Thank You To All Of My Reviewers, it means alot to know I am not wasting my time on here.

Now for the boring part:

DISCLAIMER:

I am in no way,shape or form associated or affiliated with Stephenie Meyer. She owns everything apart from the plot. (Im The Genious That Came Up With That)

And now that we've cleared up the fact I'm just your average Joe (or Beckky?) shall we continue with the story?

I think we shall...

A heart cannot be fixed with Sellotape, only Glue will hold

***Chapter Five***

Wipe the tears from your eyes,
Wipe your tears away,
Oh, wipe your tears away,
Oh, wipe your tears away,
Oh, wipe your blood shot eyes,

Sunday Bloody Sunday - U2

I woke up covered in cold sweat and panting for air. I reached for the lamp on the table next to the bed needing light to calm me. Once I found it and turned it on I checked the watch on my wrist to see that it was only 2:47am, meaning I only had five hours sleep, not too bad, longest sleep I've had in a while.

I knew I wouldn't be able to fall back asleep with the nightmare too fresh in my mind it was the same one I'd suffered from for 2 years, of the fateful night when my babies were taken from me before their time. I got up and went into the on-suite bathroom that Rose had shown me earlier and splashed my face with cold water before brushing my teeth and putting my hair into a ponytail. I walked back into the room I was staying in and went over to my suitcase, before I realised I hadn't packed my gym kit, so a run was out of the question until the morning. I decided to simply take a walk into the woods instead; my sense of direction was much more reliable these days. I couldn't be bothered to change so I grabbed my converse and walked out into the cool night air wearing my little cotton chemise nightdress.

I'd been walking for about half an hour when I came to a little clearing in the trees, it looked almost like an archway. I walked through it and came to a little waterfall it wasn't that high, the cliffs in La Push were higher, but it was high enough and it was beautiful. All of a sudden, I felt agony; despair so strong if I hadn't felt the intensity of my own before, it would've knocked me to my knees. I looked up to the waterfall to see a man sat at the top of it, he looked like... JASPER! Oh my God, he is in so much pain. I ran over to the cliff side and climbed up it with practiced ease. Once I reached the top I carefully climbed over to Jasper, it would not be good if I fell of the edge. I finally reached him and could hear him sobbing.

"Jasper?" I whispered. My voice was strained; his feelings were much stronger up here. It didn't matter though, as he still heard me and turned to look at me, his eyes sparkling with unshed tears, his expression started to turn confused.

"Bella? How did you get up here? What are you even doing out here? And why aren't you asleep? Its 3:20 in the morning." I perched myself next to him, our legs hanging over the edge. He wrapped an arm around me; I think it was because he didn't trust me not to fall, although I had jumped from much higher.

"I get nightmares. Usually, I'd go for a 15 mile jog, but I haven't got my gym kit so I figured I'd go for a walk in the woods, they're peaceful at this time. I came to that little archway over there." I said pointing to it. "I felt your despair and then I looked up, found you and climbed up the cliff."

"Oh right, so you want to talk about them?" He asked.

"You first, why you up here all alone, being all depressed?"

"Alice." He dead panned. I wrapped my arms around him in a hug, which he accepted.

"You want to talk? I mean I know you could talk to your family as well but, I know what you're going through, especially since Doucheward left me too." I said trying to offer some comfort, I didn't think he would take me up on the offer, but I was proven wrong when he started talking.

"It's just... how could she do this to me, to us, she was my wife for near on 60 years and apparently your best friend, how could she just throw it all away?"

"Trust me Jazz, I don't know but, I ask myself the very same question everyday about Edward. Y'know the whole thing just makes you doubt yourself, I did for a long time, and sometimes I still do."

"And for fuck sake, Alice and Edward, I thought they were meant to be siblings, yeah I know they were closer than the rest of us but we all figured it was because their abilities were so alike."

"Hmm... sounds as though it fucked you up as bad as it did me."

"At least you didn't try to kill yourself." I stayed quiet. He pulled me back and gripped my forearms, while I looked anywhere but his face, my eyes were brimming with tears.

"Bella? Did you... How?"

"Jumped of a cliff in La Push during a storm. Didn't work obviously, I awoke washed up on the shore."

"Jesus Christ! Anything else?"

"I was catatonic for months, in the end I had to be hospitalised because I couldn't function, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep and when I did I woke up screaming, I didn't speak either, and they all thought I was mute until I fell asleep. They tried sectioning me too, that didn't work, Dad... Dad... he stopped them." The tears were falling silently now and I wasn't doing anything to stop them.

"Oh, Bella..." Jasper wrapped me up in his arms and sat me on his lap.

"Can... can you tell me what you've been up to then? Y'know and I'll tell you the chronicles of Bella's even more fucked up life, cos I can guarantee mine is definitely worse."

"Yeah, sure. Before that though, I need to know, how you found out about them... who told you? Because Carlisle told me and when I asked where you were, he said you already knew." I was pissed at them now.

"What? They didn't tell you?" I said bitterly.

"Tell me what, Darlin'?"

"I was the one who found them." Jasper stiffened underneath me.

"You mean...?"

"Yes, I mean when school was let out on the sunny day of my 18th Birthday, I was given the day off of work so I went over to yours early to see if I could help set up for that goddamn party Pix insisted on throwing me and heard music from Edward's bedroom." As I was telling the story I could see the memories happening before me.

"Edward?" I said normally knowing the excellence of vampire hearing. I was on the third floor making my way to the sound of music coming from my love's room. He asked me to marry him the day before; I was going to say yes! I was so excited and couldn't wait to tell my love.

"Oh... oh... oh God... yeah, right there... UGH!" Those noises, they sounded like... like... I opened the door willing it to be false. It wasn't there in the middle of the bed that was bought for and used by me, was Alice and Edward, my Edward. Fuck! I wasn't gonna deal with this any more NICE Bella.

"Honey, I'm home." I said, eyeing the two of them with disgust. They broke apart and Edward jumped up and Alice jumped to the other side of the room before realising she was naked.

"Don't stop on my account, I was only going to become Edward's fiancé, but please, continue, I'll entertain myself until your done FUCKING each other in MY bed!" Edward actually looked happy.

"Love, your saying yes?" He said I did a double take; I grabbed the ring from my back pocket, smiled at him and let it hover over my ring finger, he still looked happy, until I chucked the ring at him.

"Correction, 'Love', I was going to say yes. Anyway, I got places to be and people to say, so do me a favour fuck off out of my life, don't come back, oh and another thing Edward?"

"Yes, Love."

"Oh actually two things."

"Go on, Love."

"One, DO NOT EVER THINK YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO CALL ME 'LOVE' AGAIN and two, it's a shame you didn't wait for me because from what I see, you're a boob guy and mine are two cup sizes bigger than hers." I turned around to see Emmett and Carlisle stood there shocked. So, I hugged Emmett and told him I loved him. Then I hugged Carlisle and said I loved him and Esme too, I just cannot be around his son right now. I walked down the stairs hearing the sound of Emmett colliding with Edward, judging by the shouting, wiped my tears and walked out the front door with out looking back. When I got in my truck and left. I would not let them see me break...

"You were gone the next day and all I could think was 'Happy fucking Birthday, Bella'." Jasper was silent all he could do was hold me tighter.

"Bella, I am so sorry you had to be the one to find them. Especially when you were ready to be married to that tool."

"Eh, it's okay now that I look back on it, they did me a favour, because I know if I had stayed I would still be plain, naive, ickle Bella. I am better for what they did to me. So, what you been up to?"

"Not that much really, depression takes up a lot of my free time, I was either reading, hunting or going to school. You? Sounds like your time was much more interesting."

"Yeah, that's one word for it I guess... Well, as you know after my suicide attempt I was put in hospital for a while, after I 'woke up' from my coma-like state, I through myself into typical human experiences that Edward just so wanted me to have, although I doubt, the ones I did and the ones he had in mind were the same."

"Enlighten me, Sugar?"

"I was getting to it, erm, underage drinking, drug abuse, I started smoking, still do... speaking of which, I'm gonna need a cigarette." I said as I took the packet and lighter out of my bra. I lit one up.

"May I?" Jasper asked motioning to the packet of ciggs I had in my hand, I gave him the pack and a light.

"Sure, not like it can kill you."

"Ha ha. I used to smoke, Alice cut me off though, said it was a disgusting human trait."

"So is adultery." I chuckled and to my surprise so did Jasper.

"Anything else, you did that Edweirdo would not approve of?"

"I had sex, lots and lots of sex. I rode motorcycles, built them too, I fucked a shape shifter, rode on its back while it was in were-form, and I had lesbian action and threesomes, always two girls, one guy or three girls. Oh yeah, I killed a vampire too."

"Okay, okay, slow down... SHAPESHIFTERS?" I'm not sure if he heard the vampire bit.

"Yeah, y'know the ones you had a treaty with in La Push, well they're back cos apparently its hereditary."

"And you fucked one and rode on its back in wolf form?" Jasper said, looking at me sceptically.

"Yup." I replied, popping the 'p'.

"Wow, is that it or... DID YOU SAY YOU KILLED A VAMPIRE?" He shouted so loud the cliff trembled a bit from the vibrations.

"Okay, ow... it's not like I need working ear drums or anything! Now let me explain before you get all PMS on me. Basically, Victoria came back for me to avenge James. She told me that by killing me it would be 'a mate for a mate', I told her about Alice and she told me it didn't matter without me James would still be alive. So anyway, she beat the shit out of me - I've still got scars on my back - and then when she was about to kill me I remembered the lighter I had in my bra and the vodka in my back pocket -I figured if I was gonna die, I'd take this bitch down with me - so I distracted her by goading her about James and when she pounced on me, I threw the vodka on her and she hesitated for a second but that was all I needed to light her up and let me tell you, she lit up alright! I ran out of there like a bat out of hell and got myself to the hospital - don't worry as far as they know I walked across a bear in the woods and it nearly mauled me, I only got away because I 'fell' down a hill and into a river, hence the other cuts and bruises. Any questions?" I looked at Jasper who expression consisted of shock, awe and I think it was either pride or respect, maybe both. He looked at me.

"Bella, you are the most amazing human heard of, to face all of that and still be so strong like you are today, most people would've been sectioned to have to deal with going through all of that alone. But, I do have a question, can I see the scars?" He said the last part almost hesitantly. I wasn't sure I mean, they were so ugly.

Then I remembered Jasper had scars of his own from his time in the Vampire wars so if anyone understood what it felt like it would be him. With that thought I felt my determination grow by itself and I used it, to slip both straps off my shoulders and down my arms revealing more of my back and holding it at my front. I heard Jasper gasp and I could only imagine what he was thinking as he saw the five lines indented in my skin, going from the nape of my neck to my mid back. I wanted to cover up again, he hadn't said anything so they obviously disgusted him, however just as I was about to pull away he sent me a wave of pride, love and trust, it made me feel so content and I knew that, that was Jaspers way of assuring me everything was okay as he figured out what to say. I looked back at Jasper who was staring at the scars still with his hand outstretched as if he wanted to touch them.

"You can touch them if you want, they don't hurt or anything, they just aren't much to look at." With that said, he ran his fingers over the lines almost as if he was caressing them, the cool touch of his fingertips felt warm against my scars as they, like the vampire bite were cooler than the normal human temperature.

"You know you're the first person to touch them and not flinch back or wince in disgust, it's quite a refreshing change."

"Darlin' that's cos I while yours may be bigger and more visible, I still got a hell of a lot more than you." Ah, yes, I did remember seeing all his, they didn't bother me at all, of course.

"Okay, I have one more depressing thing in my life to tell you about seeing as we're having this little heart to heart. Me and Jacob, the rightful alpha of the La Push pack, got together and I got better, I fell in love all over again, after 7 months he proposed and another month later I found out I was 3 months pregnant with twins, then my world fell apart again and if it wasn't for the fact I was pregnant, I would not be here today. The pack was throwing us an engagement party and at said party Jacob imprinted on my one of my best friends. Imprinting is when shape shifters find their soul mates. I was devastated, but I couldn't blame them it was always a possibility and completely out of their control, we decided when the babies were born I would be the full-time caregiver and Jake would see them on weekends, which worked out perfectly. Anyway, so I stayed healthy for my babies and then on the day of my 20 week scan me and Jake found out the sex, I was going to give birth to two girls, we were just so full of emotion the joy it was practically contagious and we got caught up in the moment and kissed. Then, Leah burst into the room, she was shaking, I knew she was too far gone to stop the phase so I hid in a corner and curled in a ball to protect my stomach, but it was too late, she just came out of no where and thumped me with her paw. I had to give birth to my dead baby girls and I have not spoken to Jacob or Leah since because I know if I do I will murder her and that would not be fair on Jacob unfortunately, because no matter what he does still love me but the bond of an imprint is too hard to ignore and if I were to kill her, he would, by tribe laws, have to kill me." I finished and looked at Jasper who's mouth was set in a thin line of fury.

"Fucking dogs." He spat. Then he composed himself and looked at me. "I am amazed by you Bella you are the strongest creature I have ever had the pleasure of meeting." I smiled and turned into him for a hug.

"Can I ask if you named them? Or was it too much?"

"No, it's fine, I did and they are always with me." I said, showing him the insides of both of my wrists where the tattoos were. "I thought the names were fitting as after Jake left me for Leah those girls were my hope and my faith."

"That's a beautiful way of thinking of it."

"Thanks."

"Well why don't we get back, I'll carry you and then I'll send you to get 3 extra hours of sleep."

"Thank you, Jasper, I dont know why but talking to you really helped." I said, then I realised how cold I was, I dont know why I hadn't felt it before but all of a sudden I was frozen. I was shaking and my teeth were chattering.

"Shit, Bella, why didn't you say you were frozen?" Jasper exclaimed, whilst taking off his jacket and putting it on me, he rubbed up and down my arms at vampire speed creating a nice warmth with the friction and picked me up bridal style, I closed my eyes and buried my head into his chest, he must of done something to make me pass out because next thing I know he's tucking me into the bed. When he turned to leave I spoke up.

"Jazz, stay please, hold me. I can't hold myself together this time and if you don't I think I'll fall apart." So he did, he climbed under the electric blanket that he'd brought from his room - 'I like the warmth it gives me' was his explanation - and held me while I slept.

"Sweet dreams, Bella."

"Don't you dare leave me, Cowboy, cos I will be pissed." I said back, my voice not really threatening as I was so tired.

"Never." Was all I heard him say as I drifted off into the first dreamless sleep I'd had in nearly two years.

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Beckky (:

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