Wow, it's been awhile, hasn't it? Well, in my defense, I've been so busy wrapping up Pwning and Gaming and getting The Force of Mischief (see my profile if you want to find it—it's hard to find cuz it's a Thor/Star Wars crossover) started that I haven't paid this fic much well-needed attention. Whoops. Well, to make up for it, here's the next installment of The Portal of Destiny!
AaylaKit: Love Boba and Dengar too! They're epic. And Kit was intended to be evil? Hmm. Interesting. I'm on the News Team at my school and we did a "May the Fourth be with you" signoff that day. It was awesome! And I got to say it, too! :D
Ayy Kaim: Oh. My. Gawd. Loki. Showed. Up. At. My. Doorstep. XD In response to your final review on Pwning and Gaming, I will try to keep my promise, but don't send Thor after me if I can't keep it. If he bashes my skull with his hammer, how will I be able to update? XD
Arita: Sorry I haven't updated in so long. I'll try to update on a regular basis.
Cult of Personality: Yeah, yeah, four. That was my intention. Using the word "evil" a lot was my lame attempt at humor.
This time, there were no flashes of images. The three Jedi tumbled out of the Portal, while Ahsoka stepped through easily. "Why do you have so much trouble with this thing?" she asked, looking down at her Master. There was amusement in her eyes and voice.
"How do you not?" Anakin countered. "We're lucky not to have been haunted by pictures this time."
"Pictures? What pictures?" Ahsoka was confused.
"Never mind," Obi-Wan grunted. He stood up and brushed himself off. "Let's figure out where we are now." His gaze took in their surroundings. They were in a field of brown grass. The texture of it was very strange. Why the brown color? In fact, upon looking around, Obi-Wan realized that the entire planet was colored a variety of whites and browns.
"What is this place?" Anakin wondered, looking just as bewildered as Obi-Wan.
Kit sat up. "I got a mouthful of grass," he complained. "Oddly, it doesn't taste like grass at all."
"What does it taste like?" Ahsoka asked, plucking a few blades from the ground.
"Try it," was all Kit said.
Ahsoka frowned suspiciously and popped a blade in her mouth. It immediately melted on her tongue. Her eyes closed blissfully. "It's…chocolate!"
"Amazing, right?" Kit asked.
"Chocolate?" Anakin shook his head disbelievingly. "No way."
"Try it, Master!" Ahsoka urged him.
Anakin shrugged and did so. His eyes widened in surprise. "Wow. So it is." Before he could stop himself, he was eating more of the strange chocolate-flavored grass.
Obi-Wan watched disgustedly. "So you're eating grass because it tastes like chocolate."
"Yep. Don't act like you don't want to," Anakin said, laughing.
Obi-Wan shook his head. "This may come as a shock to you, Anakin, but you're wrong."
"About what?" He shoved another handful of grass into his mouth.
"I don't want to because I do not like chocolate." Anakin spat out his mouthful of chocolate-flavored grass. "That was rude, Anakin. Not to mention completely unflattering."
"Never mind that!" He started laughing uncontrollably. "I can't believe you just told me that you don't like chocolate!"
"It's not funny," Obi-Wan scowled.
"I think it's hilarious. I mean, to make such an obvious lie…You are such a bad liar, Obi-Wan. No offense. Well, okay, never mind. Offense intended."
"I'm serious, Anakin. It's too sweet for me." Anakin stood up and walked away. "…Where are you going?" Anakin didn't answer. He just kept on walking. "Get back here!" Obi-Wan ordered to his former apprentice's retreating back. "Anakin!"
"You offended him, Master Kenobi," Ahoska said, feigning seriousness. "He cannot bear to be in your presence now that you have revealed your true nature to him."
"Just because I don't like chocolate? So my preferences are offensive now?"
"Nope. Just stupid," Kit said, standing up.
"Ha-ha." Obi-Wan's voice dripped with sarcasm. "Let's go see if we can find a settlement here. And some real food. I haven't eaten all day."
"I think you'll be disappointed," Ahsoka said. "Look." She pointed at a forest. "I have a suspicion that they're made of chocolate, too."
"So this is a chocolate planet? Awesome," Kit said. "I think I'll like it here."
"Do not jump to conclusions," Obi-Wan said, holding onto the hope that they were wrong. He was hungry, tired, and a bit grumpy. He wasn't keen on the idea of sleeping on a planet of chocolate. "The forest is our best bet. I'm sure we'll find some form of civilization in there." He decided not to express his doubts. Anyone stranded on a chocolate planet probably wouldn't live too long.
"Good idea, Mr. Negativity," Kit said. "Stop trying to hide it. You think we're going to die."
"You will be the first one to die, Fisto," Obi-Wan said, "considering there probably isn't any water here. Have you considered that?"
Kit's smile froze on his face. He was, for the first time, at a loss for words. "I—" He lifted a finger, then let his arm drop. "Well, you—" He lifted his index finger again as if he was going to make a good argument, but let his arm drop once again.
"See? Not so optimistic about the concept of a chocolate planet now, are you?" Obi-Wan crossed his arms. "I rest my case."
"Shut up, Kenobi," Kit growled. "Let's go to the forest. I'm sure they have water. You're just trying to scare me."
"If only I was," Obi-Wan murmured. "I'm not saying that they're no hydration. There's just no water, most likely."
"Why don't we find out?" Ahsoka suggested.
They both murmured agreement. The three of them walked into the forest, momentarily forgetting about Anakin, who had actually gone into it as well. Unfortunately for Obi-Wan, Kit and Ahoska had been right. The forest was made of chocolate.
"Look—a chocolate bunny!" Ahoska exclaimed, pointing.
Sure enough, a chocolate bunny zipped right up to them. It looked up curiously, its eyes strangely intelligent for a rabbit. It thumbed its hind leg twice, then hopped off.
"That was weird," Kit said.
"Let's keep going," Obi-Wan suggested. They walked for awhile until Obi-Wan felt the ground change suddenly. He was being sucked into it! "Chocolate quicksand!" he gasped. "Kit—help me!"
Kit leaned forward and grabbed Obi-Wan's hand, while Ahsoka took the other. They pulled, but to no avail. "Hang on…we'll find a way," Kit said, growing nervous.
"I don't have anything to hang onto!" Obi-Wan shouted.
"You do now!" a voice said from above. A chocolate Twizzler-type vine fell from a tree. "Grab on!" the voice insisted.
Obi-Wan obeyed and felt the stranger pulling the vine up so that he was lifted out of the chocolate quicksand. When he was pulled to safety, he looked up, panting slightly. "Thank you," he said.
"You're welcome." A man jumped out of the tree. He was humanoid in form, but he had markings all over his body that Obi-Wan figured were made of melted chocolate. He was also shirtless. "You've got to be careful. How'd you get here, anyway?"
"Long story," Obi-Wan said. "Who are you?"
"My name does not matter," he said. "I am of the Chocolate Tribe. We thrive on the very material that this planet is made of. We live in harmony, so if you bring destruction, you are not welcome here."
"Don't worry," Kit reassured him. "We're keepers of the peace where we come from. We have no intention of hurting anyone." He turned to Obi-Wan. "Ha! And you thought no one could survive here."
"Well it's obvious that their constitutions require chocolate for nourishment," Obi-Wan observed. "Mine does not, and neither does yours. We could not survive here, because chocolate does not have the nutrients we need to stay alive."
"Such long words," Kit said, yawning. "Are you done lecturing yet? Jeez, no wonder Anakin gets bored of you. I don't know how he survived as your apprentice."
"Ouch," Ahsoka said, chuckling. When Obi-Wan turned to her, she added, "Oh, come on, you know I'm fond of you, Master Kenobi. I even look up to you. But sometimes it's actually okay for friends to poke fun at each other."
"I suppose so. Now, where is Anakin?"
"Up here, Master! I see you met my friend." Anakin jumped down to join the man that had rescued Obi-Wan. "The Chocolate Tribe is awesome! They live completely off chocolate!"
"Yes, so we've heard," Obi-Wan said dryly.
"Come on, lighten up. I still haven't gotten over your completely ludicrous comment about chocolate. Do you care to tell your rescuer about your 'little problem', Obi-Wan?"
Obi-Wan wasn't sure how the Chocolate Tribe members would react to the fact that he didn't particularly favor chocolate. They claimed to live peacefully, but what if he offended them? Would he be thrust back into the chocolate quicksand?
"Come with me to my tribe!" the man urged them. "We will give you a place to stay the night. I'm sure you are all exhausted."
"We are," Ahoska said. "It's been a long day."
"Speak for yourself," Anakin said. "You weren't at the Hug-Me-Bear planet."
"Ugh, I thought we agreed not to speak of it again," Kit groaned.
"Right. Let's just get to some shelter and figure out what we'll do from there," Obi-Wan said.
"I'm telling you, Master, that we won't die here. The Portal will come back for us. It always has in moments of crisis," Anakin said with confidence.
"But what if it only comes under life-threatening conditions?" Obi-Wan fretted.
"Then it'll come when we're about to die," Anakin joked.
"That's not funny."
Anakin shrugged. "Don't worry so much. Just enjoy the moment for awhile. I know that's hard for you. If it makes you feel better, meditate."
"I think I will." Obi-Wan closed his eyes and focused becoming one with the Force. He imagined the Portal coming back for them. A gateway to another planet much safer than this one.
Anakin jumped in surprise when the Portal appeared right behind Obi-Wan. "Um, Master?"
"Do not bother me again, Anakin," Obi-Wan murmured, deep in meditation. "You suggested I meditate, so you'll have to live with me being unavailable for the moment."
"But, Master…"
"Leave me alone, please."
"Dude, look behind you."
Obi-Wan's eyes snapped open. "Don't address me like that," he scowled.
"Just turn around."
Obi-Wan did so. "Well, what do you know? I don't care if we're about to drop from exhaustion. I'm leaving this place." He stood up and stepped through the Portal.
"I guess we're leaving. Come on, Ahsoka. Kit."
"I'm taking some of these rocks with me," Kit said.
Disclaimer: I still do not own Star Wars.