What If?
Chapter Three:
As the battle raged, blood, deafening and deadly, Xena struck down her enemies swiftly and with minimal fuss. She was surprised by the relative ease of the battle; she'd assumed that Cortese army was far more skilled, but they seemed to go for brute force in their attacks rather than subtlety and skill. As such, Xena found that she could easily out manoeuvre her opponents, be it one or more at the same time, without opening herself up to an attack.
As she knocked another soldier from Cortese army out, she looked around at the villagers fighting beside her. She spotted Darius dealing effectively with two of Cortese men, knocking out one who promptly crashed into the other, knocking out the second man. Turning, she spotted Lyceus fighting what appeared to be an extremely skilled warrior. He seemed to be having trouble holding back the attack, when suddenly Lyceus parried a blow and knocked the soldier out with his own sword. Smiling at his handiwork, he spotted his sister watching him and beamed proudly in her direction.
Xena nodded her head, smiling back at her younger brother. So far everything had gone well. It appeared that Cortese didn't know about the tunnels under the village, so they'd been able to use the tactic to reinforce their position and corner Cortese army. Furthermore, from what she'd seen many of the villagers had been able to fight well against Cortese army, with only a few needing treatment from a healer. She hoped with all her heart that there weren't any deaths but her brain told her that was unlikely. However, the awful feeling in the pit of her stomach had not passed and she seemed to be plagued with the feeling of being watched when she couldn't see anyone.
At first she'd thought it was someone spying on her making the battle plans with the army, but the feeling had continued into the night when she'd practiced her fighting with Lyceus. When she awoke the next morning, she hadn't felt the presence, so she'd assumed that she had just been nervous and made a mistake. However, when she felt the presence manifest during the battle, she was certain that something strange was going on. During a brief break, when she was re-evaluating her battle plans, she'd managed to identify where the presence was coming from, but she hadn't seen anything. She'd shaken the feeling off, but now standing in the middle of the battle, the feeling was stronger than ever.
Distracted by her thoughts, Xena barely noticed one of Cortese soldiers charging in her direction. Spotting the sword coming at her, she barely dodged the blade and was left off balance, trying to regain her footing and dodge another attack. Struggling to meet her opponents attack, she clumsily parried the blow, sending her sprawling in the dirt. Seeing that the soldier had her pinned, he raised his sword for the final blow, a grin on his face, when suddenly a handful of dirt was thrown in his face, temporarily blinding him. The soldier, struggling to clear the dirt from his eyes, was quickly dealt a blow by the hilt of Xena's sword and rendered unconscious.
Returning to the rest of the battle, Xena fought her way through the ranks of the soldiers with even more ferocity. She vowed to herself to never be so distracted during a battle again and her determination to find out whatever was watching her had added fuel to the already burning fire within her, adding additional force to her blows. Xena decided to ignore the irritating presence until this battle was over and she could properly devote the time and attention the problem required.
After having fought a few more men, the strong and awful feeling in Xena's stomach suddenly increased dramatically. Sensing something was wrong, she looked around the battle field that was their village and attempted to spot her brother. Not seeing him in the nearby vicinity, Xena hurried over to Darius, knocked the man he was fighting out with a blow to the head and immediately questioned him.
"Have you seen Lyceus?" she asked the slightly older man. He shook his head quickly, but seeing that Xena wanted more information he volunteered, "I saw him heading towards the Tavern. I think he was worried that it would be attacked."
Xena, knowing the Tavern was working as an emergency hospice during the battle, thanked Darius quickly before racing in the direction of the Tavern. It was just like her brother to be worried about others more than him, but she couldn't help thinking that this was exactly what the feeling in her stomach was about.
As she rounded the last corner and saw the Tavern in the distance ahead of her, she was dismayed to see the battle taking place so near to the injured and wounded. The soldiers that she'd stationed to protect the Tavern were slowly being over powered and the other soldiers who had joined in the fight to protect the injured were beginning to show tiredness. Xena spotted her brother on the edge of the battle, fiercely fighting three opponents and while his skill was vastly better than theirs, fatigue was beginning to set in making his reactions slower and his moves not as precise.
Before she could so much as alert her brother of her presence, one of the men found an opening in Lyceus defence and easily slid the sword past, burying it deeply into his chest. Lyceus eyes widened in shock, and he fell to his knees, blood spilling from his mouth, over his chin and onto the dry dusty soul beneath. He balanced precariously on his knees for a moment before he fell, face forward onto ground, and a small plume of dust rose at the thud.
"NO!" Xena screamed as she raced over to her brother, "NO!"
Reaching the three men, and immediately spotting the look of pride on the face of the monster who murdered her brother, Xena attacked the man fiercely, pushing all of her energy into her attack. She swiftly gained the upper hand and as she was about to destroy her opponent, she was attacked by the other two men who her brother had been battling. Fuelled by her grief, Xena was able to reverse the attack and the three men were rapidly on the defensive, struggling to hold back her attacks. Seeing that she had the upper hand and too overcome by grief to think rationally, Xena slashed at her adversaries and in a few seconds, the three men were dead before her.
Hands sticky and slick with blood, Xena leant over the fallen form of her brother. Gently she rolled her brother over and slid his torso gently onto her knees. Looking down at her brother, the blood on his lips and chin having smeared slightly over his left cheek when he'd fallen, contrasted sharply with the pale, ashen and almost colourless appearance of the rest of his face.
Rocking her brother gently in her arms; Xena said hollowly, "The times change people and people change the times." It had been their principle; the one rule that always encouraged and bolstered them when they fought with the other kids. They'd had come up with the guiding principle after Xena had rescued Talemon from Petrodes and the other kids. It was their way of acknowledging that they could make a difference in other people's lives, that they could help people. It was their truth.
Picking Lyceus up, Xena stood with her brother cradled in her arms, and looked blankly around at the soldiers of both sides still fighting. It seemed that now she had released her anger and avenged her brother's death, she could no longer process the battle was still taking place. Slowly, Xena began to walk toward the Tavern. Walking in the midst of the battling men, it seemed as if time itself had stood still while she held her brother and cradled his broken form gently.
Perhaps realising that this was not a good time to approach their leader, her soldiers didn't attempt to make any contact with her, while Cortese men seemed to be scared of the woman who had so easily dispatched a large number of them but now seemed to be an empty vessel with no emotion or control whose only purpose appeared to be carrying the obviously lifeless body of a young boy through the middle of the battle and apparently didn't care if she died in the process.
Xena made her way through the battle, uninterrupted, and barely aware of the glances being cast in her direction. As she slowly reached the area immediately in front of the Tavern, she was unaware that there had been a shift in the battle. Cortese men were now being more easily overpowered, her soldiers moved by the tragic loss of one of their leaders and the visible breakdown of their other leader. As she reached the entrance to the Tavern, Xena paused on the doorstep, unwilling and temporarily unable to take the step inside to confront her mother with one of her overwhelming and, up until today, unfounded fears.
Standing on the doorstep, Xena was overwhelmed with memories of her brother; fishing, sparring, doing chores, laughing. It was as if her mind was trying to deal with the burden of guilt she carried in her heart at her brother's death. She saw each memory as if she was reliving it, so bright, so clear, and so vivid were the memories that Xena temporarily forgot where she was. When she returned and the very present weight of her deceased younger sibling registered in her mind, the warnings from both Torres and Cyrene rang loudly in her ears, as if they were being spoken right in front of her again, complete with anger, betrayal and blame in both of their voices.
Xena wasn't sure how long she stood on the doorstep lost in memories and surrounded by the warnings of her family, but when she pushed against the door with her back and vaguely registered the sound of Cortese men retreating, and entered the Tavern where she'd grown up her entire life, she was sure that the guilt in her heart and boundless grief in her soul had only just started.
Xena made her way through the Tavern, worriedly searching for her mother. She wasn't sure if she wanted to find the woman and bring to life her worst fear. Reaching the back, Xena made her way into the small room off the main dining area and laid her brother carefully on the table there. She placed Lyceus sword across his chest and positioned his hands to clasp the sword between them. Spotting a bowl and towel on the bench in the corner, Xena gently dunked the corner of the towel in the water and lifted it out before squeezing tightly. Gently wiping away the blood on Lyceus mouth and chin, and briefly wiping across his face to remove the dirt and dust from the battle, Xena looked down at the youthful face of her younger brother. Tenderly she brushed Lyceus hair from his face, before quickly placing a kiss on his cheek.
"Lyceus, my brother," she whispered, as she rested warm forehead against his cool cheek, "I'm so sorry, Lyceus. I'm so sorry."
A few tears travelled down Xena's cheeks, but she swiftly brushed them aside. "I don't know how I'm going to be strong enough without you. You always knew what was right and you always did what was right, even when it hurt. I promise you, Lyceus, I'll honour your memory." Lovingly, she placed another kiss on her deceased brother's cheek, before she turned and left the room in search of her mother.
Entering into the main room once more, Xena looked around at the men lying in the makeshift beds and the women tending to their wounded fathers, husbands, brothers and sons. It was a sorrowful picture, one that only served to further burden Xena's heart. This was her doing; fighting had been her idea and although she still believed it was the right course of action, her heart ached for the people that had been hurt or killed; just like Lyceus.
Walking through the maze of the injured, Xena spotted her mother in the far corner tending to Lykus, who had a large gash on his arm and a bruise on his cheek, which already very swollen. Xena slowly made her way over, tending to the wounded and helping some of the men along the way. She knew it was futile, but somehow by tending to the wounded soldiers, she felt less of a loss and less guilt in her heart. However, when she looked up and saw Cyrene wipe a quick tear from her eye, she knew she couldn't postpone breaking the terrible news to her mother any longer. As she made the last few steps to close the distance to her mother, the guilt in her heart increased and her breathing became more laboured as she struggled to contain her emotions.
"Mother," she began as she reached the pair, but before she could continue she was cut off when Cyrene wrapped her in a bear hug and squeezed as tight as she could. Inhaling her mother's soft and comforting scent, as well as relishing the reassuring calm of her mother's embrace, Xena felt part of herself relax and let go of a little bit of the guilt she carried in her heart.
"You're alright," Cyrene said, the relief in her voice evident, before her expression and voice turned anxious "Is Lyceus alright? Where is he?" she asked, looking around the Tavern and not spotting her son.
"Mother," Xena said sympathetically, but was once again interrupted by Cyrene.
"Where is he?" she demanded.
Xena looked at the expression on her mother's face. It was a mixture of shock, grief, denial and unmistakable and uninhibited fury. Nodding her head in the direction of Lyceus cooling body, Xena began weaving her way through the injured men once more, her mother following close behind. Nearing the back room, Xena couldn't help but slow her pace and only her mother's insistent pushing forced her to continue. However, as they reached the entrance to the room and Xena continued inside to stand beside her brother's body and gently place a hand on Lyceus' hand, Cyrene stopped at the doorway and looked at her youngest child's remains, her expression shocked and sorrowful.
"Lyceus," she said, tears clouding her voice and beginning to fill her eyes. Slowly Cyrene entered the room, almost as if by walking slowly and gently she could somehow make the image before her false.
"I did all I could," Xena started. She wanted her mother to understand that Lyceus death and her actions had not been in vain. They had turned back Cortese, they hadn't lost large numbers of men and they had kept their village. The lives that had been lost were because of Cortese men and because her friends; her villagers had believed in the town and their way of life and thought it worth protecting. Their deaths meant something; their sacrifice wasn't in vain. She wanted her mother to understand that they'd accomplished what they'd fought for; that Lyceus life hadn't been wasted.
"Yes," Cyrene's voice was hard, filled with anger and tinged with hatred when she addressed her daughter. It was clear that Cyrene wasn't interested in what her daughter had to say. "You did all you could. You raised the army, you talked him into fighting," Cyrene looked back at her deceased child and gently laid a hand on her son's chest as the tears once more invaded her voice, "These may as well be wounds from your sword."
Bringing her hand swiftly from her son's torso, Cyrene slapped her daughter sharply across the cheek. The anger, loss, shock and betrayal of losing a child had only just begun to sink in, but Cyrene needed someone to blame and knowing that her daughter was there and convolutedly had played a part in Lyceus' death, Cyrene firmly placed all the anger, hatred and blame onto Xena's young shoulders, not caring in the slightest if she was being reasonable or even accurate in the placement of blame.
Hating and blaming her daughter and knowing the words would cut deeply, Cyrene said angrily, "He was the only thing I had left and you took him from me."
Shock, betrayal and hurt clouded Xena's features for a moment, before she buried them under a mask of impenetrability. Turning her back on her now weeping mother and her deceased brother, she couldn't help but feel that the special bond she had shared with her mother since she was a toddler had been broken forever.
Taking once final glance at her brother, Xena left the room, a battle waging in her heart. Part of her wanted to rage at Cyrene's treatment of her and another part wanted just wanted to comfort and forgive the woman for her behaviour. The promise that she'd made to Lyceus barely fifteen minutes ago, which now seemed a lifetime ago, flowed through her mind. She affirmed the promise in her mind and added that whatever happened she would always try to remember the wisdom and forgiveness that had so essentially been part of Lyceus.
Authors Note: As I said in the previous chapter's authors note, I don't know anything about battles or battle plans, etc. so please take that into account. Please let me know what you think! I really appreciate all of your feedback. Thanks!