Well, this is it! I apologize deeply for the awful last chapter. This one is better, I hope, because I put more work and thought into it. I wasn't surprised to find a couple of you disappointed, but it did surprise me to see some positive reviews. I'm skeptical to say that I'm doing well, but at least it isn't so terrible that I'm getting flames. :) Anyways, you'll notice in the beginning that I copied the ending of the last chapter. I did that on purpose. Tis a writing technique of some sort that I do not know the name of. Enjoy!
Ayy Kaim: Glad you liked it! And don't feel bad. I'm just happy that you read it. :)
DarkAngel620: I know. It's getting harder to write as I run out of ideas. As for the planet…Horrible? No. Weird? That depends on your perspective.
Pergjithshme: Ah, that was you. It said Guest so I wasn't sure who it was. Well, I've reached the end of the road in this fic, so it's a little late to put it on hold now. I wish I'd taken that advice sooner, but this chapter is better, I'm sure. I sincerely apologize for cheating everyone out of a potentially good fic but, now that I think about it, I'm not sure that I would've been able to do much better than that had I put my heart and soul into it. The whole story just kind of ran out of juice, so I have to finish it out as strongly as possible. Haha yeah, I was thinking of the Wizard of Oz when I did the Sleepy Planet bit.
Above the Winter Moonlight: Yeah, this is the last one. I'm glad you like it, because I'm losing faith in my own writing and it's nice to find someone who still enjoys it.
AaylaKit: Yeah, poor Loki…*sob* I hope that this planet does not disappoint. It's pretty interesting. Wait…how does this story help you know when Invasion is updated?
Whip-Owl: Phew, thanks for understanding. I was so afraid I'd get a bunch of flames on that chapter. I'd recommend either Pwning and Gaming or Invasion. Pwning and Gaming was a huge hit that was basically about what would happen if the Jedi had a video game day during the Clone Wars. Each chapter is a different video game. Invasion is about Count Dooku invading the Earth after the Avengers movie, in which the Avengers have to assemble again to defeat him. Loki is involved. A lot. I won't say which side he's on, so as not to spoil it. ;) Invasion is still in progress. Pwning and Gaming is complete.
The Jedi stepped out of the Portal, Kit in the lead. Kit looked around and smiled. "Hey, guys? Remember on the Hug-Me-Bear Planet when I told you that it was my second planet, and you, Anakin, asked me what the first one was?"
Anakin nodded. "Yeah…?"
"Well," Kit said, grinning, "this was my first one."
Obi-Wan raised his eyebrows and looked around. They were standing in sand, though it was no ordinary sandy beach. The ocean was pure, clear, and blue and islands of various sizes dotted it. Based on the direction they were facing, the ocean was on the right, and a large pool was on the left, several yards up. Palm trees blew in the wind and slides twisted in the air, offering a fun entrance to the ocean.
"Where are we?" Ahsoka asked, taking in the scene in the same way that Obi-Wan was.
"I call it—" Kit began, but was cut off by a tall, beautiful girl in a pink bikini. She had the cliché look with her long, curly blonde hair, smooth, slightly-tanned skin, and long eyelashes over bright blue eyes.
"Who's your friend, Kit?" she gushed, wrapping one arm around Obi-Wan's neck and placing the other hand on his chest.
Anakin's mouth dropped open. Since when was Obi-Wan the attractive one? Ah, well. He, Anakin, was married anyway. Plus, it was only one girl. She could have forgotten her contacts or something.
Kit laughed, noticing Anakin's expression. "As I was saying, I call this planet—"
More girls rushed over before Kit could continue. There were blondes like the first one, but there were also many others. Some had brown hair, others black or red or dyed. Most of them were tanned by the hot sun, but a few had pale skin. Each one wore bikinis of different colors and styles. All of them had eyes for Obi-Wan.
"You probably figured this out by now, but I call it the Bikini Planet," Kit said, chuckling.
"Yeah, I can see why," Anakin said dryly.
"What's eating you, Master?" Ahsoka asked.
"He's jealous that they don't find him as hot as Obi-Wan," Kit said quickly before Anakin could respond. There was a twinkle of mischief in the Nautolan's eye.
"I am not jealous," Anakin objected.
"Denial," Kit and Ahsoka said in unison. They turned to each other and raised their hands in sync to slap a high-five.
Anakin rolled his eyes and grunted, not indicating whether they were correct in their assumption or not. They were wrong, of course, though he could not prove them wrong without revealing his marriage to Padmé. "Attachment is forbidden," he found himself saying. "Obi-Wan knows this."
"Of course I do!" Obi-Wan said, his voice muffled from all the girls who were laying their hands on him. "Anakin, help me!"
"For goodness sake, give the man some space," Anakin called. "How's he going to swim with you girls if you have him in the middle of a mob there? He can't hang with all of you!" The girls did not move away, so Anakin whipped out his lightsaber and ignited it. "This is my Schwartz," he said. "Do not make me use this."
"Anakin!" Kit scolded.
"What? What did you think I was referring to, Kit?" He cocked an eyebrow. "Dirty mind much?"
Kit shrugged. "Just making sure you were keeping your concepts under control there. This is a T-rated fic."
The girls reluctantly began to back away. One stayed behind, though. She had long, straight, dark brown hair and bangs covering her forehead. Despite the fact that she wore a bikini and resided near a pool and a crystal blue ocean, she had tons of makeup plastered to her face. Her skin was pale and her eyes were blue-gray. "Hi," she said, facing Obi-Wan. She took out a marker, grabbed his arm, and started writing on it. He was too polite to pull away.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"Well, I know we just met and all…and this is pretty crazy, but…I wrote my number on your arm here, so maybe you could call me or something?" Her eyes were filled with hope.
Kit's eyes widened. "Why does this sound familiar?"
"I don't know, Kit. Why do you listen to that song?" Anakin inquired.
"What song?—Oh, that makes sense." Kit laughed. "Gotcha."
"All right, um, go join your friends now, please," Obi-Wan said.
"You mean them?" The girl gestured behind her, where the girls had assembled.
They started chanting and clapping their hands. "Take your shirt off!" Clap, clap, clap-clap-clap, "Take your shirt off!" Clap, clap, clap-clap-clap, "TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF!" Clap, clap, clap-clap-clap.
"It's a mother-kriffing tunic! Get it right!" Anakin shouted.
"Sorry, girls," Kit said, ignoring Anakin. "With the way our clothes are designed, it'd take a whole lot more than that to get his chest exposed."
"That's fine with me!" the girl who had offered her number shrieked. "Girls?"
They all cheered.
"What is this? A standing ovation?" Anakin demanded.
"Calm down, Master," Ahsoka said, putting a hand on his arm. "Obi-Wan's not going to take his shirt off."
"It's a tunic."
"Whatever. Either way, why are you so jealous?" she pressed.
Anakin shrugged. "I'm not jealous." He just missed Padmé. Seeing these girls love up on his former mentor, his friend, his brother…It was too much. He wanted to go home to his wife. He was used to being away from her, but this Portal was so unpredictable that he didn't think he'd ever make it back. Panic rushed into his veins. What is he never saw Padmé again? What then? He would break, that's what would happen.
"Master?" Ahsoka was shaking Anakin. "Master! Are you okay?"
"What? Yes, of course." He looked around to see that the girls were still cheering.
"Come on, hot stuff!" the number-girl shouted.
"Hot stuff, hot stuff, hot stuff!" the other girls chanted.
"His name is Obi-Wan," Anakin said, running a hand frustratedly through his hair.
The girls exchanged glances, pausing for a moment. The silence only lasted for a few seconds, though, before they chanted, "Obi-Wan, Obi-Wan, Obi-Wan!"
Anakin facepalmed. Kit grinned. "You do it like this." He cast his robe down and worked on removing articles of clothing. "It's so hot out here." Soon, he was down to just his pants. Robe and boots and other intricate parts of his outfit were on the ground. "Cowabunga!" He grabbed a surfboard from the sand and dove into the ocean. Soon, he was riding the biggest wave Anakin had ever seen. He was on both feet one moment, then on his hands the next. A big grin was spread across his face. "You're missing the fun!" he shouted.
The girls turned their attention to the surfing Kit, but not for long. They went straight back to repeating Obi-Wan's name. Kit was clearly irritated.
"Dude, look at me! Obi-Wan's being boring. I'm over here, surfing on one hand!" Kit yelled.
"You should surf, Obi-Wan!" the girl who had written her number suggested. She seemed to be the representative of the group, because the girls started chanting at him to surf.
"I don't surf," Obi-Wan said. "I could if I wanted to, but I'd rather not."
Obi-Wan was right. Being a Jedi, he could do a lot of amazing things, surfing included. Anakin doubted that his former Master would want to surf, though, considering he didn't even like Anakin's "eccentric" and "extreme" piloting skills. "Obi-Wan would never surf for you," he said. "He doesn't even like flying."
Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. "How many time do I have to tell you that I don't mind flying?" he asked. "I just don't like your particular style of flying."
Anakin grinned. "You still can't surf, though."
"You know I can surf!"
"Then prove it."
"Fine. But I'm not removing my clothes," Obi-Wan said, accepting the challenge.
"Fine with me. I'll save your life—again—if you drown. Then I'll pull you out and laugh at you. Dude, your clothes will weigh you down. Not that I want you to expose anything, but…" He shrugged. "In fact, don't remove anything. I don't want those girls to have heart attacks."
Obi-Wan wasn't sure if that was a compliment or not, but he took it anyway and grabbed a surfboard. What happened next was too awesome for words. Obi-Wan pwned the waves, surfing side-by-side with Kit, who finally got some attention. Kit jumped onto Obi-Wan's board at the same time that Obi-Wan jumped onto Kit's. They did handstands and flips and a variety of other tricks that captivated the audience.
Finally, they leapt from the surfboards in sync, using the Force to propel them all the way to the assembled group. They bowed together, initiating claps and cheers from the girls and a nod of approval from Anakin.
"Good job," Anakin said, grinning. He did not forget about Padmé completely, but the distraction was nice.
"Do it again, do it again!" the girls shouted.
"No thanks," Obi-Wan said, smiling widely. "We've got other places to go and other people to see." He jerked his head toward the Portal.
"But we want to come with you! At least take me," the number-girl begged.
"Nope, sorry. Rules are rules," Anakin said. "No Jedi-loving allowed. After you, Master."
Obi-Wan did something very uncharacteristic. He winked and did that thing with his hands that movie stars do, in which he points his fingers like guns at the audience. The audience in question fainted, as audiences do when movie stars do that gesture. Anakin stared at him as he walked into the Portal as if he owned it.
"Um…I think Obi-Wan's self-confidence just got a major boost," Kit said. "I'm going to walk away now…" He stepped through next, not even glancing backward at the heap of girls on the ground.
Anakin nodded. "Uh, yeah. Come on, Snips."
Obi-Wan was the first to step out of the Portal. He found himself in a small meditation room. Could it be…?
Kit bumped into him. "What are you staring at?"
"I think we're—" Obi-Wan began.
Anakin and Ahsoka joined them. When the Portal disappeared, Mace Windu walked in. "I have that mission decided for you, Kenobi, and I want Skywalker to accompany you."
Anakin shook his head, too tired to even think about work at the moment. "Do you have any idea where we've been?"
Mace frowned. "Waiting for me to assign you a mission?"
"We've been gone for days," Obi-Wan said.
Mace looked at him like he was crazy. "You've been gone a few minutes," he said. "I apologize for taking so long in finding a mission for you. I really do not appreciate the way you exaggerate the wait."
"But—" Anakin began.
"Don't," Obi-Wan said. It would take far too long to explain the Portal of Destiny to Mace. "We will leave right away, Master Windu."
Mace nodded. "Come with me, Fisto. We have important matters to discuss." He eyed the Nautolan, silently wondering why he was shirtless.
Kit smiled and waved good-bye to the other three. He winked and followed Mace.
Anakin turned to face Ahsoka. "Obi-Wan and I need to go," he said, "but there's one more thing I want to take care of first."
"What's that?" his apprentice asked.
Anakin smiled. "I want to see that you're studying."
Disclaimer: For the last time, I do not own Star Wars. I also don't own the Schwartz thing from SpaceBalls or the "Call Me Maybe" reference.
AN: This makes "Call Me Maybe" sound pretty silly, doesn't it? Haha, it's so fun to make fun of that song. Well, that was the final chapter. I know we had our good times (and bad times) throughout this fic, but it is now time for the final farewells. For some of you, this is not goodbye, as a few of you are avid readers of my other fics. I hope you liked the last chapter and I am very open to your last thoughts.
Live long and prosper and may the Force be with you!