It wasn't until I had stopped loudly sobbing and got my breathing under control that I could think.
I'm going to a crazy house. They really believe I'm mental.
I screamed into my pillow.
"It's not that we don't accept you Jenna, of course we do! We just think you should get these issues under control. For the good of your future."
I hissed, remembering those words. Remembering that fake smile. It was all such bullshit.
I remembered when all the issues started. It was a year or two ago. All of the problems mostly happened during school. School, the one place where the doctors' daughter was supposed to excel. I remembered how disappointed I was with myself. I thought they were going to hate me. Or reject me and make me see loads upon loads of shrinks. But they just acted normal. Like none of it mattered.
"Jenna, you've been a perfect student from and up until now. We aren't going to freak over these problems, they're normal for teenagers."
They dealt with the teachers, nothing changed, and we moved pretty soon after anyways.
Kudos to you, you believed they actually were serious when they said it didn't bother them. Of course it did, they're doctors! They're smart and perfect!
Did I really think that it would all eventually go away? That I could improve on my own? Maybe this crazy mental hospital for insane children wasn't such a bad idea after all. I laughed. I had seen the pamphlet, all those cases had seemed pretty serious. And they had all been mentally related.
So not only are your parents shipping you off, it's to some loony bin for other kids with serious mental problems! Which means, that you must have some serious mental issues too.
It still amused me though, that even when they're sending me to a "Home for Mentally Disturbed Teens", they would sugar coat it.
"Of course you could go on fine with the rest of your life just the way you are. But these obstacles may prove more troublesome as you get older, you may find it gets harder and harder. Best to deal with them now."
The one thing they all wouldn't say, was that there was something wrong with me. They said words like, problems, issues and obstacles. But they'd never admit to there being something wrong with their child.
Of course, what parents would be expecting their child to turn out to be such a nut?
Eventually I grew tired of the constant internal battle within me- huh, maybe I was crazy- and I drifted into a thoughtless, blank sleep.
"She's not coming in." Simon said to the whole group, as he peeked through the curtains.
"Well why would she? I wouldn't be too eager to come in if I knew I was going into a mental home either." Said Rae, who was lounging on the sofa.
"So what, they shipped Liz out 3 days ago and already here comes her replacement?" Victoria said in her usual bitchy tone. She was pacing back and forth, this was the first they had seen of her semi-undrugged in days.
"M-maybe there's some kind of waiting list?" sputtered Chloe. She sat with her legs curled up to her chest in the chair.
"Right. Which is why your bed stayed empty for months." She finished her statement and marched away in a huff.
"Ah Victoria, you can always count on her for a good, friendly conversation." Said Simon in a sarcastically bright tone. He had been leaning against the window, keeping a safe distance from the ever-moody Victoria.
"In what Lyle House are you living in?" Asked Rae.
"The one in where that poor new girl is going to get her ass kicked due to the fact that she is going to be Victoria's new, unexpecting roommate. I'm about right there, huh Der?"
Derek, who was standing in the corner of the room, grumbled something in response.
Mrs. Talbot stuck her hear through the doorway. Before she could mention something about being extra nice to the new girl, there was a knock on the door and she raced to answer it. When they heard the door swing wide open, and Mrs. Talbot exclaim her usual, happy greeting, they knew the show had just begun.
"I am not going in."
"Jenna, we know you're upset, but you have to. It's not for forever." Her mother once again pleaded.
"That's what people say when they're never going to see you again." I tried to keep my voice from breaking. The thought of never actually seeing my parents again terrified me. Didnt they want me anymore?
"Oh come on now kiddo, you're going to have a psychedelic time."
"Dad, for the last time before I go forever, this is not the 80' whatever year you think it is. Please, get with the program dude!"
I laughed as I said the last part, the tension in the car lifted for just a moment.
"I'll get your bags, come along now vittle child." Now he had switched to a german accent, yay.
"You want me out of this car? Drag me out!" I shouted defiantly.
"Jenna. Get out." Uh-Oh, Mom's no nonsense voice. With a sigh I got out, and saw Dad unloading my hoard of designer bags. Quite shallow, yes, but when you move around a lot, you want the first thing they say when they see you to be 'Wow.'
As we approached the door, I was not a happy camper. There was a plump old one, and a younger bitchy-looking one. My expression stayed blank. I didn't respond to the old one's hug, and I didn't answer any questions.
"I'm sorry, Jenna's never really been apart from us. She's having difficulty understanding what's going on." My mom tried to lie for me.
What a bullshit, from the book answer.
I spoke up. "No, I'm really just concerned for my safety. Are any of the other nut bars going to hurt me? How do you keep them locked up?"
I heard my parents gasp and the old lady had a mixed look of shock and sadness on her face.
That'll teach you.
"Jenna! Act your age!" Mom scowled, her voice full of desperation
"When I'm on my medication, will I remember anything or will I just be knocked out?"
The old lady stumbled for words "T-that's not, we don't-"
"Look at you Jenna! Look at what this is doing to you! This isn't you honey."
What my Mom said irked me.
"This isn't me? This isn't ME? Where are the parents who didn't care about who I was? Or how sane I was? Why has it all changed?"
I screamed out in frustration.
"It changed because now you need to get better Jenna. Face your problems. Get better." My Dad's tone was so stern, I didn't recognize it.
I backed away from them. I saw my Dad's immediate regret for what he had said. It didn't matter. They had changed. Something had changed. No matter what happened, they'd never blamed it on me. They still loved me, said it was me being Jenna. But now, they had changed completely. They said something was wrong with me and that I needed to get better. I didn't want to talk to them anymore. I wanted to be alone. But Jenna wouldn't go out without a bang! She was the show stopper. She would make them regret ever sending her here. So, she stopped dead in her tracks. They all looked at her, trying to predict her next move. But she knew what to do. She mustered up all of her spirit, all of her anger and all of her voice. She opened her mouth to say the one thing that she knew got to parents. The one thing she knew would actually hurt. The one thing she'd actually never said.
"I HAAATTEEE YOUUU!" She shrieked. And as soon as she'd shouted it the door slammed in her face. The door separated her and her parents. She felt the needle go into her arm, she felt the sedatives kick in. Which she didn't mind one bit. Because she had finally gotten the one thing she longed for. Solitude. From everyone, from every problem. She left it all behind.