A Proper English Tea Gathering

Chapter 2

It took awhile but Alucard eventually found Walter's recipe box. He held it up level to his face and gave it a good long stare. The face of the box stared right back at him. "How am I supposed to get the recipes?" He placed it gently on the countertop and tapped it with his finger, expecting it to tell him the ingredients. He'd seen Walter with little cards that the box produced that had the recipe clearly written on them. But how to get the box to produce them…?

"Let's see… I want the recipe for 'cakes.'" He watched the box. When it did nothing, he frowned at it. "I want the recipe for 'CAKES.'" He said a little louder. He gave it a close peer and he could almost taste the fear rolling off the recipe box. He was getting to it. Soon it would bend to his will. But in that close peer he saw a tiny lip that he had never noticed before.

"AHA!" came his laughter as he ripped open the box's lid and saw all the little cards that were neatly placed in alphabetical order. His long fingers neatly shifted through the cards until he found one marked 'cake.' To his dismay, almost the whole section designated 'C' was full of cake recipes and cookie recipes. He had to go back in his memory and look even closer to what his master put on her plate. "Chocolate sponge cake… lemon frosted lemon cake…" His face screwed up in disgust as he remembered the taste of the lemon frosted lemon cake (she'd given him a piece just to quiet him with his constant questionings). "Okay… so… no lemon frosted lemon cake."

He sifted through the rest of the cards, pulling out things that sounded like it would belong on the table of a most proper English tea gathering along with the ones he'd decided his master would like the best. When he had them placed out neatly on the counter top he went to the cupboards with the first recipe in hand and started to pull out the ingredients needed. "They basically all have the same basic ingredients… sugar, water or milk, eggs, and this flo-ur." He had no clue what this flour stuff was only that it was very poufy and got over everything and was quite white in colour. "Flouuuer… flou-ER… fffffflour… flower?" An idea popped into his mind. "Flowers! That's it! Ground up flowers! Why didn't I think of that?"

With that, he grabbed his overcoat and made his way outside.

oOo

"Alright! Now, zhat we 'ave figured out why zhe guns weren't shooting… forgot to turn the safety off," that last part was mumbled under his breath, "Lets get going zhen!" Pip heaved a sigh and thought to himself, 'ow could zhese men… forget such a basic rule when it comes to weaponry!?

Pip marched up and down the training field, watching as his men shot at the cardboard cutouts of Nazis holding hostages.

"'Ey boss man! Look!" One of the soldiers called out pointing to the gardens close to the training field.

"Hm? What!?" Pip and the rest of his men turned to see Alucard smelling a daisy that bobbed in the breeze. Pip couldn't help but snigger, he could only hope though that Alucard couldn't hear him. He really liked living.

"Oi Monsieur Aluca--" His witty comment was cut short when Alucard opened his mouth impossibly wide, all of his fangs glinting in the sunlight and then snapped his mouth shut around the daisy. All of the Wild Geese flinched back and gathered behind Pip. A laugh started low and deep in Alucard's throat and came to peak in maniacal, blood curdling cackle. The mercenaries backed up even more. Pip was absolutely horrified, not that eating flowers was horrifying or even that Alucard had eaten one. No, it was the fact of the way he'd eaten it that was absolutely horrifying. The evil laughter only made it worse.

"YES!!" Alucard boomed as he ripped the entire daisy bush out of the ground along with all the roots. "Master will LOVE this!" He walked inside the mansion with a sadistic, face-splitting grin plastered on his face, holding the daisy bush arms length away from him with the roots dangling sadly, dropping bits of dirt along the way.

"Capitan…."

"Qui…"

"He ripped out an entire shrubbery… with one hand… with one motion…." Said one soldier.

"Q-Qui…"

"It would have taken three men and a few hours to take out that shrubbery…" said another.

"Q-Q-Qui…"

"I think I've soiled myself…" said a completely different soldier.

"… What?"

"Nevermind…"

oOo

Back inside, Alucard had taken to grinding up the daisies at super human speed. Okay, so the powder wasn't completely white… and wasn't really a powder but more of a really chalky paste… but that's okay, it still got all over the place.

"Now!" he said clapping his hands together. "Lets make this cake."

He went over to the cupboards again and pulled out a few tiny boxes with the words JELL-O written on them. He looked inside to find a sort of powdery substance. It looked right so he threw it into the bowl along with the cheerios, peanut butter, heavy cream, the flower paste, un-bagged tea leaves, a pinch (or perhaps more like a fistful) of every spice in the cupboard, grated cheese, diced pears, chocolate sauce, and last but not least ketchup. Tons of ketchup.

He liked the way the ketchup looked; it reminded him fondly of blood except it was tangier tasting rather than the all too familiar coppery taste that he loved. And then it dawned on him. That's what he was missing! Blood!

He took the medical packets that were designated for his dinner tonight out of the refrigerator but, he decided they'd be better in the wonderful mixture for his cake. So in went the blood. He gave it a whiff and smiled to himself. The recipe card called for it to go into the oven for fifteen minutes on 360 degrees. The cake was put shoved into the oven and the temperature turned up.

This was going to be the best cake ever.

And in that same fashion he went on to make scones, and cookies, and bisquettes, and shortcakes, and tarts.

oOo

…and lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu—oh… thank you for all the vonderbar-ful reviews, comments, watches, and such.

Preview:

"Do you love it, Master?"

"Oh Alucard….. Its….. its….. I don't know what to say….. (except its gross)"

"What?"

"Nothing."