DISCLAIMER: NOT MINE

Oh my, that took me a while... Omg what am I doing? I just poured all my clintasha feels (because I feel threatened by the upcoming Winter Soldier movie) and tony feels (because, well, I basically breathe Tony) here, and with every chapter it accidentally becomes more stony then I originally intended...

Sorry.

Listen, I didn't fail, alright? I just... haven't succeeded, yet. And it is completely not my fault. I couldn't do anything. Loki. Loki won Steve. I know why he did it, the venomous scumbag, I don't know how. I mean, he can't play poker! How did he manage to win? Or rather, deceive us into thinking he utterly sucked at this game? We're the Avengers, you'd think it takes a bit more to trick us. At least for Loki. I will have my revenge. Right after Stark. I believe in him (after all, I am a romantic... deep, deep down, where it doesn't show, and you haven't heard it from me). I know Stark will get his revenge. As soon as he emerges from his workshop, where he's been hiding the past week, since the night Steve and Loki spent together gods-know-where doing gods-know-what, because neither of them will talk about it, just Steve blushing at Loki's knowing smirks and all that, and I really hope Tony is down there engineering a perfect weapon. Or a love potion. Or I would have to kill many more than just one person. And I don't do pro bono. Or maybe I do, I just don't like it much. Anyway, here I am, drinking my morning coffee with you, waiting for the team to show up and ruin my day even more. With their problems. And they seem to have them a lot more, since I forced Clint to come back to the tower. So maybe I already started getting my revenge on Loki, even before he deserved it, what is it to you? Believe it or not, seeing Loki duck his head every single time he passes Clint in the hallway, and run in the opposite direction with silent 'Thor' on his lips, is not that gratifying. Oh well, maybe it is. But that's not why I brought Clint back. But it's also not because I missed him. What are you talking about, I never said I was a romantic. You either lost your mind, or forgot I know forty one ways of ending your life with that coffee mug. Twenty six, if empty. Alright? Back to problems. There's someone in the tower. No, I mean, beside us. Someone who makes a lot of mess, and eats a lot of food. And considers everything food. We already checked if Bruce doesn't have some green mystery woman in his closet/lab/garden, and he doesn't. And Jarvis hasn't detected an extra human being/mutant/ghost. Ridiculous, but we have some really expensive stuff here that suddenly started getting eaten, you know? And shoes. Oh, the shoes... Anyway, my problem, not theirs, boring. Moving on. Oh, look, there's Clint. All "bed hair" and "sleep on his eyes" and "I was up whole night, and I don't even care, because I had too many orgasms" and... Oh, Bruce. Bruce is important. Bruce is the only one who's seen Tony this week. Bruce.

"Status?"

"He's alive."

"Who's alive?"

"Your boyfriend, Steve. Not that you care."

Aw, he stops at the door and blushes. No, seriously. This has gotten old a long time ago. And yes, that's why I brought Clint back. He's vital to my mental comfort. More precisely, his penis is vital to my mental comfort. Yes, you heard me. A healing penis. Every fangirl's dream. But don't expect me to be sorry I'm not a guy. Beggars can't be choosers, little girl.

"Stark still down the workshop? What's he doing there, anyway?"

"I don't know, Barton. I have some... expectations, but I honestly don't know. He's a woman scorned now, we can't do much about this. Oh, please, Steve, you don't have to leave, it's not like we hate you more than yesterday, or that we hate you at all. We're not here to blame or judge. Your penis, your choice."

"Uh, Natasha, trust me when I say, I am a doctor after all, that penises have something called heart attached to them."

"What are you talking about, Bruce? Clint. Is that true?"

"No. Don't listen to him. Ever. Stay on the Dark Side. We have cookies. And NSFW."

"Natasha. We've talked about this. You've already acknowledged they have brains attached. Come on. We were making progress, don't let it go to waste."

Clint and I snort. So does Steve, but the difference is, that Steve snorts at me, and Clint snorts with me. That's why he's my favorite. That, and his penis. And that's why Steve is my least favorite person, even more than Stark. Tony only has an Annoying Everything, but Steve... Steve has a Disapproving Look. And a Disapproving Frown. And a Scowl. And Everything. Yes, a Disapproving Everything. I very much prefer to be annoyed than disapproved. Yes, I have indeed just implied I like Loki more than I like Steve and Tony. Get over it. I did. Oh, speak of the Norse god. Yes, I am glad you see what I did there. Good for you. Now, watch. This is going to be good.

"Thor, let us come back in later hour..."

"DO NOT BE FRIGHTENED, BROTHER! THE GOOD ARCHER NO LONGER HOLDS GRUDGES, AM I CORRECT?"

"Not before the third coffee, right, Clint?"

"FRIEND TONY!"

"Yeah, yeah, behold, Tony Stark is done crying, ready to come back to life as soon as he acquires some of your tasty beverage."

"You're so bad at imitating Thor speech, Tony..."

"Cap."

This is awkward. See? They just... stare at each other. No, that's not what is awkward about it. They stare at each other whenever they are in the same room. What's awkward about it is that there's no eye sex. Actually, it's not even awkward, it's plain disturbing. Bruce, oh, that wonderful person, clears his throat, and puts a steaming mug on the table.

"Here's your coffee, Tony. You want to drink it here with the rest of us, or...?"

"Nay, I thank thee, forever loyal science bro, I'll just take it down with me, and... you know. Convert my existential anguish into a work of technological genius."

"Tony..."

"'S fine, Cap. That's how I roll. You'll get a present when I'm done there. Everyone will. Catch you later, guys. Thanks for the coffee."

Yeah... Yeah, I saw that, too. Tony Stark being... polite. He used a T word! If I had a heart, it would probably break. Everyone looks uncomfortable. Well, everyone except you and Steve, you two look devastated. And Loki... Loki looks pissed. At Steve. What the hell?

"Let us leave, Thor. I cannot withstand to be in the presence of the insect who so solemnly wasted all the time and effort I sacrificed for him."

"Okay, that was weird. Any idea what the Yellow Horns meant?"

Steve just glares at Clint for speaking, grunts in frustration, and storms out of the kitchen. And Tony screams in his workshop.

Oh, and what's this? A pathetic attempt at suspense. That's adorable of me. It'll get better. Or less feelsy at least. New chapter in a couple of days, I hope. Also, it will probably be the last. Thanks for reading, as usual :)