A/N: So, for the first time ever I did some research and put in some medical details. I don't know anything about this stuff though so if I got some of it wrong, please tell me! The perfect song for this chapter is "Electrical Storm" by U2. Also, as always, thanks to my beta IdealSkeptic for being awesome and betaing something for a fandom she isn't even in, and thanks to In-A-Parallel-World, MusicWritesMyLife, BekaRoo, vanillaXtwilight, Slexielover, aine94, and LexieMcSteamy for reviewing! The rest of you lurkers totally suck. ;)

Chapter Six: Almost Normal

Blood. Everywhere. It was everywhere. His blood. I was covered in it. I turned around and there he was, lying there, staring at me with these blank, dead eyes. I screamed. I screamed and I screamed and I screamed and nobody heard me. Nobody was there, just me and him. Then I heard him calling my name. "Lexie." I turned away, wanting to avoid looking at him anymore, but as soon as I spun around, there he was again, his body broken and coated in blood. And those eyes. Staring right at me and at the same time not seeing me, not seeing anything. "Lexie." I closed my eyes, thinking maybe that would stop me seeing it. It didn't. The image of his broken body hovered inside my mind like a sick and twisted movie stuck on repeat. "Lexie."

I jumped awake and suddenly wished I wasn't, nightmare or not. Every part of me ached, and I felt like I hadn't had anything to eat in days and there was this terrible smell - I paused a moment and sniffed my shirt. The terrible smell was me. I shuddered and then let out a groan. I needed three things. One, a shower, two, a really, really big cup of coffee and three, I needed to find somebody who knew something about what was going on.

"Hey."

I spun around to see Alex lying pushed up against the wall. There was a good foot of space between us. I almost couldn't believe that not only had he held me for hours as I cried, but he'd stayed here the whole night. He was a better person than he let on. I rubbed the last bit of sleep from my eyes and said, "You're still here?"

He rolled his eyes and sat up, still making a point of not touching me. "I tried to leave a few times, but you kept screaming whenever I tried so I stayed."

"Oh." I looked away from him and instead started staring at my scrub bottoms. There were fraying threads and the hems were torn. I absently wondered how that had happened since these had been new last week. I supposed it was from the crash, which, in that moment, felt like an odd thing to have happened. That the crash wrecked my scrubs. "Thank you."

"Listen," he said. He cleared his throat and looked down at his knees. "You don't... have a lot of friends. I..."

"Gee, thanks, Alex. Just kick a girl when she's down." I sat up and jumped off the bed. I landed with the bulk of my weight on my bad ankle and had to bite down on my lip to keep from yelping. Alex, not noticing this, put a hand on my arm to keep me from leaving.

"No, I mean... " He let out a long sigh. "Neither do I, okay? I realized yesterday, I don't either. That needs to change."

I leaned back against the bed and Alex dropped his hand from my arm. "So, does this mean you're staying in Seattle?"

"No, I was planning on leaving after everyone I know was in a horrible accident," he growled.

I turned to face him and gave him a sharp look. "How about we just agree not to snap at each other from this point on, huh?"

He nodded and grunted, "Sure."

I ran a hand over my face. "What time is it?"

Alex reached into his pocket for his phone. A second later he said, "A little past 11:30."

"In the morning?" I sank back a bit. How was it possible for me to have slept that much and still feel completely exhausted? But then I didn't actually know what time we'd been found, what time we got back, or how long I'd lain here crying last night. I didn't actually know how much sleep I'd gotten.

"No, at -" he stopped short. "Yes."

I couldn't help but start laughing and before I could explain why, he asked, "What's so funny?" He sounded concerned and I really didn't like that. I couldn't help but fear that he thought just because I'd freaked out before that that was all I was capable of now. I knew it wasn't really like that, he was probably just concerned, which was nice, but I didn't like it all the same. I stopped laughing just to prove I could and to show that I hadn't lost my mind. I said, "I forgot, the only form of communication you have is snapping at people."

He didn't say anything for a second, then, "Yeah, whatever." He was silent for another second before he jumped off the bed and landed next to me. "You smell terrible," he said.

"Thanks," I grumbled. It wasn't like it was untrue, but it certainly wasn't necessary. Did he think I hadn't noticed that myself?

He shrugged. "Go take a shower and I'll go check up on everyone else. When you're done, meet me in front of Meredith's room." He started to walk off down the hall when he stopped and turned around. "And get something to eat before you go. And get me a coffee. And a bagel."

My mouth dropped open and I tried to say something, anything, but before I could think of anything suitably insulting, he turned and walked away again.

I just stood there for a moment after that, shocked into complete silence. What exactly had just happened? Had I just agreed to be friends with someone? Thinking about it, I couldn't remember the last real friend I'd had. I had Meredith and Derek, sure, but that wasn't the same. They were family. Outside of work and my family, I hadn't had much of a social life in a long time. I'd just gotten so caught up in work and then things with Jackson, and then he and I broke up and then...

I felt a surge of nausea as my brain turned back to the unavoidable topic. Mark. He had to be alright. He just had to be. If he wasn't, someone would have told me about it by now, right? But... what if they just hadn't been able to find me? I looked around and noticed for the first time how completely, absolutely deserted the basement was. Maybe nobody had been able to find me. I'd lost my phone in the crash and Alex had his but it wasn't like anyone would call him about Mark and nobody but nobody would have expected Alex to be with me and...

I shook my head. I'd get a shower later. First and most importantly, I had to find someone who knew something. I had to know one way or another. I put a hand over my mouth as another wave of nausea hit me. And then I'd find a garbage can and throw up into it.

I walked up two flights of stairs before realizing I hadn't actually gone to the bathroom in more hours than I could count. I ran up the last flight of steps to the first floor and sprinted to the nearest bathroom.

It was when I was washing my hands that I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and saw for the first time just how awful I really looked. My hair was a mess, it was jutting out and standing up in all sorts of weird angles and it was tangled so badly I didn't even know if I could untangle all of it. I turned my head to the side and saw I still had a bit of blood dried to the side of my face from a long, shallow cut I'd long since forgotten was even there. My scrubs were coated in dirt and big patches of what I could only assume were dried tears and snot. There was dirt on my face and neck and probably everywhere else too.

"If I don't shower before I see anyone else, they'll think I've lost my mind," I said, thinking out loud. I tried my best to wash the dirt off of my face with the hand soap and paper towels in the bathroom, but it didn't do much good - now my face just looked all red and raw. I shut my eyes and turned away from the mirror and with a deep breath I turned around and leaned back against the sink. This was going to suck. It was late enough in the day that there would be people in the hospital by now, and not just doctors and patients but visitors. I was currently on the first floor and I had to get to my locker and the showers in the locker room on the fourth floor. There was no way I was getting there without being seen. I took another deep breath, bolstered my courage and walked outside. Anyway, who knew? Maybe everybody would be so busy with their own stuff that they wouldn't even notice me.

I didn't get five feet from the bathroom door when I heard April call out, "Lexie! There you are!" I turned to face her and scowled. So much for people not noticing me. The second she yelled out everybody within a ten foot radius turned to look - normally they would have turned right back around seconds later but this time they stared. At me. Probably because of what a disaster I looked like and probably because some of them knew I was one of the people that had been in the plane crash.

"April, hi," I said. I tried to sound friendly, I really did. But I did not want to be seen right now - especially by my ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend.

"We've been looking everywhere for you! Nobody could find you anywhere!" She rushed over and reached in to hug me and immediately thought better of it. "Wow, you... need a shower." She paused a moment and looked me over. "You know, I've got a private bathroom in my..." She stopped what she was saying mid-sentence and gulped. "I don't have an office anymore. Because I don't have a job."

I was about to say something about that when she perked up and put a big, fake smile on her face. "But you don't need to worry about that. We need to get you -" I cut her off. "A shower, I know. That's what I was going to go and do."

"Right," she said. She nodded, that big, fake smile still plastered on her face. She started carefully leading me towards the elevator.

"Please stop," I said.

She looked at me but kept going and kept leading me forward. "Stop what?"

"This... whatever you're doing right now. Just.. act like you would normally act, not like..." I pointed at her face, her fake smile and that panicked look in her eyes. "This."

"Oh," she said, her voice cracking just a little. "I'm sorry I just... I don't know what to do here."

"That's fine," I said with a shrug. "Just... stop smiling like that." She hit the button for the elevator and we stood there, waiting for it. It was too quiet so I said the only thing that came to mind. "So you and Jackson, huh?"

That cranked the panicky, deer-caught-in-the-headlights look up about ten notches. Immediately, I wished I'd never said anything at all. "Oh, um, yeah. We sort of got together when we went to-", I held up my hand to stop her. "I don't really need the details."

"Oh," she said and again, her voice cracked. Finally, the elevator dinged and the doors opened. For a split second I felt immensely happy, that is until April got in the elevator and hit the button for the fourth floor. I sighed and got in before the doors closed.

It was silent up until about the third floor when April said, "I'm sorry for what happened."

I nodded. Now I didn't know what to say. What was I supposed to say to that? So I went with saying nothing and then, an eternity of awkward silence later, the elevator reached the fourth floor and the doors opened. I stepped out and started walking towards the locker room. April followed.

I'm pretty sure we would have continued with not speaking to each other except that halfway to the locker room we saw Jackson attempting to beat up a vending machine.

"Hey," I said. "What are you doing?"

He turned to look at me, his face a seething mass of anger and rage. He looked over at April and his face instantly softened. "It ate my money," he grumbled. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked back at the machine. "Stupid thing is broken." He kicked it one more time for good measure and stalked across the hallway to stare at it while leaning against the wall.

April started fishing in her pockets for something and soon pulled out a few crumpled dollar bills. She pushed past Jackson and put the money in the machine. Without asking him what he wanted, she selected two bags of Doritos, like she already knew that was what he'd been trying to get. The machine made its' usual assortment of noises and kicked out two bags of chips. She walked the few steps over to him and handed him one of the bags. "Here. See, easy solution to an uncomplicated problem." He smiled and seemed almost a little bit embarrassed. "Thanks," he said.

April held the other bag up in front of me. "Do you want these?" I shook my head and she popped the bag open. "So not food you should eat before noon," she muttered as she started picking out a chip at a time and popping them in her mouth.

Then my stomach growled, betraying my hunger. "Actually..."

April just nodded and gave me a handful of chips. I stuffed them in my face in two seconds flat and swallowed them almost whole.

I was apparently hungrier than I thought.

"Here." April shoved the rest of the bag at me and before I had the chance to protest she walked back over to the machine and bought some Reese's Pieces Peanut Butter Cups. She handed them to me without a word.

I wanted to refuse them, but my stomach growled again and made up my mind for me. I ripped open the package and stuffed one of the delicious chocolate and peanut butter cups into my mouth. I'd always loved candy, but I swear nothing had ever tasted better in my entire life.

We all stood there silently for a few minutes, me and Jackson stuffing our faces with junk food and April awkwardly watching us. I wasn't sure if she just wasn't all that hungry or if she'd run out of money to buy more snacks, but I didn't say anything.

"So... Lexie..." Jackson said as he shook the crumbs out of his bag of chips. "How are you doing?"

I looked him dead in the eyes and said, "Of the two of us, I'm not the one who was just attacking a vending machine."

He raised an eyebrow at me and stuffed the chip crumbs in his mouth. He swallowed and then said, "That's not an answer."

I shrugged. What was I supposed to say? That I only fell asleep because I'd worn myself out crying and sobbing? That I'd had nightmares and apparently had been screaming all night long?

"Torres told me the first surgery went well. She didn't get to do it, but she watched from the gallery. They managed to reduce the pressure and the swelling and -"

I held up a hand and shook my head. "Please, I..." I couldn't handle hearing it. I'd spent the past I didn't know how many hours just praying somebody would tell me something and now that somebody was, I couldn't handle it. "Please, stop."

I couldn't stop picturing it, either. Somebody taking a scapel to him, cutting him open. I shivered, the feeling starting at the base of my spine and travelling up.

"They saved his legs. He's okay." Jackson spoke quietly but with confidence, or that is he did until he added. "So far."

I looked up at him and opened my mouth to speak. It was a few seconds before I managed to find words. "So, they..." I tried to think, tried to focus but it wasn't coming to me. I knew what it was they did for crush injuries. I'm sure I made a ridiculous face, but I didn't care. Why couldn't I remember? Not to overstate my skills, but I remembered everything I read. How could I not remember this? I closed my eyes and tried to remember something I'd read about it.

I licked my lips and scowled. Why couldn't I remember?

"Lexie?" April asked. She sounded concerned, but then, April always sounded a little concerned.

"Uh-huh?" I asked. I didn't bother to look at her.

"Lexie, I..." Jackson started but trailed off.

"No, just..." I shook my head. I opened my eyes but looked down at my feet.

"What is it?" April asked. I saw her, or rather I saw her feet, take a step closer towards me. I sidestepped away from her.

"Just give me a second, I'll remember it," I said. I was determined. Why couldn't I remember? It was an obvious thing.

"Remember what?" April asked softly.

"Crush injures usually cause..." I said slowly. I hoped maybe saying it out loud would help me remember, but it didn't.

"Compartment syndrome," said April, speaking a little more loudly. I think now that she knew what my train of thought was, she was a little more comfortable with the situation.

"Right." Of course. That was obvious. That was so obvious. But if it was so obvious, why did I not remember what you did for that? "Compartment syndrome, when that severe, is fixed by..." Again I hoped saying it aloud would help me remember, but again, it didn't.

"A fasciotomy," April said. She leaned against the wall next to me, but didn't touch me.

"Right," I said. I could both feel and hear my voice crack. I could feel yet more tears surging to the surface because apparently, somehow, I still had more tears to shed. They'd had to cut open his legs because if they hadn't, the muscles and tissues in his legs could have died, and he could have easily been paralysed. Still could be, probably since that probably wasn't the only problem. I almost wished I hadn't started thinking about it. I almost wished that when I hadn't been able to think of it I'd just left it alone. I gulped. They'd had to cut him open. I watched as the tears fell from my eyes and splattered on my shoes. They'd had to cut him open.

April slowly, gently, put a hand on my shoulder. I had been angry at her on and off - but mostly on - since she'd run into me downstairs. Really though, she wasn't a bad person. I could see, if I thought about it, what Jackson saw in her. She was awkward and nervous, but she was also sweet and kind.

I didn't say anything. April didn't say anything. Jackson said something. "It'll be okay, Lex."

I looked up at him and desperately wanted to believe he was right. He believed he was right. I could see it in the earnest, determined look on his face. He believed it. I couldn't.

"You don't know that," I said. I shook my head. "You don't know that." Still not saying anything, April wrapped her arm around my shoulder. I let her.

Jackson's earnest, determined look didn't falter. "Do you want to see him?"

I gulped. I didn't know if I could handle that.

April squeezed my shoulder and said, "We'll come with you."

I sniffled and suddenly realized something I'd somehow managed to forget. I still needed a shower. I said as much. "Can I shower first?"

April laughed. "Of course."

We walked down the hall to the locker room and I went in and took my shower. I wanted to enjoy it, the hot water felt so unbelievably good, but all I could feel was nervous. I didn't want to see Mark. I wanted to just go away, go away and pretend this wasn't happening until Mark was better and I wouldn't have to deal with it anymore. Of course, I couldn't do that. If I just up and left right while things were tough, well... I'd done that once before. I wasn't about to do it again. So I finished my shower, avoided looking in the mirror and seeing all of my cuts and bruises in the bright, garish lighting of the bathroom and changed into the spare clothes I had in my locker as quickly as I could.

I walked back out into the hall to find Jackson and April still waiting for me. I couldn't help but smile just a little and feel like maybe, just maybe, I wasn't totally alone after all. Maybe I did have some friends here.

They got to their feet at the same time and Jackson said, "Ready?"

I shook my head no but said, "Yes."

We walked in silence back to the elevator and took it up a few floors. The silence continued until we got close to Mark's room. "It's just up ahead," April said. I nodded and looked over at Jackson. That earnest, determined look had faded a bit and there was now fear mixed in with everything else.

He stopped short a few rooms after that and I looked back, confused.

"It's the next one over," he said. He looked away. The fear was cracking through everything else now.

"You're not coming?" I asked. I let out a long sigh. I didn't want to go alone. I wasn't sure I could handle it.

He shook his head and raised his hand to his face. "I've already..." He dropped his hand back to his side. "No. I'll wait here."

I looked over at April and she just shrugged. I hung my head for a second but took a step forward. Then another. And another.

One more step and I was standing in front of Mark's room.

I stood there for a good thirty seconds outside the door, unable to look or to walk in. "Go on," April said from behind me. I bit my lip and nodded. I turned so I was facing the doorway and looked up.

He looked better than I thought he would have.

He looked almost normal. Almost. I hadn't really been able to see what exactly his injuries were... when we... when we were out in the woods, but the plane wing had done the most damage from just above his knees down. I shuddered. It had looked like it had crushed all of him, when I saw him trapped there like that. It could have been so much worse.

From just above the knees up, he looked almost completely normal. From just above the knees up, he looked like he was asleep. From just below the knees... his legs didn't look like they were quite the right shape. They were covered in bandages and I tried not to picture just what it looked like under those bandages.

He'd survived the first surgery, but I knew there would be so many more. I held back a gasp at that thought and took a step into the room. Then another and another until I was standing by his bedside. Tentatively, I reached out and ran my fingers through his hair. I sat down in the chair next to the bed and cautiously, slowly, ran my thumb over the IV in the back of his hand.

Touching him, just touching him, was a huge relief. Everything was still a disaster but there was one thing. He was still alive.

A/N: Please review! I like everybody else here love reviews. They make my day.

And now for the teaser for next chapter!

"You want to be with him, huh?" Meredith asked.

"I..." I shrugged. "I was just there." I put a hand over her hand. "I should spend some time with you."

Slowly, she drew her hand out from under mine. She patted my hand with hers then folder her hands in her lap. "I'll be fine."

She said that, but I couldn't help but feel bad about it anyway.

"Go. I'll see you tomorrow."

I got to my feet and walked to the door but lingered. I had a lot of things I suddenly wanted to say to her, but I couldn't seem to figure out how to express them. I wanted to tell her that I loved her, that I was glad she was my sister, that I was happy I had a sister who understood me, who could read me like the things I felt were written on my face in bold print. All I managed to say was, "Thanks." I hoped she understood what I was trying to say with that. I suspected, maybe, she did.