Title: BROKEN

Disclaimer: I don't own anything about Sailor Moon

Authors Note: I know some poeple are going to be unhappy about this, but I'm only going to focus on a few main characters throughout this story. They're all technically present and will be involved as much as possible. but this story won't feature Raye and Amy or some of the other guys. They're just there. I know that sucks. The next story I write I'll try to include all of them. Hope you like what I've written!

Darien paced back and forth in his apartment feeling anxiety swell within him. He tried to take a deep breath, but his lungs were constantly battling against him. He tried not to get frustrated, but his chest felt tight and he was constantly fighting an attack.

For the hundredth time that night he picked up the phone and dialed a number.

It rang.

'Hey you've reached Nathan, I'm not home right now…..'

Click

Darien put the phone back down and ran his hands through his hair. He looked at the clock. 12:30.

He started pacing again.

What was happening to him? For months he had been fine. For months he had found ways to calm himself down, usually by picturing Serena or the strength of his friends. And now he was in his apartment, alone, pacing around like a caged animal almost breaking at every moment.

The stress was starting to pull at his muscles and he felt strain pulse through his back until his head hurt with tension.

He picked up the phone again and dialed a number.

After a few rings a groggy female voice picked up.

"Hello?"

"I don't think I'm ready for this," Darien said.

There was a pause on the other end. "Darien, is that you?"

"You said I was ready to leave, but I don't think I am. This can't be who I am. This can't be how I'm going to live the rest of my life."

"Darien, calm down. Just, explain to me what's going on as calmly as you can."

Darien tried to take a deep breath but couldn't. He slid down to sit against his wall putting his head in his hands. His doctor waited patiently for him.

"I saw her," he said after a moment.

"You saw Serena," she said understanding. "What happened?"

"She was terrified," he said in a strained voice. "She looked at me like I was a monster, like seeing me again was her worst nightmare."

There was a pause.

"Did you talk to her?"

Darien shook his head. "My best friend asked her out and she said yes."

He could hear her sigh on the other end of the phone. "And you're having a strong reaction to the idea of her being with someone else."

Darien nodded again.

"I know that you're confused right now Darien. You talked about her a lot while you were with us and I know you don't really understand how you feel about her. Do you think perhaps you might be jealous?"

Darien couldn't help it, he laughed. It was almost a pitiful sound, like he might be close to crying as well.

"Why do you find that funny Darien?" She asked.

"I have been trying to get over this for years. I believe that I've been working hard and progressing rather steadily. It just seems somewhat absurd that because of such a small girl I might be back where I started."

"I think you need to talk to her," she said.

Darien shook his head. "I don't want her to know what happened to me."

"Darien, you're going to have to get over this idea that admitting your situation makes you weak."

"Doesn't it," he said in a defeated voice. He closed his eyes. "I used to be able to handle anything. I was always there for my friends despite my long hours of work and school and I still had time to find ways to be around her. And now what am I? Now I'm sitting on my floor devastated because Nathan hasn't finished his date with her yet. What could they possibly be doing this late?" He sighed. "And then I remember that she's not a child anymore."

He knew his doctor didn't know what to say.

"You know that you can get better Darien," she tried. "You just have to keep believing that you're better and that you can beat this thing that seems to have a hold over you."

Darien nodded.

"I want you to get some sleep," she said softly. "Have a shower and go to bed."

"I can't go in there," he said softly.

"Where can't you go?" She asked.

Darien hesitated. "My bedroom."

There was a pause.

"Because that's where it happened," she said.

Darien nodded into the phone again. "I haven't even opened the door."

"Well," she said. "You will when you're ready."

Darien hung up the phone and looked around his apartment. The white walls looked stark and naked and he felt like this was a prison. All around him things stood cold in the world, meaning almost nothing to him.

His eyes drifted to the deep red roses that were on the small table beside the couch. They were the only color in the bleakness of his life. The color of crimson blood. It was the color his eyes saw when he had an attack.

He stood up and walked towards them, gently touching the soft petals.

His eyes darkened for a split second before he picked the whole thing up and threw it against the wall, shattering the crystal vase and crushing the roses so that they spread across the room.

He grabbed his coat and went out.

Lita yawned and ran a hand through her hair as she watched the flashing TV before her with unfocused and uncaring eyes. She blinked as she looked at the clock in front of her. It was close to 1:00AM. She sighed lightly and switched of the TV. Serena had called to say she would be late, but it was to late now to stay up for her.

She gently padded across the dark living room towards the stairs.

There was a soft knock at the door.

Immediately Lita felt her whole body tighten in anticipation. Who would be knocking at the door this late at night? She looked around her, picking up a large umbrella from the stand close to the entrance before slowly making her way towards the door.

"Who is it?" She yelled at the door.

There was no answer at first.

She felt her heart pounding in her chest.

"Darien," came the soft voice.

Lita stared at the door in shock for a moment before slowly reaching out and pulling it open. She would have been less surprised at a robber knocking on the door then the disheveled looking man she saw now.

She gasped at him, feeling her body relax.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Lita asked angrily.

Darien looked both calm and uncertain. His stormy blue eyes were shadowed in black and the small light on the outside of the house made him look almost menacing. But when he looked into the light and saw his face, he looked almost sad.

"Is she here?" He asked after a moment.

Lita couldn't help suddenly feeling bad for him. Something about the way he stood there pierced her heart. She shook her head.

Darien just nodded, looking like he had just been shot through the heart.

It confused Lita that he would be like this. Everything she knew about him said he was strong and stubborn, nothing like what she saw in him now.

He turned to walk away.

"Darien?" She called at him. He half turned to look at her. "I'm not exactly sure what's going on, and I'm probably going to take Serena's side in all of this. But…….did you want to talk about it?"

Darien shook his head. "It's already to late," he said.

"What does that mean?" She crossed her arms.

"It's one in the morning and she's out with Nathan. I'm pretty sure that makes it to late."

Lita furrowed her brow. "Are you saying you want her back?"

"That's not……" Darien paused and looked at her confused. "What do you mean 'want her back?' She and I have never dated."

"Is that a joke?" Lita asked angrily.

Darien took a few steps towards her. "Are you saying I went out with her?"

"Have you lost your mind or something Darien?"

He didn't answer.

Lita was completely taken back. "Yes, you went out with her. Yes you broke her heart. Yes you disappeared without telling her anything and left her thinking you didn't even care about her."

Darien didn't know what to say. He just looked at her confused.

"Are you telling me you don't remember any of that?"

Darien looked all around him for some sort of clue, but nothing came to him. All the memories he had of Serena were of wanting her but not having her. There was nothing to say he had actually been with her.

"You really don't remember, do you?" Lita's posture relaxed into surprised. She quickly took the few steps to stand right in front of him. He was taller than her despite her height. She looked up into his stormy eyes and saw how lost he was in that moment. Concern suddenly enveloped her.

"Darien, what happened to you?"

Darien looked away from him.

"Where have you been for the last couple of year?"

He didn't answer.

"Darien, you have to tell me what's going on."

"No," he said simply in a low voice. "I can't do that."

"It could be the difference between her hating you and understanding that what happened wasn't her fault. You're hurting her more by not saying anything."

He still didn't say anything.

"Darien, her heart is broken to this day. That's years of feeling like she's nothing to you. Do you really want her to feel like that for even a second longer."

Darien looked down. He couldn't meet her eyes. He couldn't.

"Something in you is obviously still drawn to her," Lita said after a moment. "But if you're not willing to let her through these walls you've built around yourself then just admit that you've lost her and move on. She's finally finding a way to be happy again and I won't let you take that from her."

He nodded softly, his hair falling forward into his eyes.

Darien didn't look at her before turning around and walking silently down the walk. His mind spun and guilt and confusion spun around him like a web. He took a few breaths to calm himself and they almost seemed to work, until Nathan's car pulled up in front of the house.

He stood still, feeling every muscle in his body freeze.

They hadn't seen him.

When Serena smiled and leaned over to kiss Nathan he felt crushed. He watched them for a few seconds, the world cracking around him, and then he walked quickly away knowing that Lita was following his every movement. He wanted to disappear.

Serena stretched her whole body out hard and felt her stiff muscles release and loosen. She smiled at the bright sun shining through her bedroom window and across her bed. A few birds chirped happily outside and the smell of breakfast floated under her door.

She quickly threw her long legs over the bed and stood up. Her short shorts and white tank top showed off her beautiful body and her hair was piled in a messy bun on top of her head. She all but danced downstairs to meet Lita who was humming to herself while cooking.

"Whatcha makin?" Serena said coming into the kitchen and drinking some of the fresh orange juice sitting on the counter.

"Blueberry waffles," Lita smiled.

Serena felt her mouth water as Lita served the hot cakes and they sat down at the table together to eat. She piled her plate with the blueberry jam Lita had brought and some whipped cream freshly whipped. She began happily enjoying her breakfast before she looked up and saw Lita watching her with an odd expression.

"What?" Serena asked with a mouth full of food.

Lita seemed to hesitate. "Darien was here last night."

Serena felt all her hunger leave her in that moment and she couldn't swallow the food in her mouth. It was like her whole throat tightened up. She choked it down as best she could and felt sick.

"Why?" She finally asked.

"Serena, I'm really not sure if I should tell you this or not, but I think something is wrong with him."

Serena looked angry. "He's an ass, that's what's wrong with him."

Lita sighed. "Yes he is, but I don't think he knows that he's an ass," she said confusing Serena. "Okay, I'm not sure what's going on so I'm just going to tell you what happened and you can make up your mind about it. Last night at about 1:00 before you got home, Darien came to the house. He looked……..he was just completely a mess and I could tell the moment I opened the door. He asked if you were there and I said no so he started to walk away and I sort of felt bad for him."

"Lita, you didn't….."

"Wait," Lita said silencing her. "Let me finish. I ended up telling him that he couldn't have you back. And then his whole appearance change. He looked completely and utterly confused."

Serena looked at her silently. She was confused herself.

"When I saw that look on him I was shocked. I realized that he doesn't really know what's going on. He asked me what I meant by getting you back. He said, well not really said but I know, he doesn't remember it at all. He doesn't remember going out with you that night."

Serena looked straight at her.

"I thought that he was jealous that you were out with Nathan and I think he was, but I'm not sure he knows why."

"That doesn't make any sense," she said in a small voice.

Lita looked uncomfortable as she looked at her friend. Serena's sunny nature had totally disappeared and she looked so small in that moment. She could see the old wounds Serena carried from her past with Darien like she wore them on her chest.

"Are you alright?" Lita asked after a moment.

Serena nodded softly. "I'm not sure what to think."

Lita leaned forward. "Okay, let's say what happened with you and Darien was some sort of big misunderstanding and something happened to take him away and he couldn't tell you. Let's say the excuse was good enough that you could forgive him after everything you went through. Would you want to go back to him or would you rather be happy with Nathan?"

Serena thought about the question.

There was a long pause.

"Oh," Lita said after a moment. "I sort of thought the answer would have come easily to you there."

"Why?" Serena asked.

"Because Nathan is so good for you," Lita said. "He's charming and good looking, and we all know he adores you. Even if both men were standing in front of you completely pure and in love with you I would still want you to pick Nathan. Darien has always been……well……he's sport of…."

"Broken," Serena said softly.

Lita just nodded gently. "But?" She asked.

Serena rubbed her arm absent-mindedly. "But I loved him," Serena admitted.

"Loved is past tense Serena," Lita said.

Serena sighed and looked at her waffles. She felt her mind spin around in her head and she knew that her eyes were close to tears. She tried to take a deep breath and relax, but she knew she couldn't. What she needed was a distraction. She didn't want to think about Darien and she didn't want to think about what might have happened. She wanted to live in the present. She wanted to smile and be happy.

She looked at Lita who watched her carefully.

"I want you to move in," she said suddenly.

Lita looked at her surprised. "What?"

"I want you to move in. I talked it over with my parents before they left and they agree. You're dad is a complete asshole and you shouldn't have to be apart of that. I want you to live here with me for the summer. My parents are gone for a couple more weeks so it'll just be us for awhile, and then we can decide what to do when they get back."

"Serena, I couldn't….."

"When was the last time you went home?" Serena asked.

Lita sighed. "I couple nights ago I guess."

"You've stayed here for the last three nights, and the night before that you stayed with Raye. You're living out of a bag and you shouldn't have to do that."

"I really appreciate it Serena, but I'm fine."

"I know you are," Serena said. "You're strong and stubborn and I admire how hard you'll fight for the people you love. But I'm going to have to insist on this."

After a long moment Lita nodded.

"Good, then maybe today while your dad's at work we should go and get all your stuff. I'll call the girls and Amy can bring her car and we'll jam if full of everything we have."

Lita looked at her waffles and didn't feel hungry.

"Are you going to talk to him?" Lita asked.

Serena just shrugged.

"Are you still going to date Nathan?"

"Yes," Serena said seriously. "We had a really god time last night and I really like him. I'm not going to let Darien ruin it now matter what our history is."

"Good," Lita said. "Then let's start this day."

End of Chapter Four!!!

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