SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING! D: I had the State Debate Tournament and Prom to worry about, so I haven't had time. Well, I'm back and ready to respond to your reviews and bring more epic worlds of epicness (according to Microsoft Word 2003, "epicness" is not a word. But, technically, neither is "pwnage." Plus, this is Star Wars. I can defy the Word Dictionary if I want to. So ha).
AaylaKit: That's my favorite part too. I could not stop laughing as I typed it.
Ayy Kaim: Ow! Keep that up, and I'll be too injured to update! Or, you know, too injured to attend school and therefore updating will be the only thing I'll be able to do…Anyway, I like that plot idea. I'd totally read that if it was posted.
laureas: You forgot "Live long and prosper." XD Thanks for the great review! The fans are all-powerful—you want Ahsoka, I will put her in here. And yeah, I thought of Care Bears as I wrote it. I never liked the "hideous purple dinosaur" as a kid. He sang too much. It made me impatient.
Cult of Personality: Thank you, thank you. Um…good question. Read this chapter for clarification on that.
Arita: Thank you! I have TONS of ideas, so this story will keep going for awhile. ;)
Ali Night: Sorry. Even good writers fail sometimes. XD Glad you like the rest, though. The bears were a lot of fun. I hope the next chapters will be as successful as the first two.
Pergjithshme: Glad you love it! And I was picturing Care Bears without saying it outright (copyright and junk).
The images flashed through the minds of the Jedi once again. Obi-Wan saw Darth Maul striking down Qui-Gon once, twice, three times. It played over and over again like a hologram on repeat. There was sinister laughter pounding in his head, making him want to cry out and escape the horror that he saw and heard.
Anakin saw his mother as he had last seen her. She was badly beaten and in a pitiful state. The same laughter that was in Obi-Wan's head tortured Anakin as well. Every nightmare that had ever haunted him seemed to appear in the form of pictures.
Kit saw death and destruction. He watched helplessly as droids of all types destroyed innocent beings. He wondered painfully if Anakin and Obi-Wan were seeing the horrors that he was seeing.
At last, the images ceased. The three Jedi lay on the ground of a new planet, though their minds were still in darkness. Kit was the first to awaken, as he had already adapted to the Portal's effects. More so than the humans, anyway. He realized that he was shaking, and quickly searched for a way to make the situation more humorous.
"Skywalker? Kenobi? Get up you lazy humans! Yeesh. I'll never understand why your species likes to sleep so much."
Anakin sat up quickly. "Did you say something, Master Fisto?" he asked, trembling from the after-images.
"Yep. Rise and shine! Up and at 'em! Tickle him for me, will you? It's the best remedy for lazyitus."
"Didn't you see anything?" Anakin asked.
"Of course."
"Didn't it…well…bother you?" Anakin always admired Kit's positive energy, but the fact that the Nautolan wasn't shaken at all kind of bothered him. Had he been the only one to see the disturbing images?
Kit chuckled. "Wow, who are you and what did you do with Anakin? Am I talking to Obi-Wan here?"
"Don't insult me." Anakin glanced down at the subject of conversation. "He's not moving. Is he alive?"
"Duh. It takes awhile to adjust to the new environment when you come out of the Portal. He'll be fine. How about we take a look around?"
For the first time since they'd appeared, Anakin took in his surroundings. It was a very dark planet. The trees were blackened like the trees you would see in your typical creepy forest. The land was hard and barren, and the sky had no stars.
"I don't like it," Anakin said.
"Me either. Whoever lives here seriously lacks a good sense of humor. I have a feeling that the inhabitants don't know the meaning of the word awesomeness."
"Back to that discussion again, are we?" Obi-Wan's voice interrupted.
"Hey, Master," Anakin said.
Obi-Wan looked around. A chill went up his spine as he took in the surroundings. Anakin and Kit noticed the shiver and immediately started laughing.
"Are you afraid?" Kit asked. "Fear is a path to the dark side, you know."
"Yeah, yeah, I'm sure he's heard that lecture plenty of times, considering he tells it to me all the time," Anakin said, sounding bored.
Obi-Wan shook his head. "I am not afraid, and I resent the implication."
"Cheer up. I'm sure Kit is wrong and the people who live here are perfectly awesome in their own way. I mean, where did the kriffing stereotypes come from? Just because the planet is daunting, creepy, morbid, frightening, foreboding, sinister, disturbing, ominous…"
"Anakin! That is not reassuring!" Obi-Wan cut in.
"I wasn't finished," Anakin objected.
"We've heard enough adjectives," Kit said. "Get to the point."
"Right. Just because this planet is all those things, it doesn't mean that the people who live here are any of those things."
Kit nodded. "Right." He took out his lightsaber and examined it. "We'd better keep these handy, though. Just in case."
"How did you manage to keep yours?" Obi-Wan inquired, finally standing up.
"The same way you did, probably. Except with more swag. The little creatures really liked me. Must be the radiation of awesomeness. Anyway, the tribe took my lightsaber and I used me creative resources to get it back. A little smooth talk and mind probing does wonders. They're extremely weak-minded."
"And easy to choke the life out of," Anakin added. "Let's not talk about those."
"Yes, spare us. Let's put that experience in the past for now. We can include it in our report upon our return to Coruscant, but, until then, we should just let bygones be bygones. That being said, did any of you see any images that match the description of Anakin's many colorful adjectives?" Obi-Wan asked.
Anakin and Kit nodded. Each Jedi took a turn describing what they saw.
"Do you think what we saw has anything to do with the planet?" Anakin wondered.
"No clue," Kit said. "Let's take a walk. I'm sure there are beings here somewhere. Why don't we—Ahsoka! What are you doing here?"
Anakin took a step forward. "Snips! How'd you—are you okay?"
Ahsoka stared at them a moment. She did not seem like herself. Her eyes glowed red and her whole body was tense. A sick grin of pleasure spread across her face. "You are the real deal, aren't you?" she asked in a sinister un-Ahsoka-like voice.
"I…I don't know what you mean," Anakin said.
"You're the real Anakin." It wasn't a question.
"Yes. Is there a fake Anakin?"
Ahsoka laughed again and unsheathed her lightsabers. The blades were not green, but the crimson red of a Sith.
"I've got a bad feeling about this," Anakin said, taking a few steps back.
"Ahoska, what's gotten into you?" Obi-Wan asked authoritatively.
"You have no authority here, Obi-Wan," Ahoska said.
"This can't be Ahsoka," Anakin asked. "I won't fight you," he added, turning to her.
She shrugged. "I'll have to take you to my Master, then. He's got plenty of instruments of torture up his sleeve."
"Oh? I thought I was your Master," Anakin said, stalling.
"You are, from a certain point of view," a new voice said. Obi-Wan stepped out from behind a tree, unsheathing a lightsaber just like Ahsoka's.
Anakin glanced at the Obi-Wan behind him, confused. "There are two? I thought one was bad enough."
The Obi-Wan with the red lightsaber nodded, grinning evilly. "Of course. I am Obi-Wan, and that standing behind you is my good twin."
Kit had a lightbulb moment before the others. "This is an Evil Twin planet!" he gasped. "Cool."
"Your idea of 'cool' is very different from mine!" the real Obi-Wan said.
"My idea of 'cool' is to see them in flames!" Evil Kit said, leaping down from another tree. "Get it? Cool? Hot? Because flames are…you know…ah, forget it."
"Great, he has my sense of humor," Kit said.
"Of course. We're not polar opposites of you," Evil Obi explained. "We have your characteristics, just not your morals."
"I'd hate to see Evil Anakin, then," Obi-Wan mused. "Unleashing him without a set of morals will certainly lead to everyone's imminent doom."
"Hey!" Anakin snapped indignantly.
"Thank your for the wonderful compliment!" yet another new voice said. "You know your padawan well."
"Master. So glad you could join us," Evil Ahoska greeted him.
"I say we should run," Obi-Wan whispered so only Anakin and Kit could hear him.
"I second that motion," Anakin muttered back.
"I like the flame idea," Evil Anakin said thoughtfully. "You head is in the right place, Fisto. However, we don't want to kill them. Their deaths would mean the end of us."
"What do you mean?" Kit asked, curiosity getting the better of him.
"Well, if I were to strike you down right now," Evil Kit explained, "then I would cease to exist. Poof. Boom. No more Evil Kit. But if I tortured the kriff out of you, then I get a good laugh, you get a good scream, and we all live happily ever after. Well, I would, anyway." His voice changed to a sickly-sweet tone when he added, "You'll live in misery and pain the rest of your life. Enjoy!"
"Leave them alone already!" another new voice called from the top of the hill.
The Evil Twins looked up. "Ooh, it's the Bounty Hunters. We're so scared," Evil Anakin taunted.
"Bounty Hunters?" Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Kit followed the Evil Twins' gazes. There, on the top of the hill, were Dengar, Bossk, and Boba.
"Wait—if 'good guys' have Evil Twins, then what do the bad guys have?" Anakin wondered.
"The Bounty Hunters aren't evil, though," Obi-Wan pointed out.
"Just big and tough and greedy," Kit added.
"This is an Evil Twin planet. Not an Opposite Planet," Anakin mused. "So the Bounty Hunters are either extra evil, or a bit nicer than they are in real life."
"We laid claim on these victims first!" Evil Kit called.
"Why don't we bring this before the Evil Senate?" Boba suggested. "I'm sure these Realities are dying to see how we do things here."
"I am a bit curious," Anakin admitted.
"Aren't you always?" Kit said, chuckling despite the situation.
"It gets him into trouble, certainly," Obi-Wan muttered.
"Now, what would be in the worst interest of the people?" Evil Bail's voice echoed.
"Well, to be unfair—hey, we have visitors!" Evil Padmé said.
"Visitors? We never have visitors on this planet!" Evil Palpatine said skeptically.
"They're Realities," Evil Obi said. "We figured you would know what to do with them."
"I still want to toast 'em," Evil Kit said.
"This is dangerous!" Evil Bail was suddenly nervous. "Remember that what they do directly affects us. They shouldn't be here. It upsets the balance of things."
"He has a point. How about the Freezing Treatment?" Evil Ahsoka suggested. "That way, we can preserve them and Evil Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Kit will live forever!"
"Good idea," Evil Palpatine said approvingly.
"Welcome to the Evil Lab," Evil Anakin said.
"Somehow, I don't feel very welcome," Obi-Wan commented.
"Must there always be an Evil Lab?" Kit asked.
"Get them ready for the Freezing Treatment," Evil Anakin ordered an Evil Healer.
"So this is the end," Anakin said. "Any last words? Kit?"
"Don't leave your appliances running," Kit said simply.
"Huh?" was the general reaction from everyone in the room.
"Never mind. Prepare the freezing!" Evil Obi-Wan ordered.
"I don't think so!" a new voice shouted. Ahoska—the real on—leapt into the room with her lightsabers out. "Jump, Master!"
The Portal appeared behind Ahoska. She jumped in, followed by Kit, Obi-Wan, and Anakin. The Evil Twins could do nothing but stare dumbfoundedly.