Chapter 16

Although the surgical ward had been busy most of the night, by morning Sue and Jack were among the last of the bombing victims' families and friends still waiting. When Donna and D went home to get the kids off to school, Lucy got them to drop her off at the apartment to take care of Levi.

Though Sue had insisted the hearing dog was her responsibility, Lucy convinced her friend that Jack needed her there. He had sent Myles and Hannah on that surveillance, and they all knew him well enough to know that he was going to blame himself for the current situation. If anything happened to the two agents, he would need her there.

Not long after the others had left, Jack had asserted that his best friend needed to take Tara home to get some rest. While the Mannings protested, they all knew it was for the best since she'd recently found out she was pregnant and had already collapsed once from fatigue.

However, before they agree, Jack and Sue had to promise to call as soon as they found out anything. As Jack leaned his head back against the cold wall behind him, he only hoped they were getting some rest.

The surgeon had come out a few minutes ago to let them know that Hannah had come through fine. However, they wouldn't know the results until the brunette agent woke up, so it meant even more waiting.

Frustrated, Jack's sagged against the back of the waiting room chair as he closed his tired eyes. How much more waiting can we take? he thought irritated. There still hadn't been any word on Myles yet, and he had no idea when that would come.

"Jack," Sue whispered softly beside him, laying her hand over his.

Turning his hand over, Jack laced his fingers with hers before slowly opening his eyes and raising his head to look at her. He wished he could pull her close and wipe away all the pain he saw in her eyes, but he didn't know if he had the strength anymore.

"Thank you for staying with me," Jack stated, gently lifting his free hand to brush her hair back from her face, his fingers caressing her cheek. "How are you hanging in there?" he asked, knowing when she was tired that it got harder for her to follow along.

"I'm fine, just worried about you," Sue replied, concern lining her features. "You haven't said much since we came up from the ER hours ago," she elaborated, glancing at her watch.

"Ah, I was just thinking," Jack shrugged, his eyes shifting to a spot just over her shoulder.

"Thinking?" Sue repeated as she watched him closely, knowing he was avoiding her. "When are you going to stop blaming yourself?" Sue questioned bluntly, causing his eyes to snap back to hers.

"But…uh…," Jack stammered before she held her hand up, cutting him off.

"I can see it in your eyes, Jack." Sue touched his face tenderly with her fingers. Quickly he brought his hand up to cradle hers to his cheek, craving her touch.

Just as suddenly, Jack dropped her hand and stalked over to the window, running his hand through his dark hair as he looked out into the city about to start a new day. Not turning around, he could feel Sue behind him even before she touched him.

"Talk to me, Jack," Sue pleaded, her hands sending trails of electricity through him as she caressed soothingly up and down his arm. "Don't shut me out, please," she begged as he finally turned to look at her.

"I've made so many mistakes, Sue," Jack finally admitted, his fingers slipping through her hair as he scanned her face, wishing he could wipe away her worry with his touch. "I put you into danger by letting you stay on case when it was so clear that Simon was after you," he groaned regretfully as the memories of how close he came to losing her came flooding back.

"But that wasn't your fault, Jack," Sue denied, shaking her head. "If I wouldn't have, he would have killed more women, and we might have never caught him," she insisted.

"And I almost lost you in the process," Jack moaned sadly, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "But it's not just that. I've made so many mistakes…putting you in that car, only to watch you disappear with Dan Malone," he continued.

"But…"

"I didn't use very good judgment when it came to Billy now, did I?" Jack questioned rhetorically. "Or letting Bobby work that gambling ring…or with Jessica….God, how could I have been so stupid about Jessica," he growled, realizing as he talked, more situations where he made wrong choices kept coming up.

"Jack!" Sue cried out quietly, trying to get his attention again as Jack continued to mumble.

"How can I even consider continuing on the team when I keep making all these mistakes?" Jack asked her, his eyes still cloudy with guilt. "A leader is supposed to keep their team safe, and I can't do that," he moaned, turning back toward the windows.

"You can, Jack," Sue maintained, gripping his arm hoping Jack would look at her again. "Our jobs are dangerous. We've accepted that and do our best to stay safe, but we know sometimes we're going to get hurt," she finished, pulling him to the chairs lining the wall.

"Myles and Hannah…" Jack started as they sunk down into the uncomfortable chairs.

"Know you couldn't have prevented this any more than you could prevent the sun from rising or the Earth from spinning," Sue countered.

"But I sent them in there," Jack insisted, annoyed at himself as he ran his fingers through his already ruffled hair.

"And it was all a part of God's plan," Sue argued, taking his hands in hers. "Even the great Jack Hudson doesn't have the power to change that. We have to live the cards we're dealt and sometimes that means bad things happen, but whatever happens it's all for a reason and you were just one of the pawns that helped set it in motion," she finished, looking up at him.

"But it was my fault," Jack persisted, dropping his eyes to his lap.

"I hate to burst your bubble…but you're not personally responsible for every little thing that happens in this world….good or bad," Sue recited, bringing back memories of the time he told her the same thing.

Shortly after they'd met when Levi was shot, Sue had been the one wallowing in the self-pity and guilt. Guilt about Levi and losing her friend, Judy, Jack thought as he remembered that day. She'd change so much since then, he mused, his heart swelling with pride.

Slowly, Jack lifted his eyes back to hers, a smile forming on his lips. You really are an amazing woman, he thought, realizing that he was falling more and more in love with this woman every day.

"What did I do to deserve you?" Jack asked, leaning forward as he cupped her face in his hands.

"I don't know, but you really must have found favor with God to get someone like me," Sue responded cheekily as he closed the distance between them.

"Uh huh," Jack murmured before capturing her lips.

A discreet cough from beside them had Jack reluctantly pulling away. When they saw it was a surgeon, they both leaped to their feet eager for news.

"How's Myles?" Jack questioned glancing at Sue briefly. I hope she'll understand him, he thought, having not realized before the New Englander's doctor was Middle Eastern. If not, he'll just have to wait until I can repeat it for her, so neither of us miss any information, he resolved, giving her a reassuring smile.

"Special Agent Leland is in recovery and should be moved to his room in a couple of hours," the doctor explained carefully, his accent heavy. "We had to set his arm using a series of pins to hold the bone in place. He's currently immobilized in a soft cast, but we'll move him to a hard cast when we're sure about the swelling and infection."

"What's the prospects on recovery?" Jack asked, knowing the injury could sideline his friend's F.B.I. career.

"Well, that will really be up to him and his rehabilitation schedule," the doctor hesitated. "But for all intents and purposes, I don't see why he shouldn't be able to recover full use of his arm."

Jack couldn't help the silly grin on his face when he looked down at Sue to see how much she caught. From the broad smile she returned, he knew she got enough of it to understand.

"However…" the doctor interjected, just in time to dampen their excitement. The smile disappeared from Jack's face almost as quickly as it came on, Sue's mirroring his own while shadowed with confusion. With a quick tilt of his head in the doctor's direction, he turned back to wait for the old man to finish what he was saying.

"Two vertebrae in Special Agent Leland's back were crushed by the debris he was pinned under." The doctor glanced concerned toward the tall blonde as a gasp escaped her lips. "Fortunately, his spinal cord wasn't severed. However, we won't know the full extent of this injury until he wakes up, and the swelling goes down," he finished as Sue and Jack stared at each other in disbelief.

"What are the odds?" Jack asked stiffly, squeezing her hand reassuringly. The muscle in his jaw twitched as he waited for the doctor's answer.

"I don't like playing odds," the doctor responded, shaking his head. "However, worst case scenario…he's permanently paralyzed from the chest down."

"And best case?" Sue questioned, making Jack almost smirk. Just like her to try to see the positive side of things, he thought ruefully.

"Best case…he goes back to the FBI suffering from mild arthritis in a few years," the doctor admitted with a shrug. "Realistically though, his actual recovery could be anywhere along that line," he cautioned with a frown.

"Thank you, doctor," Jack stated finally, still trying to take it all in.

"If you need anything, let me know," the doctor stated, looking back and forth between the two friends. "I'll send someone out soon to show you to Special Agent Leland's room," he offered as he turned to go.

Jack could only nod mutely as they watched him leave, his hand entwined with Sue's as she stood beside him. Seeing the unshed tears and uncertainty in her eyes, he pulled her into his arms letting his cheek rest on her head. He wanted to comfort her, to tell her the words that would soothe her frazzled emotions, but right now, all he could do was hold her as his own feelings bubbled to the surface.