I do not own Cabin Pressure or its characters. The idea is mine though.

Douglas was agitated; a thought had been nagging him for a while now and it wouldn't leave him alone. Martin had failed his flight test six times, but time and time again, Martin had shown himself as a stickler for the rules and regulations (which Douglas was sure Martin new by heart) and actual knowledge on planes and how to fly them. Had it been a simple case of exam nerves, or was it something more.

The crew was flying through Russia when boredom finally prompted Douglas to ask his burning question.

"Martin," he began, trying to sound nonchalant, "why did it take you seven times to pass your exams?"

The sudden question startles him of his out of their stupor, and Martin sits back to contemplate his answer.

"Well… It's really not that it took me seven times to pass my exams, it's more that it took me seven times to finish it."

"To finish them… my, my, you were rather lazy, weren't you." Douglas teased.

"Oh shut up, it wasn't like that." Martin huffed.

"Then do, pray tell, how was it?"

"Well, you know how I have bad luck?"

"I might remember a time or two." was the sarcastic response.

"Well, it was particularly horrendous during the exams-"Martin began

"Really"

"Yes, now shut up. Anyways, I had decided to eat a big healthy dinner the night before the exams, and have a light breakfast so that I wasn't sick with anxiety."

"This doesn't sound too bad-"

"I gave myself food poisoning and had to miss the exams to get my stomach pumped." Martin deadpans.

"… You must be a really bad cook." Douglas announced in shocked amusement.

"Yes, well, I didn't make that mistake twice and when my second exam came along I ate something simple, and then, in pre-exam anxiety I raced down the stairs, tripped, and proceeded to head back to the hospital to be treated for a concussion this time."

"Dear Lord, boy, you really must settle down."

"Ah, but this is only just the beginning!" Martin announced with a smile in his voice. "For my third exam, I was able to hold my excitement until I had just reached the block of the test building, then I let loose and began to run-"

"This can't end well"

"You'd be right Douglas, as per my bad luck, I was sent to the hospital via air Volvo." Martin smiles sardonically.

"This is horrid luck, even for you!"

"I know, and it gets better!" Martin comment, dripping sarcasm. "On my forth attempt I had decided to arrive early. I ended up being two hours early, so I decided to get a little shut eye in the exam room."

"Why am I getting the feeling that something will go wrong?" was Douglas' sarcastic question.

"Because you know me, and you've been listening to my story. What happened was… (big deep breath) the building caught fire and I was once again reacquainted with the hospital for smoke inhalation."

"Of course you did." was the flat response.

"Can you guess what happens next?" Martin questions.

"I'll take a stab into the dark and say you went to the hospital." was the once again bored response. Douglas had begun to find the large amount of hospitalizations dull after the shock had worn off

"No." Martin frankly stated. "I, and all the other test takers, get sent to the police station because half way through the written exam they came and arrested the examiner for taking bribes and passing bad students. We were all needed for statements."

"You just can't get a break can you?" Douglas questions in amazement, "Didn't you think that the world might possibly be trying to say something against you becoming a pilot?"

"Of course I did, I just didn't care. My sixth try is incredibly embarrassing though."

"Oh! Do tell."

"I had a food poisoning free meal, I didn't trip down the stairs, I didn't get hit by a car, the building didn't catch fire, and I finished my written exam with a single arrest. All that was left was the flight simulation."

"How did that go?"

"It didn't, I got lost and subsequently failed for not showing up."

"You got lost?" Douglas questions slowly.

"Yep, and that's why it took me seven times to finish my exams" Was Martins calm conclusion

"Glad I asked, that shaved off boredom significantly"

"It did, didn't it?"

They both sigh and continue the excruciatingly long journey across Russia.