed." There was the sound of a door slamming shut.
"Klink, there is no need to keep the prisoner locked up in the cooler. You will immediately order his release and assign him to a barracks. We will let both Hogans battle it out between them and let them determine which of them is the real Hogan."
"And what happens to the phony Hogan?"
"Whoever the loser is will become the problem of the Gestapo to do with as they see fit. You have your orders. And Klink, I expect to be kept apprised of the situation. Is that understood?"
"Understood, Herr General. And may I say what a pleasure it was to watch the way you handled the entire situation with…."
"Klink, shut up and stop sounding like a pouter pigeon."(2)
"Yes, General. Shutting up."
"Gut." A door then opened and closed.
"So, Kommandant, where are you assigning our guest?" asked Hogan innocently.
"I'm assigning him to your barracks, Hogan. This way the two of you can fight it out between you. And I believe the American phrase is, 'let the best man win'?"
"You can't put him in our barracks, Kommandant."
"And why not?"
"It'll be disruptive to the men to have two Colonel Hogans in the same barracks. They won't know who to listen to as Senior POW."
"That's not my problem. I have made my decision and it's final! Schuuuuulllltttzzz!"
The door opened. "You called for me, Herr Kommandant?"
"Yes. You are to take Colonel Hogan back to his barracks. Then, you will release the prisoner from the cooler and assign him to barracks two as well."
"But won't that be confusing, Herr Kommandant?"
"You will do as you're told! Disss-missed."
"You're making a big mistake, Kommandant," said Hogan.
"Silence! The matter is closed."
Carter unplugged the coffee pot. "Boy, the Colonel sure called it right."
Kinch crossed his arms and sighed. "We've taken all the precautions we can and made sure he can't find anything. All we can do is watch and observe unless the Colonel says otherwise."
"There is another way to resolve the problem," LeBeau replied drawing a forefinger across his throat as an indicator.
"You heard the Colonel," Newkirk said. "Nobody's gonna kill anybody. But we also have to watch over the Gov'nor. Afterall, he did threaten his life."
"Oui," LeBeau agreed. "We must let him know immediately if he tries to harm the Colonel, we will be watching."
(1) Kinder spiel is children's games.
(2) Pouter pigeons are domesticated varieties of the Rock pigeon characterized by a very large, inflatable crop.