Disclaimer: Still not mine.

Ugh, it's less "making them do funny and absurd things" and more "venting my frustration because Steve and Tony still haven't got married" so... You've been warned. Enjoy!

We're playing poker tonight. Nothing dangerous, malicious, or retarded. Nice and safe game of strip poker. What? I said it won't be retarded, not that it won't be perverted. I mean, it's still us. Thor's getting better at it. Of course, he still sometimes makes up his own rules, calls bluffing "blatant lies, that shall not be forgiven," or demands acknowledging his "pair of knights' supremacy over small poker, because there is no way, that five numbers would defeat two mighty warriors." But whatever. At least it's more fun this way. Loki is the one who laughs at him the most, but he doesn't know we all notice his relief, when Thor makes a fool out of himself before he has a chance to do, or ask the same. He sometimes shifts from hilariously stupid to adorably stupid like that. The first time we asked him to play, he refused, appalled, mocking Thor, who was losing almost as spectacularly as his naked body presented itself during the course of losing. If there's something at which Loki sucks even more than at winning, it's hiding his jealousy. So, of course, he joined the game, and lost so beautifully, I couldn't help but smile a little. Especially when his loss meant he had to clean the tower for a week. In a kitten apron. And two ponytails. I have pictures. Never even cross my mind to sell them, that's how gratifying they are. He hardly ever plays now, though. I guess even he knows when to quit. Right. Tony urges us to play already. He can't wait to see Steve undress, obviously. As usual, Bruce weasels his way out of this, claiming he's much better off without additional noise and heated emotions involved, and we allow him, even though we know it's just too much stress for him to bluff, because he makes some kick-ass snacks. And it's sweet that he sneaks in some good advice for Thor from time to time.

"I do wonders who will emerge victorious this time!" booms Thor.

"That means 'win', honey."

"I know, Tony. Why do you always explain only the things said in a sophisticated language, instead of contemporary slang or scientific jargon, which is what I actually need explained?"

"But you always say you want us to speak English."

"Yes, and apparently you and I see English as completely different languages."

"But we don't need words, do we? We understand each other without them, right?"

"Oh, but we do. Especially a word 'no'. I would very much like you to understand it."

Wow, Steve has gotten a bit edgy. Maybe he's on his period. Because it can't be that he stopped being absurdly oblivious to Tony's intentions, can it? That would only happen after Bruce got wasted and hulked out in a strip club. Or after Loki baked us cookies that weren't actually poisoned. Steve has to be oblivious, he's Steve. Steve's oblivious and ever-blushing. Steve.

"Looks like someone suddenly doesn't dig PDA, huh?" Clint chuckles. "Still, all this UST is stifling. Time to do something about it, eh, Nat?"

"Now would be the perfect moment to explain, Tony."

"I do believe I am familiar with the term PDA, my uneducated friend! My brother is not fond of it either, sadly."

"Oh, shut up, you oaf. No one in their right mind likes public display of affection." Loki thinks no one in their right minds likes dogs, too, but whatever.

"Only if it's an elderly couple. Right, Cap?" Tony is such a suck-up. Gross.

"Or lesbians. Right?" Clint actually waits for someone to high-five him. Moron.

"Clint. You're talking to a guy who could destroy a city after thinking of lesbians, two couples of men so gay for each other it hurts, and me, the straightest woman alive, to even the score. Think before you speak, for once."

Thor looks confused, and Loki is apparently disgusted. Tony chuckles like an idiot he is, and Steve is just blushing. Always blushing. I guess that's where all my girlishness went. I can see no other explanation. Clint lowers his head, and asks if we could just start playing. A great idea, if you ask me. But Steve asks about UST, voice trembling, like he knows he doesn't want to know, but he wants to know anyway. "Unresolved sexual tension." Bruce deadpans from his corner, and now it's Steve's turn to be confused. Of course he would be. People should write M.A. dissertations on Steve's obliviousness. Like, seriously. Because not noticing some guy pining after you is one thing, but not noticing you are pining after some guy is a whole new level of oblivious. And only Steve could pull that off. It has to stop. I've just decided. We will let Tony win tonight. Put Steve as a prize somehow and let him win. Rape is love, right? He doesn't even have to pay us. Because then all of this, this thing between them, will be over. They'll screw this out of each other, and everyone will live happily ever after. It's actually surprising I have managed to live through this for so long. Never took myself for a masochist. More of a sadist, really, ask Clint. I don't care how they handle this, as long as they will, because, really, no more of this, ever again. I have my limits. All of us have. Poor Stark definitely has. So I just have to make Steve leave the room for a while, and fix this madness. And I will. Watch me. To be continued.

That's what she said.

As always, thank you for reading, and feel free to tell me what I did wrong this time ;)